• Sweden edition
 

No help for neighbours of noisy masturbator

Published: 31 May 2012 16:06 GMT+02:00
Updated: 31 May 2012 16:06 GMT+02:00

Irate neighbours upset by the high-volume moans of a noisy masturbator in southern Sweden won't get any help from local public authorities to help rub out the problem.

The screaming orgasms that came when the man pleasured himself really rubbed his neighbours the wrong way, prompting them to file a complaint against the man last August.

"He moans louder than an animal... I can feel how it affects my state of mind," one neighbour wrote in the complaint.

In their filing with the Malmö environmental administration (Miljöförvaltningen), the neighbours not only brought up the man's disturbing masturbatory noises, but also took issue with his habit of watching television at exceeding high volumes.

But demands that something be done to rectify the matter fell on deaf ears.

Nor were officials with the Skåne County Administrative Board (Länsstyrelsen) willing to help the angry group of neighbours deal with the annoying onanist, who, according to the complaint masturbates day and night.

While man's noises may be disruptive, the board argued, they don't rise to the level of posing a danger to the health of nearby residents.

"This sort of thing needs to be solved among the residents," Nicolas Strömbäck of the Skåne County Administrative's legal division told the local Sydsvenskan newspaper.

"It has to be very disruptive for us as a public authority to get involved and decide how someone should behave in their own home."

The fact that three years of complaints by the neighbours to their landlord has failed to yield any measures to mute the man's high-decibel masturbation adulation didn't make a difference to county officials.

According to Strömbäck, mere verbal accounts of the noisy neighbour's self-pleasuring aren't sufficient to arouse the agency into action.

"We need evidence," he said.

According to Susanna Skogsberg, an attorney with the Swedish Tenants' Association (Hyresgästföreningen) explained that complaints about noises made by neighbours having sex are quite common in Sweden.

"I usually tell people that they should talk to their neighbours themselves. But that may not have worked in this particular case," she told the Skånska Dagbladet newspaper.

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Your comments about this article

16:44 May 31, 2012 by Stonebridge
This really is pathetic TheLocal.

Call this news?

It is scraping the bottom of the journalistic barrel in an attempt to be amusing.

If your journalists have a poor command of English idiom, they shouldn't attempt puns that fall totally flat and fail to amuse.
17:13 May 31, 2012 by dogtom
Stonebridge, your humourless nature suggests to me you may be the noisy neighbour in the article...

You w*nker...
17:13 May 31, 2012 by lovaspappa
How do they know he's masturbating?
17:37 May 31, 2012 by Dazzler
Curb stomp him. No more noise.
18:18 May 31, 2012 by Svensksmith
Whenever a neighbor is in trouble, you should pitch in and lend a hand.
18:26 May 31, 2012 by Micardo
Who gives a toss anyway ?
19:21 May 31, 2012 by bcterry
"Whenever a neighbor is in trouble, you should pitch in and lend a hand. "

LOL,........ that one brought me to tears.

Post of the week. :)
20:48 May 31, 2012 by philster61
I thought self service was a private quiet affair with someone you love..
21:10 May 31, 2012 by blue2012
It must be a slow news day in Sweden.
22:13 May 31, 2012 by charubun pananon
The authority should clearly check whether this man masturbate himself or the horse.
22:36 May 31, 2012 by dizzymoe33
We have a noise ordinance that after 10pm until 8am you have to be quiet otherwise you can call the police and complain. And if there are enough calls to the police they can issue a ticket/fine to the person (s). I wonder what they mean when they say they needed proof? I guess someone get the tape recorder out and tape the guy!!! Then put it on Facebook or YouTube and see what happens!!
11:06 June 1, 2012 by Da Goat
The neighbors should chip in and buy him a little stuga out in the garden where he can get some peace and quiet. or maybe buy him a lolly pop to stick in his gob or maybe he just needs hearing aids YEP I vote for hearing aids!

what is your most sensitive organ when masturbating??

your ears! ROFL

perhaps we just need to move his mother in next door, that will sort him/her out quick smart!

Thanks TL what a excellent story ... made my day!
11:30 June 1, 2012 by EP
legalise prostitution and he won't have to wa''k so much
12:18 June 1, 2012 by entry
""This sort of thing needs to be solved among the residents," Nicolas Strömbäck of the Skåne County Administrative's legal division told the local Sydsvenskan newspaper." Prompting shovel sales at the local hardware store.
13:48 June 1, 2012 by Groblih Magflurg
To pull or not to pull .Hang on till I open the windows . Oh this is just to funny .
17:32 June 1, 2012 by tadchem
Two words could solve this problem: "streaming audio."
13:03 June 2, 2012 by Borilla
Maybe he is just seeking a friend - doesn't the bible say love thy neighbor as thyself? The story is really touching. Wanks for the memories TL.
18:40 June 2, 2012 by byke
Passing off the issue to neighbors ?

Sounds like a white wash.
19:09 June 2, 2012 by scorpio609
Maybe this is the same guy who's girlfriend bit his...ummmm thingy and these are moans of agony and not ecstasy
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