May 26, 2012
Published: 27 Nov 10 17:28 CET | Double click on a word to get a translation
Online: http://www.thelocal.se/30466/20101127/
A Swedish court has jailed the parents of three children who were regularly beaten since the age of three in what they claimed was a method of discipline prescribed in the Bible.
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lång
adjective
Lång means long, tall and can be used for height, distance or time.
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Pr 22;6 P-860
Pr 22:13,14 P-862
2Co 12:14 P-1450/1
Eph 6:4 P-1463
Col 3:21 P-1472
1Ti 5:8 P-1482
Tit 2:4 P-1489
some are, but never meant to hurt physically your loved children some argues using of a ROD as it mentioned,but not to harm them,
dear parents, please never punish your children physically or mentally instead give them the "REWARD OF DISTRESS" to discipline them.
I thought my kids and other American children were out of control until I put them in the Swedish public school system.
you seem to be missing the basic concept here. rightly or wrongly physical punishment is illegal. Period.
I was hit as a child, but it's not something I could ever do to my own kids, irrespective of the law. We've moved on from that and we know more about child development and psychology now than my parents did.
There's a lot of terrible parenting around but we can't legislate for everything and putting children into care and putting parents in jail is a ridiculously extreme response.
Maybe we think we're better parents because we're not so dumb as to use the Bible as our parenting manual.
But how many us who are parents put our babies in front of the TV to keep them quiet, give them sweets from a young age, feed them junk, drink alcohol irresponsibly in front of them, project our own problems onto them, stick them in dagis when their too young and leave them there too long, take no time to talk to them, compensate by buying them ridiculous amounts of toys, dress our girls like Barbie dolls and our boys like paramilitaries, shout and get angry at them just for having needs, impose on them all our hangups, prejudices and crap we inherited from our parents?
None of us is a perfect parent and in extreme cases, we need to be warned, educated and monitored if what we're doing to our kids is harmful. But there are no substitutes for parents: Dagis, school, social workers, care homes, foster parents - they have their place in a caring society but they are no substitute.
So I think it's irresponsible, unintelligent and hypocritical of the police, social workers and judge involved in this case to go so far as to remove the children and incarcerate their parents. I hope they appeal and have the case quashed.
By the way, I wonder what this social and legal fiasco is costing the Swedish taxpayer?
How much did you say it'd be if I paid cash for that job, Lasse...
If you can't handle it, just don't have them. Once you brought them to this world deal with it in ways that less affect the kid.
It makes me really sad.
@ glamelixir "Let's get real" Yes, let's do that, glamelixir.
For a start, nothing in this article and no commentators (so far) have actually advocated hitting children, so what exactly is your point?
Yes, the thought of a parent hitting a child makes us all sad. But let's get real.
As a 4 year old child, being told to pack a bag, get into a car with a stranger, being handed over to other strangers in a care home, listen to the screaming of other distressed kids in the other rooms, waking up in a strange place, having to eat strange food, losing contact with your school/nursery friends and being told that this is how it's going to be for 9 months... that's f*cking sad.
That's why this case is so tragic for the family concerned. The solution for dysfunctional families is appropriate, early intervention, education and continued support.
What's the solution for dysfunctional social services and legal system?
Cash.
mate, your presentation is fabulous...
i never ever think of physical solutions with children, yet still things you mentioned above keep irritating me and makes me feel real sad...things that i might have no control over!!!
one of the things that i am not good at is fearing breaking a promise i make to them...which confuse me, big time, so i go angry refusing their needs in which as adult know how harmful and/ or bad for their health, as example.
since you have such a good knowledge on child behaviors as i can see through your pretension, please, give an advise on this one....i have tried with social care, unfortunately, it didn't really help.
The biggest problem that I have with spanking, beyond the physical factor, is that if often feels like revenge and is instituted in anger. Furthermore, it isn't really teaching a child how to change the behavior. Parents need to be in control of themselves. But I don't see how spanking accomplishes this.
As for the parents and children, it is tragic that the children were farmed out to foster homes. I am sure that was far more traumatic than the actual spankings and in the long term will do more damage. However, all Swedes AND foreigners, know that spanking is illegal in Sweden. It doesn't matter if you think you have the right. It's illegal. They gambled by spanking their children and lost the gamble. Whether you disagree with the law or not, you still have to abide by it, or pay the price.
I was spanked, and I will never, ever spank a child.
The reason I'm so riled by the situation in this article and some of the more simplistic comments is partly because of an article in today's Guardian entitled, "A year in the life of a foster parent" - I defy any parent to read it and not be moved to tears. Understanding what so many children have to go through certainly put's this case of the bible and child thumping father into perspective.
Which parent doesn't feel guilty for failing their children? Certainly not me. But I'm the only dad my children have got. Just as we learnt from our parents' mistakes, vowing never to hit our children or talk to them as our parents talked to us, so (hopefully) will our children learn from our mistakes. Children are tough; they're born to survive in human society and human society is not all love, peace and understanding...especially family life.
They need you, even when you are uncertain, confused, irritated or just not at your best. You're their parent, you helped bring them into existence and their relationship with you is written into their DNA.
One thing we're not always good at as parents is looking after ourselves. We work too hard, we don't sleep enough, we try to keep too many plates spinning, we get resentful of our partners and kids.
If I don't get a grip on my life, my children suffer. So I slow down, I call in sick, I sneak home early, I switch off the computer, whatever it takes to tune back into myself and my family. It's good.
Another thing is that sometimes you just have to be very honest with your children and explain the situation to them - but in a way that doesn't burden them with responsibility for how you feel. They're kids. As kids, they fully understand what it is to reach one's limits and what it is to fail. Furthermore, they love you and need you. So don't be afraid of admitting your limits to them.
A final practical thing is to try as much as possible to live in the "now" with your kids rather than the future. Who knows what the future will bring?
On our deathbed, when we think back over your lives and wonder which bits were the highlights and which bits were worthwhile, I bet it won't be any of the stuff we planned or promised or worked so hard for.
It'll be the moment when your child disobeys you for the millionth time and you're about to snap when suddenly you catch their eye and you make a funny face and then both burst out laughing because you both suddenly realise how ridiculous and stupid and funny and wonderful it is just to be alive and together, even when having the same old arguments. For me, that's the joy of being a parent.
Very sad when such simple joy is stripped from this family so unnecessarily.
Maybe separating the kids from their parents and giving them to adoption or social services is a brutality, but I fear for the damages this loving, abusive and "biblical" system can do to them.
As @lennea said, violence is not acceptable amongst adults. Why should it be acceptable between an adult and an innocent child? I still believe that there are other ways to raise your kids.
I'm not saying this is the case for all parents, but people sould understand that spankings should not be the last resort. At that age children can also respond to you raising your voice or time outs. But ofcourse some children wont even respond to that, but if they don't them hitting them will not let them learn a lesson. I would never hit my chidren, not just because I don't want to hurt them, but because I don't want to trust myself with that, because I would feel terrible if subcounsiously I was just pleasing myself and not trying to teach them.
I don't know if the chidren got sent some kind of social services program, hopfully they did not, I really hope they got to stay with some family members because that would be ten times better. But I think the parents should learn a lesson, that just because their children are kids, does not mean that they can be disrespected. I'm glad that Sweden is showing that children also have rights.
Actually the children had 3 warnings but the parents didn´t get one - Sounds unfair.
That is the law.
Break that law and I hope you goto jail.
As for religeous following the bible when raising children. There is no excuse for imposing vengeful fantasies onto children.
what you have written above is a favor i never forget in my life...i agree with all well being said in your answer,,, i have read a lot, but it gets me more confusing every time i finish some essay or a book that refers to child care...yours was way simple, clear and most important pure reality to what children go through in nowadays parents daily life.
i wish that your arguments will be published on the local as an article.
thanks million time my friend
However, if someone were to comment about how much members of a certain religion beat their children (not to mention their wives) then it would make this one incident look like child's play.
Indeed you did miss it.
Spare the rod and you spoil MORE than just the child.
I'm sure the children are suffering more by having their parents taken away from them than they do by getting a few smacks.
As a Christian I would rather believe what I believe, and find that I am wrong, than to believe what the World believes and then find that I am wrong.
So glad these creeps are in jail.
Thank goodness now the state can re-indoctrinate these kids so they can grow up and get drunk every weekend, have sex with all kinds of people, and know that religion is only a subject to be studied in an historical context.
However, I am glad it was our decision as parents and not the states.
Will these "experts" take responsibilities if the kids they take away from their parents turn out being not so well?
But aborting babies is perfectly okay.....
Since adults also cannot be assaulted, one would conclude that the parents have protection from assault as well. Also, in most countries the failure to report a crime is in and of itself a crime as well.
That would imply that if a small child strikes, bites or pinches the parents they would be in violation of the law if the parents did not report the crime and have charges pressed against the child?
Even the ones believing kids should be treated the same as adults will call the parents when their car glass is broken by the kid.
a 17 year old already held for murder....you just tell him don't do that again!! haha..
i know it could be hard (for some pple) to draw the line btw physical abuse and correctional spanking.
I would never wish to be responsible for creating this psychosexual damage to my children having suffered living with this condition myself. But I have unsuccessfully argued this problem especially to parents who live with this condition and spank their children. I actively speak out accepting much parental outrage in the U.S. and Australia and risk being labeled a pervert or worse pedophile. I do this to educate and hopefully find open minds especially within the authority of religious leaders to understand that the cycle of sexual abuse is being perpetuated by organized religion.
“Crimes of Punishment” by the late Dr. Timothy Dorpat,
“Regression: A Universal Experience” by Averil Marie Doyle
The Canadian web site where other victims speak out about this mental health issue is:
http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/can-chi...ing-fetish.html
Finally in closing I’ll address the common response of people. Many claim they were never spanked as a child yet live with an “adult” spanking fetish or other BDSM impulses of sadomasochism. My therapist has enlightened me that some children were too young to recall their trauma and some are traumatized by just hearing or witnessing a child spanking indirectly.
Guess how they became that way? Through love and understanding. Through patients and perseverance.
What is knowledge without understanding? How is physically harming a child into fear teaching them in a positive light. Effective discipline does not have to include hitting.
Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.
The punishment seems too severe....9 months and the taking of the children away from the parents. Shameful. Big brother is Sweden.
School bullying in Sweden seems to be much worse of an issue...but that is harder to tackle and not as PC...
you are right, Islam is not a race! however, please try to differentiate between Islam and Muslims...
all people are entitle to criticize religions since its a kind of Ideology (well, spiritual wise at least) that is not owned by certain people...
i was born of Muslim Parents, and i always criticize Muslims for misunderstanding Islam and on the other hand criticize Islam for some points that carry more than one meaning, the ones that carry two contradictory views.
i know to comment on such topic has nothing to deal with Islam. and i know i am not that religious to give answers to your wonders my friend, but i can at least tell you that you can always criticize Islam.
the world is smaller than we think to fight each other for just your and my opinion. same time same world is big enough for us to accept each other the way we are.
smile, be happy and enjoy life
Swedes are reasonable.
The parents in this case broke Swedish Law - That makes them criminals regardless of whether one agrees with it. Their use of the Bible as a justification is frankly rather odd and people really should get to grips with the idea that the live in Northern Europe at the beginning of the 21st Century and Not Cannan or Babylon at any time within 500 years of the Birth of Christ.
For my part, I think it's a daft law. Parents should be allowed to bring up their children as they think fit and the less state meddling the better. Children are already protected from abuse by a gamut of laws - indeed children are amongst the most protected individuals on the planet (and rightly so!) Sometimes a smack is just the wake up call that is needed for a child that is putting itself in danger or doing something seriously wrong. It is terribly tricky trying to reason with a 4 year old - but by all means feel free to try.
I'm not one to hark back to "the olden days" and to view it through misty eyes shrouded in a halcyon glow of nostalgia however children were better behaved in the past and had much more respect for their parents. That respect has evaporated somewhere, and I think it disappeared around the time that Mothers stopped saying "You just wait until your Father gets home." Of course mothers can still technically say that, but there's little that Father CAN do when he gets home, other than say, "Now Jimmy, you naughty little toe-rag you. Just jolly well don't do that again!"
Well he could smack Jimmy I suppose, but he would be better off just handing the 2,500 SEK to the little snotbag there and then and locking himself in the garage for a year, rather than go through the trouble of a court appearance.
It really is a win/win for Jimmy - sadly for society though - Jimmy knows this and takes his "Human Rights" along with him into his adult life - and that's where at all turns a little nasty! Jimmy you see is now 6'4" weighs about the same a small car and takes his temper tantrums out on old ladies with a baseball bat.
Still, at this point he's old enough to be treated as an adult, and doesn't have any of the protection that he had as a child, so he gets locked up and taught how to behave correctly in society at vast costs to the tax payer. And what if Jimmy gets slapped around a bit by his fellow inmates in prison? He's an adult - he can take it like a man! Problem is, he's picked up a few nasty friends in prison and when he get's out (and although the prison authorities have tried to teach Jimmy right from wrong) he just keeps on being naughty.
"Just wait until your Father gets home," now that doesn't cost a penny, and makes a very lasting impression.
'nuff said.
1) "The parents in this case broke Swedish Law - That makes them criminals"
So by your definition, the 95% of us who transgress various laws are criminals. Good - it'll helps us empathise with these bible bashing, child thumping parents.
2) "Their use of the Bible as a justification is frankly rather odd and people should..."
What do you think Swedish law is originally based on? Of course it's not f*cking odd - it's perfectly natural if you're a Christian and there are a lot of them about. And even if it was odd, so what? You want everyone to be Mr & Mrs Normal???
Nevertheless, by mentioning the Bible, I think you hit the nail on the head.
Totalitarian powers (religious or secular) fear any kind of independent thought. They fear intellectual/moral/conscientious/external objections to their authority more than anything else. They know it only takes a small group of independently minded, committed idealists to undermine the whole f*cking system, so when someone steps out of line, they must be subdued and made an example of for the rest to see.
It must be done cleverly - brand the subversive with the accusation of child abuse or sexual perversion and let the sheeple do the rest (see some of the above comments).
In a civilised society, you'd take these parents aside, engage the services of a Christian pastor and engage in that lost art - dialogue.
You'd explain the law using rational arguments, let the pastor show them a different way of interpreting the Bible and, behind all that you'd let them know the punishment for breaking the law. Gradually, you'd win them over. But it requires a level of imagination, intelligence and empathy that our army of well paid, highly educated but thick as pigsh*t social and legal practitioners lack.
Economically, Sweden's hanging in there. Sadly, the collective IQ seems to be going down the plughole, as this case shows.
Schoolchildrens' "spanking" related injuries (WARNING - These images may be deeply disturbing to some viewers. Do not open this page if children are present).
http://www.nospank.net/injuredkids.pdf
Reasonable and moderate? You decide.
(WARNING - This sound recording may be deeply disturbing to some listeners. Do not open this file if children are within listening range).
http://nospank.net/prj-006.wav
Schoolchildrens' "spanking" related injuries (WARNING - These images may be deeply disturbing to some viewers. Do not open this page if children are present).
http://www.nospank.net/injuredkids.pdf
Reasonable and moderate? You decide.
(WARNING - This sound recording may be deeply disturbing to some listeners. Do not open this file if children are within listening range).
http://nospank.net/prj-006.wav
For one thing, because the buttocks are so close to the sex organs, anal region, and so multiply linked to sexual nerve centers, striking them can trigger powerful and involuntary sexual stimulus in some people. There are numerous physiological ways in which it can be intentionally or unintentionally sexually abusive, but I won't list them all here. One can read the testimony, documentation, and educational resources available from the website of Parents and Teachers Against Violence In Education at www.nospank.net
Child bottom-battering vs. DISCIPLINE:
Child bottom-battering (euphemistically labeled "spanking","swatting","switching","smacking", "paddling",or other cute-sounding names) for the purpose of gaining compliance is nothing more than an inherited bad habit.
Its a good idea for people to take a look at what they are doing, and learn how to DISCIPLINE instead of hit.
There are several reasons why child bottom-battering isn't a good idea. Here are some good, quick reads recommended by professionals:
Plain Talk About Spanking
by Jordan Riak
http://www.nospank.net/pt2010.pdf
The Sexual Dangers of Spanking Children
by Tom Johnson
http://nospank.net/sdsc2.pdf
NO VITAL ORGANS THERE, So They Say
by Lesli Taylor MD and Adah Maurer PhD
http://nospank.net/taylor.htm
Just a handful of those helping to raise awareness of why child bottom-slapping/battering isn't a good idea:
American Academy of Pediatrics,
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry,
American Psychological Association,
Center For Effective Discipline,
Churches' Network For Non-Violence,
Nobel Peace Prize recipient Archbishop Desmond Tutu,
Parenting In Jesus' Footsteps,
Global Initiative To End All Corporal Punishment of Children,
United Nations Committee on the Rights of the Child.
In 26 countries, child corporal punishment is prohibited by law (with more in process). In fact, the US was the only UN member that did not ratify the Convention on the Rights of the Child.
The US states with the highest crime rates and the poorest academic performance are also the ones with the highest rates of child corporal punishment.
There is simply no evidence to suggest that child bottom-battering instills virtue.
The Rev. Thomas E. Sagendorf, United Methodist Clergy (Retired), Hamilton, Indiana. Personal communication, 2006.
"If we really want a peaceful and compassionate world, we need to build communities of trust where all children are respected, where home and school are safe places to be and where discipline is taught by example."
Desmond M. Tutu, Archbishop Emeritus, Nobel Peace Prize recipient, Global Initiative to End All Corporal Punishment of Children, 2006. See www.nospank.net/globalreport.pdf
Ten Reasons I Can't Spank A Catholic Counselor's Critical Examination of Corporal Punishment By Gregory K. Popcak, MSW, LCSW
http://nospank.net/popcak.htm
"I have always been an advocate for the total abolition of corporal punishment and I believe the connection with pornography that is so oriented has its roots in our tradition of beating children."
Gordon Moyes, D. D., Pastor, Uniting Church, Superintendent of the Wesley Central Mission, Sydney, Australia. Excerpt from personal communication, 1980.
"I have never accepted the principle of 'spare the rod and spoil the child.'... I am persuaded that violent fathers produce violent sons... Children don't need beating. They need love and encouragement. They need fathers to whom they can look with respect rather than fear. Above all, they need example."
Gordon B. Hinckley, President, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, October 1994 General Conference.
United Methodist Church:
UMC General Conference, May 3, 2004, takes a stand against corporal punishment in all settings.
Click on the following links:
http://www.umc.org/Calms/petition.asp?mid=...p;Petition=1038
http://www.umc.org/Calms/Petition.asp?mid=...p;Petition=1037
Rita Swan, introducer of both resolutions, describes strategy
Parenting In Jesus' Footsteps
http://parentinginjesusfootsteps.org/
Arms of Love: A grace based explanation of Biblical child rearing:
http://aolff.org/
Nurturing God's Way
http://www.nurturinggodsway.com/
Churches Network for Nonviolence
http://www.churchesfornon-violence.org/index.html
Christian website about attachment parenting:
http://www.gentlemothering.com/
Matthew 19:8
Just because something is a long-standing tradition, doesn't mean it was ever right to begin with.
Literally hundreds of millions of people managed to grow up into responsible adults, including myself, in spite of the occasional spanking when they were badly behaved as children.
What's really alarming, to those who value their freedom, is the principle at work here that the state knows best and has control in the most intimate areas of family life. Little wonder much of Western Europe, including Sweden, is on a demographic collision course with Neanderthal man.
"Literally hundreds of millions of people managed to grow up into responsible adults, including myself, "
Can that statement be independently verified, or is your usual overly great opinion of yourself?
Did some of you MISS that they hit their kids with a BOARD and hair brush?????
I grew up fine with spankings too..... BUT did I respect my parents????
or did I FEAR my parents?????
FEAR is NOT respect...... and I KNOW that my daughter does not fear me... she respects me.... and always has.... and I know she always will....
that is because I treat her as a HUMAN......
If I am not allowed to hit my friends when they MISBEHAVE..... why should I be able to my child?????
just because I had her, does NOT make her my POSSESSION...... she is not an item I own..... she is a human being....
and yes.... when somebody that is even a bit bigger than you hits you even joking... it hurts far more than somebody your own size hitting you.....
So.... Hitting a child in my view is ALWAYS WRONG!!!
Sweden by the way has FAR LESS Child abuse than the USA... that alone tells me Sweden is doing a LOT right.....
Sweden by the way has FAR LESS Child abuse than the USA # it should have, there are nearly 30 times more people in the USA. This does not mean Sweden is doing a lot right, in fact if you experience the lack of respect children/youngsters/teenagers show, then they are in fact doing as much wrong as any other country.
I grew up with spankings, I can remeber my Dad hitting me once & I deserved it, my mother slapped my hand several times. This did not turn me into a "spanking" pervert & I RESPECT not fear my parents.
This is political correctness gone stark raving mad, the so called psychologist/psycho-analysts/psychiatrist need to be analysed, their teachings have resulted in the immoralistic society we have today.
A quick clip round the ear, or a slap on the backside has helped millions of former children distinguish right from wrong.
Abuse on the other hand cannot be tolerated.
see the link below.
http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/breaking-news/a-smacked-child-is-a-successful-child/story-e6frf7jx-1225815786134
A smacked child 'is a successful child'
January 04, 2010
YOUNG children smacked by their parents may grow up to be happier and more successful than those who have never been hit, a study has found.
According to the research, children smacked up to the age of six were likely as teenagers to perform better at school and were more likely to carry out volunteer work and to want to go to university than their peers who had never been physically disciplined.
Marjorie Gunnoe, professor of psychology at Calvin College in Grand Rapids, Michigan, said her study showed there was insufficient evidence to deny parents the freedom to choose how they discipline their children.
No child should be "beaten", but neither is it effective to ask a 5-year-old (for instance) to take a couple of minutes to ponder the existential causalities of the actions (s)he has purveyed and to consider contrition for the emotional, social, and/or cultural distress questionable behavior can cause. The child will count off their penalty time and go right back at the same behavior, because there's no undesirable consequences from this behavior to be reckoned with. None.
apropos what you are writing in reference to the 5-year old, it should still be quite rare that a 5-year old does something that requires a beating. And they very often understand why something should not be done if a simple explanation is provided. Sometimes you can appeal to their kindness.
But besides that it sometimes seems that we beat kids for reasons that we would not beat adults, and that the kid is made to feel like a "bad person" for actions that were not even mentioned in the law given by Moses (since the Bible was included in this discussion). Of course rules and limits are required and there will always be actions that cannot be allowed but perhaps there are other options than beating the kid.
Penalty time (not being allowed to play for a moment or something like that) can be an undesirable consequence as well, although granted that there could be kids for whom this is not so effective.
@johann2340 (#63)
I would guess that it is not NECESSARILY the smacking that brings up a kid as successful but the parental involvement and concern. Perhaps parents that smack are sometimes more concerned about the kids development (or even "overconcerned").
As to what the Bible says about child rearing, I would say that the references to the "rod" should be seen more as a reference to the shepherds rod. The shepherds in ancient Israel did not use the rod to beat the animals but to guide them. Of course I cannot claim that this interpretation is somehow obviously evident when reading some passages...
To put them behind bars and therefore destroying the family is a crime.
A crimecommitted by the swedish state
If they've had a good relationship in the family, then it will hurt more, that the kids can not see their parents anymore.
I am against corporal punishments, but also do not play god. In the end will both sides, kids and parents, only confused. that will help nobody.
To talk with the whole family about all the stuff as a beginning of changing would be better.
Do not get me wrong, parents, whom torture their children must be punished, but in that case i found nothing like this. They did something wrong, but they also did not know about it.
so, all you judges, think about it.