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Boston Blatte

Raised in Boston, remade in Sweden

Archive for the ‘All about Blatte’ Category

Blatte 1, Blottare 0: Unsettling event on Långholmen

Wednesday, August 4th, 2010

The “perp” (or perve) on Långholmen was actually a voyeur so the “blottare” (Swedish slang for an exhibitionist) in the title employs a great deal of poetic license. Unfortunately, it still does not adequately achieve the ick level that accompanies the event today. Mostly because the “victims” (though I don’t think Sweden has any criminal voyeurism laws on the books ) were all pubescent girls.

Now Swedes, and especially Swedish children, are not particularly prudish and the flashes of public nudity (pretty much exclusively at places people swim/bathe) can ironically occasionally offend the unwilling non-Swedish observer. But it’s deeply unsettling when you witness, confront and confirm a voyeur of pubescent girls changing innocently (and relatively discretely) out of their swimsuits on a public beach in central Stockholm.

What also disturbs me (this was a real-life event for me and I’m not really thrilled to have it as a living memory) also takes into account how we (that’s all of us) are so unsure of how to evaluate and then confront someone we suspect (and the perves know it.) Also, how our prejudices want to discount anyone young and decent looking from being “icky”. This guy was in his early 20s and clean cut –so unassuming.

It was my friend who had noticed him setting himself up in spots on the grass to observe a changing girl. When she called my attention to it I saw that he even went so far as to stretch his neck to get a better view if a passing/shifting person obstructed his view.

My blood started to simmer. But how do you know? How can you be sure?

There’s a point of no return in me in these types of circumstances; the point where I’m in for the count and if I come out bloody it’s the risk I’m willing to take. That point occurred when I confronted him asking in Swedish “Vad gör du” –What are you doing? –And we quickly arrived at his arrogant response along the lines of “So what you (or the Police who I had threatened to call) gonna do about it?”

He couldn’t speak Swedish so this was all in English (Yay, I MUCH more aggressive and scary in English.) The arrogance faded fast when I told him that I would photograph him and show the police his picture. He didn’t like that and quickly covered his face.

I never did get a good shot of him, but I did run him off and planted the fear of a crazed American mom on him.

This is one shot I got of him. wanker
He’s in his early 20s, somewhat Asian looking, wears black wire glasses. He takes out his phone to take pictures and he targets pubescent girls.

Give ‘im hell if you spot him (or anyone for that matter)

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Sliding into Swedishness: Beyond the point of no return?

Saturday, June 26th, 2010

Midsummer celebrations have been mildly disconcerting. There’s irrefutable evidence that I’m Swedifying and I fear it’s potentially beyond the point of no return. I now like salty candy, have actively competed in throwing varpa stones and am a bit disappointed that midsummer was completely rain-free in the outer Stockholm archipelago.

I’m most concerned that the unimaginable happened. I ate and, (here’s the scary part,) liked salty Swedish candy. Blåfisk isn’t the hardcore salt liquorice (not salted at all but flavored by salmiac or ammonium chloride) since it’s milder and not so salty tasting, but it’s salty enough.blue fish
In nearly 17 years in Sweden the closest I’ve come to liking salty candy is throwing back candy-flavored snaps (Both Blåfisk and Turkishpeppar make rather tasty snaps popularized and trendy in the 90s.) Until now.

Second revelation.
Our new tradition to celebrate midsummer brings us to our friends’ new summer house on Norrö.The island residents (I think nearly all are only here summer season) organize a fabulous midsummer celebration. Beyond the expected ring dance with little frogs and sleeping bears there is the varpa competition. Last year the Swede joined in and nearly knocked out the local favorite (last year’s varpa blog entry.) This year our gang convinced me to join. Not even knowing the basic rules, in the spirit of trying things new, I threw my varpa in the ring.

Out of nowhere it appeared that I was both good at it and the crowd’s safe bet for the winner. When I was just a newbie amusing myself and our friends the competition was fun. When people started whispering that I would be the likely winner I got nervous.

Thankfully I had no idea that I was breaking one of the many punishable rules (17 page pdf -In Swedish- of official varping rules, regulations and punishments here. ) of regulation varpa. I was doped. Driving and varping have the same legal alcohol limit. No need for the blood test since I choked in the semi-final round. My ouster went on to win the competition so I felt slightly better about losing. But only slightly. I’m still replaying my throws in my head. I think I’m hooked. varpa stoneNow where can I find my very own varpa stone to practice for next year? Revenge shall me mine. And yes, I intend to dope myself again.

Finally. We got no rain. Not even a rain cloud. How can I be satisfied with my Swedish midsummer celebrations without a single drop? The table was set in all its permanence out on the veranda. Not a once did we shift the table to under the rooftop and we could audaciously leave water-sensitive items out on the table as we threw our varpa stones. The direct taunt to the rain gods produced nothing. I somehow felt pleasantly disappointed that we had a most glorious midsummer in glorious sunshine.

Ah, Swedish midsummer. It’s no wonder you’re Sweden’s most beloved holiday.midsommar

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Playing the game: Sassy, cheeky, bitchy?

Thursday, April 29th, 2010

I wonder if I’m getting bitchier with age or am I [further] developing a passive-aggressive defense mechanism for dealing with service and contact people within the Swedish system. Or maybe it’s my Swedish. I don’t know but today before lunch I’ve already:

A. Walked away from a pointless discussion forcing a crocodile smile and a poorly disguised patronizing “OK” response. And

B. Employed rather cheekily (that’s a nicely borrowed British term that needs to be picked up by Americans) the same usage of “I’ve already said this a number of times” after a “helpful” (not) person said it to me when I asked for additional instructions. (I got to point out that her repeated explanation didn’t apply since I had repeated that I was past the point she was sure I was still stuck at.)

I was inwardly snickering at my sassy attitude. sassy bitch

In the case of B we ended our conversation very pleasantly which got me to reflecting on what had just happened. I was snappy and threw back her flippant remark as a challenging joust and she either took it in stride or found it merely natural development.

Am I only now learning how to play the game?

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Posten. Delivering damaged goods.

Wednesday, April 21st, 2010

Posten’s damage reporting policy pissed me off today. Normally, I don’t rant but I just can’t get it out of my head.
damaged package
A damaged package was delivered on Friday by and the delivery guy even pointed it out to me. He scanned the package ID number and told me I needed to call Posten to report it.  I figured there couldn’t be a hurry since they already have a record by the delivery guy that the package was damaged and what they needed was instructions on how to proceed (refund v. return.) So I called  Tuesday.

Posten:  (In Swedish) Sorry, your report is overdue. We required your call the same day.

Me:  (Also in Swedish) But your delivery guy scanned the damaged package.

Posten: You either should have called us on Friday or you could have refused to accept the package.

Me: But your guy scanned it after informing me of the damage. He didn’t tell me I had to call the same day or that I could refuse it.

Posten: That’s our policy. Had it been damaged after opening you would have had a week.
Me: But I opened it with the delivery guy waiting to check if there had been damage since I wasn’t sure.

Posten: But it was reported as damaged on the outside. You’re too late. I can file a claim and they can look into it.

OK, yes, I know it’s my responsibility to “read the fine print” (I guess on their website?) but when the delivery company scans a damaged

package they pointed out I kind of figure that they have taken a report. I can understand the requirement to file the same day since the damage could have been caused during the days following…but if it’s “self-reported” the same instant it’s delivered?

Doesn’t that count for something?

posten
Positive note: The customer service rep was extraordinarily professional in her dealing with me, the irate customer. Part of my frustration was distracted by noting that she had clearly been trained and that there is a chance for continued customer service excellence in Sweden.

The principle factor: If I lose it ain’t gonna break me. This was a cheapo shaft to a mop which cost in total 47kr+VAT. The pail was in perfect condition.

/end rant

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Friday, March 12th, 2010

Sweden’s parliament voted Thursday to recognize the Armenian genocide (article).  While I generally stand clear of political controversy in my blog (mostly since no one ever wins and inevitably there’s some nutter who is going to try to draw some moronic comparison to something completely unrelated and irrelevant) everything unbridled in me emotionally is thrilled.  And in case there’s some outrage about all the “other bad side of this”, I do acknowledge that there is a practical side of looking at the negatives of this political decision,  but eh, screw that.  That’s  political debate and I’ll hash that out over dinner, drinks or some other interactive media.

The raw feeling of satisfaction and excitement to this heated event is deep rooted in my Boston origins, Watertown specifically,  and growing up amid one of the greatest concentrations of Armenians outside of Armenia. Heck, I even have two fake Armenian IDs (by only slightly altering my mother’s maiden name) which were used during the two Armenian sports weekends I took part in (mostly because all of my friends were going but also because I was one of the ringers on our basketball team.) I’m honorary Armenian. That honor was bestowed upon my by Fr. Davidian from the St. James Apostolic Church (we won’t go into detail that it was merely a humorous commentary while in passing conversation.) And yes, I’m making light of it, but I do have a long, rewarding history very closely connected to many wonderful Armenian friends.

Until Sweden voted today to recognize the Armenian genocide I had never really thought about the political ramifications of countries taking official stands regarding events in history. Frankly, I am a bit surprised that the vote was so close (by one vote in fact.)  Even more surprising is that 3 alliance politicians broke party ranks and voted their conscience.

Unfortunately what keeps me from feeling truly elated is a nagging lack of enthusiasm. After all, what is the point? There’s only one country which really needs to recognize that there was a concerted effort on the part of the Ottoman Empire  to murder Armenians, Assyrians and Pontian Greeks, And that’s Turkey. And that ain’t going to happen anytime soon.

So is the US going to now too?

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Blatte goes Blatte: Penetrating Rinkeby

Friday, February 19th, 2010

I made it in and out alive tonight from one of Stockholm’s most notorious suburbs, Rinkeby. You might want to characterize it as Stockholm version of  “the projects” since the reputation it carries is of high crime, high unemployment, low income and a heck of a lot of dark-haired people.

I’m not sure if any of those characterizations are entirely untrue.  However, if I wanted to get contentious, and what the heck, why not, I would speculate that the crime rate isn’t really significantly higher than any other district of Stockholm and potentially lower for some types of crime than a number of Stockholm districts (car burglaries is pretty high in central Stockholm for instance.) And yet, even if they are all smack dab on the money, it’s not the combat zone Stockholmers of gentler ‘hoods would imagine it to be.

But different it certainly is. But I’d say it’s different in a wonderfully dynamic way. The place teams with life from its inhabitants. There are culturally-related events and activities, initiated by and serving the people who make up its colorful tapestry going on 7 days a week at all hours and spilling out of every conceivable public space that the people can occupy.

In fact, occasionally the do indeed occupy space. Just last November members of the Rinkeby community occupied an abandoned building which the city deemed too expensive to renovate and have slated for demolition (related article -sorry in Swedish only.) They were eventually were physically removed by the police. According to a friend of mine who lives in Rinkeby, the building was used not only for squatters and protesters, but for smaller cultural groups who can’t afford to rent community space to meet.

That’s what an immigrant-rich suburb community like Rinkeby seems to differ most from its sleepy native Swedish variety where activities are often organized on weekends or around sporting halls or in quiet basements that people drive to. People in Rinkeby are out later, their kids are up later and they’re more intent on interacting with their neighbors to play connect-four at 7.30pm at Folkets Hus (The people’s house) on a weekday.
Folkets Hus Rinkeby

It wasn’t the Milton Bradley games which brought me to Rinkeby after dinner on a Thursday (though I literally did pass a group of people playing it) but the samba group, Yakumbé, who practice Thursdays 7-9pm in the basement of the People’s House. They call it a workshop and invite anyone to stop in an pick up an instrument, menacingly toddling children included.  So we went; menacing children and all.

And not only did we return with our lives, but much enriched by the lively samba percussion. I was once again warmed to be in Rinkeby seeing all the people out and about even though it was cold, dark and late (well, by the clock of the average Swede.)  The place gets a bad rap for all the wrong reasons and so little credit for all the real realities.

If you haven’t ventured around Rinkeby you really ought to give it a try one time.  Go ahead. Live life a bit on the wild side.

Bring earplugs if you try out the samba workshop…was loud.

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Avatar: Leaving the movie…Where am I?

Wednesday, January 27th, 2010

I left the movie theater just outside Stockholm a bit disoriented to where I really was physically. I just saw Avatar (and yes, I know I’m weeks behind the rest of the world.)  A good story well told in an unusual setting when added to a foreign language is the recipe for me.  This doesn’t happen often yet each time I vividly remember the feeling of disorientation.

The first time it happened to me was also here in Stockholm at one of the former pearls of Stockholm cinemas (I know that sounds kind of Eurosnobby but this place was so much more than a typical Bostonian megaplex movie theater that I just can’t not give it the respect it deserves) Röda Kvarn  (just look at that ceiling)röda kvarn

Unfortunately it’s now an Urban Outfitters (I am old enough to remember when it opened its first store in Harvard Square and to have shopped there when it was the ONLY one.)

The film I saw at Röda Kvarn all those years ago was the 1992 French movie, Indochine.  I have no memory of the plot but the cinematography was stunning set in colonial Indochina in the 1930s.

So here I was; an American living at the time in Budapest (slightly able to communicate with my smidgen of Magyarúl) visiting Stockholm watching a film in French about Indochina with some indiscernible  Vietnamese dialogue unresolved by the Swedish subtitles though the Swedish boyfriend would kindly whisper a short translation into English when critical.
Indochine
As we spilled back out into the twilight evening (summer nights are just glorious in Stockholm) on Biblioteksgatan I couldn’t immediately disassociate from the southeast Asian setting and since I wasn’t in Boston I kept adjusting to a Budapest street knowing that it was, in fact, Stockholm.

Tonight I ended up in the Kista Mall since unfortunately many more than just Röda Kvarn of the glorious movie salons in Stockholm are now a matter of history. But this was only my second visit to Kista so after leaving the fantasy world of Pandora which included an alien language (thankfully I can now read the subtitles) it took a good while to reorient.

When you straddle two cultures and flip between a few languages it’s hard to figure where exactly you are. There’s a moment in the movie when Jake Sully contemplates which of his two existences was the “real” one. I know where he’s coming from.

So where am I? (Maybe I ought to have taken the blue pill)

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Stockholm’s English-speaking community: Barely separated by any degree

Saturday, January 16th, 2010

The members of the English speaking community in Stockholm are arguably separated by no more than about 2½ degrees (referring to the popular idea that we’re all connected within 6 friend knows friend and so on.)

If you’ve been in Stockholm a few years and have even the smallest network of friends, workmates or acquaintances  it’s nearly impossible to meet a new English speaking person without a friend in common –or within 2 degrees and dang nearly guaranteed to connect within 3.  If you think the world is a small place, Stockholm is a pinhole.

Last night I tagged along to the Liffey’s English comedy nightThe Liffey

to see a friend of a friend perform –whom I also know (this is going to start getting complicated but is unimportant in the grand scheme and just for laughs  so don’t feel a need to keep it straight.) Another friend tagged along with me who didn’t know either the comic or my “tagged” (presuming now I’m the tag-alonger to the tagged –or would that be tagee? It would be easier if there were established terms.) But as it were in this friend-incestuous town my tag-alonger found a mutual friend in the comic whom she’s been searching for in vain. Guess that search is now over.

Now I knew Ben Kersley of  110% Lagom blog fame wasn’t on the roster, but it wouldn’t have surprised me to find him there (he wasn’t) but I did find Alannah of Eating out with Alannah whom I’ve never met before. In addition to sharing The Local as a mutual friend or sorts, I’ve known for quite some time that Alannah and I share another friend in common.   Without detailing too much of Alannah’s  social connections (or mine I suppose) we can say that our mutual friend is an unlikely pal-in-common considering the PIC (coining new terms now) is neither a native English speaker nor a resident of Sweden. And it was THAT person, visiting Alannah who recognized me and introduced us for the first time during intermission.

I didn’t look more to find yet additional intricate webs of connection in the crowd  though there certainly must have been –it’s an Irish bar in Stockholm after all. But the grouping of two Local bloggers in one place (and could easily have been three had 110% Lagom been there) inspired me to meet another Local blogger in person today.)

Sarah from the blog No Man’s Land had extended a public invitation to introduce oneself which I took her up on today.  It’s always a pleasure to meet someone in person.

As for the comedy last night, it might sound biased but the PIC/1st degree comic, Brian O’Grady, was the best comic on stage. They’ve asked him to stand up next Thursday too if you want to judge for yourselves.

Oh, and as for degrees of separation. I also discovered last night that I am indeed 6 degrees separated from Kevin Bacon.

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New Year’s Eve: Gnesta ain’t no Times Square. Oh well. Been there. Done that.

Thursday, December 31st, 2009

Tonight we’re gonna party like it’s 2009.  The way that phrase might sound sung to Prince’s 1982 hit of a similar name (- 10 years) just might appropriately resound the same lackluster New Year’s celebration we have in store for us tonight in the wilds of Gnesta.  Well, perhaps it’s more fair to say the partying of 2009 will pale in comparison to the partying on the same eve a decade ago.

On the eve of the new millennium the husband and I managed to finagle an invite to an extremely well-located bash overlooking NY’s Times Square. Times Square Departing our Swedish friends on their way to Ulrika’s on E.60th (a svenska stuga version of Aquavit albeit now closed) carrying a wad of cash ready for the imminent crash of every ATM, computer and humanity as we knew it and feeling snug as a bug in the City (thanks Rudy,) we headed over to 7th Avenue.

We hadn’t counted on a barricaded radius around Times Square manned by NYC’s finest. The message:  If you weren’t already in the Time’s Square area you weren’t getting in.  Well. Kind of. Sort of. Not really.

At least not for innocent Swedes. OK, one real, not-so-innocent-Swede, one fake Swede and one genuine, bona fide New Yorker.  But the tag-team, stereotype-laden, vaudeville routine starring Inga and Sven got us through. Our modus operandi was to approach the gate-keeper yammering inane things in Swedish like “So we just keep speaking Swedish as we approach the cop” and “I hope this works.”

I don’t know if it was my pathetic Swedish bikini team-sounding accent or because I look so genuinely Swedish (Eh, before anyone starts ranting about this…please see the picture above. That’s my genuine hair color. In louder words–I AM BEING FACETIOUS) but Inga got us through.

Faking a Swedish accent in English to dupe the boys in blue worked this time, but my general advice would be, “Do not try this at home.” On the other hand it got an American friend out of a speeding ticket in Arizona when he handed over his Stockholm library card telling the officer, “Dat’s a Sveedish driwing license.”

On a serious note,  I am looking forward to our [quieter] evening in Gnesta. The host is a hunter and there are always choice cuts of Bambi  or Bullwinkle served for dinner accompanied by a medley of Swedish drinking songs (snapsvisor) whet (sic) by a selection of taxed and untaxed snaps/aquavit.

A friendly remember to not drink and drive. Oh, and don’t forget tip your waitress.

Happy New Year,  Gott Nytt År and see you in 2010.

2010

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Get back to work: Christmas is over.

Monday, December 28th, 2009

–What do you call “mellandagarna” in English?

I’ve been asked this over the years so many times.

The term “mellandagarna” indicates the limbo days between 26 December and 1 January.  Officially these days, if weekdays, are regular calendar days, but because they fall between two public holidays (Christmas and new year’s) and are part of Christmas vacation for school children, they belong to a unofficial classification of time off.

If you’ve been wondering where everyone in Sweden is;  if they’re not home ignoring you, they’re on the slopes ignoring you (if it’s work related don’t take it personally, if it’s socially related, you might want to reconsider what you mean to them –cell coverage reaches the slopes.)

I’m in a bind between needing to do some work and wanting to ride the wave of a two-week vacation. So as I sit here on the eve of a “regular workday” I can’t help but think that mellandagarna should be work-free days and the procrastinator in me has won out –at least for tonight and likely tomorrow (the husband is home from work until 7 January which makes mellandagarna a series of weekend days in our house.)

So. What’s the answer to the original question?  I usually tell the people who ask that mellandagarna means “regular work day.”  They often just don’t get it and shrug. Then they wish me, “god fortsättning” which is a way to wish you a continued enjoyable Christmas holiday. They then ask:

–How do you say, “god fortsättning” in English?

And I tell them:

–You don’t. Christmas is over.

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