110% LAGOM

I’m having an identity crisis.

I’ve lived in Sweden for five and a half years now and I have a problem with my identity. It’s not that I don’t know who I am, I don’t struggle with the duality of nationalities, languages and cultures. Let me make this clear: My lack of identity is not metaphorical, it’s literal: I still don’t have a Swedish ID card.

OK, I’ve possibly just made an admission of doing something illegal (let’s keep that between you, me and The Local), but it’s never been a problem before. Without a Swedish ID card, I have started my own business, been employed, paid taxes, been in hospital, got a mortgage, been stopped by the police and voted in two elections.   The point is, I’ve never needed a Swedish ID card. I’ve always just got away with reeling off my personnummer to whoever needs to know it. The worst I’ve had is a shrug of the shoulders and the words ‘utländska legitimation’ (foreign ID) written on my credit card receipt. I’ve survived without it, until, that is, the last few weeks.

Firstly, I got a cheque from Skatteverket paying back about 7000:- in tax. Lucky me, I hear you cry, how nice of them to pay back my own money that I’d paid in advance and they held on to for 12 months (but that’s another issue). I duly went to my bank to pay it in to my own account and was told that I couldn’t pay it in without a Swedish ID card and “No!”, a UK driving licence was not acceptable.

Now, I understand and appreciate the need to prevent crime, and I am grateful that it’s difficult for a stranger to access my account… but let’s just imagine for a moment that I wasn’t who I said I was; that I was a dastardly imposter who had got hold of this cheque by devious means. I’ve tried to imagine what the worst possible thing that could happen was and all I can think of is that the cheque be paid into the account of the person whose name was on it. Hardly crime of the century – and I’d have to be a pretty crap crim to go round stealing cheques and paying them into the account of the person they were intended for. Nobody has yet explained to me why there is such caution against non heists.

Then, a couple of days later, I decided to sign up to give blood. There’s a new blood bank in the centre of town and I had a couple of hours to kill before a show later that evening. I used to give blood when I lived in London, and I thought that with the added convenience of having a place in town I could happily give the sick of Sweden a pint or two of my red stuff. Nice bloke, aren’t I? Yes, I am, but I also like to have a nice lie down followed by tea and biscuits.

But NO! The altruistic act of giving blood is not possible in Sweden without a Swedish ID card. It was all very good natured and the ladies at the blood bank couldn’t see the logic of it either as I sat there, fit as a fiddle, brimming with oxygen rich and iron heavy AB+ circulating round my veins and arteries. Who would I be trying to cheat by giving blood without ID? Where is the possibility for fraud? Where’s the potential crime? What am I missing?

So what have I learnt? That for blood nor money, you are nothing without ID in Sweden.

I have now applied for a Swedish driving licence, so maybe in 2012 I’ll finally ‘be’ someone.

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I’ll be back blogging more regularly next year and will be putting on monthly nights in Stockholm and Linköping – more info soon – But meanwhile, don’t forget to follow me on Twitter – @BenKersley

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Tags: Blogging, ID, Lagom, Linköping, moans, Sweden

This entry was posted on Wednesday, December 28th, 2011 at 6:53 am and is filed under Comedy, Lagom, Linköping. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.