The war on drugs has come to Linköping.
Cannabis use is on the increase which means that local tutting and hand-wringing has gone into overdrive. The chief of police has taken action. Serious action. Serious action in the form of a big article in the local paper to inform us about cannabis. Östgötacorrespondenten, a newspaper, generally not read by teenagers, but pawed over by their over anxious parents and teachers, has joined the top cop at the forefront of this war on drugs.
There’s a photo of this hardened law enforcer, looking concerned as he surveys a cupboard full of drug paraphernalia. He stares into the abyss of the cupboard, ready to slam the doors shut again and lock away this hell – but it’s all there, the evils of cannabis, for us to see – I know that while many of the good burghers of Linköping will find the sight terrifying, anyone who been even close to a university halls of residence will immediately recognise the contents of a first year engineering student’s room. It’s all there: The bongs in Rasta colours, a T-shirt with a big marijauna leaf on it and of course, the ubiquitous picture of an alien with a spliff saying ‘Take me to your dealer’
Corren have helpfully give the reader a guide to the warning signs as to whether you own child is using cannabis and I am going to share these tips for the readers of The Local and particularly the readers of The Local who were not around 85 years ago, in 1936, to get swept up in the hysteria of Reefer Madness.
Here’s what to look out for if you are worried about your kids:
Has their taste in music changed?
Remember how they used to dance around the room to The Gummy Bears and Astid Lindgren? And now, since they started gymnasium, they listen to guitar or electronic music, or reggae, or hip hop, or Sean Banan?? That’s not proper music! They are clearly junkies!
Are they tired or moody? This symptom is also know as ‘being a teenager’
Do they like skateboarding?
This is the telltale signs of drug abuse. If your child enjoys a sport that gets them out of the house, keeps them fit and creates a social circle of like minded people, stop them now! As my friend James pointed out, skateboarding is a gateway sport.
What worries me most is that I have felt very tired recently, and not only that, I have started listening to totally new genres of music – I was rather moved by a baroque piece I heard on the car radio last week. Luckily, I can’t skateboard, but I did buy a woolly hat from the local skate shop.Will people start seeing me as ‘one of them’?
I haven’t been exposed to any drugs here in Linköping, but I’m worried that suspicious fingers will start to point. … so I’m tempted to start smoking hash, just to deal with the stress of all this suspicion.
Meanwhile, the other main news in the paper was that Linköping plans to build an enormous greenhouse. What will be grown there is being kept a tight secret, but it doesn’t take much to add two and two together and see that the kommun is planing to cash in on the latest teenage cash cow.
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Back in my drug free reality, The Tuesday Chinwag had it’s premiere on Tuesday in Stockholm. You can read more about me and it here in this article on The Local. Come along next time! The last one was a hoot!
You can also follow me on Twitter @BenKersley
