Stuck In Stockholm

(wrote it last night)

After coming home from a nice Lucia party with a few friends (and getting over the sugar shock), I lit some candles and made a cup of white tea with vanilla: celebrating my Sweden Anniversary. On this day, the 13th of December 2005, I came to Stockholm from England, with my then-husband, a Swedish man.

We had Ł0.91 (yes, 91 Pennies) in our pocket, altogether.

Now it’s a good moment to take a look at where am I at these days.

It just hit me: I love my little country Hungary, and no matter what is the political or economical situation, I always feel fantastic there… Then I lived in Austria for a year, in Switzerland for 3 years, in Germany for a few months and in England for a year – and somehow I spent the most time so far in the country that I disliked the most…

It’s a very beautiful country and I love all the gorgeous stuff here, but the cultural shock was so heavy for my rather hot blooded Central European spirit that I could hardly bear it, I was miserable, frustrated, sometimes would even cry, and whenever I could, I would escape back home to my little homeland, the longer, the better…

I didn’t really promoted this broadly, I was trying to show the nicer sides of my Sweden experience, in my Stockholm photo blog.

Till this summer, when certain events happened in my life that led to a few dramatic changes around me. And voila, now I like to live here…

There are several factors that have caused my attitude change to the point where I now even enjoy the harsh weather out here in the countryside. And it is definitely worth to analyze them a bit, it’s always good to know what are one’s successful actions. I might put them down too, another time. One thing for sure: I got back my eagerness to study about life and how it works, and I am trying to apply what I am learning.

The inventory for these past 6 years:

- I had a husband I don’t have any more,

- my son reached legal age,

- I was in love with a few men for some periods of time, and these stories were fantastic for me to learn better about what kind of relationship I don’t want and what do I really want,

- lost quite a few friends who “have loved and admired me so much”, some of them for long years, and some of them fellow artists – then they simply turned their backs on me when they found out that my religious beliefs were not the same any more as theirs,

- got new friends who are amazing, helping me in various things and I can help them, we can do fun and creative stuff together,

- after I have done it so many times at other places, I restarted my life 4 times within these 6 years: first together with my husband, second time after the divorce, a single mom with no money, no place to live, no job, no benefits from the state, no bank loans or credit card, and with a high school boy to feed; the third time when I moved back to Budapest and now again here in Stockholm…(and who knows how many more places will I live at, there are so many great ones on Earth…)

***

have to continue at another time, now it’s really late, my eyes are closing…

God natt!

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Tags: life

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