When dating someone from a different country, there are bound to be a plethora of cultural differences and misunderstandings. For me, and for dating a man from Sweden, there has been one topic that continually evokes a dialogue of different views and opinions: sex.
Before I started dating my Swede, and I hate to admit this, I didn’t know too much about Sweden, nor did I think very often about it. Honestly, I could probably tell you Ikea, H&M, Volvo and meatballs, and that would be the extent of my knowledge on the country. Since being formally introduced to Sweden, I have learned about it profusely: from its history to its language, to its food and culture and to its liberal approach to speech and, well, sex.
Now, in America, we have freedom of speech as well. Also, I was by no means raised in a strict religious household. I think we had pretty open dialogues about sex, if I ever wanted to have them, and it was never portrayed as something strictly taboo. However, when it came to sex, I was taught to wait until I was with someone “special” to do it and that it was something that two people do when in “love.” I also wasn’t allowed to watch movies or TV shows that contained “adult content” until I was of the appropriate age, in my parents’ opinions.
The education my boyfriend received on this topic and the attitude that was instilled in him was a little bit different. In our discussions on the topic it seems he was introduced to sex at a much younger age and was taught that it was a thing of pleasure that it was ok to experiment with. Of course he was taught to be safe and to always respect whichever sexual partner he was to have, but he was never told not to do it, and in my opinion, was almost encouraged to try.
Coming from a country where abstinence has been the forerunner in sexual education for so long, this was a little shocking to me. Of course I don’t live under a rock and I know how ridiculous it is to tell hormonal teenagers to just not have sex, but to out rightly tell them to do it, I could never imagine such a thing.
I was shocked even more recently when watching the first episode of Sweden’s Paradise Hotel television show where, on the first night, two of the contestants on the show slept together and the act was played on TV. Yes, we have Big Brother and other similar shows in the U.S. where participants sleep together as well and it is put on TV for all to know about. It is shown in the same way: night vision cameras, mostly just lumps under the covers in the bed, showing just enough movement for you to guess what is going on. But on Swedish TV they leave in all the explicit dialogue of the event so that little is left to the imagination: “Wait, I want to do it doggy style” “No, just stay like this” “Oh, I am coming now..” “Wait for me so we can come together” “No, no I am coming now, ohhh, I’m coming” “Can we do it again in the morning so I can come too?” (this is my attempt to translate this from Swedish, so I apologize if it isn’t quite accurate, but hey, I tried).
This complete lack of privacy was, again, shocking for me. This was on regular television, for anyone to see. My boyfriend argued that it was on later in the evening, so children probably wouldn’t have been able to watch it. But come on, if I can figure out how to watch this show online and in France, any 10 year old Swedish kid could do the same.
The thing that puzzled me the most was how sex could be shown so explicitly and as if it is no big deal on public television. Is this the kind of message that a country wants to be sending to their young children, who are being told it is ok to go out and experiment with sex?
But then I thought, what is the big deal? I myself am making sex taboo—something that should be hidden behind closed doors. Perhaps when putting it out there, completely naked and uncensored (literally) it really does promote a healthier sexual lifestyle for a people.
The Local today published an article about the Green Party politician Sofia Bothorp who made explicit comments about Sweden’s views on sex during a local council debate (http://www.thelocal.se/23506/20091126/). Again, I am pondering that maybe it is me who needs to loosen up and embrace this freedom of sexual expression. Ok, maybe Bothorp should have saved her comments for a more appropriate time and not during a political meeting, but I think she is right to be proud and grateful for the openness Sweden has for speech, expression and sex. I’m not quite sure how that would work for America, and I still do get a bit uncomfortable on the topic, but I’m willing to push my sexual self to not be so rigid.
Who knows, maybe teaching kids about the best ways to pleasure themselves and slang words for their sexual organs is a good thing (see other article on The Local about sex education in Sweden today http://www.thelocal.se/23032/20091102/). Maybe it makes for a happier and healthier people and a more peaceful country. Swedes seem pretty content to me.
It seems to me that Sweden is overly and ridiculously loosened up on the sex issue. Yet Swedish people aren’t that happy with their sex life. If you ask Swedish men you can find out so many of them can’t even get a woman in Sweden to have sex with them. Hence, many of those Swedish men would go abroad to find sex. It’s just a pathetic country.
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Hej Lisa ,
No we are not overlliberal and the ones that do not get laid In most circumstances do not flee abroad. Having a liberal approach to sex does not Automaticly mean that we are a country of people screwing around like rabbits. It just means that when it comes to sex people can have it together without feeling the shame of a loose thing and isstead seeing it for what it is, 2 adult people concenting and enjoying the moment. And yes jut like in other country’s the children’s parents say that their kids should wait with sex, even though experimenting is fine, we all have to find out who we are.
And when it comes to guys flying abroad to get laid, that is just stupid and ignorant, it’s like saying that all the bullied and single guys in America that can’t find a girl glue to Mexico to have sex. Like everywhere else we have the entire spectrum of people here from really liberal to really strikt ( and the pardise hotel thing, people generally think those people are retarded) the only difference is that Swedish youths in a lot of circumstances are not afraid to come out of the closet becouse of fear of non aceptans, and people talk openly about all forms of sex, to educate them selfs or others. There is a saying here in Sweden: if your in a crowd and no one is talking to eachother, start talking sex.
and the whole thing it’s something we all do, something we have to do so why treat it like the end result is dmnation in hell
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Although the whole part about sexual education seems to me purely swedish and I really have no problem believe every word I’v just read about it here, I must say that the overall “sexual freedom” you’re talking about seems to be very european and not only swedish.
As a french guy (who has been to sweden numerous times) I found the swedish point of view on sex quite “normal”. I mean it doesn’t seem really different to the behaviors I know and have been having all this years. I’ve also been in Germany quite a bunch of times as well as in Czech Republic and in the United States and the answer is the same : european people seem less embarrassed/ more free about sex than american people. For example, it would never come to one’s mind in France, Germany or Czech Republic to say that the best way to prevent unwanted pregnancies or STDs is abstinence. That’s just not in our culture. People here like sex and think that having sex before marriage is normal. I mean, you always try a car before buying it, right ?
On the other hand people in the United states seem to be over sensitive when it comes to this subject. Parents don’t talk about it with their children, hoping that it will prevent them to get in troubles. Well… figures have shown that the result of this kind of behaviors is exactly what it was supposed to prevent : teen moms and STDs. It also seems that people in America tend to get married earlier which, in Europe, is a sign of lack of education and money. We think that getting married before the age of 25 means that you didn’t study (which, in our minds, means that you’re poor and uneducated). You look even more uneducated if you get pregnant at a young age, people will look at you and think that your parents are poor uneducated biggots who didn’t taught you how to use a condom or take a pill.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that it’s a good thing, that’s just the way it is.
Thee are also exceptions, especially in southern countries like Italy or Spain. Spanish people have the reputation of being very catholic (although they legalized gay marriage 3 years ago) and sure thing is that you cannot show the same things on spanish tv than on swedish tv. Two years ago a french tv network called Canal + produced and aired a very good tv show that had a lot of success and was about the life in a brothel (a whore house) in Paris during the 19th century. People asked the executives if they sold this tv show abroad (because it was really successful in France) and they answered that they had troubles to export it because southern countries like Spain told them that it was too graphic for prime time tv and northern countries like Sweden told them that they weren’t showing enough (in their opinion, if you’e talking about whores you’ve got to show every detail of it).
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