PUBLIC DOMAIN - Despite the stereotype, Swedish women are typically not attracted to pale, skinny American guys with about as much fashion sense as a Yellow-Billed Cardinal, though Greta Garbo (left) might disagree.
Ask any expatriate, exchange student, fellow traveler, or even the guy selling newspapers in front of Wal-Mart, and they’ll all tell you the same thing: Swedish women are confusing, even more so than Chad Ochocinco’s decision to change his name to, well, Ochocinco.
And you know what? I agree. I’ve gone on a few dates here in Sweden, and every time found myself more and more perplexed. Christ, even O.J. Simpson’s police chase makes more sense.
Let’s save ourselves a lot of time here and just come out and say Swedish women are incredibly attractive. They have terrific personalities, million-dollar smiles, and are more in shape than Jon Stewart is self-indulgent. They’re well-educated, know exactly what they want in life, and usually speak with an accent that makes most men melt every time we hear it. Oh, and did I mention almost all of them look like they should be modeling somewhere? Seriously, Tyra Banks has nothing on them.
But damn, they are enigmatic. Allow me to illustrate by sharing my personal experiences.
I’ll admit I’ve always been a little nervous courting the opposite sex, probably due to watching – as God is my witness – more romantic comedies than quite possibly any other heterosexual male on earth. But I held firmly to the stereotype that Swedish women are crazy for American guys, and let my friends do the rest to inflate my ego to levels perhaps only rivaled by Muhammad Ali. I was young, I was in good shape, and I was American: when I arrived in Sweden, the ladies wouldn’t stand a chance.
But as the weeks went by, I gaped in paralyzed horror as my self-esteem was quickly ground into a semi-liquid goo. Not only did all my previously held notions turn out to be totally wrong, but it seemed the opposite was true; compared to the endless number of good-looking, well-muscled, and much better dressed Swedish guys, it seemed no woman was interested in a pale, skinny American with about as much fashion sense as a Canadian goose.
Eventually, however, I drummed up enough courage to ask a girl from one of my classes for a fika in Teleborgs Slott. We talked, laughed, and I somehow managed to pay for her – something many Swedish women, I knew, were not used to. We hung out a few more times and, in my mind, there was no way I could fail.
But then disaster struck. I asked her to dinner, assuming the answer would be an automatic “yes.” Instead, I received a text message explaining that dinner would feel “too much like a date.”
I was more confused than when I heard LeBron James was taking his talents to South Beach. Would feel too much like a date? Really? I mean, c’mon, we had coffee at a freaking castle! Apparently, I still had a lot to learn.
In one swift blow, my self-esteem returned to its liquidous state. A few weeks later, it evaporated entirely when, after getting the phone number of a girl I had warmed up to, she rejected me by flat-out saying I wasn’t her “type.” Looking back on it, I probably asked her out for the wrong reasons anyway, but if I had known what I know now I could’ve gotten a lot more sleep.
And now there’s another girl. Unlike the others, she’s the one who took the initiative of “first contact.” A hopeful sign? Perhaps. But then again, I’m pretty sure I’m not psychic.
I think she likes me, and of course I’m crazy about her. But if I’ve learned one thing from my time in Sweden so far, it’s that I don’t know anything.
So expatriates, exchange students, and tourists everywhere, I’m with you: I’m just as clueless as you are. If there’s a Confused Guys Anonymous meeting coming up soon, stop by and let me know. My flat is located right at the intersection of Main and Absurdity.
Tags: Ben Mack, blogs, culture, dating, Linnaeus University, O.J. Simpson, relationships, study abroad, Sweden, The Local, United States
Can I just ask if you are taking an advanced course in simile construction ?
It’s not that they’re bad, or even unfunny; just regular, like a metronome !
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I wish I could say I was. Alas, instead I just happen to use them way more than I probably should, like Dick Clark and botox.
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dude, you know nothing about women in general. Swedish or no swedish, women are the same everywhere! Let me help you with something – google Vin Di Carlo pandora’s box! That should put you on the right track! No need to make another step in failure!
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Why do guys automatically think that women should throw themselves at them? I mean do YOU look like you should be modelling somewhere?
Ben, don’t worry. Just calm down a bit.
Dating in Sweden is not that common. Atleast we don’t have the same type of dating culture. Just go to parties with friends.
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I was just about to say the same thing, streja – dating isn’t the same here in England anymore, either. It’s lots of friends going out together in crowds, lots of parties, getting to know each other over time.
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Sir,
I have the answer to all your problems.
Buy the the book “The Game” by Neil Strauss.
The women arent the problem – you are!
The thing is, dating is a game and you don’t the rules…once you know them you will have sooooo much fun.
When the girl said “it would be too much like a date” all you had to say was “not really because i am planning on making you pay for both dinner and the movie”….or “actually, I was thinking the same thing so maybe you could bring one of your hot girlfriends with you”……she gave you a challenge and you failed it !
They will ALWAYS give you a challenge…challenge them back! don’t be wimp…..actually you have the gift of word-play so it will be easy for you to master….buy the book, learn the rules, play “the game”.
And forget that rubbish about people not dating anymore. If you want to ask a woman out do it – just learn the rules first…..it doesnt matter where you meet the woman you will still have to court her.
Swedish women are the best! Gorgeous, intelligent and feminine…my Swedish fiancé is all of these…lucky me!….
Regards…BOOM.
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Ben,
Desperation is never attractive. That rule is the same here as it is back home in the States. If you have to warm up a woman or chase after her, even if you catch her, you will not have her respect. Ignore your instincts that were developed watching chick flicks. Women only want that crap during myskväll from the tv. Relax. Take Streja’s one good bit of advice, (Dating is not common in Sweden? What?) and go to some parties with friends. Stop asking for numbers and spread yourself around a bit. Don’t zero in on one woman at the party. Just like all things Swedish, everything takes a little more (a lot more) time here than it does back home.
The exception is the drunken hook up which is ridiculously easy here. But that is not the same thing as dating. Don’t confuse the two, which is really easy to do. Your friends at the beginning were probably referring to this rather than getting a girlfriend. I came here originally from the States, with 5 coworkers. I was the only one who ended up with a Swedish wife. They were enormously successful on the pub scene, while I took a more reserved approach (hanging out with Swedish coworkers rather than a group of Americans on the prowl)
Good luck.
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One other thing I forgot. You are in Småland like me. The culture of this region of Sweden is notoriously reserved. Women will but much more difficult nuts to crack.
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@ janerowena
Actually dating in Britain is more like going online and having casual relationships left right and centre. It’s ruining the whole mystique of the dating stage – to the point now I just want to settle down.
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The pick up artist advice is the worst advice, i know several guys who are “experts’ and get results, but whenever they went for the same girl as me they lost out, and I’m not the most attractive or suave, but girls can sense sincerity and truthfulness. Love isnt some war, where a good strategy wins out, its a conversation.
I’m in a serious relationship with a Swedish girl, but I don’t think she fits the stereotypes most have of them. She seems to be much more emotional (in a good way) and morally firm. I’m not saying other swede’s aren’t but I know my girl isn’t fitting the stereotype (and I suspect that most swedish women aren’t either
)
I have always gone by one rule, if they show interest.. then they are interested. If it seems like you are doing all the heavy “lifting” then you are trying to force it.
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Watch out those advices from so-called Pick Up Artist gurus. They show themselves like superheroes with magical formulas, which is not the case.
Well, about the author: I had the same problem with you. I used to be very popular in my home country and at the first moment in Sweden it was not the case. Why? Because I was reluctant in compare myself with all that I had there, and I wanted that instantaneously here. I did not remember that I constructed all the networks and contacts there for years. Not to mention I was a master on THAT’s social conventions.
But someone on the thread sayd it all: women are basically the same worldwide. The want to be challenge. Really, they are biologically programmed to find the best catch. We men are programmed to get as many catchs as we can. Well, continuing, they have to admire the guy. The challenge example was really good. The girl challenge the guy, and he challenged back perfectly.
So instead of waiting some Swede check how good you are, go and prove them that they’re the ones that should get your attention.
Good luck!
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you could always drop your pants and show them what doctors do to american men after we are born… snip….. snip…. catch my drift?
They are interested to see what its all about.. i promise
im kidding about doing that though
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