With the eyes of the world watching, a man has been found alive in a hole he has dug himself and he refuses to come out. Despite a valiant rescue attempts by experienced hole-diggers such as “Basher” Sahlin and “Redneck” Östberg, he remains stuck 620 metres underground (Ed – surely you mean in a condo in Florida?).
With the world’s press waiting at the arrivals gate at Arlanda and his turkey neck President Moaner, clutching a bunch of red roses and singing the national anthem; he still did not come out. “We’ve mounted The Social Democrat’s biggest ever rescue operation, sent down packs of meatballs and cloudberry juice and he’s still trapped” said the ailing President.
Via a webcam and microphone the man seemed not to care that his country missed him. “It is much safer over here” he said. “Nobody asks any embarrassing questions about how many times I show up in parliament or about my expenses. I’ve been here for 2 months and that Reinfeldt hasn’t shouted at me once”
Questions were asked in parliament about the trapped hole digger, but no one could quite remember his face or him actually turning up for business anyhow. One un-named source said “he’s dug his own hole, he can stay in it. Apparently he is up to his ankles in excrement.” The man will now be forced to live in poverty and never be able to return to his post again without a huge wad of notes stuffed into a rescue capsule (Ed – are you sure about this?).
Tomas Bodström is 48.