Although it has admittedly been a while since I last wrote anything here, I must say that it seems like it’s been so much longer. Oddly, I now measure time by my visits (both prior and future) to Stockholm. And while I’ve been home for just over two months, it feels like so much more… nine perhaps.
So what have I been doing during this drawn out stretch of existence? Not a damn thing! And maybe therein lies the reason for my skewed perception of passing time. Of course, “not a damn thing” is a tad untrue. Since I’ve been home I’ve started my second quarter at South Seattle, gotten a new roommate, recorded a new song, had a week-long vacation, and the other little this-and-that-these-and-those of life… but it all has just felt so tedious and boring!
Most of that has to do with cause and effect: school (as well as working the UW Husky football home games) took up my remaining free weeknights while also eating into my weekends. Any time I had left after all of this was sparse and I normally found (and still find) it hard to actually want to do anything aside from resting or just doing nothing. On my week of vacation I had intended to work on a few yet-to-be-completed songs I have waiting in the wings. Instead I worked on math and English assignments and spent the rest of the time playing video games and going out drinking.
It’s also interesting to me how my focus on school, which is driven by my motivation to move to Sweden, has served to remove Sweden from the forefront of my mind. I have done very little to practice my Swedish as the time to do so always seems to escape me. Just last week I received an email from a friend, Susanna, who lives in Sweden. She always writes to me in Swedish and it was such a nice feeling to have that practice again. It’s made me yearn for more, but the communications between me and my Swedish friends has diminished in the midst of our busy lives, much to my dismay.
I’ve been thinking of returning to Stockholm around the end of March, between the winter and spring quarters, but the timeframes are tight and I’m not sure if I’ll be able to do it. I want to though… very much. The intensified detachment I feel at home has only made that feeling of limbo grow. Do I belong anywhere?
Today I met my friend Kevin for lunch and coffee. He’ll be in San Francisco tomorrow for a job interview, one more reminder that the only constant is change.
