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Are Swedish girls "off limits" for foreigners?

Why is this thread still here??

adiman83
post 22.Apr.2012, 03:36 PM
Post #1
Joined: 22.Apr.2012

I've been living in Gothenburg for a little more than a year now and I'm in the middle of a huge culture shock like many others but that's not at all important.

The important thing ... for me anyway ... is the complete absence of a girl in my life. We've all seen how attractive most local girs are but as far as I noticed they are completely off limits for foreign guys. DUring my stay here so far I've managed to visit several cities and I've been to many places in "my own" Gothenburg but all the women/girls I've seen had swedish boyfriends, and never foreign.

Why is that?

Is it really that completely impossible for a foreign to "aquire" a local girl? (foreign girls are off limits to because they only hang out and date guys of their own nationality and there is no comunity from my country in this country). Is it true that the only ones that stand a fighting chance are the rich and very good looking ones (at least on the same level as swedish guys - they have been voted as world's most attractive men)?

I even tried going to bars on friday and saturday night as some coleagues suggested hoping that "you will meet someone every now and then eventually" bu with ZERO success ... I seem to be absolutely invisible to them. The fact that I'm kind of ugly compared to locals and the complete absence of social skills, especially the "meeting women" kind of skills also had someting to do with it but even if I had all those things it still seems impossible to to meet someone in this country.

Please don't make fun of me because it's hard for me as it is and I can't handle people laughing at me any more.
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cbgbg
post 22.Apr.2012, 03:45 PM
Post #2
Joined: 17.Mar.2012

Ill give you a tip .Dont be desperate looking for a girl as you will probably end up going home by yourself after a night out. If you are going to meet somebody it will happen. I met my wife going down the stairs from my flat. So dont worry.
You could always try a dating site that could give you a chance to get to know somebody.
I hope it goes well for you and dont give up
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Rick Methven
post 22.Apr.2012, 04:05 PM
Post #3
Location: Linköping
Joined: 30.Nov.2005

QUOTE
Is it really that completely impossible for a foreign to "aquire" a local girl?

I'm not all that familiar with Gothenburg, but I am sure that there are places you can go to acquire a girl.

A couple of things to be aware of

1. Do not get caught by the police because it is illegal
2. Do not expect her to be a local
3. Brush up on your Polish/Romanian and other East European languages cool.gif
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Megalagom
post 22.Apr.2012, 04:11 PM
Post #4
Location: Halmstad
Joined: 22.Jan.2012

Remember that there is absolutely nothing wrong with online dating- just look for someone in the area and get to know them on line first and then meet up. It'll give you a chance to show your personality and get to know each other instead of just being seen as an outsider. Maybe there are Sweden specific sites? I don't know anything about them, but so many people meet like that nowadays. I met my husband online but through a video game that we both played - you just never know.

It is hard for anyone anywhere to just meet new people, make new friends, and find "somebody" outside of the school/work atmosphere- after a certain age it is just harder to interact with new people unless there is a mutual friend to introduce. Of course some people just have the right personality to do it, but its hard for most- regardless of country, or race. Just try to find some common ground.

Good luck - most things are found when you stop looking. Or in the last place you would think to look.

SomethingSwedish
~Meg
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Yorkshireman
post 22.Apr.2012, 04:52 PM
Post #5
Joined: 22.Nov.2011

Actually once You get out and about You will find it is the opposite wink.gif We non-Swedes most often come across as more charming and gentlemen, much more so than Swedish Men (Sorry Swedish Men, You just don't know how to treat the Ladies)

Internet dating is one option, another thing to look for is that in some local communities they run special eveng courses specifically for singles, cooking is one that jumps to mind smile.gif ...and also the number of Swedish ladies I have met over the years have often commented on how when they have taken evening language courses that in their class of 15 or so, there would only be 2 Men!!! (ok, not all the ladies are single, but it will build Your confidence around the locals wink.gif )

If I remember correctly, I heard there are some internet dating sites that arrange singles evenings.

Just get out there, be confident & charming, don't come across desperate ...and stop looking at the girls that already have Swedish boyfriends!
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Svensksmith
post 22.Apr.2012, 05:37 PM
Post #6
Joined: 28.Jul.2011

Unless things have change in the hundred years since I've been dating, here's my 2 cents worth:

First off, women can smell desperate a mile away. Also, bars aren't always the best place to meet someone.

What are your interests? Join a club that interests you. Join a gym. Network a bit. Do you have any friends who know a single gal? As said above, nothing wrong with online dating. Mostly though, be nice, dress well and be confident.
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adiman83
post 22.Apr.2012, 06:25 PM
Post #7
Joined: 22.Apr.2012

First of all I was not talking about the kind of "aquiring" Rick Methven was talking about. I'm not interested in a "professional".

OK ... so let's review my possibilities

- women can smell desperate a mile away, don't come across desperate: this means I'm screwed because I'm EXTREMELY desperate since I'm single since I finnished 7th grade (and I'm almost 29 now)v and I don't know how NOT to be desperate.
- friends who know a single gal: I don't have any friends but I did ask someone once and the reply I got was worth a million bucks: "I don't know any single girls but even if I knew I would not introduce her TO YOU".
- online dating: I tried many different dating sites, free and paid such as match.com, okcupid and a bunch of others and it got me nowhere. They never replied to my messages. Not even once.
- don't worry, most things are found when you stop looking: as you see I've been alone (single is an understatement) for a VERY long time and I stopped looking years ago and that didn't help the least. Not worrying is not really an option any more.
- courses: not really an option because I don't speak the language and they don't organize that kind of courses in english. I also tried language courses but my group was full of guys that didn't even speak english ... there was only one girl but she was married
- clubs that interest me: that option is out of my reach because of the same reason as taking some classes - I don't speak the language. And it takes years to learn it to a degree that will alow you to take some classes of some kind. I'll probably have a stress induced heart attack way before that.
- my workplace: I work in a university and in my department there is only one female, she's 35 and also married. The rest of my coleagues are men. They're muslim so they're not so good with introducing a guy to a girl.

And I found out on my own skin that bars and clubs are not the best place especially when you're an ugly pathetic looser, incapable of talking to women in any circumstance, that smells like desperate a mile away like me.

WOW ... I really am out of possibilities. This country really did a number on me. It wasn't enough to be a pathetic looser in my own country, now I am that in two countries. Good job buddy!!

Well ... I guess I will have to concentrate more on my studies/jpob and completely abandon my personal life because that's obviously a total wreck unworthy of being salvaged.

That sucks!
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cbgbg
post 22.Apr.2012, 06:49 PM
Post #8
Joined: 17.Mar.2012

QUOTE (adiman83 @ 22.Apr.2012, 06:25 PM) *
- don't worry, most things are found when you stop looking: as you see I've been alone (single is an understatement) for a VERY long time and I stopped looking years a ... (show full quote)

Your not the only person in the world . I was single for 14 years
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canuk
post 22.Apr.2012, 07:13 PM
Post #9
Location: Malmö
Joined: 10.Jul.2009

you guys must be some ugly mofo's, how about posting some pics?
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frank.d
post 22.Apr.2012, 07:24 PM
Post #10
Joined: 4.Oct.2011

I can imagine your frustration but tbh i dont understand how u ve ended up in this situation. I dont know about gbg but i live in Stockholm and i can tell u that loads of swedish girls are into foreign guys. I am foreign, black and moved here cos of my SWEDISH girlfriend whom i met here while on holiday from the Uk in 2007. When i go out with my swedish friends, i get all the attention in Night clubs, i have to keep telling girls i ve got a gf. Mate, all these happens in the nice clubs in stockholm, clubs they say foreigners cant even get into. I even feel that those days, the fact that i was foreign and couldnt speak swedish even made them more interested in me. As soon as they say sth to me and i say ''am sorry, i dont speak swedish'', its on. They start chating about how they wanna improve their english...

If u r in stockholm anytime t.ex summer, we cld maybe check out one of the clubs and change this whole thing. Just look nice, compose yourself and act like u cant be arsed about them, u get them coming to introduce themselves to u.
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AW1
post 22.Apr.2012, 07:26 PM
Post #11
Location: Södermanland
Joined: 20.Mar.2012

http://www.lynxeffect.com/uk/home/2012/
wink.gif
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entry
post 22.Apr.2012, 07:30 PM
Post #12
Location: Västra Götaland
Joined: 1.Jul.2007

QUOTE (adiman83 @ 22.Apr.2012, 04:36 PM) *
The fact that I'm kind of ugly compared to locals and the complete absence of social skills, especially the "meeting women" kind of skills also had someting to do with it.

Dear adman83, This is horrible and as a foreign man living in Sweden(by coincidence in the Gothenburg area) like you I have to admit I neither consider myself attractive nor felt that others were under the illusion that I was attractive. As far as social graces go I have to say that I have very much improved during my time here in Sweden. As for social groups of people from my country, they must be hiding because I even went to a place that had in its name the suggestion of being dedicated to ex-patriots of my country and every time I went there I was the only person from that country. What's up with that!

I pick up on certain things that I see here in Sweden and have seen elsewhere. I have noticed that people are pretty much people all over the world. I can only assume that back home you were quite the ladies man("Nudge, Nudge, wink wink, Say no more") and in your case it baffles me why you find it difficult as a "foreign to "aquire" a local girl?"

In my observations, I have seen little difference in the success rate of a man who is native to Sweden and a man who is non-native to Sweden towards your stated goal to "aquire" a local girl? The people who seem to do well in this venture by my observation seem to be content and happy with their own lives all by their lonesome and remarkably few of the Swedish and foreign males seem to be particularly affluent. They just seem to have established themselves to an emotional state in their life where they are comfortable being all by themselves or should they come across someone who shares some of the same interests with them or sometimes some magical mutually shared spark in their eyes across a room(this is something that I have no explanation for but it does happen - there are advertisements for ointments and suppositories claiming to produce this 'magical spark, I recommend staying away from them, they can be very costly & painful).

My recommendation would be one of self-reflection including future career and what you would imagine your home life to one day be, I would further recommend you write it down(do not share it with anyone) so that years from now if you wind up to be like most of us it will be something you value or maybe even laugh about. From what I have seen in relationships, until an individual not only has a life which includes not just activities but a state of mind that they are content, I do not really see how that person can share a life with someone else. Can you?

Something else must be considered and it is very important and will only take a few minutes to review the concept:

SUNSCREEN - listen to the material, I wish I had heard it years before it was said in that composition and many others have told me the same.

QUOTE (adiman83 @ 22.Apr.2012, 04:36 PM) *
Is it really that completely impossible for a foreign to "aquire" a local girl? (foreign girls are off limits to because they only hang out and date guys of their ow ... (show full quote)

As a parting note adiman83: I think your chances to "'acquire' a local girl' are much better then mine and your disbelief that it is possible are unfounded. Heck, the environment that I find myself in right now is that it is always the foreigner that is blamed by the other person here in my own home. I have been threatened with severe retaliation and even physical violence if I even consider acquiring a local girl and the most vehement threats although unnecessary come from my very own Swedish wife. wink.gif
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Mib
post 22.Apr.2012, 08:22 PM
Post #13
Joined: 7.Jul.2006

There are 2 things you can do...give up or create a strategy to get to where you want to be. There are two facts that not everyone will be attracted to you and that there are some who will be. If you really want to have a girlfriend then you have to be facused, thick skinned, build up your confidence, get out of your comfort zones, approach all situations positively and most importantly be yourself...don't pretend to be someone else unless you're a very good liar and confident with it, which seems that you are not. As with all things, write down your goal, where you're going to start, what you need to change in yourself to show the real you...the nice confident, intelligent guy you are...i'm making assumptions now smile.gif how many times have you heard..."how the hell does a guy like that get a woman like her"...ie. He's punching above his weight. What did he do that you haven't...

As someone said before, meeting a decent girlfriend in a bar is probably not the best place, especially if you act like an idiot when drinking alcohol. Many do... Dating agencies are probably a good way to know someone you meet, so you have to ask yourself what is it that's not working. Maybe you need to find a reputable agency who interview you and charge you for aservice to introduce you to others and also give you pointers as to what works and what doesn't.

The primary thing is to NOT focus on getting that girlfriend at the start. Think of some crazy fun things to do that take you out of your comfort zone...Salsa dancing, pole dancing, martial arts, joining a theatre group...holidays for single people...and do it with an open mind with the determination to enjoy whatever happens. You have to be brave. Take up the previous poster's offer. Write down a plan, think of everything that you can do...think out of the box and go for it. Every experience good or bad is one step closer to your goal...think of it as a project that may take 6...12 months...and whatever happens, remain as positive as you can...don't be disappointed, sad etc..get ANGRY with yourself as change your strategy if the results don't sart to change.

So...come back to this forum in 3,6, 12 months time to tell us how well you've done. Maybe to keep you on track, update this board once a month to keep you motivated and share your experiences good or bad. I saw episode 1 of a show called the undateables in the UK. There was one guy who had tourettes and swore when he got stressed/anxious and he seemed to have found an attractive nice woman. At least you don't have that hurdle.

Good luck and if you have the determination you WILL do it. You just need to change your strategy to build your confidence !
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Yorkshireman
post 22.Apr.2012, 09:46 PM
Post #14
Joined: 22.Nov.2011

QUOTE (adiman83 @ 22.Apr.2012, 05:25 PM) *
Well ... I guess I will have to concentrate more on my studies/jpob and completely abandon my personal life because that's obviously a total wreck unworthy of being salvaged.

There is a saying "You attract what You project"

Right now it sounds that You need to work on Yourself, mentally and Socially. If You concentrate on studies & work, then You will lose even more self-confidence sad.gif

It is YOUR social life You need to concentrate on, that does not mean looking for a partner, it means taking Yourself out of work and studies, get out, do things, join clubs, find what's interesting local ... heck, if Your a Religious person, find a local congregation (lot's of nice religious girls that are single out there, looking for values over looks wink.gif )

If You have, as You imply, "given-up", that will shine through whenever You meet any Woman! ... Don't give-up, just don't look too hard ...focus on improving Yourself.

As You go along, things will fall into place, and You will find Her (or She will find You!) when You least expect it wink.gif
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Gamla Hälsingebock
post 22.Apr.2012, 10:26 PM
Post #15
Joined: 21.Dec.2006

Very good advice.

In my opinion the best parts were related to being "hungry, desperate" etc..

I think most men have had a hard time finding a girlfriend, but when they had one, they found others that were interested in them just because they weren't "hunting them down"!

And remember once you got one...you will have to put up with all that????????? laugh.gif

Good non-hunting!
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