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My child victim of parental alienation

Looking for insight/contact info of psychologists

sapiens
post 15.Feb.2013, 02:24 PM
Post #1
Joined: 3.Dec.2008

Hi,

I am going through a painful situation with my 11 years old son.
I am separated from his mother since 2006. From 2009 and 2012, she has canceled 9 weeks of holidays arbitrarily and submitted 6 other weeks to unfair conditions. I turned to court in April 2011 and got visitations granted. Yet, the mother broke the court twice so I had to apply for enforcement and each time the court issued a 50kSEK penalty against the mother in case of no presentation of my son during holidays. Since my relocation in Jönköping (where my son lives) last spring, however, things have gotten much worse. The mother denied Skype access in April, and all regular meetings after the summer holidays. During those two months, the only contact with my son was through monitored phone calls. I was supposed to meet him for autumn holidays, but two weeks before he developed panic attacks (fears that I would be angry after him and that I would punish his mother). Without informing me, the mother (who is a psychologist) got my son seen by several psychologists, and she used reports to legitimate the denied access. Since then, my child has refused to see me, based on no actual ground. I have not mistreated him in any way. I tried to speak to the psychologists but the mother (who has the custody) forbid them to speak to me. I had the hope that the court would resume contact gradually (as suggested by one psychologist) but two weeks ago, the court considered that it was best for my son to not see me now (the court considered that the wish of an 11 years old child must be listened to and that forcing contact with me could be detrimental to his health, but the court did not consider that my son may not be in a position to voice a free choice, and that the reports by psychologists had made recommendations based on symptoms only and no objective evaluation of the parents). In my view, a child who has a loving relationship with his father does not suddenly develop rejection feelings unless the relationship is attacked. An investigation is going to be started about the custody soon but I am concerned about the outcome if all things remain equal. As for the recent court decision, I am left with less than a week to appeal.
I am looking for insight from fathers who may have faced similar situations. It is clear to me that my son is victim of parental alienation. I am looking for psychologists who have expertise in detecting parental alienation in children, potentially based on verbal statements only since I currently have no access to my son (I am going to ask for an independent evaluation when the investigation gets started so contact information of experts could be useful).
Thanks to all for the feedback.
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jostein
post 15.Feb.2013, 03:18 PM
Post #2
Joined: 22.Mar.2011

Hm, seems the cards are heavily stacked against you? Especially since this woman is a psychologist and the law is biased to begin with.

In time your son might grow critical of these traits in his mother and seek you out.

Here is a similar case, reported in dispatch international:
http://www.d-intl.com/when-mommy-lives-in-...-world/?lang=en

My advice is, hm, well, you dont want my advice on this.
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mångk
post 15.Feb.2013, 03:56 PM
Post #3
Joined: 27.Jul.2008

I would suggest that the children seeing more psychologists is not going to be beneficial.

The best person you can speak to is a qualified lawyer with experience in family law.

When one parent repeatedly takes a child/children to numerous psychologists, makes unsubstantiated claims of abuse or conflict between the child/children and the other parent, it can often be viewed as emotional abuse and systems abuse. In this instance, given that the person doing this is a psychologist, it could be heavily frowned upon.

The lawyer you speak to will be able to advise on the question of the appeal.
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texaslass
post 15.Feb.2013, 10:47 PM
Post #4
Joined: 3.Dec.2008

Your ex's behavior is not just parental alienation, it is child abuse. I agree with the poster about getting a good family law attorney.

My mother did this to me when I was really little (6,7 years old). I was too young to recognize it as abuse. As I got older, I trusted her less and less. Guess which parent I spend the majority of my time with now?

Good luck to you.
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Yorkshireman
post 16.Feb.2013, 03:10 PM
Post #5
Joined: 22.Nov.2011

QUOTE
the court considered that the wish of an 11 years old child must be listened to and that forcing contact with me could be detrimental to his health, but the court did not consider that my son may not be in a position to voice a free choice, and that the reports by psychologists had made recommendations based on symptoms only and no objective evaluation of the parents

Yes they did. That is the starting position of the family court, they always consider the case from what is determined to be best for the child regardless of the wants of the parents. It isn't that they gone along with the childs wish, it is that they have listened to all evidence and considered what is best for the child...

Whilst it may be that the child may be scared you are angry and therefore says it doesnt want to meet you ...you also need to consider the other side which is that by meeting you it feels, with the events around, that it is being very disloyal to it's mother, and also that she may become angry, sad etc... Children are very sensitive to the feelings, or supposed feelings, of parents in these situations. Whilst You blame the mother for her actions, also consider the internal feelings of the child sad.gif The child may well indeed not feel it can voice an opinion)...

One question the court would consider is, if the child is coming into conflict because it cannot voice an opinon, yet both parents continue to push-shove about visitation, then neither are concerned about the childs emotional well-being, since you push your agenda/wants rather than the childs.

The fact that you went to court 2 times for enforcement, and all they did was levy fines against the Mother ...Your lawyer should have asked at that time for enforcement to not be a fine, as that had proven useless ..but rather that the Police should be used to pick-up the child for visits. It is rare that they agree to this, as it can have a determinental effect on the child, but it is one of the options of enforcement open to the court.

You will need to find a very good lawyer, most family law lawyers are not that good, and many will say in this case there is little you can do sad.gif ...You could always try and ask the court for an independant assessment to be performed, by someone recommended by Social Services rather than either parent, additionally suggest co-operation between parents under supervision from Social Services ...basically rather than fight for your right (as the court will listen to what is good for the child, not You) ...offer involvement of public bodies in supervision and co-operation ...things to show that whilst you want to meet yoru child, you are willing to do it in the best way possible for the child ...including if necessary supervision smile.gif

It is only in extreme cases where they believe the child is in danger that they even refuse supervised visits.
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mångk
post 17.Feb.2013, 11:51 AM
Post #6
Joined: 27.Jul.2008

QUOTE (Yorkshireman @ 16.Feb.2013, 03:10 PM) *
Yes they did. That is the starting position of the family court, they always consider the case from what is determined to be best for the child regardless of the wants of the ... (show full quote)

I wish one could say that this is absolutely true, but unfortunately I cannot!

It is also highly dependent on the quality of the arguments presented and that is why in such a situation it is important to speak to a specialist lawyer who can present the correct arguments.

QUOTE (Yorkshireman @ 16.Feb.2013, 03:10 PM) *
Whilst it may be that the child may be scared you are angry and therefore says it doesnt want to meet you ...you also need to consider the other side which is that by meeting ... (show full quote)

Not enough information presented or evidenced to make even an educated guess one way or the other. A problem that can arise in Sweden is that the courts are not automatically obliged to apply the UN child convention due to the method in which it has 'entered' Swedish law. This is the reason why many persons are pushing for the full incorporation of the child convention. IF the issues and convention are not raised then sometimes the Courts will not follow the convention.

There is a balance that must be achieved with the child convention but people often mistake different articles as being in conflict with each other. This is incorrect, as with all of the base UN conventions they are complimentary.
QUOTE (Yorkshireman @ 16.Feb.2013, 03:10 PM) *
The fact that you went to court 2 times for enforcement, and all they did was levy fines against the Mother ...Your lawyer should have asked at that time for enforcement to no ... (show full quote)

There are many different options that are available, but they are going to be dependent on the evidence and the strength of the evidence. But it is critical that the OP find a experienced family law lawyer who is not afraid to take up the issues of the childs convention and use other countries case law as a guide to interpretation of the convention.

The OP should discuss with the lawyer a range of different options such as injunctions against the mother preventing any further systemic abuse of the child and that any further psych assesments of the child must be approved by the court. Assuming that the OP has not done anything wrong, taking up issue with the mothers conduct regarding visitation and requesting the court to consider which of the parents is more suited to be the primary caregiver and which of the parents is more likely to comply with visitation orders and encourage the child to have a healthy relationship with both parents. There is a large body of case law in other countries regarding this.

But after all is said and done, no-one on this forum has any evidence (nor should such be asked for) and being an armchair lawyer in such a matter is not going to be beneficial to the OP. smile.gif
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Yorkshireman
post 17.Feb.2013, 01:48 PM
Post #7
Joined: 22.Nov.2011

QUOTE (mångk @ 17.Feb.2013, 11:51 AM) *
There is a balance that must be achieved with the child convention but people often mistake different articles as being in conflict with each other. This is incorrect, as with ... (show full quote)

The most important part of this case is that in Swedish Law it is the childs right for visitation with either parent ...parents have no absolute right for visitation. As the OP has stated, the child has said it does not want to meet the father, therefore the court has enforced the childs right. If the child had said it wanted to meet the father, then the court would have taken that into consideration.

In an appeal, Since the mother has presented evidence from her gathering that claims it is determental to the child for visitation which obviously is in her favour, OP has been denied access to the child even though there were prior enforcement orders, and the additional fact that it is possible during this dispute that the child no longer feels it can talk freely ...that the court itself should conduct an investigation with regards visitation rights.
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Robert Samery
post 18.Feb.2013, 01:45 AM
Post #8
Joined: 17.Feb.2013

There are many people who are well qualified and willing to help. You may also want to do your own advocacy in Sweden. Many individuals from 60 countries around the world have joined in the past to draw awareness to this disease.

A simple way of being involved is by participating in or organizing a Parental alienation Awareness Day activities on April 25, with Bubbles of Love.
http://www.paawarenessday.com/

Check these sites for more information about help for individuals.

http://paawareness.org/
http://www.drcachildress.org/asp/Site/Pare...ation/index.asp
http://warshak.com/
http://www.amyjlbaker.com/
http://parentalalienationhelp.org/meet-dr-kathleen-reay/

Many of the above do work over telephone calls or webinars or other distance assistance.

Good luck, and good advocacy.

Robert Samery
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Mo
post 18.Feb.2013, 08:56 AM
Post #9
Location: Stockholm
Joined: 30.Nov.2005

not sure I am always a good parent but Children are not IT.
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sapiens
post 18.Feb.2013, 06:12 PM
Post #10
Joined: 3.Dec.2008

Hi,

Thank you all very much for the replies so far.
I do have a lawyer, so far we did not think about invoking the UN child convention though. This is a good suggestion, thank you.
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lensart
post 15.Mar.2013, 09:24 AM
Post #11
Joined: 22.Feb.2007

This thread has very little activity now, but it is a very important topic. I have been in a very similar situation. My daughter was alienated from me by her mother when she was 12. I've found the Swedish legal and social system completely inadequate, incompetent, ignorant and inane.

It's what I call an Astrid Lindgren society. The social and legal system claims to work in the best interest of the child, from the child's perspective. But what is the child's perspective? If you interview a child caught between two parents, what do you learn about the situation other than the fact that the child is stressed by the parental behavior? Nothing. The child's perspective is one of inexperience and dependency. Unfortunately, it seems that Swedish social workers think that children are like Pippi Longstrump, a child with an innate knowledge of good and bad, with a chest full of gold under her bed, who tries to bring sense and reason into a world of stupid adults. We could go on about the reasons for this deep seeded psychology of entitlement and Social Democratic socialization through the school system... but now I'm off topic.

The point is that parents whose children are being alienated from them need emotional support. I've been in and out of the social welfare office with my children for the last 5 years. I watched as my ex tried to alienate my oldest daughter from me. I suffered as she did alienate my middle daughter from me. Now I am going through the agony again with my son. The social workers laugh at me when I talk to them about parental alienation. So you won't find any empathy there. Instead you need to confide in those close to you. Your family and true friends will understand your pain and let you talk about it endlessly and cry on their shoulders when the burden is too heavy to bear.

You should never stop trying. Always look for new ways to reach your children. Work to change the social system. Work to change the legal system. Publish any progress you make for other people, people like you and me, so that everyone can benefit. Most importantly, always let your children know you love them in small ways. I know that is difficult when they won't talk to you. I have exactly the same problem. I have only spoken to my 14 year old daughter 3 or 4 times in the last two years. Steadfastness is the key. Be the water that wears away the heart of stone. I am sorry there is no easy answer.
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djkroo
post 21.Mar.2013, 06:03 PM
Post #12
Joined: 18.Jul.2010

I know this must be unrelated question and I apologize if I intrude in anyway, but this is something I was wondering all along reading your post: is the mother Swedish?

All the best of luck to you. What she does is just ugly. sad.gif
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lensart
post 27.Mar.2013, 09:09 AM
Post #13
Joined: 22.Feb.2007

In my case, yes... the mother is Swedish...
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