(edit title) Employment and Disability Issue Can anyone point me in the right direction? Options

[Princess P]

Hiya, can anyone point me in the right direction over this issue:

My daughter is 18 and autistic. She is still at school but recently managed to find herself a job at the local Pizzaria at the weekends. She had to go for a trial during which she worked 3 evenings. She was then told that she'd got the job and has since worked 4 weekends.

It's been a complete nightmare and she came home today after just half an hour in tears because it's all too much. Her boss told her to go and see him tomorrow evening for a talk, which I take as meaning to be sacked. The problems are:

• she doesn't know what she's supposed to be doing, she has no whatdycallitthingy which sets out her role and what is expected. She gets told she has to do x and then the next day gets told off for doing x as that's not her job so doesn't know whether she is coming or going
• she's had no training on how to do things but gets in trouble if she doesn't get it right. Right also changes from day to day
• she has had no pay slips. She asked about tax and stuff and was told that he would sort it all out. I have a sneaky suspicion that ain't happening
• her boss keeps making jokes at her expense which upset her because being autistic, she doesn't realise he's joking. She's told him this but he keeps doing it.
• her boss also keeps commenting on her weight, asking her what she weighs, lecturing her on healthy eating, asking her what she's had to eat. He's even given her a demonstration on how to drink as glass of water as he didn't think she was doing it right. WTF?

Today he started as soon as she walked in, asking her what she'd been doing and why hadn't she been more active and what had she eaten. She feels very vulnerable and doesn't feel in a position to tell him to mind his own business. She told him again that she has autism and find some things difficult. He looked quite shocked, even though she had already told him, and told her that she should have told him this right at the start. She was upset by this as she felt it was said in such a way that he was saying he would not have employed her had he known. Despite this she got to work. Then came the final straw. He started telling her that there is no such thing as autism, it's all in her head and that she needs to pull herself together and get over it. At which point she was distraught and told him she had to go home.

So what should she do? Where does she stand? Who does she need to speak to for advise and/or support? I don't think she's equiped to go in and face him alone tomorrow. What a mess.

[JulieLou40]

No idea on the legal issues etc (apart from the fact that he HAS to be accountable for treating a disabled person in that way!!)-but just wanted to say hope you get it sorted. He doesn't sound like a nice person at all, so IMO your daughter would be better off walking out and never going back.

If she decided to go to the meeting, I think she should take a parent, or better still, someone who knows about disability issues with her, as a witness.

Good luck to you and your daughter, Paula.

*Hugs*

[Hawking]

Hiya, can anyone point me in the right direction over this issue:My daughter is 18 and autistic. She is still at school but recently managed to find herself a job at the local ... (show full quote)

Hiya, can anyone point me in the right direction over this issue:

My daughter is 18 and autistic. She is still at school but recently managed to find herself a job at the local Pizzaria at the weekends. She had to go for a trial during which she worked 3 evenings. She was then told that she'd got the job and has since worked 4 weekends.

It's been a complete nightmare and she came home today after just half an hour in tears because it's all too much. Her boss told her to go and see him tomorrow evening for a talk, which I take as meaning to be sacked. The problems are:

• she doesn't know what she's supposed to be doing, she has no whatdycallitthingy which sets out her role and what is expected. She gets told she has to do x and then the next day gets told off for doing x as that's not her job so doesn't know whether she is coming or going
• she's had no training on how to do things but gets in trouble if she doesn't get it right. Right also changes from day to day
• she has had no pay slips. She asked about tax and stuff and was told that he would sort it all out. I have a sneaky suspicion that ain't happening
• her boss keeps making jokes at her expense which upset her because being autistic, she doesn't realise he's joking. She's told him this but he keeps doing it.
• her boss also keeps commenting on her weight, asking her what she weighs, lecturing her on healthy eating, asking her what she's had to eat. He's even given her a demonstration on how to drink as glass of water as he didn't think she was doing it right. WTF?

Today he started as soon as she walked in, asking her what she'd been doing and why hadn't she been more active and what had she eaten. She feels very vulnerable and doesn't feel in a position to tell him to mind his own business. She told him again that she has autism and find some things difficult. He looked quite shocked, even though she had already told him, and told her that she should have told him this right at the start. She was upset by this as she felt it was said in such a way that he was saying he would not have employed her had he known. Despite this she got to work. Then came the final straw. He started telling her that there is no such thing as autism, it's all in her head and that she needs to pull herself together and get over it. At which point she was distraught and told him she had to go home.

So what should she do? Where does she stand? Who does she need to speak to for advise and/or support? I don't think she's equiped to go in and face him alone tomorrow. What a mess. ... (hide full quote)

According to your Sig your location is "Not in Sweden" and yet you have posted this issue to an expat site in and about Sweden. Based on that, I have to wonder WHY would you do that, especially given the topic?
Now if I assume that you are in Sweden and you have just forgotten to update your profile, then I have to say that I'm amazed that you don't know what to do about this as the parent of this child.
If this was my child, I would have been front and center having a little "talk" with her boss after the very first incident. As a parent, I view it as my responsibility to protect my children in the areas where they are most vulnerable until that point that they have grown strong enough to fend for themselves. As your child is autistic, I would think she would need a bit of extra protection or at least some guiding explanations to the people she is coming in contact with, especially if that person is going to be her boss and is as insensitive as he/she sounds.
Step up to the plate, as they say. Show your daughter that you are her best friend and will stand by her side when people or events hurt her.

[Princess P]

She is an adult. It is not appropriate for her to take 'mummy' into work for a talk with her boss. I'm supporting her by trying to find out what services are available for adults with disabilities to support them in employment issues.

You missed the memo regarding location and 'not in Sweden', do keep up. But thanks for the nice patronising reply, reminds me why I stopped posting here in the first place.

[007]

According to your Sig your location is "Not in Sweden" and yet you have posted this issue to an expat site in and about Sweden. Based on that, I have to wonder WHY w ... (show full quote)

According to your Sig your location is "Not in Sweden" and yet you have posted this issue to an expat site in and about Sweden. Based on that, I have to wonder WHY would you do that, especially given the topic? ... (hide full quote)

princess p is a long-time, respected poster on TL. she may not have updated her "location."

welcome back princess.

i don't have legal advice for you, nor do i know where to advise you to turn. the local union for restaurants is the first which comes to mind.

i think you have to decide what you and your daughter want to achieve. if it's a matter of getting her boss to behave professionally and supply your daughter with a proper working environment with a contract, then perhaps you can send in a family friend (less emotionally involved)

in the end, walking away might be the most assuring option for your daughter right now.

[Princess P]

No idea on the legal issues etc (apart from the fact that he HAS to be accountable for treating a disabled person in that way!!)-but just wanted to say hope you get it ... (show full quote)

No idea on the legal issues etc (apart from the fact that he HAS to be accountable for treating a disabled person in that way!!)-but just wanted to say hope you get it sorted. He doesn't sound like a nice person at all, so IMO your daughter would be better off walking out and never going back.

If she decided to go to the meeting, I think she should take a parent, or better still, someone who knows about disability issues with her, as a witness.

Good luck to you and your daughter, Paula.

*Hugs* ... (hide full quote)

Thanks Julie.

[007]

You missed the memo regarding location and 'not in Sweden', do keep up. But thanks for the nice patronising reply, reminds me why I stopped posting here in the first place.

i must have missed it as well. have you left?

we have had a slew of trollish posters of late. it's easy to be suspicious of someone whose story doesn't add up looking at it at first sight.

[gplusa]

Although it could have been worded better, I would also suggest that your daughter takes a support person to a formal meeting. Even if only in a silent witness capacity. For one thing it will most likely immediately tone down any thoughts of aggression from the employer. They tend to feel a little less brave when there are potential witnesses and be a bit more open to finding a mutually agreeable solution to a problem. If only to save their own hide.

[007]

Although it could have been worded better, I would also suggest that your daughter takes a support person to a formal meeting. Even if only in a silent witness capacity. For o ... (show full quote)

Although it could have been worded better, I would also suggest that your daughter takes a support person to a formal meeting. Even if only in a silent witness capacity. For one thing it will most likely immediately tone down any thoughts of aggeression from the employer. They tend to feel a little less brave when there are potential witnesses and be a bit more open to finding a mutually agreeable solution to a problem. If only to save their own hide. ... (hide full quote)

^yeah that

[Princess P]

princess p is a long-time, respected poster on TL. she may not have updated her "location."welcome back princess. i don't have legal advice for you, nor do i kno ... (show full quote)

princess p is a long-time, respected poster on TL. she may not have updated her "location."

welcome back princess.



i don't have legal advice for you, nor do i know where to advise you to turn. the local union for restaurants is the first which comes to mind.

i think you have to decide what you and your daughter want to achieve. if it's a matter of getting her boss to behave professionally and supply your daughter with a proper working environment with a contract, then perhaps you can send in a family friend (less emotionally involved)

in the end, walking away might be the most assuring option for your daughter right now. ... (hide full quote)

To be honest, I'd rather she walk away, but she doesn't want to. She knows how difficult finding work is, especially for an 18 year old disabled immigrant. She wants to keep her job but she wants to know what she's supposed to be doing and how and she wants the inappropriate comments to stop. She doesn't think her boss is horrible, she thinks he's an idiot, but she doesn't know how to deal with the issue so he can be a reformed idiot.

She rang the restaurants union people this morning, but they wouldn't help her because she wasn't a member. I thought this was a bit tight given the fact that she's only been in the job 5 minutes and didn't even know there was a union. Although they did give her a number of someone at the kommune. She rang and they said she should go and see them if she is sacked, but they can't help until then.

She's currently trying to get hold of one of the advisors at vuxen habilitering to see if they can help.

[Princess P]

i must have missed it as well. have you left?. we have had a slew of trollish posters of late. it's easy to be suspicious of someone whose story doesn't add up looking at it at first sight.

Nah, I'm still here clinging on. I sent the memo when the location bit was first added, in the good old days. I objected to the oppression of only being able to choose my real Swedish location rather than one inside my head. I've always been listed as 'not in Sweden' because I couldn't choose Machu Picchu.

[Princess P]

So the consensus is that she doesn't go in alone. Good, that's what I was thinking. Now we just need to find someone appropriate.

[007]

She rang the restaurants union people this morning, but they wouldn't help her because she wasn't a member.

it could be worth her while to join. they will make sure she gets a contract and act as her advocate helping her make her working conditions acceptable.

[Hawking]

princess p is a long-time, respected poster on TL. she may not have updated her "location.". welcome back princess.

If I had known that, I wouldn't have been so patronizing. I apologize to you princess for my ignorance and for jumping to conclusions. I'll try and "keep up" from now on.

we have had a slew of trollish posters of late. it's easy to be suspicious of someone whose story doesn't add up looking at it at first sight.

Basically, I agree with the consensus that your daughter doesn't go in alone.

[Johno]

You missed the memo regarding location and 'not in Sweden', do keep up. But thanks for the nice patronising reply, reminds me why I stopped posting here in the first place.

Princess P if you go to her posts, freely gave out info on her location in her old posts - the first sentence in the quote makes no sense. For those who didnt know her before, she accused someone of being a troll who disagreed with her and then disappeared in a hissy fit when she lost out in the ensuing discussion. She hosted a very popular quiz link on here, which she abandoned and which then disappeared. And now she is in trouble and comes back !