(edit title) An obsessive exwife ( gold digger) A material girl Options

[Bluesapphire]

Ive been living with my sambo for 6 months and soon we are getting married. My sambo is on legal battle with his ex-wife. My sambo is not a Swedish. This the a real situation. He has 3 kids ages 16, 13, and 9. The 16 yr. old daughter chose to lived at her dad. In legal try said she has the right to choose so she did. In February 2011 the turnig 13 daughter chose to moved with her mom for some reasons that she and her dad don't get along: she wanted to have pets that her dad can't afford, she wanted to go Ti a private riding lesson which her dad can't afford. With this situation, they went to a private social people in stenungsund to deal with my sambo's daughter issue and they. Come-up to a suggestion that for the child's best interest why not try this turning 13 yr old daughter to live with her mom. My sambo don't agree with this but finally he agrees to try for a month. his ex-wife took the opportunity to alienate the child from her father that it's been a year the child don't communicate to her father. I just saw her thrice ( when she and her friends dropped by to our house, when she need to sew her garments for her horse show and when her grand parents from the states come to Sweden to spend holidays with us. After she took her bunch Christmas presents she never get to visit again). The situation is getting so complicated because his ex-wife is try to ask for more support from my sambo. He giving the least required by the government since his daughter moved to her mother. It's was November last year that her ex-wife move to her new well-off business guy who lives in ödsmal. From that time on she started to sue my sambo for additional support coz she is claiming that she is partly paying the bills. We are not sure if she is honestly paying... She is earning 28000kr and she claims of having no enough money left to support her daughter and she wanted that my samno will pay the private riding lesson their daughter. She is claiming that my sambo has big enough money left from his salary.part of my knowledge correct me if I'm wrong... Swedish law doesn't care about parents debt even how big it is ... But should prioritize the child's best interest. The thing is my sambo daughter is not in legal 16 to chose and as of my reading there are special cases in a joint custudy that if the child chose to live with one parent the communication should be constant to the other parent. Now because f his ex-wife assessment from his salary she wanted a 3800kr/month for this 13 yr old daughter for her private ridig lesson. The ex-wife is doing decision by her self and sign contact from school and let my sambo pay all the bills... My sambo is very passive coz he don't want that the children will be affected. There is no justice in what his ex-wife doing. It's hard for me to write all what she is doing for my 6 months say with my sambo. I feel like se is a gold digger. She wanted that my sambo should sell the house if he couldn't fix. My sambo is struggling with finances he has debt on the equity of the house when they divorce 5 years ago. She took all her shares and lefty sambi a big debts that my sambo couldnt able To have the energy to fix the house because I he planned To there are uninformed bills comes that the ex-wife let him pay. Please help I don't know how to speak Swedish. But I wanted to know the law and our rights. We feel of being gender biased .
What are my sambo's right for her 13 yr old daughter in parental custudy. He has still the joint custudy. But it's been a year his daughter never communicate with him even replying his SMS.
What are the rules of support? They are asking and declaring their lifestyle beyond their capacity. She lived in her life now beyond her capacity and she uses her kids to ask more money from us. But she never give an effort to let my sambo communicate with his daughter but instead she alienate. This battle is against a women who is best in lying, a dramatic actress if it's the government she doesn't have enough money but if in other people she stand as a rich woman... How can we stop her asking much... We live in a house that is fallih apart... If only this ex-wife wont run after for more money. We will able to afford a good life too... What are our legal rights... The lawyer is not that informative to be.

[Bluesapphire]

She all does the anonymous complaint to the police and social people.

[JulieLou40]

I'm guessing that English is not your first language...in that case you need to get someone good at English to help you type a readable post, and then come back...

[Puffin]

I think that the courts should sort this out - and you should stay out of it

There is a formula on Försäkringskassans homepage that shows how much he should be paying based on his income - he should be paying half of the costs and none of the things you describe sound like gold digging just the normal things that teenagers do in Sweden such as having a pet and hobbies.

However if he really thinks that paing the minimum (the amount paid by people on unemployment and ultra low incomes) 1200 for a teenager is anything like 50% of the costs then he (or you) is barking mad the mother will be paying far more than this 28K before taxes is not a lot to support 4 people. probably they could get the ridingg cheaper but as the amount that he pays does not even cover rent, food and clothes.The ex's sambo is not required to support your sambos children. I know peoplw paying 4000-6000 kr PER CHILD in child support - it depends totally on income

I think that you should keep out of it - this issue is for parents and children to sort out - child support has nothing to do with contact. I think that your sambo is totally right to not let petty money squables affect the children when it is the adults that have caused the situation

In any case the two oldest children will soon no longer need support - the most important thing is that he rebuilds his relationships wth his kids without giving the impression that it is all about the money

[Yorkshireman]

Here is English info from Försäkringskassan (FK):
http://www.forsakringskassan.se/sprak/eng/...0VARcQ7Q4!/

There are 2 type of support for a child, one is paid by FK and the other is an agreement by the parents. On this page above there is a nice form to help calculate what is possible to pay taking into account income etc... and that is for BOTH parties to use.

Also, remember the mother (I am guessing) also gets 3x child benefit from FK and that should be deducted from any other maintenance payments

For any child that lives partly with the father, say 50/50, then He is now entitled by Law to half of the child benefit for that child. Today they send it automatically to the Mother, but He can apply to FK to have His half

Maintenance in Sweden is relatively controlled, so lifestyle does not play a part, but what matters is the needs of the child that are 1st. Horse riding is not a need. He should not have to pay. The mother cannot also buy expensive clothes etc... and expect Him to pay half.

If they still have 50/50 custody of the children, then decisions concerning the children, including where they will live and how, are decided between the 2 parents, not just 1.

In this instance, actually it sounds like neither is being the parent, sorry , children are not the ones that decide where they live, the parents do. A child cannot by law make that decision until it is 18.
However, that said, if it is taken to court, the courts are instructed that from the age of 12 they should listen more carefully to what the child itself wants. But the court also has to decide in what is best for the child.

I suspect the Mother is doing what She can because She knows the Father doesn't want to upset the children. What He can do though is actually go to the Social office Himself and make His voice heard.

[Satrina]

I may be way out of line here (this is only my 2nd post) but...

I understand it like this...the 13yo chose to go live with her mother because her dad can't afford to give her what she wants.

Do you know for sure its the ex wife not allowing contact? It could be if the 13yo old and your sambo didn't get along, she may not be bothered about calling/texting her dad (see above, 13yo girls can be very good at manipulating a situation and making the parents look bad to each other)

How do you know what his ex wife is earning?

I'm not saying either party is right or wrong in this, don't know both sides of the story...

but everything aside I do have a problem with this though...

He giving the least required by the government since his daughter moved to her mother.

[Bluesapphire]

Puffin thank you so much. I would Iike to ask any preference online about Swedish law not just for parental right? For me to read. I agree to all your suggestion. I know that her sambo is not required to pay my sambo's children. But living in a life beyond her capacity is unjustifiable. Anyway, I say gold digger because when she started planning to divorce my sambo back time... I found a notebook of her that she is trying to calculate all the she could get plus some other proofs to know who really she is... Anyway... I don't want to elaborate... Coz back when they were married she never work... My sambo helped him to go yo school and get a degree.. And dating other guy while studying was the best move of her... All her past relationship was not successful all most of them are businessman... Even her children says about the unstability of their mom's relationship...Anyway... Puffin thank you...

[Puffin]

Also, remember the mother (I am guessing) also gets 3x child benefit from FK and that should be deducted from any other maintenance payments

The mother does not get child benefit for the 16 year old - it is paid a studiebidrag direct to the child

[byke]

http://gifsforum.com/images/gif/pop%20corn...on_pop_corn.gif

[Bluesapphire]

Satrina-- i knew because my sambo showed me her ex-wife's claim with all the lawyers letters. Well my 's two daughters talked before and the 13 yr old told the 16 yr old ,that their dad is not supporting and giving what she has to recieved...that was thier mom told the 13 yr old opposite to what my sambo did. She claims to be less fortunate when the government requires her to pay for her 16 yr old daughters support... She never pay... But she has several time to black mail her 16 yr old daughter that I she lives with her she is going to let her go for a private riding lesson. She is telling her 16 yr old daughter that she lived in a big house with sauna, jacuzzi and offer her daughter to go shopping out of the country. She told the 9 yr old son that when he turns 13 he could chose where to live. She is trying to have poison's children's mind but knowing the reason why they divorce is her having affair, i got several friend where their husband before has the same situation with us.. After taking money from being divorce they still run after more ... This is exactly who she is... I just pity for my sambo... I never talk nor say anything... I just write here because I have no outlet... So dot get me wrong if I say this thing... Cleaning all her garbage left in the house where she used to live let me realized how exactly really she is... She is a good manipulator ...

[Puffin]

Anyway, I say gold digger because when she started planning to divorce my sambo back time... I found a notebook of her that she is trying to calculate all the she could get pl ... (show full quote)

Anyway, I say gold digger because when she started planning to divorce my sambo back time... I found a notebook of her that she is trying to calculate all the she could get plus some other proofs to know who really she is... ... (hide full quote)

Most sane people would calculate whether they could afford to feed their kids before moving out unless a situation was abusive

TBH you sound a but obsessed with her if you are reading her old diaries and notebooks trying to find evidence against her - it does not sound healthy and you need to stop for the kids sake

Let your sambo and the ex sort it out - any involvement from a new partner is bound to make it harder

[Bluesapphire]

Satrina-- i knew because my sambo showed me her ex-wife's claim with all the lawyers letters. Well my 's two daughters talked before and the 13 yr old told the 16 yr old ,that their dad is not supporting and giving what she has to recieved...that was thier mom told the 13 yr old opposite to what my sambo did. She claims to be less fortunate when the government requires her to pay for her 16 yr old daughters support... She never pay... But she has several time to black mail her 16 yr old daughter that I she lives with her she is going to let her go for a private riding lesson. She is telling her 16 yr old daughter that she lived in a big house with sauna, jacuzzi and offer her daughter to go shopping out of the country. She told the 9 yr old son that when he turns 13 he could chose where to live. She is trying to have poison's children's mind but knowing the reason why they divorce is her having affair, i got several friend where their husband before has the same situation with us.. After taking money from being divorce they still run after more ... This is exactly who she is... I just pity for my sambo... I never talk nor say anything... I just write here because I have no outlet... So dot get me wrong if I say this thing... Cleaning all her garbage left in the house where she used to live let me realized how exactly really she is... She is a good manipulator ...

[Bluesapphire]

I agree too all of you. I never told my sambo about this... I just listen and comfort my sambo with all the crap. My apology if I write here... I just want to hear some opinions from those who are interested. The links are helpful and with this I am sending your opinions to my sambo for him to read. He felt so helpless his been passive for the rest years because for the children but his ex-wife is taking advantage. I remember they went to Germany the two kids don't have passports we don't know what she did to exit the country. She never tell my sambo that they bringing the kids to Germany we just learnt from the youngest when he slipped his tounge... Sometimes ... It made me feel so helpless because my sambo is not a Swedish... I'm sorry this is just my outlet...

[Puffin]

For any child that lives partly with the father, say 50/50, then He is now entitled by Law to half of the child benefit for that child. Today they send it automatically to the ... (show full quote)

For any child that lives partly with the father, say 50/50, then He is now entitled by Law to half of the child benefit for that child. Today they send it automatically to the Mother, but He can apply to FK to have His half ... (hide full quote)

One of the things OP is complaining about is that her sambo should have to pay for a child who refuses to see him - so it doesn't sound like a 50:50 split

Maintenance in Sweden is relatively controlled, so lifestyle does not play a part, but what matters is the needs of the child that are 1st. Horse riding is not a need. He should not have to pay. The mother cannot also buy expensive clothes etc... and expect Him to pay half.

Well to a certain extent it does as maintenance takes the parents income into account so that the kids should be able to live a similar lifestyle - so if he is earning enough to contribute to riding lessons (which by the way can be got for a low price in Sweden) then his amount will be increased - unless he is getting a tiny salary then he should be paying more than he does

Försäkringskassan also demand that cost of living increases should be paid - the amounts have increased by 6% since 2009 - has OPs sambo paid this

It also sounds as though OPs sambo has chosen to retain the family home that was previously for a family of 5

If they still have 50/50 custody of the children, then decisions concerning the children, including where they will live and how, are decided between the 2 parents, not just 1.
In this instance, actually it sounds like neither is being the parent, sorry , children are not the ones that decide where they live, the parents do. A child cannot by law make that decision until it is 18.
However, that said, if it is taken to court, the courts are instructed that from the age of 12 they should listen more carefully to what the child itself wants. But the court also has to decide in what is best for the child.

WRONG - The older kids also get a say according to the law - while they cannot decide themselves totally no-one is going to send the police to get a 13 and 16 years old and force them to live at her father's house

I suspect the Mother is doing what She can because She knows the Father doesn't want to upset the children. What He can do though is actually go to the Social office Himself and make His voice heard.

We don't really know that the mother is even doing anything wrong - we don't know what the fathers income is but he is living in a family house and paying the bare minimum of child support
- maybe the mother is asking too much or maybe she is just frustrated that her ex is not paying his whack
- perhaps the father is a low income earner and cannot pay more

Just not sure that OPs obsession with the ex. is totally healthy as OP presumably knew the sambo had 3 children that would need supporting - perhaps one of the problems with the kids is OPs own behaviour in being jealous of the ex. and tracking her income and expenditure - can't make visiting pleasant from the kids if their cost is being tracked in detail

[Bluesapphire]

In my part my sambo is still living in the old house where the kids are born. For the past 5 years, my sambo ex-wife has this life... What she wants what she gets. If she wanted to have her daughter a MacBook she just signed and let the father pay. You are right my sambo don't want his kids get upset with him even he can't afford it because that will be the change for the ex-wife to manipulate the kids she did already to the 13 yr old. Money matters because my sambo can't afford all their wants. He even doesn't have enough savings for his retirement. In his age late 50s he still have this huge debtfor the house +the equity he need to pay the ex-wife when they got divorced. My sambo offered his ex-wife thru the lawyer letter that he will pay a total of 2400kr, but he still have the joint custudy for his daughter his only asking that a constant communication with the m. If the ex-wife wanted to talk to their 16 year old my sambo will tell her daughter to talk to her mom... My sambo claim and told the social worker is for him the kids need both parents. For him 50-50 custody should take place... But then the ex-wife wanted to have only have the children. Every week they go shopping and eat on fancy restaurants... My sambo is willing to give 2400kr that's only he afford and even the lawyer told him. That was the lawyers calculation. But she went to court to ask for 3800 plus the riding lesson. My sambo point of view is his willing to pay but thinking of his daughter don't talk to him is the most hurtful way he could received.