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Custody and visitation Question

Advice needed!

ScottC
post 3.Nov.2012, 04:35 AM
Post #1
Joined: 3.Nov.2012

Hi, I lived in Sweden for 5 years, and was married for a year and a half to a Sweden woman (divorced in March this year). We both had a child together and as we were married we have joint custody which has not been contested in court. After the divorce I was forced to move back to England in April due to lack of work and no where to live. Since I left Sweden my ex has made it increasingly difficult for me to know about my daughter's welfare. First we would go on skype so that my daughter could see me and I could see her and talk to her, this was better than nothing at the time, but after a month or 2 the calls became less frequent, and probably the last 4 months she has completely ignored my calls, letters and emails. I have no idea what I can do about this which is why I am seeking advice here. I also know that she is working and getting black money so not paying her taxes, and she is also cheating money from forsakringskassan by claiming she is unemployed so she shows bad character and low moral fibre so I question her parenting abilities. I also worry about her lifestyle, she is known to take drugs and drink heavily when she goes out and god knows who she is bringing into my daughter's life... What are the chances of me winning custody and how would go about that from England? And is there anything I can do from here to allow me to at least talk to my daughter (who will be 2 years old in a few months) in the mean time? This has emotionally drained me and I'm at my wits end.

Cheers.
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johnjohn
post 3.Nov.2012, 10:53 AM
Post #2
Joined: 10.Dec.2010

Very sorry to hear of your plight. Your changes would improve dramatically if you were in Sweden. As you are not your chances are slim to none. Best of luck.
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Puffin
post 3.Nov.2012, 11:16 AM
Post #3
Location: Dalarna
Joined: 5.Apr.2006

The issue sounds very complicated and you will probably need a lawyer to start a custody case - however unless the circumstances are very exceptional it is unlikely that you will be able to remove the child from Sweden

You can read about custody cases of the Swedish court system's website
http://www.domstol.se/Funktioner/English/M...s-and-children/

If you have genuine concerns about your child's welfare you should contact Social Services (Socialtjänsten)at once in the kommun where your ex lives so they can look into the situation and check that your child is OK - but this should not be used to get a leg up in the custody process and could backfire

You need to focus on the welfare of your child and not anger at you ex and attempts to control her as some of your post sound like you are more interested in revenge and you need to let it go
1. you claim to have had no contact for a while - yet criticise her parenting and drinking habits etc - hardly makes you father of the year if you have GENUINE concerns but have ignored your child's welfare for months
2. I would leave the tax issue completely alone as this just sounds like revenge to me as it is irrelevant to your child's welfare - you write about her claiming benefits and working that it shows your ex's "bad character and low moral fibre so I question her parenting abilities" - it may be the case - but the support that you have been giving is unclear so i assume that
    a.she was not claiming benefits and working while you were both together? Otherwise it is hypocritical to bring it up now if you have used this money eariler when *you* were not earning (you said lack of work was the reason for leaving Sweden so I assume your ex was supporting you and the child for some of the time
    b.I assume that you have been sending her regular child support for your child? as of course it would be "bad character and low moral fibre" not to support your child and then complain about the means your ex has used


For a complex child custody case though you need to hire a lawyer well versed in the law
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ScottC
post 3.Nov.2012, 01:11 PM
Post #4
Joined: 3.Nov.2012

1. I have attempted to stay in contact since I left Sweden by calling almost every day but as I said she has made it increasingly difficult for me, how is that my fault?

2. I have never claimed a single krona from the Swedish government, I have always worked. If she was claiming money from forsakringskassan while I was there I never knew about it, nor was I involved. And no, since she has stopped contact I have not sent any child support, but that's a matter of personal choice and my belief that I should have contact if I am sending child support, which she has completely disallowed for no valid reason, I'm not going to be taken for a fool, and that's how it feels right now.

I am going to Sweden in 2 weeks, and as we have joint custody what is the best place to contact when I am over regarding visitation?
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Puffin
post 3.Nov.2012, 01:27 PM
Post #5
Location: Dalarna
Joined: 5.Apr.2006

QUOTE (ScottC @ 3.Nov.2012, 01:11 PM) *
And no, since she has stopped contact I have not sent any child support, but that's a matter of personal choice and my belief that I should have contact if I am sending ch ... (show full quote)

So just because you do not get on with your ex you punish your child by not paying for your child to eat or have winter boots? Parents are supposed to ut their child's needs above their desire to stick it to their ex

You wife is very wrong not to allow contact but you are coming accross as immature as well by skipping the country and leaving her to shoulder the full burden of your child - child support is not payment for visitation but a demonstration that you understand the responsibilities of being a parent.

Being a deadbeat is not going to help you in the custody case and you will have a big bill to pay if your wife has applied for help such as Underhållstöd from Försäkringskassan where FK advance som of the moeny to cover costs where parents can't/won't pay
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JulieLou40
post 3.Nov.2012, 01:27 PM
Post #6
Location: Luleå
Joined: 19.Oct.2009

QUOTE (ScottC @ 3.Nov.2012, 12:11 PM) *
And no, since she has stopped contact I have not sent any child support, but that's a matter of personal choice and my belief that I should have contact if I am sending ch ... (show full quote)

So because you haven't been able to see your daughter, you're making her and her mother suffer by withholding support? Little wonder that she then has to screw the state then, isn't it?

How can you claim to be concerned about the child if you are deliberately withholding money? She is the most important person in this, not you, or your ex.

Mind you, this is yet another "same day join and post", so we can all probably draw our own conclusions wink.gif
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ScottC
post 3.Nov.2012, 01:34 PM
Post #7
Joined: 3.Nov.2012

I thought this was a discussion board for advice,not slag off those who seek it? I have my reasons, you're making me out to be a piece of shit, I love my daughter this has destroyed my life, I was FORCED to move to England you don't seem to be reason what I'm posting. Anyway to not get into an argument which is pointless and I'm not here for that it's not helping, I'm going to Sweden in 2 weeks where should I seek help regarding visitation for my daughter? They live in Malmo.
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johnjohn
post 3.Nov.2012, 01:37 PM
Post #8
Joined: 10.Dec.2010

Again Scott I sympathize with your situation. You need to talk with a lawyer. Here are her lawyer's talking points. You abandoned your child. It was your choice to move as you could have sought assistance and been involved in your child's life. The child is not even two years old thus skype and calls are meaningless. You have shirked you parental financial responsibility by not supporting you child because you are mad at ex-wife. This is what her lawyer will say.
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ScottC
post 3.Nov.2012, 01:39 PM
Post #9
Joined: 3.Nov.2012

How could I have gotten assistance? I'm not a Swedish citizen nor do I have an uppehallstillstand so I cannot get any government support. Anyway, where should I seek help regarding visitation when I am over?
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Yorkshireman
post 3.Nov.2012, 02:44 PM
Post #10
Joined: 22.Nov.2011

@Scott, just in case you do not already understand ... Custody in Sweden is about WHO is legally responsible for making decisions on behalf of the Child. Not where or who it lives with, those are questions that are decided by the ones that have Custody. Very different from say UK definition.

Currently You have joint custody, ie. It needs both parents to make the decisions on behalf of the child. Family court tries VERY hard not to interfere with regards the details of the parent child relationship, that is something those who have custody must agree. Only when they clearly cannot agree will the court make a decision ... warning, there is no punishment for not following family court agreements, so an unwilling parent can agree in court and just ignore afterwards ... the only course of action is to go back to court again and again ... This is a common problem for single mums where the fathers don't pay maintenance, each missed payment has to be taken to court ... sooner or later, the Mums get tired of the process sad.gif

If you can get past the feeling of being attacked, then what the others are trying to explain either directly or indirectly is:

1. You are not in Sweden. This gives an excellent case for your kids Mum to go to court and ask for 100% custody, and would get it. Since custody is about decision making, as children grow, school etc... there are many papers that require signatures from all parties that have custody.

2. Not paying maintenance. Again, You have given the Mum an excellent chance to go to court and ask for 100% custody. With that You also reduce significantly any court even giving visitation visits. Maintenance in Sweden is strictly for the child ... non-payment is viewed as not caring about the childs welfare.

3. DO NOT start talking with Social Services and/or court about the Mums tax issues etc... First they will view it as You trying to blacken the Mums name just to get custody ... and in many respects, they may even view it as the Mum doing everything possible to provide for the child ... especially since She is not receiving the maintenance payments!

Understand!. Not an attack, a warning that You have severely weakened Your position as a caring responsible parent.

To get visitation of your child ... First stop is agree with the Mum, You have joint custody so she cannot make that sole decision that You cannot ... next, since she can always refuse anyway, contact Social Services in Malmö, they can become the middlemen in the discussion and negotiations. Note: Any agreement with Social Services and the Mum, even if written and signed can still be ignored by the Mum ... again, a very common issue. (though, every event of negativity against You by the Mum, eg. visits etc..., weakens here position with regards court cases etc..., Social Services and Family Court in Sweden look with kind eyes on Fathers that really want to be involved with their Children wink.gif )

Finally, if that resolves nothing, you will need to go to Family Court, though it wouldn't be solved in 2 weeks!

Most important, whether You like it or not, pay the maintenance, it is for the Child not the Mum ... it is very important You show You are commited to the welfare of Your child.
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whoye
post 3.Nov.2012, 06:42 PM
Post #11
Joined: 29.Mar.2011

I do sympathize with you man, don't listen to some super pumped-up c@nts who at default see men as incompetent. I have no knowledge on custody but since you are out of the country there isn't much to do. ANd the only way you can alter the conditions is to manipulate your ex. don't reason with her, don't argue; i'm sure you have done it plenty of times in the period of divorcing. i do not know the details of your relationship but probably there is a way to make her (with subtle approach) come to the terms that you wish for.
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lensart
post 27.Mar.2013, 09:28 AM
Post #12
Joined: 22.Feb.2007

As a father in Sweden, the question of custody is a difficult one. The court and social system are unforgivably gender biased in a country that claims to work so hard for gender equality. Living outside of Sweden makes your situation almost impossible. Although Sweden claims to honor international agreements with regard to children and custody, the sad fact is that it is easy for a Swede to isolate a child from its foreign parent in Sweden with no legal repercussions. As hard as it may be, you need to make yourself available to your child. The one thing that is true in Sweden, is that the child can make important decisions at a very young age, in fact 12. This is a double edged sword though. While the courts take into consideration what a child wants, they do not recognize parental alienation as a problem. So, if your child want to see you, then it shouldn't be a problem for you to get visitation and continue with shared custody. However, if your ex convinces your child not to see you, it will be very difficult for you to do so. Availability is the key. Any time your child wants to see you, you need to be available -- That means becoming one of many fathers in Sweden sacrificing their lives, taking second rate jobs in Sweden, to be with their children.

I'm sorry... welcome to Sweden.
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