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Swedish parenting style

Is let-kids-be-kids the norm, and why?

Migga
post 2.Jan.2013, 12:37 PM
Post #46
Joined: 26.Jul.2011

QUOTE (ingeling @ 2.Jan.2013, 12:30 PM) *
To suggest that this poistion is self-appointed because they hang out with Sweden's elite is what you want to believe because it softens the blow; that maybe Sweden isn ... (show full quote)

Sweden isn`t the perfect utopia but it isn`t some robotic, emotionless, suicidal and sexual perverted nightmare either. No matter how many upset and hurt foreign ex sambos visits this site to feel better about their failiures.

You have no idea what I prefer.

For everyone else I urge you to go to the correct thread if you`d like to discuss the book.
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ingeling
post 2.Jan.2013, 12:58 PM
Post #47
Joined: 27.Jun.2012

"For everyone else I urge you to go to the CORRECT thread if you`d like to discuss the book" -MIgga

So sorry didn't know this wasn't the CORRECT thread. In fact didn't know we had CORRECT threads.Good job the " thought police" are awake

Looks like it's a "svart prick" for me!! ( Along with the one for not returning my DVD on time, parking to far from the curb, not returning my swedish number plate after selling my car in a non-swedish country and failing to return a pair of socks I never ordered !!!)

Oh By the way HAPPY NEW YEAR
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byke
post 2.Jan.2013, 01:00 PM
Post #48
Location: Europe
Joined: 28.Oct.2008

QUOTE (Migga @ 2.Jan.2013, 12:37 PM) *
No matter how many upset and hurt foreign ex sambos visits this site to feel better about their failiures.

Where did you get this from?
or is it just a made up fact to appease your own self needs?

Furthermore, I was under the impression that the authors of the book in question are both Swedish.
How would a book written by Swedes about swedish parents, have anything to do with your own fictional claims?
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Migga
post 2.Jan.2013, 01:53 PM
Post #49
Joined: 26.Jul.2011

I got it from the numerous posts on this site about people writing about their harsh life story and then go on to blame Sweden or the Swedes. Sure there are some that make balanced posts that have some constructive criticism, you make som valid points sometime, but for the most part it`s upset people who want to make their complaint heard. But I know that this isn`t the majority but a loud minority that wants recognition and are attracted to these kinds of sites.

The first comment from ingeling is a good example of my point. He isn`t trying to give a balanced view about swedish parenting, he wants to make a statement. He answares to a post that fits his opinion, he finds a book that fits his stance and then he goes for it. It shows he has a negative agenda he wants to push. If he wanted to give a balanced view about swedish parenting he would suggest more then one book and from a more wide range. There isn`t just one holy book that will explain swedish parenting or Swedes in general. There are both negative and positives views on the subject but you will only get one side from most of the posters on this site.
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ingeling
post 2.Jan.2013, 04:07 PM
Post #50
Joined: 27.Jun.2012

The book is not about parenting in Sweden. The book focusses to a large degree on the idea of "state-individualism". Within the book there is an argument that Swedes have accepted a situation wherein they are responsible only to the State and not to the community as a whole. With respect to parenting this means the State takes care of all aspects of parenting and the individual really has no need to be involved in this.. The authors don't really show any disdain for this they simply tell you the reader how it is.

I found it informative and interesting and merely tried to tell other people on this forum about it and how it might help to explain the deeper mechanisms of Swedish society . I wanted people to know that there are Swedish writers and Histiorians who do try and look at Sweden in a intelligent and serious way. If they uncover flaws in the system so be it. Stringberg did this. Moberg did this(brilliantly I think. Yet he drowned himself thanks to the critics !!)

You didn't like the book. You thought it was badly written and ill-informed. Just let other people know about it and the othe r writers and let them make up their own minds. If it brings them some kind of comfort ( and they are ex-sambo-froeigners) why should that bother you?
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Migga
post 2.Jan.2013, 05:05 PM
Post #51
Joined: 26.Jul.2011

QUOTE (ingeling @ 2.Jan.2013, 04:07 PM) *
The book is not about parenting in Sweden. The book focusses to a large degree on the idea of "state-individualism". Within the book there is an argument that Swedes ... (show full quote)

I know what the book is about but they don`t tell the readers how it is they make an argument as to why they think it is the way it is and why.

QUOTE (ingeling @ 2.Jan.2013, 04:07 PM) *
I found it informative and interesting and merely tried to tell other people on this forum about it and how it might help to explain the deeper mechanisms of Swedish society . ... (show full quote)

I bet you did, now how many other books about the subject state-individualism have you read? Why only meantion one? May I suggest that if you want people to get an insight about the mechanisms of Swedish society they should probably read more then one book and perhaps go visit? Looking at oneself with criticism is good and one should be able to laugh at oneself. If one can`t do that then one won`t evolve. I think Sweden is good at doing so and always look at what can improve.

QUOTE (ingeling @ 2.Jan.2013, 04:07 PM) *
You didn't like the book. You thought it was badly written and ill-informed. Just let other people know about it and the othe r writers and let them make up their own mind ... (show full quote)

I`ll let people know where the library or country is and then let them make up their own mind. It doesn`t bother me it`s just my argument as to why most of the posts are the way they are. I`m not asking people to belive me, read through the posts on this site and make up your own mind.
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Yorkshireman
post 2.Jan.2013, 05:21 PM
Post #52
Joined: 22.Nov.2011

QUOTE (ingeling @ 2.Jan.2013, 04:07 PM) *
The book focusses to a large degree on the idea of "state-individualism". Within the book there is an argument that Swedes have accepted a situation wherein they are ... (show full quote)

And yet they fail to recognise their own mistakes in the book, and there are many!!! eg. Whilst the authors state " that Sweden is still a very strong civil society with a variety of voluntary associations where Swedes active in voluntary social work, take care of relatives and friends, just as much as people in other Western societies."

...
and this begs the question back to the authors that wrote that ...How can a society with such a vibrant civil society be characterised as State-Individualism.

Personally, I suspect that the love-relationship mutual dependancy that You are thinking of is certainly not the same as what they are trying to work through in the book. When economics, assistance etc... is a basis of that mutual-dependancy in a relationship, then it is more about the fear of independance that comes if the relationship was to break. That isn't a love-relationship, it is fear!
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ingeling
post 2.Jan.2013, 06:02 PM
Post #53
Joined: 27.Jun.2012

Migga . Sorry to offend you. I agree we can't take one book as the complete story. Could you recommend some other academic books that contend with the same issues and perhaps provide an opposing view? Surely you wouldn't be against doing that?;
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Migga
post 2.Jan.2013, 07:51 PM
Post #54
Joined: 26.Jul.2011

I`m not offended or upset I just don`t think this is the place to discuss it when there already is an 18 page thread about that exact book. This thread has already derailed, I won`t continue by listing social psychology theories.
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byke
post 2.Jan.2013, 09:47 PM
Post #55
Location: Europe
Joined: 28.Oct.2008

If you don't like the book and theory mentioned in this and the other thread.
What book would you recomend, concerning the same subject?

This will be ok to list it here as it has nothing to do with the other thread.
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KossBoss
post 3.Jan.2013, 01:36 AM
Post #56
Joined: 5.Aug.2012

QUOTE (burlison @ 27.Dec.2012, 05:03 PM) *
HiI'm struggling to understand parenting standards that are - allegedly - common in Sweden. Most of the current generation of parents, and a lot of their parents that I ... (show full quote)

From both my personal experience being raised in Sweden as well as from observations how the multitude of kids behave in my neighbourhood, I'd say no.
For ex, my next door neighbours has 3 girls between 6 and 11 who all are VERY polite in their manners, even more than I was in their age, despite that I grew up during the mid 70's and 80's/early 90's. They always say hello or like to have a chat when walking by. I've heard their parents yelling at their girls for all kinds of more or less reasonable reasons many many times and have had many opportunities to observe how all the interaction goes between them. Never have I heard any of the girls yelling back at or questioning their parents, so I'd say those girls definitely know all the rights and wrongs their parents have taught them.
For my own part I was raised pretty much the same was where a NO was NO and could hardly be negotiated which made me feel safe. My parents seldom hit me but they were quite strict with rules however, because it was their way to show that they really cared for me. They never believed in the 'let the kids be kids' thing more than that I was free to do what I wanted as long as I wasn't up for something stupid as the boy I was. My cousins being about the same age as me, were raised the same way as I was. From what I remember from my time in primary school hanging out with many of my classmates and meeting their parents many times they seemed to be have been raised pretty much the same way. Of course you could and can find spoiled and bad mannered kids too, but from my present time observations not much has changed in general since the 80's when it comes to how to raise kids here. I was raised and live in a smaller town so it might make some difference but I don't think the difference is that big.

My own theory boils down to that I think behind the worst examples of bad mannered kids you often find very self-absorbed lazy parents who have never really grown up themselves. They see their kids merely as 'projects' rather than kids that needs to be taken care of and this adheres to any country. If it would be someone who would really need their ears pinched and some serious talk it would be those parents.!
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KossBoss
post 3.Jan.2013, 01:59 AM
Post #57
Joined: 5.Aug.2012

QUOTE (burlison @ 27.Dec.2012, 05:03 PM) *
HiI'm struggling to understand parenting standards that are - allegedly - common in Sweden. Most of the current generation of parents, and a lot of their parents that I ... (show full quote)

From both my personal experience being raised in Sweden as well as from observations how the multitude of kids behave in my neighbourhood, I'd say no.
For ex, my next door neighbours has 3 girls between 6 and 11 who all are VERY polite in their manners, even more than I was in their age, despite that I grew up during the mid 70's and 80's/early 90's. They always say hello or like to have a chat when walking by. I've heard their parents yelling at their girls for all kinds of more or less reasonable reasons many many times and have had many opportunities to observe how all the interaction goes between them. Never have I heard any of the girls yelling back at or questioning their parents, so I'd say those girls definitely know all the rights and wrongs their parents have taught them.
For my own part I was raised pretty much the same was where a NO was NO and could hardly be negotiated which made me feel safe. My parents seldom hit me but they were quite strict with rules however, because it was their way to show that they really cared for me. They never believed in the 'let the kids be kids' thing more than that I was free to do what I wanted as long as I wasn't up for something stupid as the boy I was. My cousins being about the same age as me, were raised the same way as I was. From what I remember from my time in primary school hanging out with many of my classmates and meeting their parents many times they seemed to be have been raised pretty much the same way. Of course you could and can find spoiled and bad mannered kids too, but from my present time observations not much has changed in general since the 80's when it comes to how to raise kids here. I was raised and live in a smaller town so it might make some difference but I don't think the difference is that big.

My own theory boils down to that I think behind the worst examples of bad mannered kids you often find very self-absorbed lazy parents who have never really grown up themselves. They see their kids merely as 'projects' rather than kids that needs to be taken care of and you can find those people in any developed country in the world. I've heard even China has national issues with spoiled and lippy kids. If it would be someone who would really need their ears pinched and some serious talk it would be those parents.!
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KossBoss
post 3.Jan.2013, 02:38 AM
Post #58
Joined: 5.Aug.2012

QUOTE (burlison @ 27.Dec.2012, 05:03 PM) *
HiI'm struggling to understand parenting standards that are - allegedly - common in Sweden. Most of the current generation of parents, and a lot of their parents that I ... (show full quote)

From both my personal experience being raised in Sweden as well as from observations how the multitude of kids behave in my neighbourhood, I'd say no.
For ex, my next door neighbours has 3 girls between 6 and 11 who all are VERY polite in their manners, even more than I was in their age, despite that I grew up during the mid 70's and 80's/early 90's. They always say hello or like to have a chat when walking by. I've heard their parents yelling at their girls for all kinds of more or less reasonable reasons many many times and have had many opportunities to observe how all the interaction goes between them. Never have I heard any of the girls yelling back at or questioning their parents, so I'd say those girls definitely know all the rights and wrongs their parents have taught them.
For my own part I was raised pretty much the same was where a NO was NO and could hardly be negotiated which made me feel safe. My parents seldom hit me but they were quite strict with rules however, because it was their way to show that they really cared for me. They never believed in the 'let the kids be kids' thing more than that I was free to do what I wanted as long as I wasn't up for something stupid. Those times my parents encountered when I had done something stupid I had to face the consequences, believe me! My cousins being about the same age as me, were raised the same way as I was. From what I remember from my time in primary school hanging out with many of my classmates and meeting their parents many times they seemed to be have been raised pretty much the same way. Of course you could and can find spoiled and bad mannered kids too, but from my present time observations not much has changed in general since I was a kid when it comes to how to raise kids here. I was raised and live in a smaller town so it might make some difference but I don't think the difference is that big. As for recent changes regarding a new and a more clear school discipline with increased rights and power for teachers to deal with unruly students which also makes parents to take even more responsibility for their kids' behaviour in school I don't think the kids rule the roost in the classrooms either. At all schools today both students and their parents have to sign a contract where they have to agree with the local rules at the school. If they break any of the rules both students AND their parents will be held responsible for it and be questioned why they have done so.

My own theory boils down to that I think behind the worst examples of bad mannered kids you often find very self-absorbed lazy parents who have never really grown up themselves. They see their kids merely as 'projects' rather than kids that needs to be taken care of and you can find those people in any developed country in the world. I've heard even China has national issues with spoiled and lippy kids. If it would be someone who would really need their ears pinched and some serious talk it would be those parents.!
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