(edit title) Shared custody for a 1 year old baby Your suggestions? Options

[Gchinese]

My partner and I are separating. We have a baby boy of 1 year old. My partner lives in Stockholm City and I live in Södertälje which is about 35 km away.

What is the best way of taking care of our baby? He has been with me most of the past year of his life since I have been having parental leave at home. His father will start parental leave in Nov. which lead to the question, where the baby is going to be registered, where he is going for daycare school later on (one needs to queue for this). If he is registered in Stockholm, that means I have to drop him off at daycare from Södertälje every morning and then go back to Södertälje to work. Then do the same going all the way from Södertälje to pick him up and take him home etc. This will be a torture for a small child of 2 or 3 years old, if not also a tortue for me.

But if he is registered in Södertälje, it will be the same trouble for his father who even works in Kista.

My questions are

1. Can one have 2 daycares at the same time?
2. What do other people usually do in such a situation?

[skogsbo]

drop him off at daycare ...This will be a torture for a small child of 2 or 3 years old, if not also a tortue for me.. 2. What do other people usually do in such a situation?

people in relationships where both parents work do just this, everyday, 1000s of kids are doing this, right now. It won't be torture for them after 3 weeks of schooling in. They'll have new playmates away from you boring adults! It won't do their Swedish skills any harm either.

I think any torture will be yours, but you have to do what is right for the kid. Smothering them is not good in the long run.

[John.Smith]

Not unheard of here in Sweden. It will not do any harm whatsoever for your child. Having two day care centers is not an option unless you go private for at least one. But then when it comes to school time when he is 6 years old you will not have this luxury.

[Gchinese]

Ok John Smith, so you are saying it IS an option to have 2 daycares if one of them is private? What would be the difference in choosing private or public in the first place? I am asking because I have no idea. I simply understand they charge the same fee, that is it. Would it be more difficult to get into private ones? do they have their speical requirements? I also understand instead of queuing, you apply to the school directly, is that correct?

[John.Smith]

Not sure as I have not done it myself. I suggest you contact a private dagis center and discuss with them what is needed. Better to get the information from them directly.

[Yorkshireman]

You can get 2 day care places and one does not even need to be private, this is even allowed if you both live across Kommun boundries, which You do if I understood correctly.

Sometimes they try to convince you that it is not good for the child to split time between 2 Dagis/föreskola as it may become alienated from the groups in both etc ... but, if there is anything We know for sure, it is that children are extremely adaptable, and in those early ages ... I doubt it makes the big difference, kids come and go from those groups anyway, and they seperate to different schools eventually, often.

You do need to make sure You are on good terms with Your ex ... in Stockholm Kommun, the way it works is that the person at the address where the child is Folkbokfört is the person that will get the invoice, so you need to make sure that your ex pays his part to you, as you will get the bill

[Mo]

isn't it an option to try and plan to live closer together ? your daughter is only 1 - it is a lot of travelling for her.

[skogsbo]

When they start school, you'll have to pick 1, better to pick 1 now and let the child bond fully, their friends now, will become their friends, work mate and future employment network for life.

[Puffin]

According to Skolverket - while it is possible to have 2 places - it is not a right and indeed Skolverket say that the right to 2 places is for children with specific needs and it is NOT Skolverket's intention that children of separated parents should have 2 places for alternate weeks

So you would need to contact the 2 kommuns and find out if this is even possible - have you and your ex registered in both kommuns? There will only be one set of daycare "money" so the 2 kommuns would need to be willing to split this which might be a problem as they will still need to pay the rent/staff even for the week that your child is not there

Or have you considered moving a little nearer to each other so that your child can have one group of friends/one group of staff

Kan man ha två kommunala förskoleplatser i två olika kommuner?

Svar: Det är barnets hemkommun som ansvarar för att erbjuda barnet en plats i förskola. Det finns dock inget som hindrar att två kommuner erbjuder samma barn plats på förskola i två olika kommuner. I sådana fall får kommunerna komma överrens om kostnader för de två platserna. Detta är alltså ingen lösning som föräldrarna själva kan kräva av kommunerna.

I vissa fall har barn rätt att bli mottagna i förskola med offentlig huvudman i en annan kommun än hemkommunen, om barnet med hänsyn till sina personliga förhållanden har särskilda skäl att få gå i den kommunens förskola. Sådana särskilda skäl kan till exempel vara att barnet bor nära en kommungräns eller om ett barn hör till någon av de nationella minoriteterna och inte har möjlighet att gå på en minoritetsspråkig förskola i sin hemkommun. Avsikten är dock inte att öppna en möjlighet att gå växelvis i två olika kommuners förskolor för barn som växelvis hos sina föräldrar i två olika kommuner.

8 kap. 12-13 §§ skollagen (2010:800)
Proposition 2009/10:165 sid. 355
http://www.skolverket.se/forskola-och-skol...0/2.2728/2.2789