(edit title) Common misconception or just being rude? Does this happen to you? Options

[Baned]

This isn't supposed to be a vent and I'm not trying to stereotype all Swedes -- I'm just trying to figure out if the Swedes I do know are just ill informed or if they're plainly being belittling and rude. As a fairly new immigrant, I'm still pretty clueless when it comes to subtleties.

Case in point: My in-laws always seem to point out very basic tidbits about other parts of Europe, like a baguette is from France, and that French gardens look very different from English ones, stuff like that. They also seem to disregard the fact that I've been to both countries because I don't go on and on about it. I've mentioned I've visited (only in passing) and only when it's in topic, but it never fails for them to bring it up some other time (weeks later) and ask if I've gone there, and when I say I have, it once again gets brought up some other occasion. It's as if I haven't really gone because I refuse to tell stories. It's starting to get annoying. I'm seriously about to bust out pictures!

Are they just hick or am I just clueless? It's not like they don't travel themselves - they travel all the time! So I don't really understand, unless it's a cultural thing that I'm missing. At first, I always ignored it, when they explained about obvious things, I thought they were just being sweet(!) but it's come up often enough now that I'm starting to wonder if they truly think I'm an idiot. I'm American, and I know that we get a bad rap when it comes of things outside of the USA, but we're not that dense!

Am I the only one this happens to? I'm starting to think that my in-laws regard me as a little "slow".

[Rick Methven]

"but it never fails for them to bring it up some other time (weeks later) and ask if I've gone there, and when I say I have, it once again gets brought up some other occasion."

Could be early onset senile dementia.
Now where did I leave that cup of coffee

[Baned]

Another example: I come from a metropolitan city that has a high tourist rate - it's pretty, well-managed and an expensive place to live. When I arrived in Sweden, I was keen to not seem like one of those idiot Americans that brag about this and that and I've downplayed my city. Well it seems like all of my downplay has been taken beyond my simple explanations of "it's a friendly city, known for it's mild climate" ... they now think I come from some sort of ghetto!

Now, I can understand this happening considering they've never been to the States, but they're computer savvy! Wiki that shite for goodness sake before making comments!

(OK I lied, this last post was kind of a vent!)

Has this happened to anyone else? I recall someone saying that immigrants nowadays gets put into the same category as refugees because there's just so many of them. Is this truly the case? Or do Swedes find it hard to comprehend that someone wants to live in the boonies of Sweden cause they want to, not have to?

[Baned]

"but it never fails for them to bring it up some other time (weeks later) and ask if I've gone there, and when I say I have, it once again gets brought up some other ... (show full quote)

"but it never fails for them to bring it up some other time (weeks later) and ask if I've gone there, and when I say I have, it once again gets brought up some other occasion."

Could be early onset senile dementia.
Now where did I leave that cup of coffee ... (hide full quote)

Oooh Rick! I wish it was that! But thanks for the laugh!

[Craptastical]

It must be just your in-laws because I've never experienced this myself.

Perhaps telling your own stories about places you've been to (instead of a simple "been there") is the way to make them realize that you have been to those places.

[Puffin]

Perhaps they are just trying to make conversation?

[byke]

Just tell them about the store "primark" in the UK, and next time they go to the UK if they ever visit that store they will think you are the bee's knee's for giving them such a tip.

[jhk]

my guess is they feel safe handling the language, brains working over time wither with english or your accent, but basically the answer is not important, they are just making conversation.

[Tennin]

I don't think it's an entirely Swedish thing. It might be a problem due to language barrier, or just your in laws have way too much on their mind and forgetting things. Or your inlaws are simply that rude, or that dense.

Since they are your inlaws I recommend to not lose your temper with them.

[Rick Methven]

Just tell them about the store "primark" in the UK, and next time they go to the UK if they ever visit that store they will think you are the bee's knee's for giving them such a tip.

Primark

[Hairdont]

B,

If you come from just about any mid-sized to large North American city, you're going to continue to discover strange Swedish behavior. I have lived here for almost 6 years in one of the three cities, moved here with no job and worked my way "up". So my experience is very different from someone who moved here with a job waiting for them or who lives out in the country somewhere, or both.

Anyway this strange tunnel vision behavior from Swedes is something you're just going to have to learn to love, or it will simply p--- you off more and more. Sweden is after all a small place, and that's fine, but it means that they're scope is limited. They like to wax worldly but within Sweden find it difficult to put themselves in anyone else's shoes. They're not doing it to frustrate immigrants, it's just the result geographic and spiritual (that's right) isolation. In other words, they don't have the funk, don't want the funk, and don't give a funk.

In Colin Turnbull's book "The Forest People" about his experience with Mbuti pygmies of the Congo region he tells about the day that he took a Mbuti friend out of the jungle for the first time. The whole trip was very stressful for the Mbuti friend mainly because his range of vision in the jungle was never beyond 25 meters. So when he saw herds of buffalo kilometers away out on the savannah, he thought they were swarms of insects only a few meters in front of him.

Actually, never mind all that BS. Most Swedes are in fact seal it, stamp it, mail to your Mom, conformist, in-the-box-in-the-box-in-the-box, socially retarded and childish, xenophobic racists. I have a few friends who are the exception. Everyone else jokes about using Svinto steel wool pads to "wash the dark off" people of color as the snus runs down their teeth.

Listen as they stand obediently at the pinging crosswalk at 8 o'clock on a Sunday morning with zero traffic as you walk on by and they mumble under their breath "jävla utlänning".

You Are Not Welcome In Sweden.

If you are Swedish, and you're not a racist idiot then I'm not referring to you.

Que the nationalist holes:

But they do have good coffee

[cogito]

I encountered the same thing when I first came to Sweden.

There is a tendency to lecture foreigners as though they are idiots.

There is also a tendency to think in national cliches: France=baguette.

But as it's your in-laws, it is best to think of it as a kind of provincial charm.

[soultraveler3]

To the OP

It sounds like your in-laws might be finding it difficult to have more in depth conversation with you due to language barriers or personality.

If they're telling stories about places they've visited, why aren't you? Maybe the reason they keep pointing out obvious things to you is that they think you haven't understood them since you rarely add anything to the conversation. That could make a person come across as clueless or shy.

The other possible reason could well be that they are "hicks." Yes, a ton of swedes travel, that doesn't make them instantly more culturally aware though. In the case of most swedes it seems to be the oppisite in fact.

Most swedes seem to travel to the same place, or same couple of places, again and again and again. They also tend to take swedish culture with them, ie. eating meatballs and hamburgers and drinking swedish beer even while in places like thailand or malorca. They don't want any "weird" food or drinks. Alot of time they just sit on the beach or at the hotel sunbathing.

If your in-laws are like those mentioned above the fact that they travel alot is a moot point. If they are "hicks" they may still think they're more worldly / better than you anyways.

Like others above have said, Sweden is a pretty, peaceful place to live. That gives some swedes a superiority complex.

They like their red houses, their meat, potatos and sauces, the fact that everyone has a similar quality of life (even if it's lower than most actually would like), etc. They've been taught by the government that Sweden is the utopia of the world since they were little. Those same swedes fail to see the boring, conformist, pushover, accept any low quality or standard from the government and stores side of it.

Willfull complacency is a HUGE part of swedish culture. If you want to live here and be happy, you don't have to accept it, but you DO have to understand it and find a way to deal with it.

Take your in-laws as they are (the good and the bad) and don't let it bother you too much.

Sweden, and at least some of the swedes are wonderful and beautiful. Fun and excitement can be found if you're willing to work for it. It's just how things are here, figure out how to work with it or work on convincing your honey to move with you.

[soultraveler3]

I encountered the same thing when I first came to Sweden. There is a tendency to lecture foreigners as though they are idiots.There is also a tendency to think in national cli ... (show full quote)

I encountered the same thing when I first came to Sweden.

There is a tendency to lecture foreigners as though they are idiots.

There is also a tendency to think in national cliches: France=baguette.

But as it's your in-laws, it is best to think of it as a kind of provincial charm. ... (hide full quote)

QFE, you hit the nail on the head Cogito!

[Puffin]

Mind you my mother does this all the time
- am I interested in the level of rain in her garden? Nope
- Am I interested in blow by blow analysis of her trip to the doctor/supermarket/activity/shopping centre - no no no

Sometimes she tells me about the same things for 4 consective weeks

I am assuming that she
- either wants to chat more but has nothing to say
- she is starting to show signs of dementia based on her age