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Discipline of children in Sweden

Craptastical
post 18.Feb.2008, 03:38 PM
Post #1
Location: Stockholm
Joined: 21.Feb.2007

After countless stories in Metro, SvD, DN etc. about young Swedes involved in violent behaviour (especially the ones involved with Riccardo's death) I have to wonder... How are children disciplined in Swedish families?

I know, I know... It depends on the family (obviously, there are a lot of young Swedes who aren't involved in this) but still... It seems like the schools in Stockholm are starting to resemble those in south central L.A. (sans guns) with all of the fights, stabbings etc.

The first thing that comes to mind is "grounding" them when they act like little a**holes. Is that done here? Is all of this just a sign of the times?
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Bender B Rodriquez
post 18.Feb.2008, 03:51 PM
Post #2
Joined: 25.Mar.2006

I don't think grounding is common. I never heard of anyone that got grounded when I grew up. Revoking material privileges is more common i.e. no new fancy clothes, no weekly allowance, no ski-trip etc...
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Sofia_stockholm
post 18.Feb.2008, 03:59 PM
Post #3
Location: Stockholm
Joined: 12.Nov.2007

I was grounded, and threatened with boarding school, if I didn't behave. Once, at the age of 16, I was an hour late from my boyfriends house and was grounded for two weeks.
That, and withholding pocket money was very effective means of keeping me on the straight and narrow. Same for my friends
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SEK
post 18.Feb.2008, 04:52 PM
Post #4
Joined: 28.Nov.2007

I think Swedish parents try to talk to their kids and explain things to them, why they shouldn't do certain things instead of punishing them. They should do both really. Punishment followed by explanation. Every time I saw parents in Sweden trying to explain things, their kids were throwing fits and not listening to a single word. Or it got to long-winded and children under 5 years old don't have the ability to listen that long. This has been my experience watching my bf parent his daughter and watching how his family and friends parent their children. It could be totally different with a different group of people but it looked like they pretty got walked all over by their kids. I have never before heard a kid say, "Nej" to their parents so much and without even flinching, as if it's totally appropriate to snap "Nej" at your Mom or Dad. I would have never dreamed of doing that, I still don't talk to my parents that way and I'm in my 30s. And my son never just straight up says, "No", to me. He may say he doesn't want to do something but he understands it's rude to say, "No", like that. I have no idea if that has something to do with these young people having complete disregard for others but hey, if you don't respect your parents who are you going to respect?

SEK

P.S. when I was talking and my bf's daughter told me, "sluta", I looked at her and said, "hey, you don't talk to me like that, period." And my bf immediately backed me up. Now, why he doesn't do this for himself, I have no idea.
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deb
post 18.Feb.2008, 05:51 PM
Post #5
Joined: 1.Jul.2007

I find it a little amusing when I heard parents of young children or even couples with no children yet give parental advice about how you should just explain everything to your children and then there will be no problems. There have been times that I could have talked until I turned purple and it would have done no good. Somtimes (most of the time) kids just don't listen to all that talk. Taking away the PS2, the TV, the MP3 player -- now that works, although I do, of course, explain why I am taking it away. That's talk that my son understands.
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Tulip
post 18.Feb.2008, 06:02 PM
Post #6
Joined: 24.Nov.2007

I don't know about swedes but tough love is good for all children. Be firm and consistent on all important issues. Don't sweat over small stuff.
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Holecutter > The Howl ...
post 18.Feb.2008, 07:17 PM
Post #7
Joined: 12.Aug.2007

The birch, cane, cat-of-nine-tails and ruler worked for me.

:twisted:
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Streja
post 18.Feb.2008, 07:22 PM
Post #8
Joined: 10.Jul.2006

Being half Spanish, my mother used to discipline us simply with a stern look or a few words. She never hit us at all eventhough she was beaten herself as a kid, which was weird considering the fact that she was very well behaved. She doesn't believe in corporal punishment and neither do I. My father was the same more or less although a bit more soft. We knew what was wrong and not, but maybe not why.

My Swedish friends were also very well behaved, and usually I could tell that if their parents were loving and caring the kids would normally be as well. If parents spend time with their kids and let them have hobbies without putting too much pressure on them I think kids grow up into well behaved teens.
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Streja
post 18.Feb.2008, 07:24 PM
Post #9
Joined: 10.Jul.2006

I have to say that I have found English parents very loud towards their kids, but it does not seem to work as much. They are the worst behaved in Europe! I have seen loads of English parents screaming at the top of their lungs to their kids in public spaces, especially buses, but then maybe only badly behaved parents and kids take the bus in the UK?

In the US I saw mostly well behaved kids who even called me Mam, and I was like 20!
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Mzungu
post 18.Feb.2008, 08:22 PM
Post #10
Location: South Africa
Joined: 29.Aug.2004

QUOTE (Streja)
In the US I saw mostly well behaved kids who even called me Mam, and I was like 20!


Possibly they thought you were older than you appeared? smile.gif
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Mulan
post 18.Feb.2008, 08:24 PM
Post #11
Joined: 6.Feb.2008

I have observed that swedish parents are very liberal with their children. They talk to their kids like they are an adult. I find it pretty impressive.

The part of world where i come from, trust me ,getting whipped or ears pulled and being scolded for our mistake is part of growing up. Our parents even use to threaten us that they will put and tie us up in the sack and hang it upside down from the bridge if we fail in exam. haha
But we grew up fine. And when we look back, it is all done for our own good.

So there is no hard and fast rule to bring up the kids. I think!
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Mzungu
post 18.Feb.2008, 08:29 PM
Post #12
Location: South Africa
Joined: 29.Aug.2004

QUOTE (Mulan)
I have observed that swedish parents are very liberal with their children. They talk to their kids like they are an adult. I find it pretty impressive.


More observations are required when they are between 12 to 19,that's the age discipline and respect appears to fly out of the window!
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Enikkor
post 18.Feb.2008, 11:04 PM
Post #13
Joined: 4.Oct.2007

Kids are not small adults.
They are immature and need to know what's right and wrong. They should realized that in life, there are consequences of their action.
There are times that small kids need to be stop in their tracts... so to speak, otherwise, they may hurt themselves. Or if it is minor pain, let them experience them.
Teens are another matter. My rule is as long as they stay under my roof, they have to follow my rules.
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Mzungu
post 18.Feb.2008, 11:14 PM
Post #14
Location: South Africa
Joined: 29.Aug.2004

QUOTE (Enikkor)
My rule is as long as they stay under my roof, they have to follow my rules.


Totally agree, but when they are not?

*meaning when they go to school or college,one can't supervise them 24/7!*
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Bender B Rodriquez
post 19.Feb.2008, 12:51 AM
Post #15
Joined: 25.Mar.2006

QUOTE (Enikkor)
Kids are not small adults.
They are immature and need to know what's right and wrong. They should realized that in life, there are consequences of their action.
There are times that small kids need to be stop in their tracts... so to speak, otherwise, they may hurt themselves. Or if it is minor pain, let them experience them.
Teens are another matter. My rule is as long as they stay under my roof, they have to follow my rules.


I think the author meant that Swedish parents generally respect their children's will if they can provide valid reasons. It has nothing to do with learning right or wrong, only that parents don't like to impose rules that has no justifiable reason.
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