(edit title) Common misconception or just being rude? Does this happen to you? Options

[Baned]

Perhaps they are just trying to make conversation?

That occurred to me as well, and I tried starting up convo about Dublin, a more recent place I've visited and according to my sambo/fiance his parents have been interested in visiting. When I was recalling how surprised I was about how clean the streets are and how much character I thought was there, I was cut-off with remarks about how Ireland has recently acquired more money from the EU and how the scheme is slightly unfair (I don't recall the reasoning behind it, but the explanation lasted about twice as long as my initial comments). Anyway, after that remark, and how uninterested they seemed, it was a little hard to continue.

When they talk about places and travel, it doesn't last too long, it's more about recalling an interesting event during dinner and so it's not really the time to interject with my stories. But when I do try to engage in conversation about any other place (such as a village I lived in for a year in Asia) the only feedback I get is about Sweden. I get no questions about it whatsoever (not even the trite casual polite questions). So I'm pretty much stumped! I have repeatedly said how much I like Sweden and like the lifestyle here, so it's not like I've been talking down about their country forcing them to bring it up. *shrug*

[Rick Methven]

Mind you my mother does this all the time- am I interested in the level of rain in her garden? Nope- Am I interested in blow by blow analysis of her trip to the doctor/superma ... (show full quote)

Mind you my mother does this all the time
- am I interested in the level of rain in her garden? Nope
- Am I interested in blow by blow analysis of her trip to the doctor/supermarket/activity/shopping centre - no no no

Sometimes she tells me about the same things for 4 consective weeks

I am assuming that she
- either wants to chat more but has nothing to say
- she is starting to show signs of dementia based on her age ... (hide full quote)

Which is what I thought having the same experience whenever I talk to my mother, but at 95, I suppose she can be forgiven

But generally, why am I not suprised at the speed that this thread has degenerated into another Swede bashing session

[Baned]

To the OPIt sounds like your in-laws might be finding it difficult to have more in depth conversation with you due to language barriers or personality.If they're telling s ... (show full quote)

To the OP

It sounds like your in-laws might be finding it difficult to have more in depth conversation with you due to language barriers or personality.

If they're telling stories about places they've visited, why aren't you? Maybe the reason they keep pointing out obvious things to you is that they think you haven't understood them since you rarely add anything to the conversation. That could make a person come across as clueless or shy.

The other possible reason could well be that they are "hicks." Yes, a ton of swedes travel, that doesn't make them instantly more culturally aware though. In the case of most swedes it seems to be the oppisite in fact.

Most swedes seem to travel to the same place, or same couple of places, again and again and again. They also tend to take swedish culture with them, ie. eating meatballs and hamburgers and drinking swedish beer even while in places like thailand or malorca. They don't want any "weird" food or drinks. Alot of time they just sit on the beach or at the hotel sunbathing.

If your in-laws are like those mentioned above the fact that they travel alot is a moot point. If they are "hicks" they may still think they're more worldly / better than you anyways.

Like others above have said, Sweden is a pretty, peaceful place to live. That gives some swedes a superiority complex.

They like their red houses, their meat, potatos and sauces, the fact that everyone has a similar quality of life (even if it's lower than most actually would like), etc. They've been taught by the government that Sweden is the utopia of the world since they were little. Those same swedes fail to see the boring, conformist, pushover, accept any low quality or standard from the government and stores side of it.

Willfull complacency is a HUGE part of swedish culture. If you want to live here and be happy, you don't have to accept it, but you DO have to understand it and find a way to deal with it.

Take your in-laws as they are (the good and the bad) and don't let it bother you too much.

Sweden, and at least some of the swedes are wonderful and beautiful. Fun and excitement can be found if you're willing to work for it. It's just how things are here, figure out how to work with it or work on convincing your honey to move with you. ... (hide full quote)

Thanks for your thoughtful response. I actually love my (soon-to-be) in-laws. It's just aggravating sometimes when they come to conclusions that aren't true! They're not the typical Swedes, they love to travel and are very talkative. They're the type of people that will talk to strangers and their English level is excellent!

I have tried to open up and tell stories about places I've lived but I always get cut-off by some comment about Sweden. And there are never any questions associated with the discussion I've tried to start. Here's an example:
His Mom is the the kitchen putting some stuff away and we start talking about the weather and I mention how beautiful I think the tree is that's visible from the window (she's into gardening and it's a new home/just moved recently) and somehow the topic goes to how I do miss certain things about a remote place I had lived in once ... and instead of hearing me out or even being polite and asking questions, she'll interject a tidbit about Sweden.

It's tough. Maybe you're right, it's just a personality clash. Believe it or not, it feels a ton better just by posting this whole thread!

[Baned]

B,If you come from just about any mid-sized to large North American city, you're going to continue to discover strange Swedish behavior. I have lived here for almost 6 yea ... (show full quote)

B,

If you come from just about any mid-sized to large North American city, you're going to continue to discover strange Swedish behavior. I have lived here for almost 6 years in one of the three cities, moved here with no job and worked my way "up". So my experience is very different from someone who moved here with a job waiting for them or who lives out in the country somewhere, or both.

Anyway this strange tunnel vision behavior from Swedes is something you're just going to have to learn to love, or it will simply p--- you off more and more. Sweden is after all a small place, and that's fine, but it means that they're scope is limited. They like to wax worldly but within Sweden find it difficult to put themselves in anyone else's shoes. They're not doing it to frustrate immigrants, it's just the result geographic and spiritual (that's right) isolation. In other words, they don't have the funk, don't want the funk, and don't give a funk.

In Colin Turnbull's book "The Forest People" about his experience with Mbuti pygmies of the Congo region he tells about the day that he took a Mbuti friend out of the jungle for the first time. The whole trip was very stressful for the Mbuti friend mainly because his range of vision in the jungle was never beyond 25 meters. So when he saw herds of buffalo kilometers away out on the savannah, he thought they were swarms of insects only a few meters in front of him.

Actually, never mind all that BS. Most Swedes are in fact seal it, stamp it, mail to your Mom, conformist, in-the-box-in-the-box-in-the-box, socially retarded and childish, xenophobic racists. I have a few friends who are the exception. Everyone else jokes about using Svinto steel wool pads to "wash the dark off" people of color as the snus runs down their teeth.

Listen as they stand obediently at the pinging crosswalk at 8 o'clock on a Sunday morning with zero traffic as you walk on by and they mumble under their breath "jävla utlänning".

You Are Not Welcome In Sweden.

If you are Swedish, and you're not a racist idiot then I'm not referring to you.

Que the nationalist holes:

But they do have good coffee ... (hide full quote)

I really hate to think I'm not welcomed in Sweden. Most people at least play it off well! Either or, I'll be here for the long-haul ... I guess no matter where you are, there's always some adjusting that's needed.

[Pacey]

Well from my experience of 2 years and counting no matter what you do, you cannot make these people like you unless you are a native!! They are always so suspicious. Just look at a board room I mean I am talking about companies, how many non swedes have it. Around 15% of their population is foreign but name me any company which has non swedes in them!!
Besides I know for a fact that when you dress better than them and speak better than them this is when they get into a complex. That is the difference why I think Sweden will never be able to make it amongst the top of the league of countries which are known for innovating and moving ahead.
I mean the only conversation you can strike is about drinking and sex.I just am counting the clock down I am no freakin pi_sed off. Lastly I believe in giving these d_ck heads the same treatment as metted to me so when they become smug I try to be beyond them!! This is what I have found has helped me in that others have struck a conversation but perhaps others would have a different opinion.

[Benzed]

Be it in our own countries, or here in Sweden, one thing unites us all; it is clearly going to suck to get old.

[DidiE]

I am actually a quite quiet person, and have married into a family of nonstop talkers. They truly do know everything, and if not, they have the books in which to look it up. I really truly love them, but I think I know what you are talking about when you describe a consistent preference towards steering every conversation back to Swedish topics. It happens often enough that I just laugh now and keep my peace. I think what it is, in my family, is a little bit of bewilderment that a person like me could have lived in so many places and done so many things before finding their beloved son. It must be beyond their comprehension, really. They have lived in the same area of Sweden all their lives, surrounded by family and friends, and although they have travelled some, they are still pretty unsophisticated folks. What they know about the US comes from mass media, so I understand the impulse to play up Sweden's virtues, since they think I come from a ghetto of mass rioters, all heavily armed. But the thing is, every single time I travel back here to the US (I am in Alaska today, heading home if Iceland allows) they anxiously ask me, are you coming back to Sweden?


Maybe your inlaws are worried about that too- they like you so much they want to sell you on Sweden and keep you here.

[Bender B Rodriquez]

Just look at a board room I mean I am talking about companies, how many non swedes have it. Around 15% of their population is foreign but name me any company which has non swedes in them!!

Hmm.. Most of the OMX30 companies have foreigners in their board of directors, but if you mean non-western or non-white foreigners it is quite true, like in most western companies...

[Nemesis]

Mind you my mother does this all the time- am I interested in the level of rain in her garden? Nope- Am I interested in blow by blow analysis of her trip to the doctor/superma ... (show full quote)

Mind you my mother does this all the time
- am I interested in the level of rain in her garden? Nope
- Am I interested in blow by blow analysis of her trip to the doctor/supermarket/activity/shopping centre - no no no

Sometimes she tells me about the same things for 4 consective weeks

I am assuming that she
- either wants to chat more but has nothing to say
- she is starting to show signs of dementia based on her age ... (hide full quote)

A large proportion of Swedes do that regardless of age, I have noticed.

[Swedeman]

Well, I have so many times heard how incredibly advanced US och England is compared to Sweden. So much better, so much. Almost like the same attitude that white people had when they visited Kenya or something in the 1800s.

But we have this kind of swedish narrow-mindedness too.

But I think a lot of problems between people from different countries are just misunderstanding. Now when we have so many intercultural contacts one needs to give people some margin of tolerance. And not read to much in to it. Maybe.

[Craptastical]

I actually love my (soon-to-be) in-laws.

If you are already aggravated, uncomfortable, and generally think "WTF?!?" when they say some things then they already qualify for the full fledged "in-laws" title.

[Pacey]

Well Bender name me some!! Now we dont talk about those firms where more than half of the ownership lies with foreigners like Astra Zeneca etc but tell me even those companies which export a lot like SKF which have non swedish directors.

I am not refering to the black,oops non white, people here but making a distinction between white swedes and all others. I am not saying that there is anything wrong with this but the whole point is if a society wants to be open it accepts change whereas a close society would do the contrary. And am sorry to say this but Sweden is the worst among them. I have lived in more 10 countries and travelled around 35 and have yet to see something like the Nordics, Finland, Sweden top the list!!

[Bender B Rodriquez]

http://www.skf.com/portal/skf/home/about?c...990&lang=en

4 foreigners out of 14 board directors, i.e. 28%. Same goes for most companies if you would actually look them up and not just let your 'gut' do the fact checking...

[Buckshot]

A very irritating thing about many Swedes, is that they consider themselves as the "Bror Duktigs" of the world.
They always knows best.

Yes, i´m Swedish.

[Baned]

If you are already aggravated, uncomfortable, and generally think "WTF?!?" when they say some things then they already qualify for the full fledged "in-laws" title.

Edit: I read that wrong, serves me right for logging on so early Yes, it appears they already are full-pledged!