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Are Swedish girls "off limits" for foreigners?

Why is this thread still here??

Yorkshireman
post 22.Apr.2012, 10:29 PM
Post #16
Joined: 22.Nov.2011

QUOTE (Gamla Hälsingebock @ 22.Apr.2012, 09:26 PM) *
And remember once you got one...you will have to put up with all that????????? laugh.gif

biggrin.gif ...Be careful what You wish for...
biggrin.gif
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Svensksmith
post 22.Apr.2012, 11:17 PM
Post #17
Joined: 28.Jul.2011

Adiman:

It sounds like a tough situation that you are in. I've heard it said, though, that there is a lid for every pot. I hope you can find what you are looking for.

You say that you are ugly. I have seen some really homely looking guys with girlfriends. Work with what you've got. Improve your appearance any way you can (lose weight, gain weight, get your hair styled, shave it off, change your wardrobe, whatever it takes) and for goodness sakes lighten up a bit. I can feel the dark cloud hanging over your head from here. Easier said than done, I realize but no-one wants to hang around with Mr. Depresso. You seriously need to find some happiness in your life. Maybe you need some counseling.

I seriously wish you the best of luck.
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Gamla Hälsingebock
post 23.Apr.2012, 12:12 AM
Post #18
Joined: 21.Dec.2006

Why aren't any women replying to this poor guys problem?

Don't well intended gals have an idea how to help?... there must be women that have the same problem...meeting Mr. Right?

Just think...if you help him there will be another man you could make useful and improve!

C'mon lasses give it it a try!

There is a man that needs your supervision and leadership...or not! laugh.gif
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Migga
post 23.Apr.2012, 12:23 AM
Post #19
Joined: 26.Jul.2011

No, swedish girls aren`t off limits for foreigners. Most swedish girls goes for swedish guys, not that strange really. But at the same time you will probably have the upper hand with some girls to swedish guys because they like something different. Not all girls, but some. Just be yourself.

Going to bars isn`t the best place to get a girlfriend or lifepartner. My tip would be that you establish a network of friends. What about the guys at work? Perhaps that married 35 year old has a sister or friends? Perhaps they can invite you to a party or event where there will be single women?
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Spuds MacKenzie
post 23.Apr.2012, 03:30 AM
Post #20
Location: Uppsala
Joined: 23.Feb.2012

I'm a foreigner here yet have a Swedish fiancée (and have had a few Swedish & Norwegian girlfriends prior to that), so it's not impossible. I'm hardly the best looking guy on the planet either, but, like others have said, I think the fact that my Swedish language skills suck and that I am not a Swedish man actually helped me.

Swedish girls really do seem to like a man who speaks English and is intelligent, or funny, or interesting: good looks are not always the most important trait.

And I also agree with those who say to avoid the bar/club scene: I met my fästmö at ICA! Just relax and don't beat yourself up so much and the girls will eventually come.
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Gazelle66
post 23.Apr.2012, 03:38 AM
Post #21
Joined: 15.Apr.2012

Hi,

My brother was single until in his forties. He was pretty lonely. Then he joined a dating site and had dates with several women without success. But he now has a steady partner...they suit each other very well and share a lot of the same interests. They now own a dog and have moved in together. So I do believe there is someone out there for you if you are serious about finding her.

I don't believe it is your nationality or looks that are the problem. But the way you think about yourself is a problem...who wants to chose a partner who thinks they are a 'loser' ? As a woman, a man is attractive when he is confident...and that doesn't mean having good chat up lines. It doesnt matter if you are a bit shy or awkward but it does matter that you like yourself.

Good luck
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chazza
post 23.Apr.2012, 03:42 AM
Post #22
Location: Scandanavia
Joined: 15.May.2010

QUOTE (Gamla Hälsingebock @ 23.Apr.2012, 12:12 AM) *
Why aren't any women replying to this poor guys problem?

Maybe because unlike you they don't think their role in life is to mother guys and be their counsellors. could that be it ?sheesh !
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adiman83
post 23.Apr.2012, 10:37 AM
Post #23
Joined: 22.Apr.2012

QUOTE (Yorkshireman @ 22.Apr.2012, 08:46 PM) *
If You concentrate on studies & work, then You will lose even more self-confidence ... As You go along, things will fall into place, and You will find Her (or She will fi ... (show full quote)

I know it's not a good move to concentrate strictly on my work but it's the only thing I have left. I cannot join any kind of courses or clubs because of a very obvious reason: the language barrier. There are no clubs or courses in english. Everything is in swedish (as it should be .. we're in Sweden after all). And to learn the language to a level that would alow me to take a course or join a club would literally take years. I won't last that long.

Heck! I've stopped looking or "hunting" ,as someone said, a long time ago and ever since I'm just going along with my life but thing haven't fallen into place "when I least expect it". They just went from bad to worse.

Anyway ... I know I stand no chance at this moment with this huge dark cloud over my head but this situation affected me so much that I've passed the "point of no return" and any possible change just went beyond my reach. the only thing that would stop me from being so depressed and on the brink of total nervous meltdown would be a girl ... but I cannot find it because exactly the situation that would be fixed by one prevents me from finding Her.
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skogsbo
post 23.Apr.2012, 11:02 AM
Post #24
Joined: 20.Sep.2011

QUOTE (adiman83 @ 23.Apr.2012, 09:37 AM) *
I cannot join any kind of courses or clubs because of a very obvious reason: the language barrier.

The only barrier that seems to exist here is you, are you giving off desperate vibes? You can join anything you like, just ask, in any language.

QUOTE (adiman83 @ 23.Apr.2012, 09:37 AM) *
There are no clubs or courses in english. Everything is in swedish (as it should be .. we're in Sweden after all). And to learn the language to a level that would alow me ... (show full quote)

Nope, if there is a sport or hobby you are interested in just turn up and ask, I would be very suprised if you were rejected, have you tried? Many of the young ladies in a club will be the very people whose English will be best and most able to help you. Even if you don't meet anyone there, you do something new and different, plus expand your social circle. Be positive and get out there, create your own luck.

QUOTE (adiman83 @ 23.Apr.2012, 09:37 AM) *
Heck! I've stopped looking or "hunting" ,

If you are insecure and desperate, then sooner or later you will meet
a partner who is 'exactly' the same as you. Which equals a nightmare!!

QUOTE (adiman83 @ 23.Apr.2012, 09:37 AM) *
Anyway ... I know I stand no chance at this moment with this huge dark cloud over my head but this situation affected me so much that I've passed the "point of no ret ... (show full quote)

There you go again, sounding desperate. You are in a position to do everything and anything you like, most of us with kids and long term relationships can only dream have being able to disappear off and do something without planning ahead.

Write do all the things you are interested in or did before coming to Sweden. That's your target list to establish all those things in Sweden, forget this language barrier, it barely exists and in the case of clubs and sports, most are desperate for keen enthusiastic people. Women hate miserable, depressed men, they want people who are fun and take their mind off the crap things in life, looking like a serial moper it's going to help your case. smile.gif
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Yorkshireman
post 23.Apr.2012, 12:43 PM
Post #25
Joined: 22.Nov.2011

QUOTE (adiman83 @ 22.Apr.2012, 02:36 PM) *
... I seem to be absolutely invisible to them.

...If You hide in the shadows and expect the ladies to come to You, then obviously that strategy hasn't worked ... Make the 1st move smile.gif

Language is NOT a barrier. Heck, when I came to Sweden I was far too busy working and playing ...I was naughty enough to wait for over 8 years before I went to SFI There were plenty of young ladies around that didn't mind the language ... in fact the opposite (and dangerous part) it was always a conversation opener, the number of times just going up to a lady and saying softly "Excuse Me...(make something up)...", a simple conversation opener smile.gif

If You look for reasons not to, you will find them, so stop looking for reasons not to!

Take care of yourself 1st, Your interests, drop the desperate act ... risk is that once You find a girl, you may come across too clingy or stalker-like! ... Get on with Your life, get out, DO THINGS! and along the way She will turn up, but You may have to make the 1st move wink.gif
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adiman83
post 23.Apr.2012, 12:57 PM
Post #26
Joined: 22.Apr.2012

QUOTE (Yorkshireman @ 23.Apr.2012, 11:43 AM) *
...If You hide in the shadows and expect the ladies to come to You, then obviously that strategy hasn't worked ... Make the 1st move smile.gif

that's another part of the problem ... HOW do I make the first move? What do I say to them? Because it seems awfully inapropriate to just walk to a stranger and start saying something

Say something about their tattoo? Or what? I really am in the dark here.
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Mib
post 23.Apr.2012, 01:49 PM
Post #27
Joined: 7.Jul.2006

To be honest, I think you should not think about that at the moment. You need to get out of your dark comfort zone and start taking ACTION...preferably planned. It comes across that you need to build some confidence in yourself and to enjoy the company of others in a friendly group situation. If your confidence is low then people will see it a mile off and won't come to you or stay around for long if you approach them. There have been times when I've been out and no-one seems to be interested and then another night, it's like I've hit the jackpot. Same person...same places...what caused the difference? Who knows other than I probably felt/looked more confident, was having a good time and looked liked I was having fun...which attracts people.

In the days gone by, a few of us would dress up in suits and buy a bottle of champagne at the bar and start drinking. Now...I know it's laughable, but it attracted a lot of attention from the ladies...maybe they thought we were successful business men or were curious why we were celebrating...but it WORKED. Now I'm not sure if that would work in Sweden, but it just shows you how confidence/perception can make such a big difference. It's all about the perception that people have of you. Probably one of the reasons why bars/clubs are not such a good idea as people mainly judge on looks from afar, whereas a club/group (see meetup.com for expats) you meet people in different environments and people get to know the real you through conversation and doing fun things together in a group.

If you are feeling as low and as defeatist as your posts suggest, then maybe you need to find a counseller. In my world, I would avoid that and just try to change what I do and improve myself...but that is me...and everyone is different...so try what works for you...but the main MESSAGE from me is don't think about meeting a woman today, tomorrow, next week, next month. Work on yourself first and do something about it. You're a long time dead...so don't waste anymore time. Once you have built up your confidence, things will click into place, the conversation, the bad jokes smile.gif..but now people will laugh smile.gif the perception of you by others. Write down all the GOOD things about yourself and build from there. You are definitely a better person than you perceive yourself! to be! Remember to sell yourself, you have to believe in yourself first. Good luck!
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skogsbo
post 23.Apr.2012, 01:58 PM
Post #28
Joined: 20.Sep.2011

QUOTE (Yorkshireman @ 23.Apr.2012, 11:43 AM) *
the number of times just going up to a lady and saying softly "Excuse Me...(make something up)...", a simple conversation opener smile.gif

QUOTE (adiman83 @ 23.Apr.2012, 11:57 AM) *
that's another part of the problem ... HOW do I make the first move? What do I say to them?

In the days of old, just don't wear a watch, thus "what time is it?", doesn't work so well now with mobile phones.

"I'm new to town, are there any better bars"
"is there anywhere with decent bands that play live"
"what time does this place close"

The opening question is easy, then she will ask where you are from? then you are rolling, if you have a personality and if they do, the rest is easy.
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Snoopy!
post 23.Apr.2012, 02:02 PM
Post #29
Location: Skåne
Joined: 14.Aug.2006

will you could always try the solutions that Kev sings biggrin.gif

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rj4Nxsj_1t4
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Svensksmith
post 23.Apr.2012, 03:00 PM
Post #30
Joined: 28.Jul.2011

Adiman: I think you may be depressed and there probably isn't anything that I can say that will help. Please seek some professional help so you can cross over to a better place. You only have one life to live and you deserve happiness.

Best of luck.
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