(edit title) Convincing parents about moving to Sweden ...anyone have any problems? Options

[ljtaylor88]

A little background on me. I'm 24, left home at 18, have lived abroad before aaand have rather difficult parents.

I'm planning a move to Sweden in the summer (I've already booked the flights, have a place to live, it's all sorted). I told my parents about this plan almost a year ago, they were all "go for it!" then. Problem is the Actual Date is fast approaching and I think they were hoping I'd, y'know, grow out of it or something. Funny thing is my overbearing Gran is totally cool with it, which is causing some family rifts.

I can't talk about it with my Mum and I would happily avoid the subject except she keeps sidelining some blackmail in now and then to trip me up. When she doesn't get the answer she wants she responds by yelling, making snide comments, and giving me the silent treatment for two weeks. It's irritating to say the least, and its starting to work. I have no intention of dropping my plans for moving - I am a grown up and I've made up my mind. But I'd sure like to feel excited about it instead of sick to my stomach anticipating the next family bust-up!

I have NO IDEA if the move to Sweden will work out, but I'd still like to give it a shot and not have my parents snidely remark "told you so" or attempt to disown me if this move should indeed, go badly. Of course they're my folks and so their natural reaction is to assume failure and to not want that for me. Luckily I'm realistic to the point of pessimism... I've explained this to them but they are still putting me in an awkward position, "it's us or Sweden".

Oh and I'm British and they live near Stansted Airport...

Has anyone else had similar issues? If so, how did you handle it?

[Puffin]

well if you have everything worked out
- tickets
- housing
- job
etc

then you just need to go for it and let them see that you are living your own life and supporting yourself

[ljtaylor88]

The job is the only part that's missing. Thing is, although I have done some initial hunting and am studying the language I know full well that my job hunting chances are seriously reduced if I'm not actively present in the country, using the language and meeting the 'right' people. I have a friend looking for work in Amsterdam who is in the same position; we're comparing field notes. Parents aren't buying this argument, however.

(I am an architect; my last job, in Manchester, was earned by literally throwing myself at a practice until they hired me. I expect the same process again, this time på Svenska).

[Children Of Adam]

I read many Stories and we watch movies based on real story that someone who immigrated to another country had nothing actually but later they became millioner.

A hard working person would have always chance in any country to build a good life. So lets give it try and Inshahallah you would be sucessful and if you fail then contact me I would get you a return ticket to UK =)

mvh
COA

[chazza]

Sounds like the time has come for you to sit your mother down and give her the firm and loving talk about letting go !

It comes down to it being her choice to let you get on with your life or cause a rift by clutching on too tightly. I used the fist full of sand analogy.... you know, how it just pours out between your fingers and is gone the tighter you hold on. It worked - it was confrontational but she finally understood that she would lose out by being so clingy.

She just needed to grow up and let me do the same. we are very close now.

[skogsbo]

The job is the only part that's missing. Thing is, although I have done some initial hunting and am studying the language I know full well that my job hunting chances are ... (show full quote)

The job is the only part that's missing. Thing is, although I have done some initial hunting and am studying the language I know full well that my job hunting chances are seriously reduced if I'm not actively present in the country, using the language and meeting the 'right' people. I have a friend looking for work in Amsterdam who is in the same position; we're comparing field notes. Parents aren't buying this argument, however.

(I am an architect; my last job, in Manchester, was earned by literally throwing myself at a practice until they hired me. I expect the same process again, this time på Svenska). ... (hide full quote)

If I was you I would be nice to your parents, unless you speak Swedish and/or have £20k in your pocket to fund yourself, you might need a home to go back to?

You may be lucky and get work, but then again... so it's better to have a plan B and don't burn all your bridges, whilst you are busy throughing yourself at people who probably don't appreciate it. Don't architects normally have a portfolia of previous work to impress people with, rather than wear folk down?

[chazza]

an impressive portfolio at 24 ? I don't think so.

[chazza]

Actually, getting work at your age in your profession in Sweden is quite likely because Architekt practices like young cheap labour who they can mould.
Way more difficult for an experienced architect to get work in this climate especially. Trust me - I know

[bobthedog]

If you are still trying to please your parents at 24, then you should definitely move to sweden to cut the apron strings.

[Social Hypocrisy]

Urrgghh, you very nearly caught me in a I cant be arsed to warn mood, but my concience got the better of me.

1. At absolutely no cost burn your bridges with your family, as you will realise if you move to Sweden. They are the best friends you have.

2. Do your homework dummy BEFORE you move, and I mean proper homework, eg,

How long is it going to take you to learn swedish to a degree you are usefull to the labour market and employable?

A: 2 years is a educated guess.

How much money will you get under those 2 years?

A: For the first 6 months until you have passed SFI you get... 0kr (Thats right nothing if you are a EU member). Only when you move on to Svenska Grund will you get 2500kr/month. After this you will you will need Svenska A and Svenska B before anyone will even consider hiring you for your current occupation.
You may if you are LUCKY get a part time job working as a old persons care assistant or cleaning while you study. But dont confuse it with the uk. These type of jobs are gold dust here.

What is the current unemployment figures?

A: For your age group 25%

How easy is it going to be for you to make friends?

A: Difficult, swedes generally keep to themselves, it takes MANY years before they will accept you as one of there own.

OK now I can rest and say at least you have been warned.

Still reading?

OK if you can scrap a living for 2 years without any money or friends and find a reasonable job whilst behaving and gaining some respect from the locals you may stand a chance.

Healthcare and infrestructure are similar to slightly below those in the UK.

But if you want to have kids and build a family... This is the place to be.

[CosmoKramar]

OP - if you don't mind the nosiness, where are you moving to and how did you manage to secure somewhere to live without a job and without being in the country?

Whether you take the plunge or not, and to what extent you're willing to placate your parents, are subjective calls that different individuals will call differently depending on whatever experiences, prejudices, inherited traits and social conditioning they've had. Just as some football managers go out to pack the midfield and not get beat, and some are...Harry Redknapp, some people make decisions purely on spreadsheets and calculators and are risk averse, and some go with the gut and trust that it'll work out in the end. I'm not aware of any authoritative conclusion being reached on which is best. I would say...just don't do things blind. Read the most negative views, take them on board, look at it from the conservative perspective, know what you're getting into, but then...if you've still haven't shaken off the conviction that you wanna do it, do it - you're probably not going to be on your death bed, riddled with cancer, thinking "I wish I'd been more risk averse and financially sensible." You're more likely to wish that you'd followed your heart.

[ljtaylor88]

Thanks for the responses guys! Really helpful.

I'd rather not disclose details, but money is not the issue for me. I also have a place to live sorted. The real issue is having something of worthwhile to do that prevents my career from stalling. This is my dad's biggest fear: the dreaded "CV gap".

If I was you I would be nice to your parents, unless you speak Swedish and/or have £20k in your pocket to fund yourself, you might need a home to go back to?

This is exactly what I'm trying to avoid: the burning bridges part. I have explained to them that the move is a gamble - they know this. They appear to be putting it into black and white terms - I may only go if I know for certain everything will work out (which obviously, I cannot know until I'm out there). This is frustrating because I'd like to be able to try without my family resenting me for doing so.

You may be lucky and get work, but then again... so it's better to have a plan B and don't burn all your bridges, whilst you are busy throughing yourself at people who probably don't appreciate it. Don't architects normally have a portfolia of previous work to impress people with, rather than wear folk down?

We usually rely heavily on the portfolio, yes. At 24 this is typically not "impressive" if one thinks a portfolio should contain actual built buildings (many architects do not have this until they are 30-35, depending on where they work). But if you have spent 6 odd years at university and already in practice you will have a decent portfolio.

A friend in Stockholm and another in Amsterdam landed jobs by dropping in at practices. You don't visit more than once: of course anyone would get worn down by that!

[ljtaylor88]

an impressive portfolio at 24 ? I don't think so.

Define an "impressive" portfolio for someone at my age? I was thinking I needed to demonstrate an ability to draw, model and use, say, ArchiCAD, which is quite atypical for a recent graduate. But if you know something more, I'd appreciate it!

OP - if you don't mind the nosiness, where are you moving to and how did you manage to secure somewhere to live without a job and without being in the country?

Gothenburg. And, long-term boyfriend.

[Svensksmith]

You're 24. If you don't take chances now, when are you going to? When you're 34 and have kids and a mortgage?

Go for it. (But have a plan B, just in case)

[JLondon]

You are not going to like what I say.

This is a BIG risk you are taking. There are people on this forum who have been trying to find a job and had difficulty. I get the feeling you are moving to Sweden, as many do, because of love.

Warning. Don't do it. Ask yourself the following questions:

1) How many foreign graduates from Swedish universities get a job in Sweden
2) How many years is it going to take to learn Swedish fluently
3) What are my expectations

Think carefully about this decision. And if you are moving to Sweden based on a career, then I think that is a rarity.

Whatever your choice - best of luck!