(edit title) I failed to overcome it - Can you help me out? How to change? Options

[How2012]

First and foremost, I hope that my topic won't provoke or irritate any one of you, and if it does, then, I am sorry and I really don't mean to. But I read the thread "Dating other nationalities" which gives me the courage to open my heart and ask for your help.

Precisely and concisely my problem is that I have never ever loved anyone to the level that I want to spend the rest of my life with.

I am the one with the problem, and I know very well that I am very wrong in my way of thinking, But I really tried so hard and I failed to overcome it.

I love my family and my friends - But that isn't the love which I am talking about.

I moved to Europe and completed my undergraduate and postgraduate degrees.

Thankfully, I am successful in my career.

But, I'm very sad, miserable, pathetic, and a massive failure when it comes to social life.

I haven't dated many ladies. The past 5 years, I dated 2 French, 1 German, 3 Dutch, 2 Swedes, and 1 Danish.

All these ladies were great. They are beautiful with wonderful personalities and respected values.

I had strong feelings and connections with all of them, But I never felt any of them is the one who I want to marry.

The begining of each relationship is full of excitements, fun, and joy. But when the time passes by and because I'm a serious person I start to question myself: Is this the woman who I want to be with, Is this the woman who I want to have children with? The answer was always no and the reason was always the same: Because the were some guys inside that woman and enjoying her body before me.

I don't know why I cannot get rid of this way of thinking, and I don't know why I always think about this matter.

I talked with relatives, friends, and psychiatrists and no one helped me.

The vast majority of them blame it on some cultural, philosophical, and religious backgrounds. And this is not true because: I am very open minded and embrace the cultural differences easily. Besides, I am not a religious person at all.

I am down to earth and I love people. I don't hate no one. I am honest and straight forward person. But I don't know why I cannot forget and forgive the past.

My question to you all with your different nationalities and cultures, Knowing that your girlfriend or wife has been with other guys in the past - How do you handle that?

[sometimesinsweden]

I guess if you meet the right person, she'll make you secure enough not to worry about the past.

Cant change the past, so concentrate on future.

Sometimes sex is just sex - physical pleasure. Not dirty or tainted, just enjoyable fun, see it as that.

[OopSan]

Do not feed the trolls.

[sometimesinsweden]

Its a fair enough question and probably one we all think of at some point, but are loathe to admit.

Whether its set up to provoke discussion or not, it interests me far more than the repetitive spying/laser-beam/James Bond threads that crop up daily on the forum.

[Localer]

its time to date guy then ?

[Bettyinsweden]

and what about you???Perhaps some girl could think the same way about you. Wondering how many womën you have been with...It works both ways...

[Svensksmith]

I always buy used cars. They run just as good as a new one.

[orangetree]

Because the were some guys inside that woman and enjoying her body before me.I don't know why I cannot get rid of this way of thinking, and I don't know why I always t ... (show full quote)

Because the were some guys inside that woman and enjoying her body before me.

I don't know why I cannot get rid of this way of thinking, and I don't know why I always think about this matter.
...
I am down to earth and I love people. I don't hate no one. I am honest and straight forward person. But I don't know why I cannot forget and forgive the past. ... (hide full quote)

Forget or forgive of what?? if sex before marriage is sin/or something to be forgiven about, what the hell were you doing in that bed?
If you are sincere about forget/forgive, first credit yourself or just go to a doc!

[Elf_Moon]

Ok. So think of it from a woman's perspective here.

You have been with 9 women. That is ALOT. How do you think a woman would feel knowing that you have had that many partners? Not to mention the risk aspects of such a number with regards to disease, but also the question that would hang over a woman's head 'why so many?' Personally, I would stay away from guys who have had more than 4 partners and tbh even that is too much but nowadays it's hard to find people who haven't had lots of partners.

I think when you let these fears overtake you, you need to think about your own past as well. Is your past any better?

And if you can't overcome these fears then you need to look for women who fit your own set of values.

[Gamla Hälsingebock]

You're just looking for an excuse to not to get married

And you are most likely a Troll!

First time poster/same day joined and looking for our help.

[tamohamo]

learn swedish on facebook

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Learn-Svenska/443080149063528

 

 

[Gina88]

Out of curiosity: what is your religion?

To find a partner, you need to KNOW what you want, KNOW what you are looking for. If those women you dated were 'perfect' except that they had partners before you, the you should seriously work with your self-esteem (in my opinion, this whole inability to forgive/forget is all about being scared that those before you were better than you . Of course, it might be that those women were not what you were looking for

[Hisingen]

Try before you buy works with computer programs, and with people. But with people you must accept that, unlike computer programs, it works both ways.
It might just be that you are not a person who can readily share your life, despite trying. Should that be the case, then you might well have a long single life ahead of you. You wouldn't be the first, nor certainly the last to find yourself in that situation.

[mångk]

But, I'm very sad, miserable, pathetic, and a massive failure when it comes to social life.. I haven't dated many ladies. The past 5 years... 1 Danish.

Well pastries don't really count I'm afraid!

[axiom]

Good one!

The answer was always no and the reason was always the same: Because the were some guys inside that woman and enjoying her body before me.

C'mon dude, what if the women thought the same of you, you have tried 9 in 5 years and you are here complaining, obviously you don't think this makes you an undesirable person for the simple fact that you are still looking. Why does this make a woman any different?

If you are looking for a holy untouched virgin, that's gonna be tricky in Sweden where women are strong, independent and courageous. They are looking for their equal and expect the same you expect, no less. You might not be religious but perhaps its your culture that gave you these ideas of what a woman should be like and maybe its time to consider finding her elsewhere.