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Bad news - I have been diagnosed

I am devastated - and it could be genetic

dave.smith
post 29.Dec.2012, 03:05 PM
Post #1
Joined: 12.Jan.2007

As many of you know, my wife and I have been having relationship issues for years. This year we started therapy, and it has helped a lot. However, during our sessions, the counselor was not happy with my responses to some of the questions, and also did not like my input on some of the exercises. At first she thought it may be a language barrier issue, but after confirming that I had understood everything perfectly and also repeating some of the excersises in English, she referred me to specialists for further testing.

Recently it has been determined that I have Asperger's syndrome, a form of high-functioning autism. I never would have believed it, since I have always done well academically and mentally intensive pursuits, such as computer programming, have always been easy for me. Nevertheless, I can't argue with the professionals who have made the diagnosis. My wife and family have been supportive, but since I received the news I have been slighly depressed, but tried to put it out of my mind and continue as normally as possible.

However, my wife and I are worried for our son and future daughter as this disorder may have a genetic link. The doctor handling my case does not seem to have a solid understanding of our worries, and says all we can do is wait until the children are older and then use a checklist to determine wether they are high risk and need further testing. Have any of you had experience with this before, are there any early warning signs in children?
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Svensksmith
post 29.Dec.2012, 03:30 PM
Post #2
Joined: 28.Jul.2011

Dave, I am not qaulified nor I doubt very few on this forum are qualified to offer you any medical advice concerning this issue. This is definitely something to talk to a medical professional about.

I certainly wish you and your family the best.
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byke
post 29.Dec.2012, 03:56 PM
Post #3
Location: Europe
Joined: 28.Oct.2008

Dave, why exactly is it bad news?
How will it impact your life any differently to how your life has been up until this point?
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johnjohn
post 29.Dec.2012, 04:05 PM
Post #4
Joined: 10.Dec.2010

My best wishes to you Dave. Two or three months ago I asked in one of your posts if you had ever been tested for Aspergers Syndrome and gave you a little advice about it. It seemed to me from a distance that was a possibly. I am a little bit knowledge about it as a good friend has this condition. The very good news is that he functions very well and is quite happy. As I told you in the earlier post the diagnosis was most helpful in that it helped explain his behavior over the pasr 50 years and more importantly he now knows how to accept and modify his behavior. He is scientist and talented musician with an understanding wife. This diagnosis should be good news for you as now you can address the rest of your life knowing that your problems have a psychological root and you can address them head on. Please do not worry about the genetic aspects for as in eye coloring and boxes of chocolate you never know what your going to get. Good luck.
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Hamsterdam
post 29.Dec.2012, 04:36 PM
Post #5
Joined: 25.Mar.2012

It's hardly a surprise to find out that there is something wrong with you, judging by your posts.

The questions is: Will you take up the challenge and live, learn and manage with your illness or will you use it as an excuse to continue in your ways?
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Bender B Rodriquez
post 29.Dec.2012, 04:39 PM
Post #6
Joined: 25.Mar.2006

Remember that a diagnosis is just a diagnosis; you still are who you are and a diagnosis will not change that.

You should see it as a help to explain some of your thoughts and actions, and it can be a great source for self-improvement.
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skogsbo
post 29.Dec.2012, 05:39 PM
Post #7
Joined: 20.Sep.2011

You have nothing to worry about, its neither a disease or illness, its just a minor condition, that impacts your train of thought.
You will have different strengths and weaknesses, but that's all. Learn them, make the most of them. Many of those with it are in fact very successful maths and IT geeks, exploit your talent and recognize your shortcomings, but never feel sorry yourself over it and don't worry about your kids, you can help them if the need arises.
Good luck.
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AW1
post 29.Dec.2012, 06:20 PM
Post #8
Location: Södermanland
Joined: 20.Mar.2012

QUOTE (Hamsterdam @ 29.Dec.2012, 03:36 PM) *
It's hardly a surprise to find out that there is something wrong with you, judging by your posts.The questions is: Will you take up the challenge and live, learn and manag ... (show full quote)

So it turns out he's got a reason. What's your reason for so often being an obnoxious ass?
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AW1
post 29.Dec.2012, 06:24 PM
Post #9
Location: Södermanland
Joined: 20.Mar.2012

Also Dave,

I believe Bill Gates, Einstein and Sir Isaac Newton also had various degrees of Asperger's, so you're in pretty good company. All the best.
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johnjohn
post 29.Dec.2012, 06:28 PM
Post #10
Joined: 10.Dec.2010

OAS Obnoxious Ass Syndrome
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Rick Methven
post 29.Dec.2012, 07:11 PM
Post #11
Location: Linköping
Joined: 30.Nov.2005

I was under the impression that Aspergers was typified by a withdrawing into oneself and a lack of communication with the outside world.

Dave does not seem to fit that bill
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dave.smith
post 29.Dec.2012, 07:42 PM
Post #12
Joined: 12.Jan.2007

Thanks for the wishes, guys...

Trying to work through this has improved our relationship, my wife and I are in quite a good place at the moment, it's surreal.

However, I have never been more uncertain about my future professionally. I am worried that I really am not cut out to run a company from a social / human interaction point of view. I don't want my mistakes and weaknesses to negatively impact the lives of others. I am considering taking one of our clients in Holland up on their previous offer to buy the company. My employees will then either have the chance to work under better management, or alternatively, work for a different company if the new management does not work out.

As for me personally, I would be able to live from the proceeds of the company sale, but I would not be able to stay away from programming. Perhaps I would be able to complete SFI and gain employment as a programmer, staying away as far as possible from any kind of management, that way, at least doing no harm to anyone, if not much good...

Or altneratively, if I could not find an enjoyable position, I could contribute full time to an open source project, although I would prefer the structure of a proper workplace.

Rick - that is incorrect. In introverts, in fact, AS can often be completely overlooked. It is more likely to be diagnosed in people who are not complete introverts (such as myself).
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johnjohn
post 29.Dec.2012, 07:58 PM
Post #13
Joined: 10.Dec.2010

Sounds like you have a good plan and once again best wishes.
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dave.smith
post 29.Dec.2012, 08:14 PM
Post #14
Joined: 12.Jan.2007

Thanks Johnjohn. Our main concern is still for our son and future daughter - that they don't develop AS as well.
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Mark249
post 29.Dec.2012, 08:24 PM
Post #15
Joined: 9.Nov.2012

If I were you, I would not go around telling people about it. I read an article (can't remember where) where a train driver was fired after 30 years of service because he told his employer he had your problem. If I'm not mistaken, you can get your driving license revoked as well. Swedish society has very little sympathy for people with your problems. Sad, but true.
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