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My ex won't let me travel with my son!

She is free to travel but I'm not?!

Nico2819
post 13.May.2013, 06:52 PM
Post #1
Joined: 13.May.2013

Hello everyone,
I'm just looking for some advice on reaching an agreement with my ex(Swedish) regarding traveling with my son to visit my family in Texas. I have spoken to someone at familjensjurist about my legal rights as a father to travel with my son and was informed that since we had no legal agreement regarding our son together that I was within all my legal right to travel with him. The problem is that she holds both his passports and if I book the trip without her consent she can sabotage my trip by not giving me the passports! The difficult part in all of this is that I not once denied her to travel with my son(her mother lives in Florida). I really don't want to take her to court about this because I don't want to drag my son through this. I don't feel me son should be a witness to his parents fighting, especially not a court room setting. So any help on how to approach a very defensive and stubborn personality would be greatly appreciated. thank you.
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PDX
post 13.May.2013, 06:58 PM
Post #2
Location: Stockholm
Joined: 2.Aug.2011

Your ex is obviously a terrorist. Just let your embassy know and help will be on it's way rolleyes.gif

~~~PDX~~~
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Yorkshireman
post 13.May.2013, 07:25 PM
Post #3
Joined: 22.Nov.2011

Who has custody of your son? If the mother has 100% custody then she is the one that decides if the trip is appropriate or not, nothing you can really do about it. If You have joint custody then you probably also share time with your son, maybe 50/50, then you have every right to take your son on the trip ...but only during the time that you would normally have together, you cannot plan things into the mothers time with your child without her permission.

The fact that she holds the passports is tricky, obviously She is either afraid you will not return, or She is just being difficult for whatever reason. I would suggest arranging a meeting with Social Services between the 2 of You and one of their mediators, that is the fore-runner to family court... Most parents in Sweden do not want to come across as unreasonable in front of Social Services, especially a Mother vs Father ... Social likes Fathers that want to be involved with their childrens lives, so will support you most likely if it gets difficult to reach an agreement wink.gif ...if She continues to be difficult, and You have 50/50 custody, then you can hint to the Mother that being so unreasonable is not in the interest of the child and that you may move towards trying to get 100% custody. Mind You, she could do the same!
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Hisingen
post 13.May.2013, 07:52 PM
Post #4
Location: Västra Götaland
Joined: 5.Jul.2012

The lady is no doubt influenced by the several ex husbands who have taken children out of the country and not returned. This has also happened the other way round, too, causing much family grief.
It is a very tricky situation, and one that can only be resolved by mutual agreement. As has been pointed out, much depends upon whom has custody, and also quite possibly what nationality your son has.
I can understand full well how much you might want to show your offspring something of your homeland, after all it is a part of his birthright. He might one day even want to go there of his own accord. But that, of course, is not relevant at the moment.
I think that you have been given some sound advice here by Yorkshireman, and I can only wish you well.
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Nico2819
post 13.May.2013, 07:52 PM
Post #5
Joined: 13.May.2013

Hi,
yes we do share custody and I'm also aware of time taken away from her so to say. I would/have offered her to make up the time for example, I go for the last two weeks of June and she can vacation with him the next two weeks of July or which ever time suits her best. She has traveled with him twice to Florida for a total of 4 weeks but I had never thought to reclaim the time lost with my son. I have been in contact with the family mediator here and because of him we will be going to family therapy first. Unfortunately, this has been going on for 6 months now. She went to one meeting by herself but never got back to them to set a date for us to go together so now she finally agreed to go together in a few weeks... just not really counting on her to show up. I was asked by the family therapist to wait until the meeting to bring up the vacation subject again but ticket prices will only be getting more expensive as the days past. Also since legal she can't stop me from going I can't stop her from going either, problem is she is holding the passports so worst case scenario I'm stuck with tickets I can't use and she is having a grand old time in Florida. As far as her fears of me not returning I'm pretty tied to Sweden now not just because of my son but also because of a restaurant that I own(4 years now).
thanks for the feedback.
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Nico2819
post 13.May.2013, 07:58 PM
Post #6
Joined: 13.May.2013

@ Hisingen,
He has dual citizenship US/Swedish and as I just mentioned I'm pretty tied to Sweden and I wouldn't hurt my son by keeping from his mother. As far as influences go I believe her friends have big part there. Well thank you for the support and advice I'm truly hoping to reach a mutual agreement with her but reasoning with her has almost always been impossible.
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Yorkshireman
post 13.May.2013, 08:11 PM
Post #7
Joined: 22.Nov.2011

QUOTE (Nico2819 @ 13.May.2013, 07:52 PM) *
Also since legal she can't stop me from going I can't stop her from going either, problem is she is holding the passports so worst case scenario I'm stuck with tic ... (show full quote)

Don't be too sure about that!... If you intend to take your son and She hasn't agreed, then She can report it to the police, you could find yourself stopped at the airport!, especially if the intended journey will stretch over the time your son would be with Her.

It is a tricky business and not easy when parent don't agree!

You also need to check that you do have custody, and not just assume so. If you were married when your son was born, then divorced and nothing different than the standard form, then OK, you have 50/50 ...but if you were not married when your son was born, She automatically has 100% custody and you have to register the fact that you will split it 50/50. ie. Being the father only automatically gives custody 50/50 if you are married ... this is one of the differences between being married and being a sambo relationship!
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Nico2819
post 13.May.2013, 08:55 PM
Post #8
Joined: 13.May.2013

@Yorkshireman,
WOW!!! We were sambo and I did NOT know that. I know that he is registered with her but I just trusted her that was the way things were done. I guess I need to go and see about making sure he is registered with both of us. Well, this just complicated things but thank you for the info, it is really good to know. Unfortunately I still believe in spit and a handshake but apparently she doesn't. Would you happen to know if it is just a matter of going to skatteverket and amending his registration?
thanks again
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Yorkshireman
post 13.May.2013, 09:00 PM
Post #9
Joined: 22.Nov.2011

Here You go, pass this to your lawyer and maybe try and get some of the cash back wink.gif ...It is a publication from the Swedish Ministry for Foreign Affairs:

http://www.regeringen.se/content/1/c6/12/28/66/3e84b7a2.pdf

Page 5 (top):
Har en förälder som har gemensam vårdnad rätt att ta barnetutomlands?
Gemensam vårdnad innebär att båda föräldrarna ska besluta i frågor

som rör barnet. En av föräldrarna kan alltså inte flytta från Sverige

eller resa utomlands med barnet utan den andra förälderns medgivande.

Detta gäller även om barnet bor enbart hos den ena föräldern.

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Nico2819
post 13.May.2013, 09:05 PM
Post #10
Joined: 13.May.2013

Thanks a bunch for the info! I'm heading to the Tax authority first thing in the morning. Not sure whats worse my blind trust in her or her knowing exactly what she was doing the whole time.
thanks again.
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Yorkshireman
post 13.May.2013, 09:27 PM
Post #11
Joined: 22.Nov.2011

You alone cannot change the custody, if you do not already have 50%. For unmarried mothers, when the notice is given to Socialnämnden of who the Father is, they have the option of also giving 50% custody ...it is very common that the Mothers are reluctant for various reasons to do so! After that, there is only couple of ways to change custody. 1. Both parents create an agreement, sign it and send it to Socialnämnden, once they approve it they pass the information to Skatteverket, or 2. You go to court and ask for 50% custody.

Skatteverket cannot change custody, they are informed by Socialnämnden. I can't remember off-top-of-head if Skatteverket can tell You who has custody or not! There are some rules about not being able to get information on minors, but then if You are registered as the Father that should make a difference, though don't quote Me on that wink.gif
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Nico2819
post 13.May.2013, 09:35 PM
Post #12
Joined: 13.May.2013

This just keeps getting better and better. I am the legal father but I can't remember if she put me down for joint custody at the time... New to the country at the time and trusted her blindly. So have you gone through something similar or are you just extremely knowledged in family law?
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Hisingen
post 13.May.2013, 11:35 PM
Post #13
Location: Västra Götaland
Joined: 5.Jul.2012

Sometimes it is not personal experience, sometimes it is. But many of those who supply the more legal side of things have often been involved either themselves or on the behalf of others. They are often cited here due to their knowledge. There are several who offer considerable advice - based of course - as far as they can go on the information provided by the OP.
There are times when people making comments get at one another, since they often have differing views of the law, but on the whole they are pretty helpful. I am not in the least knowledgeable of the laws of the land, having lived here for too many years to need to seek help as a foreigner, even though I am one. I simply try to give points of view that may or maybe not be of help, from an old man's point of view. So many on here are young, impetuous and argumentative, but many 'steady forumites' will offer help and guidance when asked, and appreciate it when they also get a feedback from the OP.
I might add that I have been through a divorce over here, and due to various circumstances, I was granted 100% custody of my daughter, something that is somewhat unusual. But then I was living here, working here, and was a permanent resident living in my own property. But there was never any problem bringing up a daughter - other than the usual ones that is. Now she has two sons of her own and is happily married.
I wish you well, indeed. Yorkshireman has given you plenty to go on, and much food for thought.
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lensart
post 14.May.2013, 08:16 AM
Post #14
Joined: 22.Feb.2007

QUOTE (Yorkshireman @ 13.May.2013, 07:25 PM) *
Who has custody of your son? If the mother has 100% custody then she is the one that decides if the trip is appropriate or not, nothing you can really do about it. If You have ... (show full quote)

I have had to go through this same issue with for the last decade with my swedish ex. It is complicated. First DO NOT go to social services. That would be a huge, huge mistake. They are poorly trained and dogmatically follow Swedish politics which are not father friendly. Finding a lawyer is more advisable. Social Services will, in the end, tell you to go to familjrätt anyway. In the end this is a legal battle between your ex and you; not that the Swedish court system will favor father's rights. They are notoriously one sided. When it comes to 'jämstäldhet' Sweden is seriously swayed to the feminist side.

As for passports, my understanding is that it is illegal for her to keep the passports unless she has 100% custody. She can't hold that over your head. However, the USA could require her signature for you to travel with a minor... a much more difficult problem for you. In the end... get yourself a really good, aggressive lawyer. The sooner the better.
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Nico2819
post 14.May.2013, 08:25 AM
Post #15
Joined: 13.May.2013

Thank you everyone for your advice. I really wish this won't have to go to court but it has become impossible to even try and talk to her let alone reason with her. The sad part is that I would rather be working on reconciling with my ex as opposed to fighting in court of who gets to go on vacation with our son.
thanks again for your support
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