Drunken elk terrorises schoolkids

An angry elk is terrorising kids at a school in Gothenburg. The animal has been skulking around the school for days and is "completely crazy", according to staff. It may also be very drunk.

This morning the king of the forest lay dozing at the entrance to the school. When the elk finally got up and moved aside pupils at the school were still afraid to pass and had to be led in by their teachers.

“The children are terrified,” school secretary Camilla Andersson told Göteborgs-Posten

Yesterday the elk was so aggressive that the headmaster, Lars Clemensson, felt compelled to call the police.

“We believe that the apple trees in the gardens have a part to play in this,” said police commander Jan Caiman.

“It was probably the apples that lured the elk over there in the first place. That could be the root of the problem.

“We may be dealing with an alco-elk,” he said.

Drunken elks are common enough at the end of the autumn season. The fallen apples have fermented slightly, and a bull elk can put away enough of them to start a good party.

“If it doesn’t start taking it easy we’ll eventually have to put it down,” said Caiman.

But the commander would prefer wait a while longer in the hope that nature will soon put a stop to the drunken folly.

“Preferably a few frosty nights to make the apples disappeared,” he said.

The hardened policeman has seen it all before. He recalls a scene he witnessed a few years ago.

“A home-owner had raked up a big pile of plums. In the middle of the pile lay a one year old calf. It was absolutely plastered,” said Caiman.

But the police officers bided their time.

“After a while it came to its senses and scooted off,” said Caiman.