Who is she and why is she famous?
Linda Rosing first became famous for having sex on live television in Sweden’s Big Brother house in 2003. Since establishing herself in the pantheon of infamous reality TV stars she has rarely been out of the tabloid news.
That was what, four years ago? What’s she up to these days?
Well, 2006 was something of an annus horribilis for Rosing.
Did she give a Christmas speech and itemise her plight?
No, but if she had she would have included how, just before Christmas, she engineered a turbulent separation from long-term boyfriend and celebrity bouncer Fadde Darwich.
Who’s he, and why did she give him the elbow?
Fadde, as he’s known, spent nine years as a bouncer at Spy Bar, nightclub of choice for Sweden’s movers, shakers and general hangers on. Early last year he openly admitted to regularly lying in court to protect other bouncers up on discrimination charges.
Is that why she left him?
No, she says that she simply fell out of love. We would not dare to suggest that Fadde’s imminent bankruptcy and suspected tax evasion may have sped up the decision process.
Did anything else come between them in 2006?
Sort of. During the summer Rosing published a book called ‘The Naked Truth‘.
Yes, and in it there is a chapter about Fadde breaking down and visiting a psychiatric clinic.
That can’t have been fun to read.
He claimed not to have read it at all in fact, and said he really didn’t mind too much anyway. Fadde was like a one-man truth and reconciliation commission in 2006.
What else was in the book?
The story of her 32-year-old life so far. Bullied at school, and known to boys as ‘the plank’, she decided to get a boob job. Fame through Big Brother. Allegations of rape at the hands of a DJ. Lip implants. Two children. Cocaine orgies in Stockholm’s VIP rooms. Denunciation of said orgies.
That’s quite a litany. But back to Fadde. How did it all end?
The clearest sign of trouble in paradise came when she decided to start posing for men’s magazines again, despite assurances during the summer that she was finished with that period of her life. New book, new chapter etc. But now she was doing a shoot for FHM and Fadde knew nothing about it. This was a couple of months after the election.
Wait, wait, wait. Election?
Oh yeah, she ran for election in September. She set up the Unique Party and tried to get into parliament.
What was so unique about it?
Well, nothing, except maybe that it’s the closest Sweden has come to having a Cicciolina-type party leader.
Cicciolina was the Hungarian-born porn star who was voted into the Italian parliament in 1987.
Oh yes, it’s all coming back to me now. And how did it go for politician Linda Rosing in 2006? Did she get elected?
No. It went about as badly as it could have gone. Out of a total of 5.6 million votes cast, the Unique Party received 222. But from small acorns do mighty oaks grow.
And other clichés…
You may laugh but Cicciolina made her first foray into politics in 1979 before finally getting elected eight years later. And although Linda Rosing is no porn actress, there are plenty of parallels between the two.
Like what, breast augmentation?
Well yes, there’s that for a start. Then there’s the name change. Just like Cicciolina, whose real name is Ilona Staller, Linda Rosing has adopted an Italian stage name. ‘Bionda’, Italian for blonde, has just launched a musical career and is about to make herself known to the rest of Europe. Cicciolina went the musical route too.
Maybe so, but Cicciolina didn’t have sex on live television!
No, but she was the first to bear her breasts on Italian television.
Well, Bionda has never been a playmate.
No, but she has been selected as a Playboy jewellery model in Scandinavia and Asia.
I bet Bionda never offered to have sex with Usama bin Laden to further the cause of peace in the Middle East?
No, there’s a lot she’ll do to get herself noticed but that’s just insane. She was more focused on domestic policies anyway.
Can we expect to see Bionda to mount a challenge to Fredrik Reinfeldt at the 2010 election?
If she can find the right blend of optimism and social pathos, anything is possible. She could do worse than to begin by borrowing Cicciolina’s 1987 campaign slogan: “Let’s have pleasure. Let’s spread happiness.”
Do you think the biondic woman really could come along and save the day?
That’s the six million dollar question.