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Serial masturbator seized by Willy's in central Sweden

David Landes · 17 Jul 2009, 16:53

Published: 17 Jul 2009 16:53 GMT+02:00

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The man was first seen on Thursday night pleasuring himself at the Willy’s store entrance, the Nerikes Allehanda newspaper reports.

Described by witnesses as sporting a deep sun tan and masturbating shamelessly, the man was reported to police shortly after 8pm.

But by the time police arrived on the scene, the mystery masturbator had vanished on a bicycle.

While store personnel reportedly considered the incident inappropriate, they opted not to file a formal complaint.

On Friday, however, the 35-year-old came again to his favourite spot outside Willy’s to give himself a helping hand.

But this time police were primed and ready to strike as soon as the man began to busy his hands.

Story continues below…

Police are now preparing to launch a preliminary investigation into bringing sexual molestation charges against the man, who will soon be interrogated by police as part of the process.

David Landes (david.landes@thelocal.se)

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Your comments about this article

17:19 July 17, 2009 by Eric Cantona
Amidst all the negative threads this week a 'big hand' goes to the author of this article on The Local (David Landes)


A cracking read to end on a Friday afternon..
17:27 July 17, 2009 by Renfeh Hguh
Oh how the locals editor must have loved writing the heading for this story :D

The poor Swedes reading their Swedish news I guess will miss the humour of the situation.

I hope the police are nice to Kind Man whilst he is in their custody.
17:35 July 17, 2009 by jack sprat
Was that a Willy Whopper or a Whopper Willy?

Bloody Show Off,...Seems he needed two hands not one!

Must have been a real "Crowd Puller" seeing how they were happy to let him go and cum again,...(I mean return of course).
17:45 July 17, 2009 by Dazzler
LOL ...its a great place for him, *KM*.
17:46 July 17, 2009 by Plowbridge H. Broad
Good story.

I hope Willy's now use this in an ad campaign? I can see it now alongside a picture of the bloke doing the deed.

" Everyone gets really excited about the low prices at Willy's"
17:50 July 17, 2009 by henock
No one will do like this. He must be mentally sick. So let us just pray for him.
17:57 July 17, 2009 by Miss Kitten
Haha...Willys. Now the name is extra funny. I just sent Mr. Kitten the link to this story.

His response: "What a whack job."
18:01 July 17, 2009 by jack sprat
Can just imagine the crowds of old women waiting outside Willys next week in the hope of seeing Percy the Puller cum again!

Could even put other supermarkets out of business, unless they organise a counter attraction.

I reckon topless check-out girls would go down very nicely with the guys.

So come-on ICA and Maxi,get your tits out for the lads...
18:23 July 17, 2009 by collan

Especially Maxi i presume
18:36 July 17, 2009 by Eric Cantona
Willy's - Hard to Beat!
18:46 July 17, 2009 by Sheila Craig
This reminded me of when we first came to Sweden my husband said that 'Willy's' were springing up all over the place. Many a true word!!!!!
18:49 July 17, 2009 by jack sprat
[quote name='Eric Cantona' date='17.Jul.2009, 05:36 PM' post='441121']Willy's - Hard to Beat!


Ladies,if you cant beat em join em.

Willys for Solid, Long-Lasting, Upstanding Service!
18:57 July 17, 2009 by conboy
The drawing power of Madame Hand and her five delectable daughters should never be underestimated...
19:26 July 17, 2009 by jakonov00
Hahaha... Great post. Very funny. Thanks.

rachat credit
19:35 July 17, 2009 by peropaco
The incongruous Swedish law will probably handown this guy an 8 years prison sentence for chocking the chicking whilst a rapist will get 4.
19:46 July 17, 2009 by Mzungu
Sounds like your modern day Busker,probably without the hat!

*small change,perhaps?*
19:50 July 17, 2009 by Greg in Canada
I know Sweden is supposed to be a boring place, but aren't there bigger stories for The Local to report on than this.
20:14 July 17, 2009 by conboy
Nice weather for it too
20:16 July 17, 2009 by Mack
Isn't this the same town where the guy on the bike was sexually assulted by a gang of girls?... another sex crime involving a bike. What are they putting in the water there :-)
20:20 July 17, 2009 by byke
How did they handcuff him ?
20:40 July 17, 2009 by conboy
"Top Notch Reporting Shocker By The Local"
20:55 July 17, 2009 by moaca
Perhaps not the most shocking or exiting story in the world. But I sooner read about this then to read about homicide, drugs, knifing, raping etc. in all the other "exiting" countries.

Live as a Swede in the UK where the biggest story currently is the swine flu and the war in Afghanistan.

Funny how foreigners slag of the Swedes or this newspaper, why do they even read it I wonder. Must be some kind of fascination.
22:40 July 17, 2009 by jack sprat
Wonder why the local started a seperate Willy thread instead of just merging the two existing Willies to make one Big Willy?

Maybe in their infinite wisdom they they decided to enjoy the undoubted luxury of playing with two Willies at the same time,....or do they take turns maybe?
23:01 July 17, 2009 by conboy
Nothing can be ruled out at the "SUPA Soaraway Local"
01:59 July 18, 2009 by Omaro

Didn`t he find a better place, maybe Willy`s is getting hotter those days, I have to check tomorrow LOL
02:34 July 18, 2009 by Miss Kitten
While I sincerely believe that two Willys are better than one, thanks for the reminder. I'll merge the two small ones into one nice big one.
02:38 July 18, 2009 by conboy
Confusion is the mistress of innovation - I want to personally congratulate you here and now!
07:47 July 18, 2009 by Steggles
He was just advertising for Willys.
12:30 July 18, 2009 by crocadoodledoo
im waiting for the day when the owners rename the store 'fannys' ;)
12:57 July 18, 2009 by jack sprat
Better still make Fannys a sister store next door to Willys.

Should keep everyone happy....
19:26 July 18, 2009 by mobings
Respect ' freedom of actions' just like 'freedom of expression'.
20:14 July 18, 2009 by Jamtjim
Ladies and gentlemen. After reading the sensationalist tabloid reporting of my recent arrest I feel the time has cum to set the record straight. Please understand the embarrasment caused to me and my family and at least try to give me the benifit of the doubt as to the innocent series of events...

Upon returning from my beach holiday in Spain earlier this week, I stopped in Örebro to visit friends for a few days. On thursday night I borrowed my frends bicycle in order to visit the local supermarket to buy groceries.

On my way out of the store I noticed that some grease had rubbed off the bicycle and on to the crotch of my new trousers. In an effort to avoid any staining of my recently purchased clothing, I took out my hankerchief and proceded to rub the grease off. I then got back on my bike and returned to my friend.

On Friday, I returned to Willys mainly with the intention of buying fruit but when I was there, I saw some rather appetising yoghurt in the dairy section of the shop.

"Hmmm" I thought, "I'll get some of them," and placed a pot on my wheely basket.

After paying for my goods I left the store and returned to my cycle. Whilst I struggled to loosen the lock, I stepped backwards and on to my shopping bag hearing a squelchly crunch. Upon investigation and much to my constantation, I saw that I had trodden on my yoghurt.

Thinking "waste not, want not" I decided to eat what was left and began to lick the broken yoghurt pot clean. Unfortuneately whilst doing so, a tablespoon sized blob of yoghurt fell off the pot and down the front of my shorts which were unusually loose due to the fact that I lost alot of weight due to a rather nasty bought of gastro enteritous picked up whilst feltching a spanish waiter.

The cold lump of yoghurt thus fell down the front of my shorts and right on to my penis (I happened not to be wearing underpants as my recent stomach trouble had rendered all my holiday pairs a biohazard).

A few weeks ago, my doctor told me that my low sperm count may have something to do with my testicles being unable to properly adapt to changing temperatures. As I one day hope to have a girl friend with whom to procreate, I have thus become rather conserned with ensuring that my genitals remain at a constant temperature; neither too hot nor too cold.

Anyway the yoghurt was of course chilled and as it splattered all over my man bits I must admit that I paniced somewhat! I dropped my shorts and tried desparately to remove the cold dairy product in order to avoid damage to my love tadpoles.

This day I had neglected to bring my hankerchief and so was forced to remove the offending substance by clenching the area with my hand however this only worked to an extent as the yoghurt became somewhat smeared all over the shaft of my penis but with the "overflow" accumulating around the crown. In addition, all the vigourous physical activity had caused my heart to race and blood flow to increase and as a result, my usually flacid member stiffened and grew to its fully errect 5 centimetres.

It was at this moment with yoghurt spread all over my lips and penis that the Police jumped out on me! Amazingly, they thought I had been masturbating. I mean what sort of country is it that when you remove cold yoghurt from your nether regions you get accused of inapporopriate behaviour... I mean, these Swedes must be sex obsessed!

Anyway, I thing it was a language problem but the police didnt accept my quite reasonable explaination as to my predicamet and are currently "investigating" the incident. Myself, well I have become an item of ridicule... Now when my neighbours shout "English idiot" at me, they genuinely mean to rub it in (if you pardon the pun). This incident has wrecked my life... I now want to move to a country where people dont even want to know me...
20:42 July 18, 2009 by jack sprat
Just hope you have a very convincing lawyer and a very accomodating judge if you expect him to swallow that load of c0ck.... .
22:09 July 18, 2009 by Nina_
LOL.. that is kinda disgusting but funny!
22:44 July 18, 2009 by kaze
I misread that for a second.

I misread it as serial masturbator seized by the willy.
07:48 July 19, 2009 by Fanta May
According to the sign on the store entrance seen behind the chap in question as he performed, the store is coming to the end of its summer sale. It read "slut spurt".
09:15 July 19, 2009 by Marley420
oh...willy, willy, willy...
09:43 July 19, 2009 by jack sprat
Reminds me of that old Doris Day song,...Willy can,Willy can,Willy can, Oh Willy.
13:41 July 19, 2009 by insect
Better headline. Caught entertaining his Willy outside Willy's
13:46 July 19, 2009 by jack sprat
Silly Willy!
19:29 July 26, 2009 by shoaib akram
very funny but willy's should be happy as they finally retained a customer.
19:54 July 26, 2009 by Streja
So is there a woman doing the same outside a Kwik-Fit?

Perhaps there is a guy outside the Kuki clothes shop in Bond Street station?
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