Police probe cop blogger over furtive glans

Police in southern Sweden are investigating claims by an anonymous officer that he and a colleague secretly dabbed the tips of their sex organs against parts of a car driven by female co-workers, local newspaper Kvällsposten reports.

Writing a blog under the pseudonym Farbror Blå (Uncle Blue), the self-professed officer revealed that he and his cop buddy “bell-ended* the door handles, window buttons, gear stick, steering wheel, stereo buttons and the police radio buttons, as well as the receiver used to talk to the operations room”.

The practice of bell-ending, or ollning, involves a man touching an object with his glans and has established itself as a recurring form of practical joke in Sweden. The term comes from ollon, the Swedish word for glans.

“When the girls had driven around for an hour or so in the bell-ended police car we had a chat with them and revealed our bell-ending exploits.”

“Now we know what a facial expression of bleak anxiety looks like,” he wrote, ending his post with a smiley face.

‘Uncle Blue’ also wrote in lurid detail about a call-out to a student residence where a mentally unstable young woman allegedly made sexual advances towards both him and his partner.

“We decided we couldn’t force her into institutional care. Being horny isn’t dangerous, after all,” he wrote.

Further blog posts included details of how he shook hands with a man who had just hanged himself, provoking guffaws from his colleagues. He also claimed it felt “damn good” to punch somebody in the mouth.

Having read the blog, Mårten Unbeck, chief legal official with the police in Skåne county, quickly decided to hand the matter over to a prosecutor at the police’s internal investigations unit.

“It appears probable that this is a policeman employed by the police authorities in Skåne and in my view there is reason to believe that a crime has been committed,” he said.

A number of details indicated that the blog could only have been written by a police officer, Unbeck said, adding that one of the posts appeared to describe sexual abuse perpetrated while in service. If identified as a police officer, the blogger risks losing his job.

“It’s absolutely clear that this creates a lot of bad-will towards the police if there’s any truth in it,” Mårten Unbeck told news agency TT.

*Translation note: Bell-ending, a neologism derived from a slang term for the glans, is not a word in common English-language usage.

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