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A moment on the lips….

Back in November I had a moustache for a month. My weak excuse was that I was appearing in a production of The Nutcracker, and I thought a bit of facial furniture would add to the authenticity of the role of Drosselmeyer. It was also Movember, so it made me look like a really nice guy who cared. I also like to think that my work for Movember meant that every time anyone looked at my furry upper lip, they immediately thought of their prostate.

A moustache wasn’t for me. I didn’t get kissed by my girlfriend or kids for a whole month and the closest I got to a compliment was that I looked like a shit porn star. They didn’t go into detail as to whether I was a porn star who specialised in faecal matter or just one who wasn’t very good at his job; either way, it’s not something you want on your job description.

One of the biggest novelties of having a moustache was the way meals would stay with you for hours after. I know the phrase “A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips” when it comes to food, but with a moustache it’s more like “A moment on the lips, an hour or two on the lips”. The marmite and toast, I’d had for breakfast would come back to haunt me in the middle of the day.  In the pub, people didn’t need to ask what I was drinking as the just pointed to the white froth on my third eyebrow and said “Another Guinness?”

Frankly, it was a relief to be clean shaven again.

But then, yesterday, I stood behind a guy in the coffee queue with a handlebar moustache that would have made make Colonel Blimp jealous. In the first place, I have nothing but respect and admiration for people who grow moustaches, but my respect grew even more when I saw that he had a special coffee mug for the moustachioed. This was the equivalent of the white stick for the blind or a hearing aid for the deaf. This was a mug with an in built moustache protector.

We got chatting and apparently, there’s a whole range of spoons, pipes, mugs, tea cups, all designed to keep food off the ‘tache. Most, needless to say, were designed in the 19th century when men weren’t afraid to be men and women must have suffered terribly from beard rash.

So, by Jove, let’s raise (a specially designed) glass to the moustached minority!


Don’t forget to follow me on Twitter @BenKersley

And you can see me pretty much everywhere next week:

1st May – The Tuesday Chinwag Stockholm, 2nd May Anglo-Comedy Festival, Copenhagen, 3rd May – LKPG HA HA!, Linköping, 4th May – RAW Comedy Club, Stockholm

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