(edit title) Seperating, renew permit through child. Family ties based renewal while seeking divorce Options

[jeannot]

Hello,

After almost four years of marriage my wife and I are getting a divorce. I have been in Sweden a year and a half and we have a child who is one and a half years old.

We are still married, but have seperated 6 months ago. Divorce proceedings are underway, but we are currently attending family counceling. I have no intentions or motivation to continue with the marriage, even though she has made it clear she will like to reconcile.

I have no intention of abandoning my daughter. My permit is up for renewal this summer, and I would like to know if anyone has had a similar experience as myself or know of anyone else who has.

I came to Sweden on the basis of being married with My wife and I understand that I need to remain married to renew it on those grounds. I have called migrationsverket and they said I can renew my permit through my daughter since I have half custody and she is dependant on me. I have a fulltime job and support my child, and spend a lot of time with her.

I know some people will suggest to wait it out until my permit is renewed through my wife, and I do not want to do that. We were in a serious loving reltionship and were torn apart by something very unfortunate. I view the marriage as over and do not want to involve her any longer. Migrationsverket said I do not need to leave the country, since i have been here for over a year and a half and i should adjust my status.

Thank you, any help is much appreciated.

[Furu]

Though not my concern, but I would state that child development has negative effects if living with single parent or moving between two parents. You have to understand that relationship problems between parents is no fault of the 18 month old toddler who is in the middle of these situations. Even you have shared custody your child will spend considerable amount of time with the mother due to the age.

Having shared custody and living apart would mean that neither you or your ex spouse could move far enough that would break some sort of custody arrangement or prohibit you or her to visit the child. That would mean you or her would have to stay apart but close to each other in order to maintain shared custody.

Please ask the counselor about the long term consequences of these decisions as they are the best to advise.

[jeannot]

thx for the reply,

Initially I wanted to return to the states, and have my daughter join me because her Mom agreed to the idea also. However, she has changed her mind. Obviously seperating will have adverse effects on our child. I decided that I would like to take care of my child and not return to the states if it is at all possible. A child needs both parents and I have no intention of being a dead beat.

I would like my child to have as normal a life as possible even though her Mom and I are seperated. It is not an easy situation, but everyone is doing their best to make sure she has a very good life.

[Eric Cantona]

Furu, is it your view that the separation of parents has a significant consequence on a child's development? Typically, how are these consequences manifested?

Conversely, children growing up in a tight compact family unit generally develop in a superior manner to their broken-home counter-parts and therefore more secure and rounded members of society?

I think Jeanott is probably aware of these issues and doesn't need them rammed home. That is not a criticism of you, it's just that although your post was well-intended, there is a slight taste of disapproval and preaching.

[byke]

As an American getting a divorce in sweden, what wrights will you have?

[Nuname]

It seems to me that you already have the answer to the questions you asked.
Do you really want advice on other matters? If so I'm with Furu. Just because of one thing, is it worth leaving your daughter?

[jeannot]

hi all

I just wanted to make it clear, there was never any decision to LEAVE MY DAUGHTER. From the beginning I always maintained that I intend to be with her here in Sweden or in America. America was the first option because her Mother initially agreed to allow us to return home. Maybe I expressed myself very porrly, but I have always stressed that our child needs both parents! Her Mom has her reasons for initially agreeing to allow us to return to the states, and she was also onboard to go.

Plans have changed and I would like to renew my permit so that I may provide for my daughter, and be by her side. Leaving my daúghter is not an option and has never been. She needs both her parents and I am willing to do what is necessary and compromise for my daughters sake.

I appreciate everyones comments on this board. thanks furu for espressing your thoughts. I do believe I did not express myself well for all to understand. However, I disagree with you. Parents seperate everyday and this was totally unforseen. Children can still have very fruitful lives and grow up to be well rounded individuals even though their parents seperate.

I am also in the process of finding out my rights as a parent since I am a U.S citizen living in -sweden. I just want to do what is best for my child.

thanks everyone for your input.

[byke]

Which country was your child born in?

[jeannot]

she was born in Sweden,

[byke]

If the child holds a Swedish birth record and the mother is Swedish, and the divorce is being done in Sweden.
I think you will find that Sweden will be interested to keep that child in Sweden (regardless of whatever past verbal agreements you may have had with the mother)

[gplusa]

Joint custody is automatic in Sweden, I believe. For a Swedish born child. Especially if the parents are married. The nationality of either parent shouldn't really play any role.

[Puffin]

Your permit will not be automatically renewed because of the divorce proceeedings - it would have been smart to have waited until the 2 years were up - but it's too late now that divorce proceedings are under way so there is no way that your permit can be renewed on family ties with your wife - so you could start the paperwork straightaway

I would not believe the scare stories of Byke as it does not accord with the several situations I have known relating to custody situations foreign citizens.

In fact I have a US friend who has joint custody with her Swedish ex for the last 10 years - and the US mom took her young son back to the US and the Swedish father pays child support in dollars and the son spends 4 months per year in Sweden (all school holidays). However the arrangement depended on voluntary agreements - but what I am trying to convey is that the US mom (and her lawyer) got it pretty much the way they wanted it - there was no anti-Swedish discrimination

[Puffin]

I think you will find that Sweden will be interested to keep that child in Sweden (regardless of whatever past verbal agreements you may have had with the mother)

This is not true

The courts in Sweden do not become involved at all unless the parents cannot reach volunatary agreements - most custody agreements in Sweden are determined by the parents

[jeannot]

in terms of my permit I will be renewing it through my daughter and not my wife. I have also signed the divorce papers, however i do not believe she has turned them in. She still believes we will get back together. at this point I am only concerned about my child.

As i stated before we are going through familj behandling. We are yet to meet jointly with familj behandling. from what I understand when divorce is underway, social services attempts to reconcile the parties involved.

Before we spoke about divorce we were talking to familj behandling. Im not sure if that makes any difference, because I have no intention of returning to the marriage.

The renewal will be through my daughter nevertheless.

thank you all for your posts.

[byke]

I would not believe the scare stories of Byke as it does not accord with the several situations I have known relating to custody situations foreign citizens.

Hold on a second, what scare stories have I said regarding this?

In fact I have a US friend who has joint custody with her Swedish ex for the last 10 years - and the US mom took her young son back to the US and the Swedish father pays child support in dollars and the son spends 4 months per year in Sweden (all school holidays). However the arrangement depended on voluntary agreements - but what I am trying to convey is that the US mom (and her lawyer) got it pretty much the way they wanted it - there was no anti-Swedish discrimination

Yes because like you said, the mother got it her way by agreeing with the father. (a joint decision)
Had this been taken to a hearing, I doubt very much the courts would have allowed such an outcome given the situation.

Social services cannot operate outside their borders or have any system setup for international families protection of children and courts are often reluctant to issue a judgement without the full backing of the social services.

I think its been pretty well documented that if a foreign person who files for divorce outside of Sweden will have a better chance of the child being allowed to return to that said country than if filed in Sweden (its quite often a race). And obviously it goes the same the other way around. (its a bent system)

But I would like to remind you, Puffin. That at no point before this post did I mention any scare stories until you brought this up with your story and sprinkling of fairy dust.

And just for the record, I also know of people (like Puffin) that have gotten divorced (1 example the children were a fair bit older (mid teens) and the kids actively specified that they wished to live with the parent who lived abroad (father) and then when the courts finally did rule (which usually takes years as they like to drag the heels and hope that families will sort out there own deals which doesn't serve any value if a parent is "foreign") had ruled that the children could go with their foreign parent (father) he was then held responsible to not only pay for the children (obviously) but also pay for the regular mothers full travel costs, and for her to be able to stay in the house of the fathers home (abroad) without the father or his subsequent newer partner / extended family in the house at the same time during her duration of stay. (up to 2 weeks per month as the mother deemed fit)

I am sure that this situation as reported above is not the norm either. But I posted that to show that divorce can go either way. There are nightmare stories all over the world regarding divorce and there can always be injustices (aswell as some nice amicable solutions). But Puffins claims of all is perfect in Sweden is not exactly honest either and sometimes I wonder if she works for the tourist board at times.

The truth is divorce can be messy or nasty and the system is not set up to deal with the ever increasing amount of international families and land ties (and at no point am I saying any other country is either).

But more than anything, I hope the OP is able to find a solution that is fair and good for the child and the parents without causing too much stress.