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The Local _ Miscellaneous _ Todays Joke for you

Posted by: marino23 29.Jan.2009, 03:53 PM

Hey,


Do you know why blond girls dont like Orange juice?

...because the carton says "CONCENTRATE" laugh.gif

Posted by: Blazek 29.Jan.2009, 04:03 PM

QUOTE (marino23)
Hey,


Do you know why blond gir ls dont like Orange juice?

...because the carton says "CONCENTRATE" laugh.gif


It's funny because blond girls only like fresh-squeezed juice.

Posted by: frey 29.Jan.2009, 04:16 PM

a horse walks into a tavern... the bartender says, "why the long face?"

no victim.

Posted by: marino23 29.Jan.2009, 05:21 PM

QUOTE (Blazek)
It's funny because blond girls only like fresh-squeezed juice.



...


another one for u guys(girls),

what do you do if you want to give more freedom to your lady?

...you put an extenssion on the ironing cable laugh.gif

cheers

Posted by: Azzure 29.Jan.2009, 05:44 PM

WOMEN WHO KNOW THEIR PLACE
A point of view.

Barbara Walters, of TV's 20/20, did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands.

She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind their husbands.

From Ms. Walters' vantage point, despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime, the women now seem to walk even further back behind their husbands, and are happy to maintain the old custom.

Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, "Why do you now seem happy with an old custom that you once tried so desperately to change?"
The woman looked Ms Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation said, "Land Mines".

Posted by: Mack 29.Jan.2009, 06:05 PM

Q. What is the difference between a golf ball and a womens G-spot?

A. Men will spend an eternity looking for a golf ball.

Posted by: Mzungu In Za. 29.Jan.2009, 06:28 PM

QUOTE (Blazek)
It's funny because blond girls only like fresh-squeezed juice.


A blonde gets home early from shopping and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.
She rushes upstairs to find her husband naked on the bed, sweating and panting.
"What's up?" she asks.
"I'm having a heart attack," cries the husband.

The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she's dialing, her four-year-old son comes up and says, "Mommy! Mommy! Aunty Shirley is hiding in your closet, and she's got no clothes on!"
The blonde slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, right past her husband, and rips open the closet door.
Sure enough, there is her sister, totally naked and cowering on the closet floor.

"You rotten bastard", she screams, "My husband's having a heart attack, and you're running around naked scaring the fcuking kids!!"

*not all blonde's are so*

Posted by: Gamla Hälsingebock 29.Jan.2009, 07:17 PM

Two blondes separated by a river.

One says to the other "how do you get to the other side"?

The other blonde, after much deliberation says "but you are on the other side" laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif

Posted by: Mzungu In Za. 29.Jan.2009, 07:22 PM

A blonde bought an a.m. radio, it took her a month to find out she could listen to it at night.

Posted by: Gamla Hälsingebock 29.Jan.2009, 07:28 PM

A blonde sees another blonde in the middle of a newly plowed field in a rowboat pulling on the oars as if she were going somewhere.

The blonde flies into a rage and says, it's blondes like you that give us a bad name!

If I could swim I would come out there and punch your face!

Posted by: Mzungu In Za. 29.Jan.2009, 07:33 PM

Have you heard about the blonde who tried to drown a fish?

Posted by: Azzure 29.Jan.2009, 07:36 PM

A Blond goes to a company party and wins a thermos for the door prize. She asks her co-worker, "What's a thermos?"
He says "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
"Oh!" The next day at work, she brings it with her. Her boss, who is also a blond, says "What's that?"
The Blond says "It's a thermos."
Her boss asks her, "What's that?"
She says "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." Her boss asks her, "What do you have in it?"
The blond says, "Two cups of coffee and a pop-sickle."

Posted by: Gamla Hälsingebock 29.Jan.2009, 07:39 PM

A blondes boyfriend gives her a nice bouquet of flowers.

She does not seem happy and remarks to her equally blonde friend; now that means I will have to spend the weekend on my back with my legs spread.

Her blonde friend innocently asks...don't you have a vase? laugh.gif

Posted by: Mzungu In Za. 29.Jan.2009, 07:46 PM

Mmmm...Fed up knocking the blondes,any on a redhead?

Posted by: Gamla Hälsingebock 29.Jan.2009, 08:08 PM

QUOTE (Mzungu In Za.)
A redhead bought an a.m. radio, it took her a month to find out she could listen to it at night.


OK???????? laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif

Posted by: Mzungu In Za. 29.Jan.2009, 08:16 PM

QUOTE (Gamla Hälsingebock)
OK???????? laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif


That's not fair...

Posted by: Gamla Hälsingebock 29.Jan.2009, 08:19 PM

QUOTE (Mzungu In Za.)
That's not fair...


I know , I know, the Devil made me do it...He's blonde too laugh.gif

Posted by: Mbix 29.Jan.2009, 08:22 PM

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial.

The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten."

The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.

The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy.

So he proceeded: 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the 9th berry he burst out in laughter and was killed immediately.

Weeks later, the first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?"

"I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples."

Posted by: Mzungu In Za. 29.Jan.2009, 08:24 PM

QUOTE (Gamla Hälsingebock)
I know , I know, the Devil made me do it...He's blonde too laugh.gif


Another false statement...
http://chinhuatw.files.wordpress.com/2008/02/devil.gif

*you Noorlanders...*

Posted by: Gamla Hälsingebock 29.Jan.2009, 08:28 PM

QUOTE (Mzungu In Za.)
Another false statement...
http://chinhuatw.files.wordpress.com/2008/02/devil.gif

*you Noorlanders...*


We Norrlanders are special people and have been given the right to choose our own Devil. Naturally we could not use yours...He's ugly!

You Southerners have no understanding of the reality of Northern life...Poor chaps!

Posted by: Mzungu In Za. 29.Jan.2009, 08:35 PM

Does this suit your Noorland taste?

http://i166.photobucket.com/albums/u83/jst8761/dv/devil4.gif

*by the way, she's a Southerner actually from Småland*

Posted by: Gamla Hälsingebock 29.Jan.2009, 08:42 PM

Not really.

We Norrlanders prefer blondes...After all blondes have more fun!

You poor Southerners will fall for anything.

Well maybe after after a few HB's laugh.gif

Posted by: marino23 30.Jan.2009, 10:01 AM

...ok people.

how do you call a blonde girl whith one working brain?

...PREGNANT !!! laugh.gif

Posted by: marino23 30.Jan.2009, 10:06 AM

ANOTHER ONE.

HOW DO YOU CALL A BLONDE GIRL WHO DYES HER HAIR, BLACK OR BROWN?

A. I. (ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE)
laugh.gif

Posted by: Paulo +fab muscular than Jonnhy 30.Jan.2009, 10:22 AM

Love me hate me, say what you want about me
But all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to If U SeeK Amy.
Love me hate, can't you see what I see?
All of the boys and all of the girls are begging to If U SeeK Amy.


laugh.gif It's a joke there's nothing filthy in the lyrics.

Posted by: Mzungu In Za. 30.Jan.2009, 10:44 AM

Clean as a whistle...

One summer day a man came home early from work and was greeted by his wife dressed in very sexy lingerie and heels.
"Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."
So,he tied her up and went golfing.

*reformed*

Posted by: FuzzyWuzzy 30.Jan.2009, 10:48 AM

Since it was my anniversary yesterday, I decided to leave work early and surprise my wife. On the way home I saw this guy jogging naked down the street. I pulled up to him and asked him why he was jogging naked. He replied "I'm not, you're home early"!

Posted by: Fishtank 30.Jan.2009, 10:58 AM

A 8 year old asks a preist in Church "Father, what is that which amuses you most in the whole world??"

The father pats him on the shoulder with affection and says"Nun my child nun!"

Posted by: Mzungu In Za. 30.Jan.2009, 12:47 PM

What a complete R.Sole...

http://www.boreme.com/boreme/funny-2009/arson-fail-cctv-footage-p1.php

*has to be the joker of the day*

Posted by: Markbase With An Invisible Silen 30.Jan.2009, 01:31 PM

He must have been toasted when he did that.

Mark Base
http://mdabase.blogspot.com
For observations and opinions about life in Helsingborg

Posted by: Miss Kitten 30.Jan.2009, 10:45 PM

Barbecue burns???? Hahaha. Yep, he was toasted all right. Trying to get that situation under control was like pouring gasoline on a fire, quite literally.

Posted by: Uncle Fred 24.Mar.2018, 02:41 PM

gsurya was talking to the village idiot, gsurya told the village idiot that he had a new girlfriend.
The village idiot said "that's nice", gsurya said "Yea, she's teaching me how to write". The village idiot said "have you written anything then", gsurya said "Oh yes, I wrote her this letter".
gsurya showed the village idiot the letter, the village idiot then said "what does it say then", gsurya replied "I don't know, I haven't learnt how to read yet"

Posted by: Gamla Hälsingebock 24.Mar.2018, 05:02 PM

There are two weevils sitting on a fence...One is large and the other is small...

What is the difference between them???



One of them is the lesser of two weevils!!!




unsure.gif Hiding now!!! laugh.gif

Posted by: Uncle Fred 24.Mar.2018, 05:37 PM

QUOTE (Gamla Hälsingebock @ 24.Mar.2018, 05:02 PM) *
There are two weevils sitting on a fence...One is large and the other is small...

What is the difference between them???



One of them is the lesser of two weevils!!!




unsure.gif Hiding now!!! laugh.gif

Says "GOD" and slaps forehead!

Posted by: Gamla Hälsingebock 24.Mar.2018, 06:00 PM

I know, pretty bad!!! laugh.gif

Posted by: Gamla Hälsingebock 27.Mar.2018, 08:08 PM

Another gem...


The worried wife asks her husband...Honey do I need a facelift???

He most assuringly replies...No sweetie, I can still see your neck!!!

Posted by: Uncle Fred 28.Mar.2018, 12:54 PM

QUOTE (Gamla Hälsingebock @ 27.Mar.2018, 09:08 PM) *
Another gem...


The worried wife asks her husband...Honey do I need a facelift???

He most assuringly replies...No sweetie, I can still see your neck!!!

I got up at 6am this morning and read this, thought no it must be too early me. 9am came, I had had breakfast and looked at it a gain.
Thought no it's still too early I will wait till after lunch. Just had lunch and WHAT THE HELL IS FUNNY?

Come on.

Posted by: Gamla Hälsingebock 28.Mar.2018, 01:19 PM

If it has to be explained then it will never be understood...a la "blonde" jokes...

Another gem...from the way distant past...3rd grade or so...

What time is it when two Fords crash into each other???


Tin to tin!!! rolleyes.gif

Posted by: Bsmith 28.Mar.2018, 02:47 PM

What did the mermaid wear to her math class?
An algae bra.

Posted by: Gamla Hälsingebock 28.Mar.2018, 03:14 PM

God help me for this one!!!

How do you know if an elephant was in your refrigerator???



You see his footprints in the cream cheese!!! blink.gif ...

Posted by: Gamla Hälsingebock 29.Mar.2018, 01:37 AM

Here's a real one!!!


Donald Trump, a Hindu and a Rabbi.

While traveling, their vehicle breaks down in a storm and the nearest shelter is an isolated farm house...

Needing a place to stay they are told by the farm owner that he can only provide house accommodations for two of them and the third person must sleep in the barn...

The Hindu agrees to sleep in the barn, after about 10 minutes there is a knock at the door and he tells the farmer, there is a cow in there and it is against my religion to sleep in the same place with a Holy and revered creature...

The Rabbi then agrees to sleep in the barn, again after 10 minutes or so, there is a knock on the door and he tells the farmer that due to his religious kosher beliefs, he too cannot sleep in the barn...

Donald Trump says it's all right I will sleep in the barn, and again after 10 minutes there is a noise at the door, when the farmer opens it, it's the cow and the pig!!!

Posted by: Bsmith 30.Mar.2018, 04:42 PM

I'm combining Easter and April fools day this year.

I'm sending the kids out to look for Easter Eggs I haven't hidden.

Posted by: Uncle Fred 2.Apr.2018, 02:20 PM

QUOTE (Bsmith @ 30.Mar.2018, 05:42 PM) *
I'm combining Easter and April fools day this year.

I'm sending the kids out to look for Easter Eggs I haven't hidden.

Mean

Posted by: Gamla Hälsingebock 2.Apr.2018, 04:04 PM

Atheistic...

Posted by: gsurya 5.Apr.2018, 02:17 PM

Today, the Swedish customs/police bring their own brand of dark humor to you.

https://www.thelocal.se/20180405/terror-alarm-at-gothenburg-airport-caused-by-yoghurt-and-honey

Posted by: Gamla Hälsingebock 15.Apr.2018, 04:49 AM

Why did the moron eat beans???


Because he wanted to take a bubble bath!!!

Posted by: Bsmith 15.Apr.2018, 12:24 PM

What do you use to make pickled bread?

Dill Dough

Posted by: Gamla Hälsingebock 16.Apr.2018, 03:24 AM

How do you know if your wife ran away with the mailman???






The sex is the same, but the dishes are piled up in the sink...

Posted by: Bsmith 16.Apr.2018, 03:53 PM

A building contractor needed a parking lot filled with gravel, and the gravel smoothed. He ordered a mound of gravel, and got three men to get the job done. Two white guys and a Chinese guy. The white guys would do the spreading and leveling. "And you," he told the Chinese guy, "You're going to be in charge of supplies."

At the end of the day, the contractor returned, and found the two white guys sitting on their asses smoking cigarettes. The mound of gravel hadn't been touched.

"What the hell's going on here?" he asked.

One of the white guys said "we don't have any tools. Never got them."

"Where's that Chinese guy I put in charge of supplies?"

Suddenly, the Chinese guy appeared from behind the mound of gravel and shouted --

"SUPPLIES !!!"

Posted by: Gamla Hälsingebock 16.Apr.2018, 05:31 PM

A couple was walking in a park when they saw two blonde men digging a hole and a third blonde man filling a hole which apparently the first two had just dug...

Upon further investigation, they discovered a line of recently dug/filled holes many yards long...

So they asked one of the blonder diggers...what are you guys doing???

The reply was...we are tree planters and the guy that puts the tree in the hole called in sick today!!!

Posted by: Gamla Hälsingebock 5.May.2018, 10:04 PM

So the guy took his blonde girlfriend for a ride in his new Cadillac convertible, as they were driving she found a golf tee on the floor...Not knowing what it was, she asked her boyfriend...he replied that it was a golf tee and was used to rest your balls on while driving...this surprised her and she said Oh my! those Cadillac people think of everything!!!

Posted by: Bsmith 6.May.2018, 03:47 PM

A pregnant woman gets into a car accident and and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them."
The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother -- he's an idiot!" Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?" "Denise," the doctor says.
The new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not a bad name! Guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!" Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?"
The doctor replies, “Denephew.

Posted by: Gamla Hälsingebock 7.May.2018, 07:45 PM

A man is typing a letter with a very serious look on his face...his wife asks "what is that letter about???"

He replies I've been buying tractors from these people for years and I am not satisfied with the latest one so I am ending our relationship...

The wife replies...I see it's a Deere John letter!!!







This may require some thought...

Posted by: Gamla Hälsingebock 15.Nov.2018, 12:40 AM

A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.
“Mom”, he asked, “Are these my brains?”
“Not yet”, she replied.

Posted by: Bsmith 15.Nov.2018, 11:47 AM

Ole,Sven, and Lars are in Mexico for a vacation.They get in heap of trouble and wake up in jail. They find out they all have been sentenced to die in the electric chair.
Sven is the first to be strapped in the electric chair, and the guards ask if he has any last words. Sven says, "I yust gradeated from St. Yohn's College in Minnesooota, with a degree in divinity studies, and I am a good Christian man. But if it is God's will for me to die, so be it."
The guards throw the switch and nothing happens. The guards get on their knees and say, "You are surely a Godly man and we are going to let you go."
Lars is next to be strapped into the electric chair, and the guards ask if he has any last words. Lars says, "I yust graduated from Concordia college in Moorhead, Minnisooota with a degree in divinity studies, and I am a God fearing man. If it is my time to die, it is God's will."
The guards throw the switch and nothing happens. The guards say, "You also are a Godly man and we are going to let you go."
Ole is the last to be strapped into the electric chair. The guards ask him if he has any last words. Ole says, "Vel, I yust gradueted from Purdue in electrical engineering; and, I'll tell ya right now dat if you don't plug dat ting in, it ain't gonna work."

Posted by: Gamla Hälsingebock 15.Nov.2018, 03:16 PM

Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS?

A: It's the same as a French kiss, but 'downunder.'

Posted by: Bsmith 16.Nov.2018, 01:07 PM

Ole and Olga were parked in the dark, making out in the front seat of Ole's car.
When things got hot and heavy, Ole said "Olga, would you like to get in the back seat now?"
Olga replied, "no Ole, I'd rather stay in the front seat with you."

Posted by: Gamla Hälsingebock 16.Nov.2018, 06:12 PM

That could be a great "Blonde" joke...

Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS?

A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Posted by: Bsmith 24.Jan.2019, 04:18 PM

Do you know the recipe for Irish Bean Soup?

It is important to use exactly 239 beans. One bean more and it would be too farty.

Posted by: Gamla Hälsingebock 24.Jan.2019, 05:14 PM

Ugh!!!

Posted by: Uncle Fred 24.Jan.2019, 07:36 PM

QUOTE (Gamla Hälsingebock @ 24.Jan.2019, 05:14 PM) *
Ugh!!!

Two forty. laugh.gif

Posted by: Bsmith 25.Jan.2019, 02:50 PM

Today, a man came to my house and asked for a donation toward a community pool.

So I gave him a glass of water.

Posted by: Gamla Hälsingebock 25.Jan.2019, 03:19 PM

Was it chlorinated???

Posted by: Bsmith 25.Jan.2019, 04:08 PM

and fluoridated.

Posted by: Gamla Hälsingebock 29.Jan.2019, 08:09 PM

The problem with political jokes is...

They sometimes get elected!!!

Posted by: Bsmith 30.Jan.2019, 12:21 AM

What do they call the hippie's wife?


Mississippi

Posted by: Bsmith 1.Feb.2019, 08:34 PM

Have you heard about the new McDonald's Socialist Value Meal? You order your food and the guy behind you pays for it.

Posted by: Gamla Hälsingebock 1.Feb.2019, 09:19 PM

Good one!!! laugh.gif

Going to mail that around...

Posted by: Saywhatwhat 2.Feb.2019, 11:10 AM

QUOTE (Bsmith @ 1.Feb.2019, 08:34 PM) *
Have you heard about the new McDonald's Socialist Value Meal? You order your food and the guy behind you pays for it.



Sounds like Medicare.

Worthless old people that can’t pay their own way and have to steal from the pockets of youth.

Posted by: Bsmith 2.Feb.2019, 12:45 PM

Not only are you racist, but you hate old people. What a hypocrite!

Posted by: Saywhatwhat 2.Feb.2019, 02:00 PM

QUOTE (Bsmith @ 2.Feb.2019, 12:45 PM) *
Not only are you racist, but you hate old people. What a hypocrite!


Nope. Quite the opposite... I’m pointing out your hypocrisy because it only matters to you when you and “your kind” are being attacked.

That, sir, is hypocrisy.

Posted by: Bsmith 2.Feb.2019, 02:38 PM

My neighbor told me she doesn't care what people think about her. So I told her I think about her naked. Turns out she's a hypocrite

Posted by: Uncle Fred 2.Feb.2019, 07:25 PM

QUOTE (Saywhatwhat @ 2.Feb.2019, 11:10 AM) *
Sounds like Medicare.

Worthless old people that can’t pay their own way and have to steal from the pockets of youth.



Yes, as the thread is called "Todays Joke for you"

Posted by: Saywhatwhat 2.Feb.2019, 07:54 PM

QUOTE (Uncle Fred @ 2.Feb.2019, 07:25 PM) *
Yes, as the thread is called "Todays Joke for you"


Precis. wink.gif

Posted by: Gamla Hälsingebock 4.Feb.2019, 11:42 PM

The 80 year old sailor at his birthday celebration said...

Wait for it...

Are you ready???

Aye matey!!!

Ugh laugh.gif

Posted by: Bsmith 5.Feb.2019, 11:40 PM

A raisin, a peanut, and an oat grain order a drink.

The bartender says, “What do you think this is, a granola bar? “

Posted by: Gamla Hälsingebock 6.Feb.2019, 12:37 AM

The Roman soldier went into a bar, held up two fingers and said five beers please...

Some here may have to think this one over... laugh.gif

Posted by: Uncle Fred 6.Feb.2019, 01:14 AM

QUOTE (Gamla Hälsingebock @ 6.Feb.2019, 12:37 AM) *
The Roman soldier went into a bar, held up two fingers and said five beers please...

Some here may have to think this one over... laugh.gif


I, II, III, IIII, "V", VI, VII, VIII, VIIII, X.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.

Is that the best you've got.

I suppose you're going to tell me next, the roman soldier had big feet and went in and asked for a pair of size 40 shoes.

Some here may have to think this one over... laugh.gif

Posted by: Gamla Hälsingebock 6.Feb.2019, 01:39 AM

His sandals were XL IIII E rolleyes.gif

Posted by: Uncle Fred 6.Feb.2019, 04:49 AM

QUOTE (Gamla Hälsingebock @ 6.Feb.2019, 01:39 AM) *
His sandals were XL IIII E rolleyes.gif

You must be more observant, he bought shoes not sandals. smile.gif

Posted by: Gamla Hälsingebock 6.Feb.2019, 04:33 PM

I picked that up and changed it to sandals because shoes were not dress code with Roman Centurions... rolleyes.gif

Posted by: intrepidfox 6.Feb.2019, 08:51 PM

My favorite joke is only a couple of words

gsurya

Fiki

laugh.gif

Posted by: Gamla Hälsingebock 6.Feb.2019, 09:01 PM

Great punch lines!!! laugh.gif

Posted by: Bsmith 6.Feb.2019, 11:41 PM

Think I might sell all my John Lennon memorabilia on ebay...

Imagine all the Paypal...

Posted by: Gamla Hälsingebock 7.Feb.2019, 12:15 AM

I told my girlfriend that she painted her eyebrows too high...



She looked surprised!!!

Posted by: Bsmith 7.Feb.2019, 11:08 AM

What do you call a broken can opener?

Can't opener.

Posted by: Gamla Hälsingebock 21.Feb.2019, 06:27 PM

The blondes are discussing their boy friends...

One says my guy had dandruff, so I gave him Head&Shoulders...

The other blonde, looking quite perplexed asked...









How do you give shoulders???

Posted by: Bsmith 21.Feb.2019, 11:31 PM

Got thrown out of a strip club last night for using Monopoly money. Why should I have to pay real money to see fake boobs?

Posted by: Bsmith 25.Feb.2019, 11:22 PM

Here's a few:

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club,
but I'd swear I've never met herbivore.

I know a guy who's addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says
he can stop any time.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.

I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

A will is a dead giveaway.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old
was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off?
He's all right now.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now
fully recovered.

He had a photographic memory but it was never fully developed.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.

Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because
she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

When chemists die, they barium.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.

Posted by: DuneSunny 28.Feb.2019, 07:38 PM

When will global warming benefit those living in houses with odd numbers?

Posted by: Gamla Hälsingebock 28.Feb.2019, 07:56 PM

2/30/2020...

Posted by: Uncle Fred 28.Feb.2019, 09:38 PM

QUOTE (Gamla Hälsingebock @ 28.Feb.2019, 07:56 PM) *
2/30/2020...

What do you call month 30

Posted by: Gamla Hälsingebock 28.Feb.2019, 09:53 PM

DD/MM/Year...

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