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Todays Joke for you

Gamla Hälsingebock
post 15.Apr.2018, 04:49 AM
Post #46
Joined: 21.Dec.2006

Why did the moron eat beans???


Because he wanted to take a bubble bath!!!
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Bsmith
post 15.Apr.2018, 12:24 PM
Post #47
Joined: 25.Jun.2009

What do you use to make pickled bread?

Dill Dough
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Gamla Hälsingebock
post 16.Apr.2018, 03:24 AM
Post #48
Joined: 21.Dec.2006

How do you know if your wife ran away with the mailman???






The sex is the same, but the dishes are piled up in the sink...
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Bsmith
post 16.Apr.2018, 03:53 PM
Post #49
Joined: 25.Jun.2009

A building contractor needed a parking lot filled with gravel, and the gravel smoothed. He ordered a mound of gravel, and got three men to get the job done. Two white guys and a Chinese guy. The white guys would do the spreading and leveling. "And you," he told the Chinese guy, "You're going to be in charge of supplies."

At the end of the day, the contractor returned, and found the two white guys sitting on their asses smoking cigarettes. The mound of gravel hadn't been touched.

"What the hell's going on here?" he asked.

One of the white guys said "we don't have any tools. Never got them."

"Where's that Chinese guy I put in charge of supplies?"

Suddenly, the Chinese guy appeared from behind the mound of gravel and shouted --

"SUPPLIES !!!"
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Gamla Hälsingebock
post 16.Apr.2018, 05:31 PM
Post #50
Joined: 21.Dec.2006

A couple was walking in a park when they saw two blonde men digging a hole and a third blonde man filling a hole which apparently the first two had just dug...

Upon further investigation, they discovered a line of recently dug/filled holes many yards long...

So they asked one of the blonder diggers...what are you guys doing???

The reply was...we are tree planters and the guy that puts the tree in the hole called in sick today!!!
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Gamla Hälsingebock
post 5.May.2018, 10:04 PM
Post #51
Joined: 21.Dec.2006

So the guy took his blonde girlfriend for a ride in his new Cadillac convertible, as they were driving she found a golf tee on the floor...Not knowing what it was, she asked her boyfriend...he replied that it was a golf tee and was used to rest your balls on while driving...this surprised her and she said Oh my! those Cadillac people think of everything!!!
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Bsmith
post 6.May.2018, 03:47 PM
Post #52
Joined: 25.Jun.2009

A pregnant woman gets into a car accident and and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them."
The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother -- he's an idiot!" Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?" "Denise," the doctor says.
The new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not a bad name! Guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!" Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?"
The doctor replies, “Denephew.
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Gamla Hälsingebock
post 7.May.2018, 07:45 PM
Post #53
Joined: 21.Dec.2006

A man is typing a letter with a very serious look on his face...his wife asks "what is that letter about???"

He replies I've been buying tractors from these people for years and I am not satisfied with the latest one so I am ending our relationship...

The wife replies...I see it's a Deere John letter!!!







This may require some thought...
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Gamla Hälsingebock
post 15.Nov.2018, 12:40 AM
Post #54
Joined: 21.Dec.2006

A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.
“Mom”, he asked, “Are these my brains?”
“Not yet”, she replied.
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Bsmith
post 15.Nov.2018, 11:47 AM
Post #55
Joined: 25.Jun.2009

Ole,Sven, and Lars are in Mexico for a vacation.They get in heap of trouble and wake up in jail. They find out they all have been sentenced to die in the electric chair.
Sven is the first to be strapped in the electric chair, and the guards ask if he has any last words. Sven says, "I yust gradeated from St. Yohn's College in Minnesooota, with a degree in divinity studies, and I am a good Christian man. But if it is God's will for me to die, so be it."
The guards throw the switch and nothing happens. The guards get on their knees and say, "You are surely a Godly man and we are going to let you go."
Lars is next to be strapped into the electric chair, and the guards ask if he has any last words. Lars says, "I yust graduated from Concordia college in Moorhead, Minnisooota with a degree in divinity studies, and I am a God fearing man. If it is my time to die, it is God's will."
The guards throw the switch and nothing happens. The guards say, "You also are a Godly man and we are going to let you go."
Ole is the last to be strapped into the electric chair. The guards ask him if he has any last words. Ole says, "Vel, I yust gradueted from Purdue in electrical engineering; and, I'll tell ya right now dat if you don't plug dat ting in, it ain't gonna work."
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Gamla Hälsingebock
post 15.Nov.2018, 03:16 PM
Post #56
Joined: 21.Dec.2006

Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS?

A: It's the same as a French kiss, but 'downunder.'
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Bsmith
post 16.Nov.2018, 01:07 PM
Post #57
Joined: 25.Jun.2009

Ole and Olga were parked in the dark, making out in the front seat of Ole's car.
When things got hot and heavy, Ole said "Olga, would you like to get in the back seat now?"
Olga replied, "no Ole, I'd rather stay in the front seat with you."
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Gamla Hälsingebock
post 16.Nov.2018, 06:12 PM
Post #58
Joined: 21.Dec.2006

That could be a great "Blonde" joke...

Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS?

A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.
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Bsmith
post 24.Jan.2019, 04:18 PM
Post #59
Joined: 25.Jun.2009

Do you know the recipe for Irish Bean Soup?

It is important to use exactly 239 beans. One bean more and it would be too farty.
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Gamla Hälsingebock
post 24.Jan.2019, 05:14 PM
Post #60
Joined: 21.Dec.2006

Ugh!!!
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