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Slow Sunday Joke Off!

Spread a smile or two!

Gamla Hälsingebock
post 17.Jan.2014, 06:22 PM
Post #76
Joined: 21.Dec.2006

That's what happens to people who put their elbows in their ears!
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Seamus Sean
post 17.Jan.2014, 08:51 PM
Post #77
Joined: 4.Oct.2009

At the risk of repeating myself, here is one of my favourite jokes about the 3 lads...lets call them all Paddy in honour of the wagon...

The 3 Paddies found themselves in London, broke and out of work.
One day Paddy the English spotted an ad on the paper, the Metropolitan force were recruiting. A steady job, decent wages, pension and you didn
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Gamla Hälsingebock
post 18.Jan.2014, 03:00 AM
Post #78
Joined: 21.Dec.2006

Wait a minute!!! Shouldn't these jokes only be posted on Sundays???
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Gamla Hälsingebock
post 18.Jan.2014, 04:45 AM
Post #79
Joined: 21.Dec.2006

I disagree the OP wanted to spice up a slow Sunday...Ergo this thread!!!
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Seamus Sean
post 18.Jan.2014, 10:45 AM
Post #80
Joined: 4.Oct.2009

QUOTE (Gamla H?lsingebock @ 18.Jan.2014, 04:45 AM) *
I disagree the OP wanted to spice up a slow Sunday...Ergo this thread!!!



Sunday...Friday whenever, all that matters is we try and bring a little bit of humour into people?s lives, give them a giggle, cheer them up, life can be a drag so if you can make someone smile regardless of the day then do it!



personally I would prefer if Ivor could restrict his posting to just one date...Feb 29th would be great...but it?s a free world and he and his kind are free to post when they want! smile.gif
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Seamus Sean
post 18.Jan.2014, 11:52 AM
Post #81
Joined: 4.Oct.2009

QUOTE (Ivor steph? @ 18.Jan.2014, 11:16 AM) *
I saw a ginger guy at the self checkout of our local ICA food store.. When all of a suden we hear "unexpected item in the bagging area". Condoms.



Why would they be speaking in English in your local ICA?

Don?t they know 14% of people in Sweden can?t speak English?


And I see you are not only racist but consider minority groups such as ginger people as being fair game when it comes to your mocking!

By the way when was the last time you bought a pack of rubbers?




and any chance you could find a funny joke now and then?
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Kn33grow
post 18.Jan.2014, 12:07 PM
Post #82
Joined: 13.Aug.2012

Pathetic.Give it a break dude,take your crusade against Ivor his people and his ancestors through Private message.

Why act so childish?
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Seamus Sean
post 18.Jan.2014, 12:58 PM
Post #83
Joined: 4.Oct.2009

QUOTE (Kn33grow @ 18.Jan.2014, 12:07 PM) *
Pathetic.Give it a break dude,take your crusade against Ivor his people and his ancestors through Private message.. Why act so childish?



What crusade?

If Ivor mocks me I think in this free world we find ourselves living in that I should be allowed to have a pop back...or should it just be one way??


By the way this thread is about jokes...and you aren
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Seamus Sean
post 18.Jan.2014, 01:07 PM
Post #84
Joined: 4.Oct.2009

Late at night a man was walking homeward on the dark streets of Belfast when suddenly he felt a gun in his back and a whispered voice in his ear asked
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Hallander
post 18.Jan.2014, 01:11 PM
Post #85
Joined: 4.Mar.2009

[quote]By the way this thread is about jokes...and you aren
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Seamus Sean
post 18.Jan.2014, 02:19 PM
Post #86
Joined: 4.Oct.2009

QUOTE (Hallander @ 18.Jan.2014, 01:11 PM) *
Nor are you.



Hey you
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Seamus Sean
post 18.Jan.2014, 04:38 PM
Post #87
Joined: 4.Oct.2009

What's the difference between a tea bag and Man United?







A tea bag stays in a cup longer. laugh.gif
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Svensksmith
post 18.Jan.2014, 05:12 PM
Post #88
Joined: 28.Jul.2011

A woman places her purchases on the conveyer belt at the check out station of the grocery store: a loaf of bread, a carton of milk, a can of coffee, a bunch of bananas and a box of cereal. An obviously drunk man who is standing in line behind her states, "I bet you're single."

The woman studies her purchases and can't understand how he can deduce that she is indeed unmarried. "Yes, I am single, how did you know," she asks?

"Cuz you're ugly".
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Seamus Sean
post 18.Jan.2014, 06:04 PM
Post #89
Joined: 4.Oct.2009

QUOTE (Svensksmith @ 18.Jan.2014, 05:12 PM) *
A woman places her purchases on the conveyer belt at the check out station of the grocery store: a loaf of bread, a carton of milk, a can of coffee, a bunch of bananas and a ... (show full quote)



biggrin.gif biggrin.gif


a similar one...hey could have been the same lady...

the woman gets to the checkout, two kids in tow and as she is loading up her stuff the guy at the till asks her...

"Are they twins?"

"No" she replies some what bemused, "Mary is 10 and Johnny is 6, why do you think they look alike?" she asks...

"Not a bit" he says, "It
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Seamus Sean
post 19.Jan.2014, 10:45 AM
Post #90
Joined: 4.Oct.2009

A store that sells husbands has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men.

The store is composed of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.

There is, however, a catch.

As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.

So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?"

So up she goes. The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids. The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?"

And up she goes again. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking. "Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?"
The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework. "Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!"

And again she heads up another flight. The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the
housework and have a strong romantic streak. "Oh, mercy me! But just think... what must be awaiting me further on?"

So up to the sixth floor she goes. The sixth floor sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 6,875,953,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
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