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Slow Sunday Joke Off!

Spread a smile or two!

Gamla Hälsingebock
post 18.Mar.2014, 04:41 PM
Post #136
Joined: 21.Dec.2006

Any discussion with/about Romania!!!
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Hisingen
post 19.Mar.2014, 02:58 PM
Post #137
Joined: 5.Jul.2012

Ivor you are so sick.
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*Guest*
post 20.Mar.2014, 11:01 AM
Post #138


A Canadian, an American and a China man are stranded on a deserted island. The Canadian tells the others that he will be in charge of food. American volunteers to be in charge of water and the Chinese man says he will be in charge of supplies. They split up to do their jobs and decide to meet up later. When the Canadian and the American return, there is no sign of the Chinese man. Days pass by, but they still can't find their friend. One day as they are walking along a path, the Chinese man jumps from the bushes and yells "SUPPLIES!"
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Gamla Hälsingebock
post 29.Mar.2014, 02:17 PM
Post #139
Joined: 21.Dec.2006

I just got this and laughed out loud...Good one!!!




Hitler in the bunker video.
http://safeshare.tv/w/jyeqLxShwx
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Bsmith
post 17.Jun.2015, 12:52 PM
Post #140
Joined: 25.Jun.2009

An 18 year old Italian girl tells her mom that she is late and suspects she may be pregnant. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, 'Who wasa the pig that did this to you? I want to know!'

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house.

A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the Ferrari and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation, but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.

Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach-front villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account.

If a boy is born , my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account.

If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each.

However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?'

At this point, the father, who had remained silent holding a shotgun, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder, looks him directly in the eyes and tells him "You-a gonna try again!"
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Bsmith
post 24.Nov.2016, 06:10 PM
Post #141
Joined: 25.Jun.2009

Dentist: This is gonna hurt a little.

Patient: Okay.

Dentist: I'm screwing your mom.
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Gjeebes
post 24.Nov.2016, 06:22 PM
Post #142
Joined: 20.Feb.2012

So, these two Irishmun walk out of a pub.

WHAT...it's possible!
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Gamla Hälsingebock
post 24.Nov.2016, 06:22 PM
Post #143
Joined: 21.Dec.2006

Formerly posted...

When Donald trump moves into the White House, he will be the first American billionaire to occupy public housing...recently vacated by a black family...
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Bsmith
post 28.Nov.2016, 12:15 AM
Post #144
Joined: 25.Jun.2009

A woman and a man meet at a rapid dating service

The man sits down and says, "I've only got three questions.""OK," replies the woman. He asks, "do you like to clean?" She says, "I love cleaning." He asks, "do you like to cook?" She says, "I love cooking."He says, "Fantastic, But I have one last question. Do you like sex?" She says, "I like it infrequently."He says, "Umm, is that one word or two?"
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mjennin2
post 1.Dec.2016, 09:42 PM
Post #145
Location: Västra Götaland
Joined: 8.Mar.2010

So a blonde, a brunette and a red head are stranded on a deserted island when they happen upon a magic genie lamp.

The genie offers them each 1 wish.

Brunette (Br): I wish I was at home with my family and a large steak dinner. *POOF* Granted.
Red Head (RH): I wish I was at home with my family and a large steak dinner, with a million dollars in my pocket. *POOF* Granted.
Blonde (Bl): [Thinks for a moment or two]: Well I sure am getting lonely, I wish my friends were back here with me. *POOF* Granted!

Not enough funny??? Ok, let's continue tongue.gif

So they're all stuck on the island again and decide to swim for mainland.

Br: [Swims 25% of the way but gets tired and turns around]
RH: [Swims 33% of the way but gets tired and turns around]
Bl: [Swims 50% of the way but gets tired and turns around]

Get it? She swam a total of 100% of the way??? laugh.gif

Ok, I'll redeem myself...

So, the three girls are back on the deserted island but then they get overrun by hostile natives. They tie the girls up and draw their bow n' arrows.

Natives: Ready... aim...
Br: TSUNAMI!!
...the natives turn around and the brunette is able to escape. So the natives turn to the red head.

Natives: Ready...aim...
RH: EARTHQUAKE!!
...the natives look every which way and the red head is able to escape. So the natives turn to the blonde.

Natives: Ready...aim...
Bl: FIRE!!
...and the natives shoot.


****
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange ya glad you just spent the last 15 minutes of your life reading the dumbest blonde jokes you've ever seen?

biggrin.gif Miss you all, Locallers! Been busy with our new baby. Haven't lost my mind completely yet, but then again, winter hasn't yet fully arrived...
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Bsmith
post 1.Dec.2016, 09:54 PM
Post #146
Joined: 25.Jun.2009

Congrats on the baby!
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Bsmith
post 1.Dec.2016, 10:02 PM
Post #147
Joined: 25.Jun.2009

Got the Christmas lights up today:Attached Image
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Gamla Hälsingebock
post 1.Dec.2016, 11:20 PM
Post #148
Joined: 21.Dec.2006

Boy...I dunno...

In the old days TheLocal was everything that a person needed...Now we have people leaving this oasis of conviviality to have...may I say it??? Children!!!

What next???...A president named Trump!!!

Congratulations... laugh.gif

I too have a penchant for blond jokes...Here is one:

Two blonds are separated by a stream...One blond calls over to the blond on the other side...And asks how can I get to the other side???

The opposite side blond replies...But, you are on the other side!!!
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mjennin2
post 3.Dec.2016, 12:52 PM
Post #149
Location: Västra Götaland
Joined: 8.Mar.2010

QUOTE (Bsmith @ 1.Dec.2016, 08:54 PM) *
Congrats on the baby!

Thank you!!

QUOTE (Gamla H?lsingebock @ 1.Dec.2016, 10:20 PM) *
Boy...I dunno...In the old days TheLocal was everything that a person needed...Now we have people leaving this oasis of conviviality to have...may I say it??? Children!& ... (show full quote)

I could keep blonde jokes going forever ;D

There was a blonde that was over weight, so her doctor put her on a diet of eating two days in a row and then skipping the third, and repeating that pattern for 2 weeks.

When she had returned for a follow-up appointment, the doctor noted she had lost 30 pounds.
"Great job!" he said.
Blonde responds, "It was tough work - I thought the third day was going to kill me!"
Dr: "Why, from not eating?"
Bl: "No, from all the skipping!"

laugh.gif
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Gamla Hälsingebock
post 3.Dec.2016, 01:51 PM
Post #150
Joined: 21.Dec.2006

Oh, yeah!!!

One blond says to another...Look, a dead bird...The other blond looks up!!! laugh.gif
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