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Slow Sunday Joke Off!

Spread a smile or two!

Seamus Sean
post 17.Jan.2014, 07:22 AM
Post #61
Joined: 4.Oct.2009

Even mocking the unborn now!



Lower than a rattlesnakes belly is our Ivor!


I can see why you spent all Xmas on here posting, with an attitude like yours how could you have mates!


I hope the wee baby is born fine and healthy, if you dislike someone you don
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Gamla Hälsingebock
post 17.Jan.2014, 02:02 PM
Post #62
Joined: 21.Dec.2006

I thought that we did "dead" corpses already laugh.gif
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Seamus Sean
post 17.Jan.2014, 02:20 PM
Post #63
Joined: 4.Oct.2009

QUOTE (Gamla H?lsingebock @ 17.Jan.2014, 02:02 PM) *
I thought that we did "dead" corpses already laugh.gif



Necrophilia??

And less of the WE if that is what you are on about!

I was just listing some of the more memorable topics lil`Ivor has been getting worked up over, I could have mentioned ?many more.

Anyway...where?s the humour...the jokes, it?s Friday start the weekend with a giggle! biggrin.gif
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Seamus Sean
post 17.Jan.2014, 02:52 PM
Post #64
Joined: 4.Oct.2009

Gamla you and your dead corpses got me thinking and a joke I heard many moons ago came back to me...


In Holland you have of course legal ladies of the night and brothels and such but there are still back street run brothels and one night a raid on such a premises took place.

There was squad cars and paddy wagons and cops all over the place, scantily dressed young women being led away to one wagon the customers being led to another.

On the top floor of the building the police entered a room and found a pretty young girl astride a dead man, a corpse, a dead corpse even, this was a new one even for the Dutch coppers.

Not knowing what to charge her with the judge was summoned, a grumpy man at the best of times his humour was far from good at 4am that cold winters morning, he read the cops report and demanded he see the girl in question.

She was led into the room he was sat in and he looked her up and down and spoke...

"I can see you are a very pretty and seemingly intelligent young woman" he said in a sympathetic voice "Now what in God
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Seamus Sean
post 17.Jan.2014, 03:30 PM
Post #65
Joined: 4.Oct.2009

QUOTE (Ivor steph? @ 17.Jan.2014, 03:01 PM) *
Is that like a horse and cart/caravan? please elaborate.



I keep forgetting there are those such as yourself that need jokes explained...I know how that poor blind guy a jokes back felt!

Anyway Ivor I shall educate you, during the American civil war when my ancestors were forced to go fight and free your ancestors many didn?t agree with the way the wealthy could buy their way outta the draft and they rioted.

Most of those rioting were Irish so the name given to the wagons taking them away was Paddy wagon and the name remains today.

You don?t know much Ivor but stick around kid and we?ll teach you a thing or two...dead corpse...still cracks me up that one! biggrin.gif
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Seamus Sean
post 17.Jan.2014, 04:07 PM
Post #66
Joined: 4.Oct.2009

QUOTE (Ivor steph? @ 17.Jan.2014, 03:49 PM) *
Thanks for clearing that up.. I didn't realise that the Irish were so synonymous with rioting, that law enforcement felt the need to name an incarceration vehicle after them.



It was more a case of fighting back against an injustice, the rich and privileged could pay money and avoid being sent to war were as the Irish were expected to go fight to free your people from a life of cotton picking.

I hope you don?t get the wrong idea and think the riots were like the ones your people had in LA when a drugged up drunk driver was caught speeding and brutally beaten by the cops or recently in London when the police shot and killed another one of your people and lots of your people went looting and such for days.

Maybe it?s time they changed the name from paddy to something else...any suggestions Ivor?
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Seamus Sean
post 17.Jan.2014, 04:29 PM
Post #67
Joined: 4.Oct.2009

QUOTE (Ivor steph? @ 17.Jan.2014, 04:11 PM) *
What exactly is "my people"?



That should be "Who are my people?" Ivor. No need to thank me again for clearing things up for you...we are here to educate you! wink.gif
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Seamus Sean
post 17.Jan.2014, 04:52 PM
Post #68
Joined: 4.Oct.2009

Well done Ivor, I am most impressed that you saw where you made the mistake in your previous post, saying what instead of who and have now taken on board what I thought you and now your question is being asked correctly.

I will try and help you in anyway I can.

Much improved Ivor! smile.gif
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Hisingen
post 17.Jan.2014, 04:58 PM
Post #69
Joined: 5.Jul.2012

Seamus Boyo, is it yourself that is now given to extracting the Michael?
Sure, bejabers, we'll be callin' the Paddy wagon out for you before your can say Guinness.

tongue.gif tongue.gif
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Seamus Sean
post 17.Jan.2014, 05:14 PM
Post #70
Joined: 4.Oct.2009

Tis indeed Hisinggen...I hope I didn
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Hisingen
post 17.Jan.2014, 05:31 PM
Post #71
Joined: 5.Jul.2012

When you think of all the jokes told about 'an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman' and depending upon which is telling it, then we all come out as the loser at one time or another.
Same with the Scandinavians, hence here in Sweden it is usually the Norwegian that comes out second best. But that is the point of humour, you give and take.
Unfortunately when you turn on the TV and get some of today's so-called comedians telling what they think are funny jokes, they basically consist of four-letter words and sexual innuendos, and are about as funny as - well I leave that to you.
One of my favourite comedians is Ken Dodd, who, despite his advancing years, can still have the audience rolling in the aisles.
People say that we have to accept today's coarseness, since it is 'everyday'. But I am old-fashioned in that respect, and when a comedian gets coarse, as so many do, I simply turn them off. Humour does not need that. And jokes that make you pause and think for a second or two often are far funnier than the blatant kind.
On BBC the other evening there was a program with one of Ireland's greats. You surely know who I mean - Dave Allen. He gave us hours of sheer fun. Alas there are very few like him today.
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Gamla Hälsingebock
post 17.Jan.2014, 06:09 PM
Post #72
Joined: 21.Dec.2006

That brings to mind one stanza of the Norwegian national anthem:...

"Ten thousand Swedes running through the weeds...being chased by...one Norwegian"!!!
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intrepidfox
post 17.Jan.2014, 06:14 PM
Post #73
Location: Gothenburg
Joined: 18.Jul.2012

An Englishman, a Scot and and Irishman all get ten years in prison. They all get one request. The Englishman asks for lots of girls, the Scot asks for lots of booze and the Irishman asks for cigarettes.
Ten years later they open the cells. The Englishman is shattered, the Scot is pissed and the Irishman asks for a light
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intrepidfox
post 17.Jan.2014, 06:19 PM
Post #74
Location: Gothenburg
Joined: 18.Jul.2012

One i always liked.

One fine day in the middle of the night,
Two dead boys* got up to fight,
Back to back they faced each other,
Drew their swords and shot each other,
One was blind and the other couldn't, see
So they chose a dummy for a referee.
A blind man went to see fair play,
A dumb man went to shout "hooray!"
A paralysed donkey passing by,
Kicked the blind man in the eye,
Knocked him through a nine inch wall,
Into a dry ditch and drowned them all,
A deaf policeman heard the noise,
And came to arrest the two dead boys,
If you don't believe this story
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Hisingen
post 17.Jan.2014, 06:20 PM
Post #75
Joined: 5.Jul.2012

A little Cockney lad was walking past a tailor's shop in the East End, when, looking up, he read the sign.
"Isaac Schink. Vad you tink. I make suits for nuttink."
In the need of a new suit. the Cockney went in, got measured, and placed his order, to be collected the next week.
The next week arrives, and our little Cockney goes back to the shop to collect his suit, and is both dismayed and shocked to be presented with quite a hefty bill.
But your sign says "Isaac Schink. Vad you tink. I make suits for nuttink." he complained.
"My boy, you got it wrong. That ain't vad it says at all. This is vad it says." and the tailor gives the Cockney the true version of his sign.
"Isaac Schink."
"VAD??"
"You tink I make suits for nuttink????????"

It's all in the saying. don't you agree?

rolleyes.gif
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