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help me to like Sweden

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Lamy
post 27.Apr.2016, 09:47 PM
Post #76
Joined: 13.Nov.2015

QUOTE (Lazarzero @ 27.Apr.2016, 06:10 PM) *
To the OP, Lamy, .... So get out there. Enjoy life. Don't stay here. If it sucks now it's gonna suck harder when you get older. Trust me. This is a fact.


Such a great post Lazarzero. Thanks a lot for taking time to write this down.
I do think about the day I have kids and I won't relate to them because their Swedish culture will be very strong, I do think about that day I will be old and lonely and surrounded by people that feels like martians to me. And this is truly scary. Right now, it's no biggie as I don't have kids but the clock is ticking. The feeling of not being able to relate to my own children...this is hard. Sometimes I even consider having kids here and leaving just before they start going to school.

My swede considers two other countries if I was going to able to show him that the lifestyle would be better there. For instance, t's hard to say that UK is better on the standard of living. The pros in Sweden are very strong when it comes to quality housing and fresh air!

Are you moving to Lyon alone? It's great choice.
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Lamy
post 27.Apr.2016, 09:49 PM
Post #77
Joined: 13.Nov.2015

QUOTE (Bsmith @ 27.Apr.2016, 07:33 PM) *
My daughter spent a couple of weeks in France for a school trip. She found the people to be rude. I guess it depends on which part of the elephant you are looking at.


French people might not be super nice with tourists. But when it comes to friendship, having a good laugh, a conversational dinner then they are great!
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Lazarzero
post 27.Apr.2016, 09:58 PM
Post #78
Joined: 22.Jun.2015

QUOTE (Lamy @ 27.Apr.2016, 10:47 PM) *
Such a great post Lazarzero. Thanks a lot for taking time to write this down. I do think about the day I have kids and I won't relate to them because their Swedish culture ... (show full quote)

I'm moving to Lyon with my Belgian friend. It's interesting the way we met: he'd been living in my apartment for about a year. But I'd never talked to him because by that time I'd adopted many Swedish social habits like not making friends directly. I thought he was Swedish for the longest time. We started speaking by chance and have been great friends since.

This is what I'm talking about how you adopt Swedish social habits if you live here long enough. If I'd have adopted the Swedish habit of being paranoid of making friends directly and only make friends thru social clubs or a Swedish lover, I'd have missed out on a great friend. We have few of the same interests and I'd never have met him in the social clubs I'd be interested in joining.

People are all over Stockholm, but it's against some invisible here law to make friends directly? How pathetic is that?
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Lamy
post 27.Apr.2016, 09:58 PM
Post #79
Joined: 13.Nov.2015

I think my Swedish partner will take it as a defeat if we leave Sweden. Let see if there is a Brexit first...
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Lamy
post 27.Apr.2016, 10:26 PM
Post #80
Joined: 13.Nov.2015

QUOTE (Lazarzero @ 27.Apr.2016, 10:58 PM) *
I'm moving to Lyon with my Belgian friend. It's interesting the way we met: he'd been living in my apartment for about a year. But I'd never talked to him beca ... (show full quote)


For some reason I have a problem expressing my feeling to my sambo. To him, I am probably whining (as you said). He thinks that I say 'Boo boo Swedish people are a virus'. It's hard to tell him how hard it is to relate to them. I mean Swedish people look good, clean, well dressed, organised, not intrusive. Why complaining? In other countries we had some serious social case surrounding us. Neighbours might not be friendly here but they aren't white trash.
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Lazarzero
post 27.Apr.2016, 10:31 PM
Post #81
Joined: 22.Jun.2015

QUOTE (Lamy @ 27.Apr.2016, 10:58 PM) *
I think my Swedish partner will take it as a defeat if we leave Sweden. Let see if there is a Brexit first...

In what way will it be a defeat? Could you elaborate on what you mean by defeat?

And a defeat for who? You? Him? The both of you?

Living in Sweden and adopting Swedish social habits is a defeat in itself. Not just Stockholm but the entire country feels like it was made by a modern real estate developer. Nothing about this country gives you the feeling that it's a nation that has been around for centuries with an old and thriving culture and fascinating history.

At one point I had convinced myself that Sweden was built one year before I had arrived and all that talk about this being a country that has been around for centuries is just an elaborate hoax that's managed to fool most of the world. For a while there I spent days researching the possibility that Sweden wasn't a real country but some soulless place created by some European corporation. I thought IKEA had built Sweden in the early 2000s and Sweden was all some big joke.

Sometimes I think about how sad to realize this is a real country. There is no fascinating culture or history here. It really, really, REALLY does feel like the entire country of Sweden was made in the early 2000s by IKEA or some other corporation --and all the Swedes are just worker drones created to give the impression that this is a real country. I never thought it was possible for a country to be this lifeless, especially not one that's supposed to be around for hundreds of years.

I know your dude has given you garbage about how this is a great place to raise kids. But Swedish society doesn't value kids being overachievers and standing out alone as their own individual. What you'll gain in terms of having a safe place to raise kids, you'll lose in terms of having a kid that is adventurous, outgoing, and lively. That's the real defeat right there.

No need to wait for Brexit. If you're desperate to move now, you're desperation won't subside.
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Lazarzero
post 27.Apr.2016, 10:42 PM
Post #82
Joined: 22.Jun.2015

QUOTE (Lamy @ 27.Apr.2016, 11:26 PM) *
For some reason I have a problem expressing my feeling to my sambo. To him, I am probably whining (as you said). He thinks that I say 'Boo boo Swedish people are a virus&# ... (show full quote)

Even though I gave you an elaborate way to convince your sambo to move, you don't have to use it. If you're unhappy, then you need to express it to him to the point where he cares about your feelings. The problems you have relating to Swedes is what all expats have experienced. Some are willing to express them. Some are not. But we've all experienced this from Swedes. To go further, Swedes themselves have experienced this and dislike it but they give themselves a plethora of phony reasons why they think it's okay. The main reason why Swedes don't talk about what they dislike here is because they've been indoctrinated with the idea that you shouldn't express your opinion no matter what. That's why it's difficult to get a Swede to be upfront about the negatives of life here. Even Swedes who have lived abroad and have taken to the idea of expressing themselves feel uncomfortable with expressing themselves even online.

Sure, Sweden is clean and safe. But it's isolating. You're in Sweden living alone. The rest of the world is out there making things happen without fear of being intrusive to others all the time. Swedish people are a virus. If you live here long enough you'll adopt Swede social habits where you have a virus that makes you feel scared that everything you do to someone else intrusive.
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Lamy
post 27.Apr.2016, 10:49 PM
Post #83
Joined: 13.Nov.2015

QUOTE (Lazarzero @ 27.Apr.2016, 11:31 PM) *
In what way will it be a defeat? Could you elaborate on what you mean by defeat?And a defeat for who? You? Him? The both of you?Living in Sweden and adopting Swedish social ha ... (show full quote)


It would be a defeat for me because of that (certainly fake) image of perfect Sweden. A defeat for him to fail his come back. He left the country for 10 years, I returned with him. Actually he warned me before moving here (and I asked to move here, I wanted to give it a try). He didn't sell it as a dream place at all. I came a few times on holidays and it felt so relaxing when living in hectic London.

So now, I have to find a better place to live to prove my point of of leaving the country.

Well, there is an old castle here and there to reming you that Sweden was build before Ikea...
The colours, the green, the parks, everything is made for joy. How can it turn out so flat and tasteless?
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Lamy
post 27.Apr.2016, 11:19 PM
Post #84
Joined: 13.Nov.2015

I really do think that your plan to explain how I feel was great. My guy is Swedish, he needs organised thoughts and well spoken ideas...but I am a latin, so I am more intuitive and emotional. Basically I am an emotional mess for Swedish people.

Swedes don't say what they think or don't allow themselves to think or argue. How the f can we have a conversation if nobody want to take a stand or something. In France, it is the national sport to say what you think.

My sambo wants me to try harder, to have a better level in Swedish (I speak like a 3 years old). He is not convinced himself with the population here, he is not patriotic at all. I feel like I have to nail my experience on all levels (work, projects, friends, language) to be taken seriously. Otherwise, it sounds lazy. So I might have to stay longer. I just don't want to have kids growing up here.



QUOTE (Lazarzero @ 27.Apr.2016, 11:42 PM) *
Even though I gave you an elaborate way to convince your sambo to move, you don't have to use it. If you're unhappy, then you need to express it to him to the point wh ... (show full quote)
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ChocOwl
post 28.Apr.2016, 08:26 AM
Post #85
Joined: 17.Jan.2011

QUOTE (Lazarzero @ 27.Apr.2016, 11:31 PM) *
Not just Stockholm but the entire country feels like it was made by a modern real estate developer. Nothing about this country gives you the feeling that it's a nation tha ... (show full quote)

Have you spent any time in rural areas? This doesn't match my experience of living in a small village in a rural area at all.
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Hisingen
post 28.Apr.2016, 09:21 AM
Post #86
Joined: 5.Jul.2012

I see that llittle zero ° is still monopolizing these forums with his/her/its page after page of anti Swedish paranoia. Obviously he/she/it must be unemployed to have so much free time. But don't take too much notice since the rubbish written is so full of holes you could sail a ship through it.

Take a look at this one - in Swedish - but about a happy Brit in Gbg. Oh yes, there are some, although little zero ° would have you believe it is impossible.

One more happy-to-be-in-Sweden Brit

Oh, and have a nice day as those 'Hail fellow well met' yanks might say .

rolleyes.gif
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Lazarzero
post 28.Apr.2016, 09:38 AM
Post #87
Joined: 22.Jun.2015

QUOTE (Lamy @ 28.Apr.2016, 12:19 AM) *
I really do think that your plan to explain how I feel was great. My guy is Swedish, he needs organised thoughts and well spoken ideas...but I am a latin, so I am more intuiti ... (show full quote)

Lamy, Laurelia is bitching at you for expecting Stockholm to be like London. Lemme tell you that it's perfectly acceptable to expect something like that. At one point in history, the Swedes had an empire so strong it's said they could take on Britain, France, and Russia at the same time by themselves. They had colonies where they spread Swedish art, language, government, religion, and social norms.

Stockholm was the nerve center of this empire. It's very acceptable for a city that was once the capital of one of the most formidable empires in Europe to expected to having thriving cultural activities and a dynamic feel. You'd expect some sort of mini London. But no, it's not. It's more like a giant new town in the UK. Due to its lack of culture or vibe, Stockholm feels closer to Bracknell, Milton Keynes, or Basingstoke than it does London. You might as well call Stockholm Stockingstoke because, aside from the fact that people speak Swedish here, you would almost think you're in some sort of new town in the UK.

You ask a very reasonable question, "Can anyone help me to like Sweden?" and only one person who claims to love it here has made an effort to help you. Unbelievable. You say anything bad here and the pro-Sweden people show up in droves to shut you down. You politely ask them to describe in detail what makes this place great and they log off. Now they're too busy to talk about Sweden.

These idiots are like a swarm of mosquitoes. You swat one and two show up to take that one's place.

It's not your fault for disliking this place. People on this forum will talk at great length about getting an apartment, filing taxes, getting a job, finding a restaurant, finding a school, etc. When asking these people to talk in great length about what makes this place great you get crickets chirping. Swedes and non-Swedes don't think it's worth the effort to describe at length what makes this place great. How is it hard NOT to see something wrong with this country?

The only dude here who has made an effort to promote this place is that miniviking kid. Just one guy out of hundreds of people who frequent this forum and say they love it here? Un-be-fucking-lievable!
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007
post 28.Apr.2016, 10:22 AM
Post #88
Location: Stockholm
Joined: 2.Apr.2006

QUOTE (Martian @ 27.Apr.2016, 04:00 PM) *
Why do you want to close the thread? You just sounded like a judge with a final verdict. Why not share your experience before concluding the thread is over?
it sounded like the OP's sought advice had been delivered and received. share my experience? life is great, but no one wants to hear that on this thread LOL.


QUOTE (Apache001 @ 27.Apr.2016, 04:11 PM) *
007 does it mean someone would like to move to Sweden by hating it before coming, that's interesting to hear.
i'm not understanding what you're saying, so i'm going to go with: no,it doesn't mean that.

QUOTE (Apache001 @ 27.Apr.2016, 04:11 PM) *
You want us foreigners to fall on the floor and greet Swedes before we are accepted in the society, doesn't that sound socially oppressive, even when many people here have ... (show full quote)

again, not sure where you're getting this from, but, eh, no, i didn't mean that either.

QUOTE (Lamy @ 27.Apr.2016, 04:49 PM) *
This is a very Swedish reaction from 007. Maybe he has been here for too long. 'Let's not talk anymore'.

smelling troll in that sort of response. baiting people? why?

QUOTE (Lamy @ 27.Apr.2016, 09:47 PM) *
I do think about the day I have kids and I won't relate to them because their Swedish culture will be very strong, I do think about that day I will be old and lonely and s ... (show full quote)

back to the solution you already resolved, you will find like-minded people so you have fun and ultimately plan your exit. what's with the nonsensical and whiney speculation? (smelling more eau-de-troll)

of course, you are very bored, have no friends and want to feel like you're not a loser...that would explain the need to beat this dead horse. go on out and do something. life is out there for the taking smile.gif
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james21
post 28.Apr.2016, 10:35 AM
Post #89
Joined: 13.Feb.2016

I don't generally have so much time but I admit getting distracted by anti-swedish post sometimes.
I came here a year back and made the plan to quit this fake country within two month.

The first month came as a shock to realize and persuade myself to believe that yes, after eight years of corporate experience (all with English speaking countries) except for CPH and then Sweden, this was really the dumbest form of imperious discrimination that I was experiencing here.

The greatest issue was/is that CPH is radically different from Sweden (or the other way.. whatever).
The point is, people here are insular, condescending and show hauteur.

What appalled me was how educated people (should actually just call literate) discriminate other educated colleagues. Outside it's okay because people don't know me personally and probably they are too prejudiced of their skin color. Sad!

Anyway.. this is the ground reality here. Was a great loss coz I thought of settling here after the positive experience in CPH.

But now finally, i'm moving back to CPH. To hell with this <expletive> country.

Peace out!
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Hisingen
post 28.Apr.2016, 11:01 AM
Post #90
Joined: 5.Jul.2012

QUOTE (james21 @ 28.Apr.2016, 09:35 AM) *
- - -. But now finally, i'm moving back to CPH. To hell with this <expletive> country. . Peace out!

That is just what all the bloody miseries on here should do.
B****r off, since they do neither themselves nor the environment any good staying here and moaning to high heaven and blaming everything and everyone Swedish for their own failure.Because so often that is just what it is.
Failure.
Failure to adapt, failure to accept, and failure to realise the fact that they are foreigners in a foreign country, and expecting the indigenous population to change to meet their requirements so that everything is just as it was back in their homeland.
Try Outer Mongolia - and see how that suits !! Or North Korea perhaps.

rolleyes.gif rolleyes.gif
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