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Slow Sunday Joke Off!

Spread a smile or two!

Gamla Hälsingebock
post 20.May.2018, 07:53 PM
Post #241
Joined: 21.Dec.2006

Yo mama so fat:









She has two watches one for each time zone she's in.
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Bsmith
post 21.May.2018, 12:38 PM
Post #242
Joined: 25.Jun.2009

What do you call a fly with no wings?



A walk
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Gamla Hälsingebock
post 21.May.2018, 02:34 PM
Post #243
Joined: 21.Dec.2006

It was so cold in D.C. today...

...that I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.
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Bsmith
post 21.May.2018, 03:30 PM
Post #244
Joined: 25.Jun.2009

Roses are red, violets are glorious,
Never sneak up on Oscar Pistorius.
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Bsmith
post 23.May.2018, 10:19 PM
Post #245
Joined: 25.Jun.2009

A blonde and her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor's dog. It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours. The blonde jumps up out of bed and says, "I've had enough of this". She goes downstairs.

She finally comes back up to bed and her husband says, "The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?"

The blonde says, "I put the dog in our backyard...let's see how THEY like it!
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Gamla Hälsingebock
post 24.May.2018, 01:00 AM
Post #246
Joined: 21.Dec.2006

What's the mating call of the blonde women?







"I'm sooooo drunk!"
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Bsmith
post 27.May.2018, 09:20 PM
Post #247
Joined: 25.Jun.2009

Yo mama so ugly


when she went into a haunted house she came out with a job application.
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Gamla Hälsingebock
post 28.May.2018, 12:09 AM
Post #248
Joined: 21.Dec.2006

Yo mama so fat...

When she filled out the entry application papers for the fat contest...




She was told sorry, no professionals allowed!!!
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Bsmith
post 28.May.2018, 09:52 PM
Post #249
Joined: 25.Jun.2009

You know what really burns my ass?...







A flame about 3 feet high.
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Bsmith
post 17.Jul.2018, 10:29 PM
Post #250
Joined: 25.Jun.2009

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Gamla Hälsingebock
post 17.Jul.2018, 10:39 PM
Post #251
Joined: 21.Dec.2006

laugh.gif
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Bsmith
post 21.Jul.2018, 10:51 PM
Post #252
Joined: 25.Jun.2009

A U.S. Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist, badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious state. The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.

The Marine reported, "I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road.

I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, low life scum bag who got what he deserved, and he yelled back that Ted Kennedy is a fat, good-for-nothing, left wing liberal drunk who doesn't know how to drive.

So I said that Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian!

He retaliated by yelling, "Oh yeah? Well, so does Hillary Clinton"

"And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a truck hit us."
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Gamla Hälsingebock
post 21.Jul.2018, 11:06 PM
Post #253
Joined: 21.Dec.2006

+10!!! laugh.gif
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Gamla Hälsingebock
post 22.Jul.2018, 01:24 AM
Post #254
Joined: 21.Dec.2006

Two men playing golf...

An old man and a brash know-it-all younger man...

Even though the younger man has a slight lead, the older man is still in the game but needs a way to overcome physical youth superiority...

At a critical point of the game, the young man is faced with a shot blocked by a large tree...The older man says, when I was your age I drove the ball over that tree...

The young man tries and fails, and his next shots cause him to lose the game...

He then asks how could you hit the ball over that tree???

The older man replies...when I was your age that tree was only six foot tall!!!
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Bsmith
post 4.Aug.2018, 02:34 PM
Post #255
Joined: 25.Jun.2009

The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."
"Yes", she says, "I remember it well."

"OK", he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"

"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."
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