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Six months in... does it get better?

Regretting moving here

yurodivy
post 24.Apr.2017, 07:49 PM
Post #1
Joined: 24.Apr.2017

Sorry, I'm not sure if this is the appropriate place, but I'm sure I'm not the first to write something like this... so where could I post this info?:

I've been in Sweden for about six months now and have hated almost every day here, and am seriously regretting coming here. Does it really get better?

The last six months of my life have comprised fighting to survive without a personnummer, fighting to find a place to live (yes, I'm in Stockholm), fighting to furnish the place I now live in which makes me want to cry when I think about how much it costs me, poring through myriad of insurance product info, etc., all in the grim, cold darkness. Every day I work and come home exhausted only to wake up exhausted and start again. It's now nearly May, which means I should be at least trying to enjoy life outside, but now all I want to do is sleep. I don't know if it's either me which is broken or if Sweden/Stockholm just sucks.

I try to be optimistic, but everything is so difficult, and even when I do have some small amount of spare time, I just want to stay home and sleep in the warmth: Despite Swedes telling me I live in a "nice" part of Stockholms län, the nearest thing which is marginally interesting is 20 minutes away by bike, so in this weather I either have to muster up the energy to ride through the cold, wet darkness for 20 minutes to enjoy mildly enjoyable beer/food and then 20 minutes back or to be carsick in a crowded bus for 30 minutes there and back: The only marginally "interesting" things I've found here are in Södermalm and even that is a joke when comparing it to how Swedes imagine it to be (it's nice but in no way have I found it to be "hipster", "alternative", or any of those other things). If I choose to walk, in 10 minutes I can get to a shopping center... whoopee. And this is still better than the temporary places I've had before.

The only people I know are my colleagues at work, and I have so much to do both at work and outside of it that I have hardly explored Stockholm in the half of a year I've been here... and the paperwork nightmare hasn't even ended and I need to apply for a new residence permit already (I can apply at most six months in advance and I know from my first experiences that it will probably take nearly that long to get it).

I've been cold, wet and on the verge of tears for half a year and honestly have been regularly thinking of ways to kill myself for nearly that time: I came here because I thought it would be a good career/life change, but it seems I've jumped from the frying pan into the (cold, wet) fire. Funnily enough, I've been told by more than one civil servant-type person that I should find a therapist but I don't even have the time to try to find one in a foreign country where I hardly even speak the language, and from my previous experiences in foreign countries, I know that therapists in Europe have absolutely no clue about the issues facing expats/immigrants, let alone non-European ones. And a decent therapist shouldn't even need to understand one's problems in order to help you sort through them, but these therapists are worse at their jobs than most European civil servants are at theirs.

I wish I could just drop everything and run away but I'm so exhausted I can't even plan to do that. I need to know if things really are as grim as they seem or if life here always starts this way.

Thanks for whatever words you can offer.
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Gamla Hälsingebock
post 24.Apr.2017, 08:07 PM
Post #2
Joined: 21.Dec.2006

That's the negative side...

Think of your victories:

You have a job.
You have a home.
You live in a nice neighborhood.
Etc., etc...

You began your stay in Sweden in the fall...Now it's springtime...The winter blahs are on the way out...

No matter where you are your inner happiness is up to you, you cannot expect to be made happy by others...

I know it is "corny" advice that has been totally overdone, but think happy...it works...

Remember small victories, one day at a time...

Good luck!!!

P/S: Suicide is a permanent answer for temporary problems!!!
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yurodivy
post 24.Apr.2017, 08:12 PM
Post #3
Joined: 24.Apr.2017

QUOTE (Gamla Hälsingebock @ 24.Apr.2017, 09:07 PM) *
You have a job.. You have a home.. You live in a nice neighborhood.


I don't like my job, my home or my neighborhood. And no matter what I do, I'm stuck here for the time being. And I see no other place to go. So these "victories" actually make me even more depressed...
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nicola4444
post 24.Apr.2017, 08:47 PM
Post #4
Joined: 4.Oct.2015

Is there anything in particular you want to know from us in The Local forum?

I noticed GH tried to be helpful by offering words of encouragement but it doesn't seem to be what you're looking for.
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Uncle Fred
post 24.Apr.2017, 09:13 PM
Post #5
Joined: 16.Apr.2008

yurodivy - You are a divvy! Is this what you call yourself?
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yurodivy
post 24.Apr.2017, 09:14 PM
Post #6
Joined: 24.Apr.2017

QUOTE (nicola4444 @ 24.Apr.2017, 09:47 PM) *
Is there anything in particular you want to know from us in The Local forum? I noticed GH tried to be helpful by offering words of encouragement but it doesn't seem to be ... (show full quote)


I don't know, but telling me that the things I have are great after I wrote a long tirade about how much I hate the exact same things isn't exactly what I'd personally do to try to cheer me up.
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yurodivy
post 24.Apr.2017, 09:15 PM
Post #7
Joined: 24.Apr.2017

QUOTE (Uncle Fred @ 24.Apr.2017, 10:13 PM) *
yurodivy - You are a divvy! Is this what you call yourself?


+1 for getting the reference.
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ChocOwl
post 24.Apr.2017, 09:30 PM
Post #8
Joined: 17.Jan.2011

QUOTE (yurodivy @ 24.Apr.2017, 08:49 PM) *
I've been in Sweden for about six months now and have hated almost every day here, and am seriously regretting coming here. Does it really get better?

In my experience: ABSOLUTELY YES!
Moving to Sweden in the autumn means the first period is very tough due to the dark and the cold (depending on where you come from of course). Get a light therapy lamp for next autumn/winter, you will never look back.
Sounds like you need a network of new friends to make life more enjoyable. There are ways and places to meet like-minded people but I understand you don't have the time and energy at the moment. How about making some small manageable goals to get this started? That will improve your quality of life.
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ChocOwl
post 24.Apr.2017, 10:01 PM
Post #9
Joined: 17.Jan.2011

OP, do you need to talk to someone urgently? There are several organisations with 24-hour help lines or chat services. I am sure you could find someone to talk or chat to in English if you need help immediately.
Ignore Gamla's shopping bag suggestion.
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yurodivy
post 24.Apr.2017, 10:17 PM
Post #10
Joined: 24.Apr.2017

QUOTE (ChocOwl @ 24.Apr.2017, 11:01 PM) *
OP, do you need to talk to someone urgently? There are several organisations with 24-hour help lines or chat services. I am sure you could find someone to talk or chat to in E ... (show full quote)


Emergency help will at the best just say that it gets better. The "most" they would do is lock me up for a few days and thereby ruin my employment, thus making my life even worse. Emergency services are for e.g. people whose girlfriend breaks up with them and for some reason this makes them want to off themselves, not for people who've not wanted to live for extremely long periods of time.

The reply to shopping bag was a snark to remind Gamla that he doesn't know how hard it is even to kill yourself, let alone what a hopeless life situation feels like. Perhaps he's trying some typical "reverse psychology" in a genuine attempt to help, but his responses suggest that he's either never been in a similar situation or forgot what it's like.
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Bsmith
post 24.Apr.2017, 10:35 PM
Post #11
Joined: 25.Jun.2009

If you are that unhappy, why can't you pack up and move? What is keeping you in Sweden? Seriously, if you are contemplating suicide (or is this statement just made for effect?), then get out now! Nothing, I repeat nothing is worth suicide.

If you can't for whatever reason, here are some things that may help. First off, the weather will be improving greatly now. Swedish summer is a lot better than Swedish winter. Secondly, you need to find a way to boost your morale. Alcohol is a mood enhancer. If you are already down, it won't help much. Better to try some natural approaches: sunshine, fish oil, vitamin D, exercise, natural herbs like ashwagandha, rhodiola rosea, holy basil, sam-e. I have never tried therapy, but you sound as if you desperately need it. "Pull yourself out of it", is terrible advice. You need help.
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ChocOwl
post 24.Apr.2017, 10:58 PM
Post #12
Joined: 17.Jan.2011

QUOTE (yurodivy @ 24.Apr.2017, 11:17 PM) *
Emergency help will at the best just say that it gets better. The "most" they would do is lock me up for a few days and thereby ruin my employment, thus making my li ... (show full quote)

Yes, but if you need contact in an emergency - don't hesitate to take the chance to talk or chat to someone if you need acute help.

http://www.beatingtheblues.com/ I thought this book was good, if you are looking for a book. But it sounds like you need a human to talk to.

Maybe this is helpful... Check how many "stress points" you have accrued in the past year or so. https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newTCS_82.htm
This can help you to understand why you feel crappy, and give hints for the future.
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Gamla Hälsingebock
post 24.Apr.2017, 11:19 PM
Post #13
Joined: 21.Dec.2006

This guy is just "winding" us up...
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Bsmith
post 24.Apr.2017, 11:42 PM
Post #14
Joined: 25.Jun.2009

Perhaps, but if he/she is genuine, then we should help. I would rather be a fool and err on the side of caution than to give some snarky reply and push someone over the edge.

And you know how I love the snarky replies.
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Uncle Fred
post 24.Apr.2017, 11:55 PM
Post #15
Joined: 16.Apr.2008

Time for some facts.

Where do you come from.
Why did you come to Sweden.
What is your nature of work.
How long have you been working in Sweden.
What is stopping you from returning home.
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