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Slow Sunday Joke Off!

Spread a smile or two!

Gamla Hälsingebock
post 19.May.2018, 05:12 PM
Post #256
Joined: 21.Dec.2006

Yo mamas so fat...

When I pictured her in my head...



I sprained my neck...
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Bsmith
post 20.May.2018, 01:48 PM
Post #257
Joined: 25.Jun.2009

Women call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. They then call me ugly and poor.
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Saywhatwhat
post 20.May.2018, 04:32 PM
Post #258
Joined: 15.Feb.2018

QUOTE (Bsmith @ 20.May.2018, 02:48 PM) *
Women call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. They then call me ugly and poor.



Lol! That's s great one!



Yo mamma so fat that when she sat on an iPhone she made an iPad
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Gamla Hälsingebock
post 20.May.2018, 07:53 PM
Post #259
Joined: 21.Dec.2006

Yo mama so fat:









She has two watches one for each time zone she's in.
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Bsmith
post 21.May.2018, 12:38 PM
Post #260
Joined: 25.Jun.2009

What do you call a fly with no wings?



A walk
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Gamla Hälsingebock
post 21.May.2018, 02:34 PM
Post #261
Joined: 21.Dec.2006

It was so cold in D.C. today...

...that I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.
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Bsmith
post 21.May.2018, 03:30 PM
Post #262
Joined: 25.Jun.2009

Roses are red, violets are glorious,
Never sneak up on Oscar Pistorius.
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Bsmith
post 23.May.2018, 10:19 PM
Post #263
Joined: 25.Jun.2009

A blonde and her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor's dog. It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours. The blonde jumps up out of bed and says, "I've had enough of this". She goes downstairs.

She finally comes back up to bed and her husband says, "The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?"

The blonde says, "I put the dog in our backyard...let's see how THEY like it!
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Gamla Hälsingebock
post 24.May.2018, 01:00 AM
Post #264
Joined: 21.Dec.2006

What's the mating call of the blonde women?







"I'm sooooo drunk!"
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Bsmith
post 27.May.2018, 09:20 PM
Post #265
Joined: 25.Jun.2009

Yo mama so ugly


when she went into a haunted house she came out with a job application.
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Gamla Hälsingebock
post 28.May.2018, 12:09 AM
Post #266
Joined: 21.Dec.2006

Yo mama so fat...

When she filled out the entry application papers for the fat contest...




She was told sorry, no professionals allowed!!!
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Bsmith
post 28.May.2018, 09:52 PM
Post #267
Joined: 25.Jun.2009

You know what really burns my ass?...







A flame about 3 feet high.
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Bsmith
post 17.Jul.2018, 10:29 PM
Post #268
Joined: 25.Jun.2009

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, "I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel."

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.

After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"

"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.

"Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
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Gamla Hälsingebock
post 17.Jul.2018, 10:39 PM
Post #269
Joined: 21.Dec.2006

laugh.gif
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Bsmith
post 21.Jul.2018, 10:51 PM
Post #270
Joined: 25.Jun.2009

A U.S. Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist, badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious state. The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.

The Marine reported, "I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road.

I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, low life scum bag who got what he deserved, and he yelled back that Ted Kennedy is a fat, good-for-nothing, left wing liberal drunk who doesn't know how to drive.

So I said that Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian!

He retaliated by yelling, "Oh yeah? Well, so does Hillary Clinton"

"And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a truck hit us."
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