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help me to like Sweden

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Lamy
post 27.Apr.2016, 02:26 PM
Post #61
Joined: 13.Nov.2015

To sum up, I have to carry on with my projects, stay focus on myself, my foreigners friends and travelling abroad for inspiration. I wonder if that's realistic to avoid the conformist mass and go blind. I understand it's probably the way to go here. In this thread someone said 'I prefer to chill alone now'. (this person used to be social)...
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007
post 27.Apr.2016, 02:50 PM
Post #62
Location: Stockholm
Joined: 2.Apr.2006

looks like we can close the thread smile.gif
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Martian
post 27.Apr.2016, 04:00 PM
Post #63
Joined: 24.Jun.2015

QUOTE (7 @ 27.Apr.2016, 03:50 PM) *
looks like we can close the thread smile.gif


Why do you want to close the thread? You just sounded like a judge with a final verdict. Why not share your experience before concluding the thread is over?
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Apache001
post 27.Apr.2016, 04:11 PM
Post #64
Joined: 7.Mar.2016

007 does it mean someone would like to move to Sweden by hating it before coming, that's interesting to hear.
One Swedish girl told me, I want our government to take in more people as much as they can help, but am not happy that people don't feel at home here and are excluded. I didn't make this statement, a Swede did.
You want us foreigners to fall on the floor and greet Swedes before we are accepted in the society, doesn't that sound socially oppressive, even when many people here have stated all kinds of efforts they are making to blend in.
The truth is Swedes lack good social skills and any amount of effort you put into meeting and knowing them would be seen as too much or too little.
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Lamy
post 27.Apr.2016, 04:49 PM
Post #65
Joined: 13.Nov.2015

QUOTE (Apache001 @ 27.Apr.2016, 05:11 PM) *
007 does it mean someone would like to move to Sweden by hating it before coming, that's interesting to hear. One Swedish girl told me, I want our government to take in mo ... (show full quote)


This is a very Swedish reaction from 007. Maybe he has been here for too long. 'Let's not talk anymore'.
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Lazarzero
post 27.Apr.2016, 05:10 PM
Post #66
Joined: 22.Jun.2015

To the OP, Lamy, I would suggest you just give up on Swedes and have expat friends. Here are some expat groups I found googling the words" expat groups in Sweden".

https://www.internations.org/sweden-expats

http://www.meetup.com/stockholmexpat/

Hope these links help. I'm leaving by the end of the summer. So I don't see any point in joining a group only to leave.

Also Lamy, you should give good thought into what life will be like in Sweden if you stay. There's a saying that goes, "If you live in a place long enough, you become that place." That's so true. Whether you want to or not, if you live in Sweden long enough, you'll develop Swedish social habits. You'll end up being paranoid about whether or not every last little thing you do around others is intrusive. It doesn't matter if it's sitting close to someone, laughing out loud, or having a conversation with a total stranger (or even friends and family, for that matter), you'll be end up being Swedish and scared of these things. Newcomers to Sweden adopt Swedish social habits and sometimes never think to themselves, "Back home, they'd consider it acceptable if I don't like to talk to strangers or sit close to someone. However, they'd consider me a pathetic, unsociable shut-in and a creep if I acted paranoid if people talked to me or sat close to me. But here in Sweden this is the social norm. And it's doing nothing for my social skills nor my self-esteem. In fact, it's taking a heavy toll on me socially and personally."

You also have to wonder what life is gonna be like when you get old. If it's hard to meet new people now, it's gonna be harder when you're past 50. Plus, if you're scared of people now, what will happen when you're a senior needing medical care. You've spent all your life being scared of strangers but you're gonna need strangers who work in the medical field to live in your house with you, bathe you, wipe you, and help you go about your regular chores. Brr. That's not a comforting thought.

You may not be scared of people now but live in Sweden long enough and you will develop Swedish social habits and mentality. Your kids will develop the same thing too. If you don't want this kind of stuff to happen, then you'd better consider leaving.

Unfortunately, you're Swede doesn't want to leave. Here's my suggestion: choose a day where you can talk long about the idea of leaving Sweden. Don't choose a day after work and just bring it up. That'll make him uncomfortable. Choose a day you're both free. Make sure to tell him before hand you want to talk about leaving permanently. That way he's not caught off guard. On the day of the conversation, make sure you outline in an adult manner why you feel you're unhappy in Sweden. Be honest. However, don't be whiny. Just be honest and allow him to say what he thinks about that.

Also, ask him if there are any countries he considered moving to. Any country at all. Even countries he has a slight interest in moving to. Write them all down. Then ask him why he's interested in those countries. Don't laugh. Don't criticize. Just let him talk. Then, when he's done, circle the countries you have even the slightest interest in moving too. That out to narrow it down. Then do tons of research for each country: what the people are like, government, taxes, getting housing, getting a job, raising kids in that country, etc. Then you guys talk choose what's best for you guys.

Some Canadian woman I knew said she did the above to the letter. She was extremely unhappy in Sweden but her Swede wouldn't budge. When she did the above, he finally convinced her to move. I haven't heard from them since they left but at least she got an unwilling partner to move. So it's worth a shot. One thing to note: there's 3 possibilities that could happen when you move:

1. One of you likes it while the other doesn't.
2. Both of you hate it.
3. Both of you are happy with the move.

Do your research thoroughly to make sure you get in the number 3 category. All countries have pros and cons. But some cons might be small in comparison to the pros in regards to what you're looking for. For instance, you might be willing to live in a country with a less efficient bureaucracy than Sweden in order to improve your desire for a thriving social life and live in a cosmopolitan city.

You also might want to be willing to live a country where you never speak your native language on a regular basis ever again. For instance, I'm moving to France. Neither English nor French is my native language. But I'm willing to live a country where I never speak my native language again in order to be overall happy. I've lived in France before and I liked it. Sure, France blows a big one. But so does the rest of the world. For me, France works better than Sweden. I'll be living in Lyon, a city with much more culture than the entire country of Sweden. I don't give a damn about picking berries next to some mosquito-infested swamp. If I want nature, I'll go to the Alps instead.

So get out there. Enjoy life. Don't stay here. If it sucks now it's gonna suck harder when you get older. Trust me. This is a fact.
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HiSweden
post 27.Apr.2016, 05:25 PM
Post #67
Joined: 26.Jan.2015

Just see what is happening nowadays in Sweden against immigrants .. so shameful!


Swedish cop 'beat me up and used racial slurs'
http://www.thelocal.se/20160427/swedish-co...ed-racist-slurs

Sweden sees no let-up in attacks on asylum centres
http://www.thelocal.se/20160426/sweden-see...-asylum-centres


The weird thing is with all those attacks on refugee shelters no one was arrested, it seems that police is doing a good job!


At the end, immigrants are blamed for not integrating .. haha
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Apache001
post 27.Apr.2016, 05:42 PM
Post #68
Joined: 7.Mar.2016

The number of people suffering from social anxiety disorder in Sweden per capital is higher than any other countries in the world, that should give you a hint. If I meet an unsociable Swede, I just assume he is a sufferer and needs help.
When people say Swedes are this way and this is Sweden I just smile, because if this is ingrained in their DNA, then Swedes would not behave socially differently when abroad.

I take my son to meet my very social friends and make sure I save him early from this social trap. I watch him now and smile because his energy level is awesome, all my friends allude to this and am happy.

Talking about the justice system in Sweden, that's another matter entirely. I just pity the imported brides and grooms who will soon find out what the real deal is once they get here, and please don't ever fall for any advice to build your social network around your partner, this will crush you should you guys break up.
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littleviking
post 27.Apr.2016, 05:52 PM
Post #69
Joined: 26.Feb.2014

personally i have managed to make both friends that are swedish and all my swedish neighbors with the exception of one are quite friendly, a bit to friendly for my taste. There is an opposite the the shy swede which is the oversharing swede. I also have a lot of international friends. No that we move into a village while we do stuff on the new house everyone in the village came and said hi, we got people offering to help for free, people asking us to stop by for a fika or if they can come and see the progress. I have already gotten a bush of rhubarb as a house warming present(this is weird since we havent moved there yet)...

The neighbor did says hi to my sambo even before i moved in, she is weird or she might of overheard us joking that she always look like she pregnant or maybe because our cat ate her pet rabbit. If she left her bunny out its not our problem if our cat or some other cat has eaten her rabbit. She is not sure whos cat it is neither do we.

I made my friends fro different activities i do, i went actively looking for friends but some just came out of nowhere and they are not really that cold and shy, but this is also a small town.
Even when i lived in Jönköping it was similar and back then i didnt know anything buy hej in swedish.

Friendship depends on what you do. Personally i dont believe when random strangers are to friendly and people believe those are friends.
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Bsmith
post 27.Apr.2016, 06:33 PM
Post #70
Joined: 25.Jun.2009

QUOTE (Lazarzero @ 27.Apr.2016, 05:10 PM) *
. For instance, I'm moving to France. Neither English nor French is my native language. But I'm willing to live a country where I never speak my native language again ... (show full quote)



My daughter spent a couple of weeks in France for a school trip. She found the people to be rude. I guess it depends on which part of the elephant you are looking at.
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Emerentia
post 27.Apr.2016, 07:50 PM
Post #71
Joined: 23.Dec.2011

QUOTE (Apache001 @ 27.Apr.2016, 11:59 AM) *
A friend of mine was telling me how the mail man mistakenly delivered the wrong letter to his mail box, and how he took it up stairs to knock on the door of his Swedish neighb ... (show full quote)


I love to live in Stockholm, where people respect each others privacy. It's not that we find it difficult to knock on the neighbors door, but we don't do it because it's a bit disrespectful to go and ring and knock on other people's doors and disturbing them with no appearant reason.

If you get another persons mail, put it in that persons mailbox. It's very simple. It's there for a reason. Don't go around disturbing people in their homes, ringing on doorbells, like some Jehova's witness or something. Ringing on somebody's door without an invitation is always a bit of an intrusion. The people on the other side is probably doing something else, that they like to do, and just because you feel like knocking on their doors to feel good about yourself, they have to stop that and see what is going on, why somebody suddenly is at the door.

Your friend probably thought he was such a really nice guy handing over the other guy's mail. He wasn't. His neighbor probably found it pretty annoying that this guy was so stupid that he didn't understand that he could just just have put mail in the mailbox downstairs. Where it belonged.
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Lazarzero
post 27.Apr.2016, 09:15 PM
Post #72
Joined: 22.Jun.2015

QUOTE (Bsmith @ 27.Apr.2016, 06:33 PM) *
My daughter spent a couple of weeks in France for a school trip. She found the people to be rude. I guess it depends on which part of the elephant you are looking at.

If someone doesn't like France and wants to rant and trash it to high hell, I don't care. I let them do it because some of the things they say may be true and I've never realized it. Let them vent on the net. Maybe that's what they need to do. If they want to discuss in an even tempered way the pros and cons of France, I can be willing to oblige them. If they just want to rant, I say that's fine.

I'm not some punkass who is gonna tell them they have no business trashing the place. Nobody is gonna like all the things I like. Let them dislike the things I like for whatever reason. Who cares? Why act like a douchebag and call them a miserable person and start personally attacking them for it like you pro-Sweden people do?

QUOTE (Emerentia @ 27.Apr.2016, 07:50 PM) *
I love to live in Stockholm, where people respect each others privacy. It's not that we find it difficult to knock on the neighbors door, but we don't do it because it ... (show full quote)

When a mailman mixes up a person's mail, he usually does it between apartments that are side by side with each other. Therefore, the apartment is gonna be a lot closer than the mailbox downstairs.

Imagine this: a dude is on the 5th floor of his apartment. He gets mail that belongs to the neighbor next door. He knows there's someone in the apartment. In most other countries, the dude would just ring his neighbor's doorbell and give him his mail. And that's that.

But in Sweden, a Swede would walk past the dude's apartment, even if he knows the neighbor is home; walk all the way down the hallway; go down all those flights of stairs; put the mail in the mailbox downstairs; walk all the way back up the to the 5th floor; walk all the way down the hall; pass the neighbor he knows is home; and then go back to what he's doing.

What's the point of all that hassle when the dude is just next door? A Swede will convince himself he's doing it because giving the mail directly is stupid and annoying to the neighbor. He's been indoctrinated with this "leave that person alone because we Swedes are paranoid of being intrusive to others". He never realizes that it's utterly stupid and pathetic just to go all the way down the hall and all the way downstairs just to give the mail to a dude who lives next door.

This is what I'm talking about how if you live here long enough you adopt lame Swedish habits and mentality. How the hell are you gonna be scared of giving the dude next door his mail? I don't care if the neighbor thinks I'm stupid and annoying. I'm not walking all the way downstairs to give mail to a dude next door. That's the way the rest of the world thinks. But a Swede, even if he was on the 17th floor and the only way up and down was via the stairs, he'd still go through the hassle of putting the mail in the mailbox downstairs. Wow! That is pathetic beyond belief!
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Apache001
post 27.Apr.2016, 09:15 PM
Post #73
Joined: 7.Mar.2016

@Emerentia. Everything is intrusive here it looks. The way you write even shows Swedes don't want to be bothered at all. I am not surprised when you guys would rather stand up in a bus than have the last sit next to someone. What exactly is freaking you guys out, because this can't only be out of respect for other people's space.

You see why many new comers are trying to respect the invisible space here only to be told they are not doing enough to integrate.
During last year Stockholm marathon let's do it, I met a Swede who returned from Hungary, and he said I don't think I can ever live here again...when I left him I was like is Hungary not an European country, how come it's totally different from here socially. The Swede lamented how pathetic here is.
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Emerentia
post 27.Apr.2016, 09:32 PM
Post #74
Joined: 23.Dec.2011

QUOTE (Lazarzero @ 27.Apr.2016, 09:15 PM) *
When a mailman mixes up a person's mail, he usually does it between apartments that are side by side with each other. Therefore, the apartment is gonna be a lot closer tha ... (show full quote)


Your friend opens his mailbox downstairs. He finds the neighbors mail there. Next to his mailbox is the neighbors mailbox. Instead of just putting the mail there he walks upstairs to ring the bell of the neighbor.

Or did the mailman deliver this mail to the 5th floor instead of the mail box downstairs somehow?

You confuse being respectful of being scared or paranoid.
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Lazarzero
post 27.Apr.2016, 09:41 PM
Post #75
Joined: 22.Jun.2015

QUOTE (Emerentia @ 27.Apr.2016, 10:32 PM) *
Your friend opens his mailbox downstairs. He finds the neighbors mail there. Next to his mailbox is the neighbors mailbox. Instead of just putting the mail there he walks upst ... (show full quote)

I don't look at my mail until I get home. When I open the mailbox, I grab the mail in a bundle, and save the time for looking at it for when I'm home. Usually on the way up to my apartment I'm on my cell or thinking about something else. Only after I lock my door, grab something to eat or drink, and sit down do I look at my mail. You expect me to go all the way back downstairs after going all the way up to my apartment?
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