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Raising children with discipline

Markusaurelius
post 9.Nov.2006, 06:28 PM
Post #16
Joined: 11.May.2006

she could always visit here anyways.
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007
post 9.Nov.2006, 06:59 PM
Post #17
Location: Stockholm
Joined: 2.Apr.2006

QUOTE (Markusaurelius)
Some places in the US discipline with severity, and some don't. Same for Sweden. I say, depends on the kid. If he is a real F--K up, and deserves it, a good swat on the butt could not hurt, if does not leave marks.


it's child abuse to give a good swat on the butt in sweden.

parents are expected to find non-violent alternatives to discipline children.
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*Jen6*
post 9.Nov.2006, 07:11 PM
Post #18


double post... :oops:
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*Jen6*
post 9.Nov.2006, 08:20 PM
Post #19


QUOTE (007)
parents are expected to find non-violent alternatives to discipline children.


And for those who choose not to spank, the alternatives are endless.

What's most important to our family is that my husband and I are in agreement about how we raise our children -- and also, being consistent in how methods are carried out.
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David S
post 9.Nov.2006, 08:35 PM
Post #20
Location: Gävle
Joined: 12.Oct.2005

QUOTE (Markusaurelius)
Some places in the US discipline with severity, and some don't. Same for Sweden. I say, depends on the kid. If he is a real F--K up, and deserves it, a good swat on the butt could not hurt, if does not leave marks.


If the kid is a real F--K up chances are it's the parent that deserves "a good swat on the butt", not the kid.

As was mentioned, children are after love and approval. Get that and the question of "discipline" almost becomes irrelevant. Children misbehave primarily as a misguided attempt to get the love and approval they feel they are not getting.
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Shark99 - The Great Catsb...
post 9.Nov.2006, 08:38 PM
Post #21
Joined: 11.Aug.2005

QUOTE
As was mentioned, children are after love and approval. Get that and the question of "discipline" almost becomes irrelevant. Children misbehave primarily as a misguided attempt to get the love and approval they feel they are not getting.


I agree, a lot of times parents are the ones responsible. Then there are kids who are just born bad to the bone, don't know what one can do with those.
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David S
post 9.Nov.2006, 08:50 PM
Post #22
Location: Gävle
Joined: 12.Oct.2005

This is extremely rare. The great majority of problems are parenting problems. Many other behavioural issues are dietary problems, which when it comes down to it is a parenting problem. In both cases of course, this is a often a lack of education on the part of the parents, rather than anything deliberate.

Being "born" bad is extremely rare.
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Rachel F
post 9.Nov.2006, 09:06 PM
Post #23
Joined: 12.Oct.2005

Being born 'bad' sounds extremely satanic!

One of my children is very strong willed which means making sure she is safe is very challenging. My other children are far more reasonably natured and discipline has been nothing more than a few words and an occasional sit on a naughty step.

This other one though is pushing the boundaries of my parenting skills - I have never smacked any of my children but lordy, I can see that in some instances it must be safer for a child to get a smack than to place itself in danger through downright defiance.
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Shark99 - The Great Catsb...
post 9.Nov.2006, 09:17 PM
Post #24
Joined: 11.Aug.2005

QUOTE
Many other behavioural issues are dietary problems


That is indeed true, good nutrition helps with growth, both intellectually and physically. There have also been studies on how certain foods can affect behavior. I believe there was a prison or rehab home that changed its diet for its inmates and the numbers of incidents they had rapidly declined. It seemed some of the food had an affect on people's behavior because it altered their chemical balance internally.
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*Jen6*
post 9.Nov.2006, 09:30 PM
Post #25


QUOTE (David S)
As was mentioned, children are after love and approval. Get that and the question of "discipline" almost becomes irrelevant.


Yes, children do desire love and approval. But they also need boundaries and guidance. IMO discipline is always relevant -- for both children and adults.

QUOTE (David S)
Children misbehave primarily as a misguided attempt to get the love and approval they feel they are not getting.


As the mother of four, I've found that young children misbehave and disobey because they can. They're born wanting their way, and it's a parental responsibility to teach them the reality that we don't always get what we want. A little person can be totally and completely loved by parents, but will still end up throwing tantrums, biting, hitting, yelling, etc. if they're continually catered to. On the nanny TV show that Shark mentioned, (which is seen as part comedy and part tragedy in our house) the parents are usually very loving and overly attentive. The children shown are consistently getting their way and are rarely corrected or told 'no'.

I do agree with your quote though, as it applies to teens. Through the years it's been our experience that 'rebellion' in older children often results from poor relationships with one or both parents. Of course, there's always the exception. Teens have a free will, and for a few - no matter how much they're loved - they want what they want. Then parents need to love them enough to let them live with the consequences of their actions. (As opposed to bailing them out over and over again - which some parents consider very compassionate and loving, lol.)
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Bishop Conkers
post 9.Nov.2006, 11:14 PM
Post #26
Joined: 6.Mar.2006

[quote="Shark99"]Then there are kids who are just born bad to the bone,/quote]

Hey... I know a song about that!!

Bish <-- ah, min jacka... tack
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Bishop Conkers
post 9.Nov.2006, 11:20 PM
Post #27
Joined: 6.Mar.2006

QUOTE (Petronella P)
Being born 'bad' sounds extremely satanic!

AND THEN

I have never smacked any of my children but lordy,


Hmmmmm, it's not everyday you hear someone use the word "satanic" and "lordy" in the same posting.

You don't happen to live next door to Homer do you...

Bish <-- thinks you might be... http://www.novanoticias.com.ar/data/fotos2...NedFlanders.jpg
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Rachel F
post 10.Nov.2006, 08:25 AM
Post #28
Joined: 12.Oct.2005

Jen6 wrote

'As the mother of four, I've found that young children misbehave and disobey because they can. They're born wanting their way, and it's a parental responsibility to teach them the reality that we don't always get what we want. A little person can be totally and completely loved by parents, but will still end up throwing tantrums, biting, hitting, yelling, etc. if they're continually catered to.'

Quite so.

People can often associate discipline, especially here, in a negative fashion but everyone, including children, is more comfortable in an environment with boundaries - to let a three year old dictate family life is like living with a crazed dictator.

And Bish, OMG, perhaps I should be laying off the Simpsons episodes!
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David S
post 10.Nov.2006, 09:12 AM
Post #29
Location: Gävle
Joined: 12.Oct.2005

QUOTE (Shark99)
QUOTE
Many other behavioural issues are dietary problems


That is indeed true, good nutrition helps with growth, both intellectually and physically. There have also been studies on how certain foods can affect behavior. I believe there was a prison or rehab home that changed its diet for its inmates and the numbers of incidents they had rapidly declined. It seemed some of the food had an affect on people's behavior because it altered their chemical balance internally.


Prisoners in a UK prison were put on multivitamins and Omega-3 and instances of violence dropped dramatically
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David S
post 10.Nov.2006, 09:15 AM
Post #30
Location: Gävle
Joined: 12.Oct.2005

QUOTE (Jen6)
Yes, children do desire love and approval. But they also need boundaries and guidance. IMO discipline is always relevant -- for both children and adults.


Oh, absolutely. I was referring to physical disciplining, which was the topic, and why I put it in quotes. A lack of discipline, in terms of setting boundaries and guidance, can be a destructive as too much physical disciplining.
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