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Todays Joke for you

Bsmith
post 5.Feb.2019, 11:40 PM
Post #76
Joined: 25.Jun.2009

A raisin, a peanut, and an oat grain order a drink.

The bartender says, “What do you think this is, a granola bar? “
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Gamla Hälsingebock
post 6.Feb.2019, 12:37 AM
Post #77
Joined: 21.Dec.2006

The Roman soldier went into a bar, held up two fingers and said five beers please...

Some here may have to think this one over... laugh.gif
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Uncle Fred
post 6.Feb.2019, 01:14 AM
Post #78
Joined: 16.Apr.2008

QUOTE (Gamla Hälsingebock @ 6.Feb.2019, 12:37 AM) *
The Roman soldier went into a bar, held up two fingers and said five beers please.... Some here may have to think this one over... laugh.gif


I, II, III, IIII, "V", VI, VII, VIII, VIIII, X.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.

Is that the best you've got.

I suppose you're going to tell me next, the roman soldier had big feet and went in and asked for a pair of size 40 shoes.

Some here may have to think this one over... laugh.gif
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Gamla Hälsingebock
post 6.Feb.2019, 01:39 AM
Post #79
Joined: 21.Dec.2006

His sandals were XL IIII E rolleyes.gif
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Uncle Fred
post 6.Feb.2019, 04:49 AM
Post #80
Joined: 16.Apr.2008

QUOTE (Gamla Hälsingebock @ 6.Feb.2019, 01:39 AM) *
His sandals were XL IIII E rolleyes.gif

You must be more observant, he bought shoes not sandals. smile.gif
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Gamla Hälsingebock
post 6.Feb.2019, 04:33 PM
Post #81
Joined: 21.Dec.2006

I picked that up and changed it to sandals because shoes were not dress code with Roman Centurions... rolleyes.gif
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intrepidfox
post 6.Feb.2019, 08:51 PM
Post #82
Location: Gothenburg
Joined: 18.Jul.2012

My favorite joke is only a couple of words

gsurya

Fiki

laugh.gif
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Gamla Hälsingebock
post 6.Feb.2019, 09:01 PM
Post #83
Joined: 21.Dec.2006

Great punch lines!!! laugh.gif
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Bsmith
post 6.Feb.2019, 11:41 PM
Post #84
Joined: 25.Jun.2009

Think I might sell all my John Lennon memorabilia on ebay...

Imagine all the Paypal...
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Gamla Hälsingebock
post 7.Feb.2019, 12:15 AM
Post #85
Joined: 21.Dec.2006

I told my girlfriend that she painted her eyebrows too high...



She looked surprised!!!
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Bsmith
post 7.Feb.2019, 11:08 AM
Post #86
Joined: 25.Jun.2009

What do you call a broken can opener?

Can't opener.
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Gamla Hälsingebock
post 21.Feb.2019, 06:27 PM
Post #87
Joined: 21.Dec.2006

The blondes are discussing their boy friends...

One says my guy had dandruff, so I gave him Head&Shoulders...

The other blonde, looking quite perplexed asked...









How do you give shoulders???
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Bsmith
post 21.Feb.2019, 11:31 PM
Post #88
Joined: 25.Jun.2009

Got thrown out of a strip club last night for using Monopoly money. Why should I have to pay real money to see fake boobs?
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Bsmith
post 25.Feb.2019, 11:22 PM
Post #89
Joined: 25.Jun.2009

Here's a few:

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club,
but I'd swear I've never met herbivore.

I know a guy who's addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says
he can stop any time.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.

I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

A will is a dead giveaway.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old
was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off?
He's all right now.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now
fully recovered.

He had a photographic memory but it was never fully developed.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.

Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because
she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

When chemists die, they barium.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.
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DuneSunny
post 28.Feb.2019, 07:38 PM
Post #90
Joined: 11.Mar.2014

When will global warming benefit those living in houses with odd numbers?
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