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help me to like Sweden

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Lamy
post 25.Apr.2016, 01:54 PM
Post #1
Joined: 13.Nov.2015

It’s been a year and half that I am based in Stockholm. I came here because my husband is Swedish and for the quality of life. We used to leave in the UK. Unfortunately, I don’t connect with Swedish people, even tho I speak the language. I feel very numb by the conversations. I have the feeling that people are conformists to the point that they don’t express emotions.
On the cultural level, I am frustrated. I miss having good bookshops around and good arts.
Besides that, the weather sucks unless you like winter sports.
I feel like I am stuck here because my quality of life is good (housing, food, air). I have been advised to have kids to be more integrated, which sounds scary; really everything revolve around kids only?

It’s hard to leave Stockholm. How can I embrace the lifestyle?

Any tips?
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HiSweden
post 25.Apr.2016, 02:09 PM
Post #2
Joined: 26.Jan.2015

Facing same problems in Gothenburg, although I do not have a Swedish girlfriend and living here alone.

I am living here even for longer period but it is hard to get in touch with people here, and the most annoying thing is if you want to go out here people will only go out partying, every time!

At least the people I know, they regret spending any krona on anything, besides partying. I really do not know what to do here, nothing to do!
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Lamy
post 25.Apr.2016, 02:29 PM
Post #3
Joined: 13.Nov.2015

Do you have a job?
People meet to get drunk when they are young or they meet for fika when they are older (30+ and kids). Or you have new years eve boring dinner.
Where are you from? Why don't you live?
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littleviking
post 25.Apr.2016, 02:47 PM
Post #4
Joined: 26.Feb.2014

look for clubs to join the're everywhere. I lived in the proverbial in the middle of nowhere and there are hundred of stuff to do.
people when going in to clubs are more relaxed and they show more what they are as people. having similar hobbies makes it easier to open up then just going to party or out for coffee.
I am not really sure what you mean by books shops, if you want a place to buy books there are quite nice ones but the english literature is limited, ordering online is easier, if you look for the social thing coffee shops might no be the best idea since well people go with friends to them usually. I know a lot of them have language cafes and some have also lots of events. The local cultural house will most likely have more events and such.

the weather sucks if you dont enjoy being outside. Its not just winter sports, its hiking, berry- mushroom picking, animal watching, hunting, fishing, growing you own stuff from flowers your veggies. Even as we speak my salad is emerging underneath the snow as well as some flowers.

if you like gardening stuff join facebook groups and you will make friends very easy.

I have a bucket of Swedish friends, i just picked them up from different hobbies of mine.

After you reach a certain age you have to learn were to get your friends, The number of friends you have depends on you and how you approach stuff.

HISWEDEN you are a student and if you socialize with students that is what students do they party. It might be time to look for friends outside the uni because otherwise you wont be able to make friends, students party,they are young and what to do that.
We go on a monthly basis to movies, theater and concerts, from time to time to mini art expos
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HiSweden
post 25.Apr.2016, 02:47 PM
Post #5
Joined: 26.Jan.2015

QUOTE (Lamy @ 25.Apr.2016, 01:29 PM) *
Do you have a job? People meet to get drunk when they are young or they meet for fika when they are older (30+ and kids). Or you have new years eve boring dinner. Where are yo ... (show full quote)



Not really I am graduating soon and applying for jobs but no luck. I prefer hanging out and meeting for a coffee or a beer rather than spending my whole night every Friday drinking like hell.
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Lamy
post 25.Apr.2016, 03:04 PM
Post #6
Joined: 13.Nov.2015

Littleviking, thanks.
Picking berries does make me feel like I am a pensioner tho! I enjoy doing it maybe once a year. I am an urban person, I like big museums and beautiful books with variety of topics, and literature. Clubs sound like knitting clubs to me. My husband isn't into nature so we never get out of the city.
I had friends until I moved to Sweden, so I know how to find them. I have one friend here, so far. I shouldn't complain I guess.
I am really wondering if it's a good option to be here as I am not so much into outdoors. Is it relevant to be here for housing and peace of mind?!

Hisweden, you should think about a new destination?Why would you stick here? You are a free bird!
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HiSweden
post 25.Apr.2016, 03:11 PM
Post #7
Joined: 26.Jan.2015

QUOTE (littleviking @ 25.Apr.2016, 01:47 PM) *
HISWEDEN you are a student and if you socialize with students that is what students do they party. It might be time to look for friends outside the uni because otherwise you w ... (show full quote)


Yea but after two years you just get sick of it, and partying in Sweden is not cheap at all.

What I also hate about partying is many people here only speak when they are drunk, and when they are sober they dont even say hi to anyone, and that annoys me a lot.
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HiSweden
post 25.Apr.2016, 03:12 PM
Post #8
Joined: 26.Jan.2015

QUOTE (Lamy @ 25.Apr.2016, 02:04 PM) *
Hisweden, you should think about a new destination?Why would you stick here? You are a free bird!


Yes that what I am thinking of, but I already committed to other things so I will stay here for 1 year more. Just trying to find out a way to make this year a good one smile.gif
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Lamy
post 25.Apr.2016, 04:00 PM
Post #9
Joined: 13.Nov.2015

Be careful Hisweden, you gonna meet a girl, she will want babies and then you will be stuck because of the longest parental leave on earth!
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skogsbo
post 25.Apr.2016, 04:34 PM
Post #10
Joined: 20.Sep.2011

QUOTE (Lamy @ 25.Apr.2016, 03:04 PM) *
am really wondering if it's a good option to be here as I am not so much into outdoors.

it's a tougher place to be if you are city lover. As Sweden is generally all about the outdoors.

We live remote by Swedish standards and there is still a book circle in the local hall etc.. but many things are advertised, you need to get out and find it a little. In a city there must be groups and clubs for your own interests, many will have facebook pages etc.. starting searching.
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Apache001
post 25.Apr.2016, 04:48 PM
Post #11
Joined: 7.Mar.2016

Sweden seems to be the toughest country on the planet to integrate, especially when one reads many threads from migrants on thelocal. It's hard to find any good explanation for this, and I can see this aloofness affecting other immigrants who were initially socially opened.
The usual advice is always try and join a club or something, for me that sounds so boring. I don't want to do the same thing with all of my friends e.g cooking, hiking etc.
I have friends who moved to Stockholm thinking a bigger city would solve the problem, but they were all disappointed and eventually moved to Copenhagen.
If you don't have any strong tie here and you want a great spontaneous urban lifestyle, it's better to move away.
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Lamy
post 25.Apr.2016, 05:10 PM
Post #12
Joined: 13.Nov.2015

I get it Apache001, although I don't know where to go. So I always end up thinking: Ok I'm lonely and bored but I can work on a personal project because I have so much time on my hands. Then I get disillusioned because no one gives a shit here and taxes are high for entrepreneurs. Then I think that maybe everyone has to settle down and this is just being mature. Life isn't about culture and art but work and kids.
And regarding the clubs, I am not a club person, I find it boring too.
Copenhagen does seem more open minded. I have a burn out with languages (never get to speak my mother tongue which isn't english) so I wouldn't move to Danemark.

Here I have my husband and a warm comfy flat! And Kalles. wink.gif
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Emerentia
post 25.Apr.2016, 05:22 PM
Post #13
Joined: 23.Dec.2011

Don't your boyfriend have some friends or family that you can hang out with? Maybe you could take a course in arts or literature? Or just go to some lecture? That could be good start to find people who are similar to you?

https://www.konstfack.se/
http://www.sv.se/sokresultat/?startindex=0...amp;scrollTop=0

Join a bookclub?
https://sv-se.facebook.com/bokcirkelistockholm

Visit museums? A lot of museums don't have entry fees any more.
http://thatsup.se/stockholm/guide/den-stor...3%A4sta-museer/

Visit art galleries?
http://thatsup.se/stockholm/guide/konstgui...4sta-gallerier/

Looking at art at auction houses (looking is free), one doesn't have to buy anything, and it's :
https://www.bukowskis.com/sv/auctions/upcoming
http://auktionsverket.se/

Go to a concert?
http://thatsup.se/stockholm/scen/

Visit libraries?
http://www.bibliotekistockholmslan.se

Go to a library when an author is there, talking about his or her work?
https://biblioteket.stockholm.se/kalender/e...attartr%C3%A4ff

Go to the theatre?
http://teaterstockholm.se/

Calenders with of all kinds of cultural events:
http://www.citypolarna.se/calendar.php
https://www.mazily.se/guide

Go on a guided art tour in the Stockholm subway?
http://sl.se/sv/info/kundservice/konstak/konstvisningar/

Visit an art center in the archipelago?
http://www.artipelag.se/en/visit-artipelag/

Take a guided city tour, on some theme that you are interested in:
http://www.ticketmaster.se/artist/stadsvan...iljetter/912397

Just a few suggestions, hope you find something you like.
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LLHope
post 25.Apr.2016, 05:55 PM
Post #14
Location: Stockholm
Joined: 1.Jan.2014

QUOTE (Lamy @ 25.Apr.2016, 12:54 PM) *
I miss having good bookshops around
Thank the internet and new business models for that sad.gif
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Apache001
post 25.Apr.2016, 06:34 PM
Post #15
Joined: 7.Mar.2016

Yes the norm in Sweden is to have kids to cover up for the lack in social life, and when those kids turn 21 and move out people are back to square one.
That's why a Swedish parent could drive 100km to pick up a grown child after disco party, because not much to do anyway, don't get me wrong it's alright to make our kids feel safe and secured.
Look around you and see the number of people walking dogs at night due to sleeplessness, even Emerentia gave the single household statistics in Stockholm to be 64%, and now with the introduction of sperm insemination it's going to get worse.
Joining clubs don't guarantee any friendship, it may take around 6 months to get your first coffee meeting with that Swede you are in same club with. If you live here you are going to have plenty of time for personal time to run personal projects, and also save much money if you don't drink. When you eventually meet someone at the club you are a member of, they all seem to be in a hurry to go home and do what I don't understand, because seriously if you lived with one at home you soon realize they are actually running home to do nothing.
The social get away of Swedes is truly having children and anyone who doesn't have kids would soon find him or herself out of friends. UK is not so far, maybe you need to travel like 3 times a year and stay 3 weeks or 1 month on each visit, that way you can refuel and return here.
One last warning, when you eventually find that Swedish friend, be careful the kind of information you share with them because snitching is not a big deal here especially at your work place, you will thank me later for this crucial piece of advice.
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