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Boyfriend blames ADHD for genital tattoo abuse

Accused of aggravated assault of his girlfriend

High Priestess Kang - Slu...
post 5.May.2009, 05:38 PM
Post #16
Location: Not in Sweden
Joined: 14.Jul.2006

QUOTE (freethinker @ 5.May.2009, 12:29 PM) *
oops mispelled Swedish...I appologize for that. Does this forem have an edit feature that can be used after I post? I'm not the best of typists, and often hit the wrong key, or forget one.

I think you can make edits for only a few minutes after you post something. Dictator Bob took the luxury of the, "edit" button away from us. sad.gif
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Miss Kitten
post 5.May.2009, 05:39 PM
Post #17
Location: Kronoberg
Joined: 20.Aug.2007

QUOTE (freethinker @ 5.May.2009, 06:29 PM) *
oops mispelled Swedish...I appologize for that. Does this forem have an edit feature that can be used after I post? I'm not the best of typists, and often hit the wrong key, or forget one.

Right after you post you should be able to see an 'edit' button right underneath your post, right next to the 'quote' button. It's there for a limited amount of time, though.
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freethinker
post 5.May.2009, 05:49 PM
Post #18
Location: Not in Sweden
Joined: 30.Apr.2009

Thanks for the info.
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DidiE
post 5.May.2009, 06:03 PM
Post #19
Location: Skövde
Joined: 18.May.2008

RE reporting abuse immediately to police. While this suggestion sounds more or less like common sense, if you live with someone who is in complete control of your finances and resources, and you know dang well this person is going to hurt not only you but your kids as soon as the cops leave, then it certainly makes sense NOT to report.

There is a Swedish word I like very much- civilkurage. It's about having the responsibility to confront behaviour that is abusive and or illegal, about have the nachos to pick up the phone and call the police if a law is being broke, or someone victimized. I have never seen an example of overtly abusive behaviour ocurring here in front of my eyes, but I have no doubt that if it were to happen, a million cell phones would be dialled right away. (Swedes are all issued cells at birth.) Wow- now that I think about it, I have seen zillions and zillions of really inebriated people on the streets here, but I have NEVER seen anyone hit anyone else, and it is rare to be present in a large crowd situation and hear anyone raise their voices in a threatening manner.
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freethinker
post 5.May.2009, 06:38 PM
Post #20
Location: Not in Sweden
Joined: 30.Apr.2009

Didi E in that case does Sweden make allowances for self defense? A baseball bat can do wonders. here in the States we have a saying...better to be judged by 12 than carried by 6.
Civilkurage, an interesting word. I like it.
Well then once the Cops arrive will they not arrest the abuser if physical evidence is present indicating an asualt has taken place?
From what've I've read Sweden has alot of social programns. Is there anything in place to help someone trying to get out from an abusive enviroment to get situated elsewhere? Also to not report abuse only will encourage the abuser. Such people will take it as having been given permission to abuse if nothing is done.
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freethinker
post 5.May.2009, 06:48 PM
Post #21
Location: Not in Sweden
Joined: 30.Apr.2009

Powerofknowledge, wonmen in the West have it better than woman in other parts of the World. In Oriental Societies women have fewer rights, and in the Arabian Countries fewer still.
I stress responicibility. If abused whether someone is male of female call the authorities. Use every legal tool they suggest to deal with an abuser. Call friends and relatives because they may be able to help with a place to stay while someone is trying to restart from having been in an abusive situation
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DidiE
post 5.May.2009, 07:24 PM
Post #22
Location: Skövde
Joined: 18.May.2008

I am an American. Born with a shotgun in one hand, and a porno mag in the other, and a bag of greasy french fries on my lap. Just kidding about that- I really am American, but felt like playing up the stereotypes for a bit, only because most people's thinking around the issues of male priviledge and abuse are usually stereotyped, as well. As I've tried to explain, and have obviously not done very well, the dynamics of a family situation where males feel free to conduct ongoing patterns of victimisation and abuse are far too complex to expect that victims will be able to just make a phone call. I am not in the least knowledgable about Swedish law regarding self-defence, but can assure you that in most cases of Intimate Partner Violence, there is a clear pattern where the abuser is far more likely to escalate his or her behaviour, rather than the victim doing so. So suggesting that someone swing a baseball bat in her or his abuser's face is probably not the best solution.
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Braderunner Rennuredarb
post 5.May.2009, 08:09 PM
Post #23
Location: Not in Sweden
Joined: 24.May.2005

Is this woman to blame for getting tattooed or beaten? No.

Should she have left him the moment he laid a hand on her? Yes.

Should this guy be punished severely? Yes, ADHD is not an excuse.
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Greg in Canada
post 5.May.2009, 08:32 PM
Post #24
Joined: 2.May.2009

It says he assaulted her 17 times over a five year period - and she still stayed with this guy. WTF?? Why didn't she leave him a long time ago - and stay far away from the creep?
It was obviously some sort of a sado-masochistic relationship between them.
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Harding00
post 5.May.2009, 08:33 PM
Post #25
Joined: 5.May.2009

As far as him confessing, if I understand Swedish law, then the confession is only enough in court (as evidence), there is no such thing as plea-bargaining like in the States. So basically even if he confesses he still goes to court and can be found not guilty (often times on a technicality that might not exist if they could plea bargain). And even if he is found guilty what kind of sentence will he get. A few months in a mental institution, or will the punishment just be a prescription for his ADHD?
But going back to the technicality part of the law, back in January there was a case of a guy filming his 14 year old stepdaughter in the shower and he was found guilty, but the Supreme Court found him not guilty because videotaping someone without their consent is not a crime in Sweden. The case is supposedly going to the European Court of Human Rights, but I have not heard anything about it since. Here is a link to that article:
http://www.thelocal.se/17124/20090123/
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Harding00
post 5.May.2009, 08:35 PM
Post #26
Joined: 5.May.2009

A few months in a mental institution, or will the punishment just be a prescription for his ADHD?
But going back to the technicality part of the law, back in January there was a case of a guy filming his 14 year old stepdaughter in the shower and he was found guilty, but the Supreme Court found him not guilty because videotaping someone without their consent is not a crime in Sweden. The case is supposedly going to the European Court of Human Rights, but I have not heard anything about it since. Here is a link to that article:
http://www.thelocal.se/17124/20090123/
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DidiE
post 5.May.2009, 09:27 PM
Post #27
Location: Skövde
Joined: 18.May.2008

I'm curious. Where exactly should a woman who has just been beaten go? Particularly if she is undereducated, barely making enough money to support herself, and has kids to boot? Or if she's been raised to believe that male privilege, and beating, is an expected part of marriage?

I know the easy answer here- well, I would never put up with it, the first time he back handed me I'd get a gun and let him know who's boss, she should just call the cops, bla bla bla. If you're not the one getting back handed, it is really easy to pass judgement. The feelings of love, dependancy and fear are so complex for most victims that they end up truly believing it's THEIR fault he hits. Simply saying, well, make a phone call, is not adequate unless there is a complete support system in place that will continue to shield the victim from her abuser indefinitely.

By the way, many of you are probably familiar with the often quoted statistic that the most dangerous period for women, in terms of risk of murder or serious physical harm, is in the period immediately after they leave an abuser. I really admire Sweden's policy of moving women and children at risk for such harm to new places, with new identities. I'm sure it has saved many lives.
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Inletwatcher
post 5.May.2009, 09:35 PM
Post #28
Location: Dalarna
Joined: 2.Nov.2008

Its hard to get away. Its scary to pack all your things in 30 minutes and bug out whial he is at work, for you know if he comes home early and catches you, you are wishing you were dead. Worse even by 10,000% is worrying for your children if the threats against them will be carried out if you don't do as you are told. You lie to protect him as you love him, perhaps for you never really were shown unconditional love, or had the gift of love from Daddy/father-figure. Its impossible to really take in love, if you can't love yourself. I believe that anyways.

I am happy she did get out, sorry for her scars on the outside, but I know the ones on the inside that no one can see are far deeper and infected than can be imagined. Hopefully she will search out for herself find others who survived perhaps and talk, scream, cry, laugh, hug and heal.

Inletwatcher
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Greg in Canada
post 5.May.2009, 11:11 PM
Post #29
Joined: 2.May.2009

What do you mean where should a woman who has been beaten go? How about to the police for a start?
Here in Canada we have a lot of social services, both government and private for this sort of thing.
In Afghanistan it must different, but I'm sure in Sweden you must have similar resources available for abused women.
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007
post 5.May.2009, 11:27 PM
Post #30
Location: Stockholm
Joined: 2.Apr.2006

QUOTE (Greg in Canada @ 6.May.2009, 12:11 AM) *
What do you mean where should a woman who has been beaten go? How about to the police for a start?Here in Canada we have a lot of social services, both government and private ... (show full quote)


did you read DidiE's post? your questions are addressed rather well in it.
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