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Swedish men in relationships how are they?

Please post your experince.

Amiga4u
post 17.Feb.2010, 03:28 AM
Post #1
Location: Stockholm
Joined: 14.Nov.2009

Ok i really want to know more about the swedish men and how they treat there wife or girlfriend because i am currently dating one for the past 6 months now and there are things about him that i noticed and i dont know if its just an individual thing or a general behaviour for the swedish men.( hopefully not all but majority )

1.) His not romantic at all. ( he even forgot valentines day if i didnt send him a card and gift ) he totally forgot or ignored it but with my present to it obviously forced him to buy me a card ...nothing more very boring.,the same thing happened during christmas our first christmas together no effort to buy any present but was also forced to get me something because of shame i suspose lol cos when i gave him my gift he had nothing to offer ...too bad.

2.) dont care so much about the way he dress ,which i had to tell him and he is now making an effort.

3.) I also think very cheap in spending ,even when its important or necessary. ... it will be a drag before he buys it and i am begining to look at it as stinginess which i dont like cos i am a generous person when i have.

4.) Too private and keep to himself.

5.) lack of self esteem and shyness.

Please tell me if its just individual thing ...to help me know what i am going to put up or not with lol.
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lolly
post 17.Feb.2010, 05:29 AM
Post #2
Location: Australia
Joined: 30.Oct.2006

Yep,

1 - what I have found is he's thoughtful and will from time to time do things that are practical or that he remembers conversations. One year he got me a Frypan as a christmas present, that made me laugh. It's a great frypan though and I use it almost every day. Instead of real flowers, he bought me silk ones.

2 - mine likes dressing up in shorts and singlets, fits in perfectly in oz these days. So no issue there

3 - is he from Smaland? :>

4 - Mine is private, also keeps to himself, but will from time to time share things when the time is right. It's not always necessary to share one's life story all at once. I found out for instance, he used to play music, like me, we'd known each other for 6 years before I found that one out.

5 - Lack of self esteem? yes, when I first met him and made friends with him, he had no self esteem. From time to time He will come out with "jokes" about things so I know he's still got a way to go, but that's something I am helping him with.

You're dealing with normal cultural issues with a swedish male to my way of thinking. Before my Swede and I became a couple we were friends for years first. So I was lucky and got to learn and accept some things and knew what I was in for :-)
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futureishere
post 17.Feb.2010, 07:40 AM
Post #3
Location: Gothenburg
Joined: 1.Aug.2008

<rant>
That's what I don't like about girls. Trying to change us instead of accepting us for who we are.
</rant>
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byke
post 17.Feb.2010, 07:43 AM
Post #4
Location: Europe
Joined: 28.Oct.2008

QUOTE (Amiga4u @ 17.Feb.2010, 03:28 AM) *
Ok i really want to know more about the swedish men and how they treat there wife or girlfriend because i am currently dating one for the past 6 months now and there are thing ... (show full quote)

This sounds like a common generalization of a typical swedish man.
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Freja
post 17.Feb.2010, 09:33 AM
Post #5
Joined: 27.Jan.2010

Obviously you can't generalise like that and think it apply on an individual level. Or vice verse. Sure, he may be tight with money, shy and lack selfesteem. Most likely that is for his own individual reasons. However, there are probably some cross-cultural issues at work also. I've obviously never met your man so I can't tell if his 'shyness' is genuine, or if you two just don't quite understand each others cultural background, and misread each other. The 'shyness' thing is something many non-Swedes comment on and misunderstand - obviously 'shyness' is not a cultural, or Swedish genepool, determined trait. It takes time to learn to dechiper another culture and cross-cultural relationships really puts this to the test.

If you want to understand your Swede's cultural background, and what possibly drives some of the behaviours you don't like/don't understand I (and my American partner) just read a great book that has been really good for us: Modern Day Vikings - A guide to interacting with the Swedes. I got it at Amazon. It's written by a Swedish and an American women. Best researched such book I've read and it doesn't fall back on simplistic stereotyping.

Good luck figuring out if he is material for you, or not.
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tattoodle
post 17.Feb.2010, 09:38 AM
Post #6
Joined: 25.Sep.2009

QUOTE (Amiga4u @ 17.Feb.2010, 02:28 AM) *
Ok i really want to know more about the swedish men and how they treat there wife or girlfriend because i am currently dating one for the past 6 months now and there are thing ... (show full quote)

Oh my, these are the qualities of my bf except the number 2! We have been together for almost 2 years now and I am used to everything he does, I find it really weird but I guess that's the way he is but sometimes it annoys me for not being sweet, he is COLD like a fish lol
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Subterfuge
post 17.Feb.2010, 10:08 AM
Post #7
Location: Stockholm
Joined: 9.May.2009

My husband was exactly like that when I just got to emet him. As in EXACTLY like that.

I think it's very important if you can set an example for him. You can give him gifts oon special occasions (without expecting anything in return) and eventually he will learn the "joy of gift-giving".

My husband was very shy (not unless he got drunk where he became the opposite) and I would start to bring him to receptions and introduce him to my friends. Now, he has become friends with them too and can mingle well with people without getting drunk.

On fashion, I think they are practical. Once they dress- up, they look really good. They usually buy expensive and nice clothes when needed. But then, they usually just settle for jeans and a simple shirt or long sleeves. You can praise him if he wears ssomething nice and he will realize that he needs to buy decent clothes too. Sometimes, I would buy him a shirt that I think would look good on him.

It's true, THEY ARE VERY PRIVATE. It's hard for them to open up about how they feel. Sometimes, it's hard for them to get them into a serious talk. As much as possible, they want to avoid it.
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krigeren
post 17.Feb.2010, 11:39 AM
Post #8
Joined: 3.Jan.2009

This all sounds a bit sad. If you would replace Swedish with Asperger it would not be too far off from the mark.

I think there are fun, spontaneous, romantic Swedish men out there. Anyone have any of those stories?
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roch
post 17.Feb.2010, 11:56 AM
Post #9
Joined: 28.Aug.2007

I guess I am one of the lucky ones :-)

1.) Mine is caring and sweet and romantic... we have been very very broke over the last two years and we have had no money at all... for my birthday last year we went for a walk in town and as we walked past an English pub he stopped and said "Surprise! I know how much you would love to have fish and chips... so we went inside, and even though we could only afford 1 meal we shared it with a drink and it was super sweet and romantic :-)

2.) Up here in Umea it is very casual so while he is not a suit and tie man, he looks good in whatever he chooses to wear, which is usually dark colours.

3.) He is not cheap in spending. But as I said we have had a rough time with work and he has been a student now for the last year while he retrains. He always tries to treat me small things when he can and vice versa. We are dreaming of the day we both have full time work to be able to furnish our apartment nicely and treat ourselves!

4.) He and I can talk about anything and everything and we do often :-)

5.) He is shy and is often uncomfortable around new people but warms up quickly to newcomers. Since I have been around he is a lot more outgoing than before.

So all in all I think I have a wonderful Swede. He was definitely worth moving here for. I would rather be happy and broke than rich and miserable any day!
:-)
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PeeWee
post 17.Feb.2010, 12:07 PM
Post #10
Joined: 19.Jul.2007

QUOTE (krigeren @ 17.Feb.2010, 11:39 AM) *
This all sounds a bit sad. If you would replace Swedish with Asperger it would not be too far off from the mark.

Now, now, krigeren, that's not fair... There are people with Asperger Syndrome out there who are both fun, spontaneous AND romantic, TRUST ME on that one!!! wink.gif
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Nemesis
post 17.Feb.2010, 12:08 PM
Post #11
Location: Skåne
Joined: 14.Apr.2009

I have given up dating Swedish men.

I have dated on two occassions in Sweden and they were both unmitigated disasters.

Dating a Swedish man is dating a cross between a playstation and a 24 pack of beer.

They appear to be incapable of general conversation and have no interests beyond football and alcohol, as well as having the mental age of a 5 year old.

Regarding Krigeren's comment about Aspergers, I think he maybe onto something there.
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Plowbridge
post 17.Feb.2010, 12:09 PM
Post #12
Location: Stockholm
Joined: 11.Sep.2008

I'd imagine there were problems with housing their guide dogs too.
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Nemesis
post 17.Feb.2010, 12:10 PM
Post #13
Location: Skåne
Joined: 14.Apr.2009

QUOTE (PeeWee @ 17.Feb.2010, 12:07 PM) *
Now, now, krigeren, that's not fair... There are people with Asperger Syndrome out there who are both fun, spontaneous AND romantic, TRUST ME on that one!!! . wink.gif

Good point. I say there is something wrong with Swedish men, though.
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*Guest*
post 17.Feb.2010, 12:20 PM
Post #14


I've really had a bellyfull of all these complaints about men, especially Swedish ones.

If you don't like them, get over it, and stop bitching to us about it. Become a nun or a dyke. I don't care what.

It's just stupid to complain about the human condition.
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byke
post 17.Feb.2010, 12:28 PM
Post #15
Location: Europe
Joined: 28.Oct.2008

Yo Trow,
what do you love / appreciate in a swedish man?
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