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Relationship break ups and recovery

How to manage, and am I really Normal?

Normal
post 19.Jul.2009, 12:11 PM
Post #1
Joined: 5.May.2006

So it goes like this, I met a guy like 3 months ago. He said he likes me on the second date. we met few times and i was at his place around his family and friends like for 2 weeks. we came to realise that we are not eachothers type. I wanted to break up in a very dramatical way so that both us wouldnot be hurt. But one morning he woke up and got angry with me and said "We are never going to be happy with eachother", The fact is killing me that he was angry at me that morning than we brokeup. I donot see him as my guy but I miss him as a kind, nice guy whom i dreamt to be with forever. I am trying to forget him and playing nasty with him. I m sending sms and emails contineously to him. now he has stop mailing me back and I know he is hating me. I just want to overcome from this. I donot want him either I m just being impossible. Help me LOV GURUS
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jim747
post 19.Jul.2009, 12:15 PM
Post #2
Location: Umeå
Joined: 12.Aug.2006

This is probably the wrong place you want to post to get help for your feelings!

The best way to get over someone, is to get under someone else. cool.gif
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jack sprat
post 19.Jul.2009, 12:17 PM
Post #3
Joined: 15.Sep.2006

Time to start an Agony Aunt section methinks,...over to you Mods.
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DidiE
post 19.Jul.2009, 12:37 PM
Post #4
Location: Skövde
Joined: 18.May.2008

Wait, wait, I wanna be an agony aunt. I have a wealth of failed relationships from which to provide useless advice. Plus, I watch Dr Phil.

Dear Normal, Dear Normal, you have no complaint. (Maybe I'm the only John Prine fan in Sweden?)

If you think that breaking up in a dramatical way is a good thing, then you're probably not ready for a real, full time, adult type thing. Grownups tend to not like that kind of game. I'd just play the field for a while ifn' I was you, and not get serious about anyone. I would also try to slow myself down- you sound a little unready for relationships, if you are more or less enmeshed in a person's family and friends scene for weeks at a time, so new into a relationship. Most people need breathing room. Auntie Di

Whoa- wait a minute. I just read the whole article. You are cyber stalking this guy? Seriously? Doesn't that strike you as, well, not balanced?

Sorry. You have more going on here then I am prepared to respond to. I am going to erase my good-natured message to you, and, with all due respect, suggest therapy.
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Normal
post 19.Jul.2009, 12:47 PM
Post #5
Joined: 5.May.2006

yes I know I am a drama queen. I am 28 and still I m living in my own fairy tale. I cannot cope with this Real life. I thought he was like me and he would understand me and let me live in my fairy tale. But ush,,Why on earth anybody would waste his time to understand somebody? Life goes on you meet anotherone.
I was imature in my family, am imature to my x's. But I am very mature in my job that I know sure about. How come I can take my responsibilities in the job and not in my real life?
In this whole case Does it makes me a bad Person? Am I really a hard bitch to live with?
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Fishtank
post 19.Jul.2009, 12:48 PM
Post #6
Location: Västra Götaland
Joined: 25.May.2007

Don't wish to kick you when you are emotionally down may be , however this sounds WAY too strange...

Time is the best medicine I must say.

On lighter note with the kind permission of EB, change your screen name to

abNormal smile.gif

Good luck and hope you will be better tomorrow and will be over this.

No therapy won't help I assume. Only one person can help you in all this :
YOURSELF.
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Normal
post 19.Jul.2009, 12:56 PM
Post #7
Joined: 5.May.2006

Does That makes me a bad person? Am I really a bad human being? Thank you for ur last sentence. No, I donot need a therapy I can help myself.I am touched.
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DidiE
post 19.Jul.2009, 12:58 PM
Post #8
Location: Skövde
Joined: 18.May.2008

There is something called Borderline Personality Disorder. Some of the symptoms are:
* Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment
* A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation
* Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self
* Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)
* Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior
* Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)
* Chronic feelings of emptiness
* Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)
* Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms
(See Psych Central to learn more about this.)
This disorder requires special therapeutic approaches- a standard therapist may not be able to help. Please note that I am NOT suggesting you have this, only posting here for you to consider. I think, based on what you have written so far, that what is going on is far beyond the capacity of well-meaning, but nonprofessional help, to provide you, and like the other poster, urge that you get in to see someone quickly. I wish you well. Didi E
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Inletwatcher
post 19.Jul.2009, 12:59 PM
Post #9
Location: Dalarna
Joined: 2.Nov.2008

This is a hard one, playing with the heart and all. I will tell you something that my dear Mom used to tell me. At the time, I thought she was full of booharky. Most kids do when given advise from parents. She would tell me to tell you this.

Time heals ALL wounds, if you let them heal and quit picking your scabs off.

You are young, beautiful and vibrant. Pull up your bootstraps and get back in the muck.

All I can say to you... time. Time will heal.
Inletwatcher
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Miss Kitten
post 19.Jul.2009, 01:04 PM
Post #10
Location: Kronoberg
Joined: 20.Aug.2007

QUOTE (Normal @ 19.Jul.2009, 01:11 PM) *
So it goes like this, I met a guy like 3 months ago. He said he likes me on the second date. we met few times and i was at his place around his family and friends like for 2 w ... (show full quote)

I'm not sure why you think breaking up with someone in a "dramatical" way would result in neither of you getting hurt. Usually breaking up in a dramatic way would entail the other party being as humiliated and hurt as possible.

QUOTE (Normal @ 19.Jul.2009, 01:11 PM) *
But one morning he woke up and got angry with me and said "We are never going to be happy with eachother", The fact is killing me that he was angry at me that morning than we brokeup.

Yeah, people get angry with each other. That's human nature. Sounds like he broke up with you in a dramatical way.

QUOTE (Normal @ 19.Jul.2009, 01:11 PM) *
I donot see him as my guy but I miss him as a kind, nice guy whom i dreamt to be with forever.
.
That doesn't make any sense. You say that you don't see him as "your guy" but as someone you wanted to be with "forever." To "be with" someone usually means you're together in a romantic or committed relationship. Do you mean you want to be friends with him "forever"? Maybe that's not what he wants. Many men are uncomfortable being "just friends" with former lovers/girlfriends.

QUOTE (Normal @ 19.Jul.2009, 01:11 PM) *
I am trying to forget him and playing nasty with him. I m sending sms and emails contineously to him. now he has stop mailing me back and I know he is hating me. I just want t ... (show full quote)

Well, I can see why he broke up with you. Sounds like you're only concerned about your own needs and feelings and you haven't given a single bit of consideration to what this nice kind guy wants. And don't give us anymore of that bullshit about you not caring that he broke up with you. Of course you care. He wounded your pride and now you want revenge. If you want to forget about him and overcome this, than leave him the hell alone and move on with your life.
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Fishtank
post 19.Jul.2009, 01:07 PM
Post #11
Location: Västra Götaland
Joined: 25.May.2007

I do not know if it makes you BAD person, but you do not come across as GOOD person with whatever you are doing either. So your call.

if you can handle your job in mature way, then may be apply that logic here too. Sometime we succeed and sometimes we fail.

Graceful way is to apologize for Nasty things you did in last few days and then stop communicating. It is never late to do RIGHT thing. But you should say sorry only if you FEEL YOU ARE WRONG.

Its hard and rejection hurts and I have been there and done that, but now looking back I laugh at my foolishness.

BTW doing nasty things to him will MAKE YOU BITTER and will affect your future with someone else too me thinks.

Anyway good luck.

May be read books, go for walk , may be start jogging(strong body encapsulates strong mind we were taught in school while growing up.)
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Normal
post 19.Jul.2009, 01:12 PM
Post #12
Joined: 5.May.2006

yes I have few issues, imagining of being left alone eventually, have insomania, countless days wihtout sleep, I sometimes become unimaginably silent even in the group while discussing. I usually love talking to myself all the time.I never become angry even when i must I can never show my angryness.I always control my anger. About eating, i was a big lover of meat suddenly i cannot see meat now , I throwout everytime I think or see meat around.
Wow I m so bad, so so bad, Isn't it?
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Miss Kitten
post 19.Jul.2009, 01:15 PM
Post #13
Location: Kronoberg
Joined: 20.Aug.2007

^
You need the kind of help that no one here is qualified to give you. I suggest you call your local Vårdcentral and make an appointment to see a therapist.
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RichardG
post 19.Jul.2009, 01:43 PM
Post #14
Joined: 18.Jul.2009

Is this for real? Surely the poster is at the wind-up here?

I came across this forum while looking for advice on an imminent move to Stockholm from Tenerife. Im Scottish though, not Canarian. I was a bit surprised to see this topic being discussed, but aside from the possibility that this is a serious request for help from someone, I find the entire thread worthy of taking the time to register just so that I can thank everyone for putting the biggest of smiles upon my face, absolutely hysterical, especially the first couple of posts! laugh.gif
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Miss Kitten
post 19.Jul.2009, 01:47 PM
Post #15
Location: Kronoberg
Joined: 20.Aug.2007

Welcome aboard, Richard. smile.gif It's always nice to get some positive feedback.

(By the way, this thread has been moved to the misc. forum)
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