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So tired of living in Sweden!

Tired of the country

parfume1
post 8.Jun.2018, 08:07 PM
Post #1
Joined: 8.Jun.2018

Hello everyone!

I guess I just need to vent. I have read this forum for a while and I can relate to what people write here. I guess it feels good not being the only one having these ''strange'' feelings.

I have lived in Sweden for the past 5 years. I'm a native Swedish speaker from Finland. I moved here to study since there are more oppirtunities for Swedish speakers compared to Finland. I made a few friends when I was studying and all was good. I haven't found a man to settle down with yet. The men I have dated have been cheap, emotionally unavailable and generally boring. I graduated from Uni and got a job. I have noticed that Swedes are very quick to stab you in the back if they feel threatened. They will go to your boss and say this person doesn't do this or that if they don't like you. And they will smile to your face and the next minute talk behind your back.

My uni ''friends'' became sambo's and now you are no longer needed so I feel kind of lonely these days. I noticed whenever I travel I feel alive, there are people who talk and smile to you. Not like here where people give you stares. The staring is so annoying. I feel like it's time to move away so I can live again. Am looking for jobs abroad. There was my rant.
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vosovicd
post 8.Jun.2018, 09:08 PM
Post #2
Joined: 18.Nov.2016

Awww...everyone goes through ups and downs. If you are keen on making new friends have you tried the events on MeetUp? It's an app/website thats very good for making friends. Heck, there are even Swedes on it.
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Svedallas
post 8.Jun.2018, 10:01 PM
Post #3
Joined: 21.Apr.2016

QUOTE (parfume1 @ 8.Jun.2018, 09:07 PM) *
Hello everyone!I guess I just need to vent. I have read this forum for a while and I can relate to what people write here. I guess it feels good not being the only one hav ... (show full quote)


It takes around average 4-5 years for people to get tired of Sweden.
I have met many expats, many last maximum 6. And they move on to France, Germany, Italy and Portugal.

If you have not made a social circle, have a partner, have a child. You have to question whether it is worth to continue on...

You should travel. See the world. Sweden, is not for everyone. Especially if you dont have a circle around you.
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Bsmith
post 8.Jun.2018, 11:37 PM
Post #4
Joined: 25.Jun.2009

QUOTE (parfume1 @ 8.Jun.2018, 07:07 PM) *
I feel like it's time to move away so I can live again. Am looking for jobs abroad. There was my rant.


And there you have it. Good luck on your travels!
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Cheeseroller
post 9.Jun.2018, 06:06 AM
Post #5
Location: Germany
Joined: 10.Apr.2007

Interesting handle. I am not sure if you are planning to murder and skin Swedes to create a new scent, or want to explore your senses :-)

At your age, I wish I had travelled more and not settled down. Not least because you change and define yourself in your 20's and it is not unusual for couple to grow apart.

My oldest son has backpacked in China, Vietnam and later this year through the Indonesia islands. There are such opportunities these days!

And as you have already discovered, people in other countries know how to live, rather than exist, and this shows on their faces and their friendliness to strangers.

I am fortunate that through my wife's business, I have had the chance to travel much more the past 10 years and meet wonderful people, seen beautiful cities and nature, eaten different foods and discovered a warmth and humour that connects us all.

What you will probably find if you move to another country are new irritations. But from my own limited experience these are limited to government bureaucracy, or the occasional idiot. Things that you can laugh about later when you have a close group of friends, who have all had the same experience.

And that really is the crux, having friends who you can laugh with, provide support, share memories with, and who pop round for a coffee or invite you for a meal or a drink, spontaneously, to share time with you. Rather than booking an appointment 3 weeks in advance for stale conversation.

And you are right, my experience was also that Swedes are mean, by any definition that is understood outside of Sweden. I remember when my ex-Sambo bought me a pot plant from the petrol station on her way home from work for my birthday present! Still, I should be grateful to her that eventually she motivated me to create a new life, one that I am really enjoying free of her and Sweden! biggrin.gif
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parfume1
post 9.Jun.2018, 10:41 AM
Post #6
Joined: 8.Jun.2018

]


I am fortunate that through my wife's business, I have had the chance to travel much more the past 10 years and meet wonderful people, seen beautiful cities and nature, eaten different foods and discovered a warmth and humour that connects us all.

What you will probably find if you move to another country are new irritations. But from my own limited experience these are limited to government bureaucracy, or the occasional idiot. Things that you can laugh about later when you have a close group of friends, who have all had the same experience.

And that really is the crux, having friends who you can laugh with, provide support, share memories with, and who pop round for a coffee or invite you for a meal or a drink, spontaneously, to share time with you. Rather than booking an appointment 3 weeks in advance for stale conversation.

And you are right, my experience was also that Swedes are mean, by any definition that is understood outside of Sweden. I remember when my ex-Sambo bought me a pot plant from the petrol station on her way home from work for my birthday present! Still, I should be grateful to her that eventually she motivated me to create a new life, one that I am really enjoying free of her and Sweden! biggrin.gif


Haha yeah the booking everything in advance is real boring. People would rather stare at their computer screen rather than interact with people, I heard from some people I know in Malta which has a lot of Swedish expats that they are exactly the same there. In the lunch room people will be talking to each other while the swede stares at their phone with their head phones in their ears.

You are lucky you managed to move away not many people have that oppurtunity with family involved and before you know it you turn into a swede who avoids social interaction has an empty look in their eyes and doesn’t know how to live...
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pepitoAndalucia
post 11.Jun.2018, 09:59 PM
Post #7
Joined: 3.Jun.2018

QUOTE (parfume1 @ 8.Jun.2018, 09:07 PM) *
I have noticed that Swedes are very quick to stab you in the back if they feel threatened. They will go to your boss and say this person doesn't do this or that if they do ... (show full quote)


I thought I was the only one who noticed it.

They are polite 90% of the time. But when they feel you are a contender or work faster than them or simply you don't behave like them. They do just what you are explaining.

Most of my problems at work is because of false rumors about me. Or smooth backstabbing and A LOT of passive violence. They smile and behave polite face to face but then out of the blue they start saying bad things about me behind my back to my boss or other people or simply trying to put the blame on me for things that go wrong.

The problem I see is they have one face for you and another behind your back, which makes them very unreliable. It seems it's common the rumor thing behind others. It is like we are not brave enough for a face to face confrontation, then let's destroy him/her with the rumors or passive violence.

I know stuff like that happens in other countries but what I find it shocking in sweden is the silence in which it happens. Mostly I get hit and I can't see it coming.

And they love spreading rumors when the victim is not aware. It's just... The silence of how they do it.

Good to know you can see it.


QUOTE (parfume1 @ 8.Jun.2018, 09:07 PM) *
The men I have dated have been cheap, emotionally unavailable and generally boring.


Yes, they are. But I blame it to the enviroment. Cool, dark weather and people live isolated, maybe that's the reason.
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Gamla Hälsingebock
post 11.Jun.2018, 10:46 PM
Post #8
Joined: 21.Dec.2006

Yes, "office politics" are/is everywhere...That is why it is so important to fit in and understand your surroundings...

Male/Female likes and dislikes are just that, however, there is a person out there that will be just what you want, it takes time to find him/her...it's the same in all countries...
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parfume1
post 13.Jun.2018, 08:51 PM
Post #9
Joined: 8.Jun.2018

Yes, they are. But I blame it to the enviroment. Cool, dark weather and people live isolated, maybe that's the reason.
[/quote]


Weirdly people in Siberia and Canada are not as cold and awkward not even Finns and Norwegians are like Swedes. I don't know what it is with Swedes but something is not right for sure!
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pepitoAndalucia
post 13.Jun.2018, 09:09 PM
Post #10
Joined: 3.Jun.2018

QUOTE (parfume1 @ 13.Jun.2018, 09:51 PM) *
Yes, they are. But I blame it to the enviroment. Cool, dark weather and people live isolated, maybe that's the reason.Weirdly people in Siberia and Canada are not as cold ... (show full quote)



Good point!.

It's interesting how a country like sweden constantly putting itself at the top of everything and everyone else and then when you do a quick search you hear all over the internet the same complaints about sweden.

Your post is the standard complain about sweden from people who had lived and worked here for more than 1 year.

And I think at work it makes things harder if you are open, spontaneous and lively. Or simply if you work harder and show more interest in improving in your work... these things that swedes don't like it.
It seems spreading rumors about others is their way they get people out of their way, So you will get your image destroy. It's shocking the silence in which they do it.



Sent you a PM.
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Gamla Hälsingebock
post 13.Jun.2018, 10:33 PM
Post #11
Joined: 21.Dec.2006

Aaahhhh, the joys of culture shock!!!
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nativeswedishengineer
post 13.Jun.2018, 11:28 PM
Post #12
Joined: 7.Nov.2017

QUOTE (Gamla Hälsingebock @ 13.Jun.2018, 11:33 PM) *
Aaahhhh, the joys of culture shock!!!


If I have a problem then I am the cause, if a migrant has a ppwith all his coworkers then they are the problem.
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Svedallas
post 14.Jun.2018, 08:08 AM
Post #13
Joined: 21.Apr.2016

QUOTE (pepitoAndalucia @ 11.Jun.2018, 10:59 PM) *
I thought I was the only one who noticed it. They are polite 90% of the time. But when they feel you are a contender or work faster than them or simply you don't behave li ... (show full quote)


This must be your first job.
Find a company anywhere in the world with no politics.

Your post also sounds like you are young and immature. Truth be told.
Gossip/backstabbing, that is for kids.
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SmokerT69
post 14.Jun.2018, 09:30 AM
Post #14
Location: Gävle
Joined: 28.Feb.2016

"Culture shock" lmao.

So basically you're saying we're right in assuming that Swedes are cold, distant, miserable people. And it's our fault for not understanding that's just how you are. What a backwards way of living.

You brought up these same points in my thread about laughing. Apparently laughing and being happy goes against the social norm according to you guys. Then you'll stick to your guns and say that doesn't make you miserable. Lol

As for the other posts. I'm married to a Swede and can confirm what you just said. As soon as my wife, her mum and her brothers wife get home from work. They all call each other for 1-3 hours almost every day and just bitch about their Co workers and what they did wrong. Talk about rumors about how one guy is cheating on his wife and so on. It's like high school drama lol. My wife tried talking to me about her Co workers once and I simply replied, "go tell them to get their shit together then". To which she replied she couldn't rock the boat or something along those lines.

Recently my wife called for a meeting at work with the boss to settle some schedule issues and now there are rumors going around about her. How's shes the boss pet and trying to get people fired. At least that's what a friend of mine who works with them told me.

The Swedish workplace seems incredibly hostile. In every workplace I've been, from the army to warehouse, to grocery stores. I haven't got along with all my Co workers and disliked a bunch of them. We would all still go grab beers after work or hang out occasionally. When it was a holiday, if someone was having a get together, it was just assumed that everyone from work would show up. Even though we didn't like each other, we didn't go around spreading rumors and trying to backstab each other.

The longer you spend in Sweden,the stranger it gets lol. Don't get me wrong, it's still a great place to live. Everything is so cheap and you can live off hardly any money. The cold weather is a plus as well. Coming from the hot, humid Caribbean, Swedish winters are a blessing. I guess you just have to look for the positives if you want to enjoy living here. For me, it's cold air and really cheap beer lol. I mean, beer is like 1$ US for some brands? Going from paying 65-70$ a case to that price is enough to keep me happy hahaha
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Svedallas
post 14.Jun.2018, 10:55 AM
Post #15
Joined: 21.Apr.2016

QUOTE (SmokerT69 @ 14.Jun.2018, 10:30 AM) *
"Culture shock" lmao. So basically you're saying we're right in assuming that Swedes are cold, distant, miserable people. And it's our fault for not unde ... (show full quote)


+1

Swedes also complain about other Swedes.
And I am pretty sure, Italians complain about other Italians...

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