“I was always very set on keeping our relationship private because I wanted it be OURS and ours only and wanted no part in that madness,” Kačerová wrote. “But I thought, If I'm going to share this with the world, it will be when I'm pregnant with our child. Ohh, how that plan went awry.”
After Avicii, whose real name was Tim Bergling, was found dead in Muscat, Oman, last Friday, there was much speculation about his despair at the pressure and emptiness of his fame.
But in the photos Kačerová posted of their time together paint, Bergling is shown smiling, or snuggling up close with Kačerová and her son Luka, while the engage in wholesome activities such as horse-riding or going to the beach, or slumping in front of a film.
Kačerová, who was born in the Czech Republic and grew up in the US, tells Bergling she is still struggling to come to terms with his death.
“I'm not waking up with your head on my chest and Luka's on my shoulder,” she writes. “Instead, I'm jerked out of sleep into reality every morning with a rush of anxiety and my heart racing.”
“I used to tell you that Luka will never remember a life without you. Now I hope that he will remember his life WITH you,” she says. “I’ll show him the videos of hom constantly calling out to you wherever he and I were.”
“My heart hurts knowing that I will never feel your touch again, never hear your laugh, never see your hand intertwined with mine in front of my face first thing when I open my eyes. I will never kiss that beautiful mouth again.”
But she also writes about the EDM megastar’s shyness, and how she used to enjoy tormenting him for it.
“I will forever cherish each time I got to make you uncomforable, whether it was Maya licking your nipple for 30 seconds for a bet she and I made, volunteering you to dance in a Medieval tavern, or making sexual advances on you in front of your friend just to watch you squirm, you sweet, shy man.”
She regrets that there will be “no more making fun of the hand gestures you used to make when you were DJing.”
Bergling's parents on Friday issued a statement, published by newspaper DN, describe their son as a “fragile artistic soul searching for answers to existential questions”.
“He really struggled with thoughts about Meaning, Life, Happiness. He could not go on any longer. He wanted to find peace,” they wrote.