How to survive a children's birthday party in Sweden
If you've moved to Sweden as a family, you might find that children's birthday parties are your first big opportunity to make Swedish friends. So here's The Local's guide on what to expect and how to host one.
If you're hosting, remember: Lagom är bäst (Lagom is best)!
In a some countries, children's parties (barnkalas) are an opportunity for social competition. You blast other parents away with a conjuror flown in from Dubai, helium on tap, cakes and treats from the most expensive local caterer, glitzy decor, and generous presents for each attendant.
Not in Sweden. Here it should be lagom: good enough to meet the minimum requirements for a children's party, but not so lavish as to create a standard other parents might struggle to meet.
You can add small personal touches – cute homemade cup cakes, a party game from your own country – but nothing too dramatic.
Who to invite?
There aren't any strict rules about this, but until the age of nine or so, don't be surprised if you are expected to invite all the kids in your child's förskola (preschool) or class, even the weird ones with unsavoury parents.
If they all come, and you invite friends too, this can mean upwards of 30 children, and perhaps a similar number of adults, running around your house or apartment. A good way to cut down on numbers is to send out the invitations a week, or even just two or three days, in advance.
Where to have it?
If your house or apartment is big enough to handle 50 to 60 people, then you can host it at home, in which case, to meet Swedish standards, you should make sure everything is impeccably tidy. In terms of decor, balloons and maybe a bit of bunting are enough.
If you live in a 50 square-metre, two-bed apartment, and want to avoid a squeeze, many blocks of apartments in Sweden have a shared function room. These can be a little institutional. But on the plus side, it means you don't have to tidy your house before the event.
It is also fine to host the party at a kids' activity centre, in which case it is more or less understood that you can't invite the whole class. Popular locations are soft play centres like the Leos Lekland chain, trampoline centres or petting zoos.
Skattjakt or fiskdamm?
All Swedish children's parties – up until the children are aged about nine anyway – usually have one of these two things.
A skattjakt is a treasure hunt (skatt = treasure, jakt = hunt), where a series of paper clues leads to a box or bag containing bags of sweeties. A fiskdamm is a fishing game (fisk = fish, damm = pond) in which bags of sweeties are fished out.
Whichever it is, the game comes right at the end of the party (say 4.45pm) and is a way of delivering a sweetie bag into the hands of each child while also sending a signal to parents that it's time to get going.
These games are not optional. If you don't have them, children will complain.
For the skattjakt, the clues can be simply a drawing of the place where the next clue is hidden, but for older or cleverer kids, they can be more challenging and creative: I've seen clues frozen in a block of ice in the freezer, hung out of the window on string, and put inside balloons which need to be popped. You can also dress up one of the guest parents as a monster guarding the treasure (particularly if it's hidden somewhere scary like a basement or attic).
For the fiskdamm, a curtain or sheet is pinned about 150 centimetres high across a doorway. A fishing rod is then created from a broom handle or other suitable pole, with a piece of string tied to the end, and a clothes peg at the other end of the string. Children (with the help of an adult) then fish for the sweetie bags, and an adult on the other side either attaches the sweets, or some sort of comedy item (a sock, a boot, or an unused nappy, for instance).
The bag should contain maybe ten sweets, of which one is a lollipop as well as maybe a small toy like a temporary tattoo or bouncy ball.
Some parties nowadays also dispense sweeties via a Mexican-style piñata, but this is an addition rather than a replacement for the traditional fiskdamm or skattjakt, and is also slightly outside the Swedish lagom threshold.
You can also lay on other party games with one proviso: as in the fiskdamm and skattjakt, every child should be a winner. A popular game is dans-stopp (dance stop), where children dance until the music suddenly stops, at which point anyone still moving is out.
What should you lay on?
A giant thermos of coffee for parents is pretty much obligatory, as are at least two types of biscuits (or seven if you want to nod to Swedish tradition). There should be tea.
Offering wine or beer, however modest the amounts, to parents is only borderline acceptable, as some might feel it is irresponsible to combine alcohol with childcare. Champagne is almost certainly too much.
You should lay on a couple of different types of crisp or nuts, and maybe some fruit for children. They should also get saft, the Swedish berry squash drink.
A cheeseboard with some nice bread is also quite common. If the party extends over lunch or goes on until 5pm, varmkorv hotdog sausages in bread are almost de-rigueur.
It is a good idea to offer sausage, biscuit and cake options in vegetarian, gluten-free, and lactose-free form, if you're in Stockholm, Gothenburg or Malmö anyway.
What about the cake?
As in the UK and the US, it is totally acceptable and even encouraged to make your own cake representing a child's favourite cartoon character, an animal or a vehicle.
But be careful not to make anything so impressive as to make other parents feel inadequate.
If you want to push the boat out a bit while remaining fully traditional you could buy or make a classic prinsesstårta, a layered sponge cake with a green marzipan top.
The lagom choice, which ticks the least-effort-to-achieve-an-acceptable result box is a store-bought sponge or pavlova base topped with cream (or in the case of the pavlova sometimes ice cream) and then loaded with defrosted berries.
That might be paired with a kladdkaka, a sort of Swedish sticky chocolate cake which is extremely quick and easy to make.
What to do as a guest?
Swedes are punctual, so unless you've warned otherwise, turn up within 15 minutes of the party's official start time, and pick up your children about 15 minutes before the official end.
Children can be dressed up in fancy dress, or in better-than-average clothes, but shouldn't be in mini-tuxedos or frilly crinoline. Normal clothes are also fine, but they should be clean.
Up until about the age of five or maybe six, at least one parent is expected to stay while the party is going on. After that, most will just take off their children's boots and jacket, oversee the giving of presents, and disappear.
It is still ok to stay, however, and as a foreigner newly arrived in Sweden, it's probably best to do so, as it's one of the best opportunities you will find to get to know other parents.
If you do, you should probably help out the hosts with clearing the table, stacking the dishwasher, and calming crying children.
Presents should be lagom. It's probably best not to spend much more than 100 kronor. And toy guns, swords, knives and nunchucks are generally frowned upon.
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If you're hosting, remember: Lagom är bäst (Lagom is best)!
In a some countries, children's parties (barnkalas) are an opportunity for social competition. You blast other parents away with a conjuror flown in from Dubai, helium on tap, cakes and treats from the most expensive local caterer, glitzy decor, and generous presents for each attendant.
Not in Sweden. Here it should be lagom: good enough to meet the minimum requirements for a children's party, but not so lavish as to create a standard other parents might struggle to meet.
You can add small personal touches – cute homemade cup cakes, a party game from your own country – but nothing too dramatic.
Who to invite?
There aren't any strict rules about this, but until the age of nine or so, don't be surprised if you are expected to invite all the kids in your child's förskola (preschool) or class, even the weird ones with unsavoury parents.
If they all come, and you invite friends too, this can mean upwards of 30 children, and perhaps a similar number of adults, running around your house or apartment. A good way to cut down on numbers is to send out the invitations a week, or even just two or three days, in advance.
Where to have it?
If your house or apartment is big enough to handle 50 to 60 people, then you can host it at home, in which case, to meet Swedish standards, you should make sure everything is impeccably tidy. In terms of decor, balloons and maybe a bit of bunting are enough.
If you live in a 50 square-metre, two-bed apartment, and want to avoid a squeeze, many blocks of apartments in Sweden have a shared function room. These can be a little institutional. But on the plus side, it means you don't have to tidy your house before the event.
It is also fine to host the party at a kids' activity centre, in which case it is more or less understood that you can't invite the whole class. Popular locations are soft play centres like the Leos Lekland chain, trampoline centres or petting zoos.
Skattjakt or fiskdamm?
All Swedish children's parties – up until the children are aged about nine anyway – usually have one of these two things.
A skattjakt is a treasure hunt (skatt = treasure, jakt = hunt), where a series of paper clues leads to a box or bag containing bags of sweeties. A fiskdamm is a fishing game (fisk = fish, damm = pond) in which bags of sweeties are fished out.
Whichever it is, the game comes right at the end of the party (say 4.45pm) and is a way of delivering a sweetie bag into the hands of each child while also sending a signal to parents that it's time to get going.
These games are not optional. If you don't have them, children will complain.
For the skattjakt, the clues can be simply a drawing of the place where the next clue is hidden, but for older or cleverer kids, they can be more challenging and creative: I've seen clues frozen in a block of ice in the freezer, hung out of the window on string, and put inside balloons which need to be popped. You can also dress up one of the guest parents as a monster guarding the treasure (particularly if it's hidden somewhere scary like a basement or attic).
For the fiskdamm, a curtain or sheet is pinned about 150 centimetres high across a doorway. A fishing rod is then created from a broom handle or other suitable pole, with a piece of string tied to the end, and a clothes peg at the other end of the string. Children (with the help of an adult) then fish for the sweetie bags, and an adult on the other side either attaches the sweets, or some sort of comedy item (a sock, a boot, or an unused nappy, for instance).
The bag should contain maybe ten sweets, of which one is a lollipop as well as maybe a small toy like a temporary tattoo or bouncy ball.
Some parties nowadays also dispense sweeties via a Mexican-style piñata, but this is an addition rather than a replacement for the traditional fiskdamm or skattjakt, and is also slightly outside the Swedish lagom threshold.
You can also lay on other party games with one proviso: as in the fiskdamm and skattjakt, every child should be a winner. A popular game is dans-stopp (dance stop), where children dance until the music suddenly stops, at which point anyone still moving is out.
What should you lay on?
A giant thermos of coffee for parents is pretty much obligatory, as are at least two types of biscuits (or seven if you want to nod to Swedish tradition). There should be tea.
Offering wine or beer, however modest the amounts, to parents is only borderline acceptable, as some might feel it is irresponsible to combine alcohol with childcare. Champagne is almost certainly too much.
You should lay on a couple of different types of crisp or nuts, and maybe some fruit for children. They should also get saft, the Swedish berry squash drink.
A cheeseboard with some nice bread is also quite common. If the party extends over lunch or goes on until 5pm, varmkorv hotdog sausages in bread are almost de-rigueur.
It is a good idea to offer sausage, biscuit and cake options in vegetarian, gluten-free, and lactose-free form, if you're in Stockholm, Gothenburg or Malmö anyway.
What about the cake?
As in the UK and the US, it is totally acceptable and even encouraged to make your own cake representing a child's favourite cartoon character, an animal or a vehicle.
But be careful not to make anything so impressive as to make other parents feel inadequate.
If you want to push the boat out a bit while remaining fully traditional you could buy or make a classic prinsesstårta, a layered sponge cake with a green marzipan top.
The lagom choice, which ticks the least-effort-to-achieve-an-acceptable result box is a store-bought sponge or pavlova base topped with cream (or in the case of the pavlova sometimes ice cream) and then loaded with defrosted berries.
That might be paired with a kladdkaka, a sort of Swedish sticky chocolate cake which is extremely quick and easy to make.
What to do as a guest?
Swedes are punctual, so unless you've warned otherwise, turn up within 15 minutes of the party's official start time, and pick up your children about 15 minutes before the official end.
Children can be dressed up in fancy dress, or in better-than-average clothes, but shouldn't be in mini-tuxedos or frilly crinoline. Normal clothes are also fine, but they should be clean.
Up until about the age of five or maybe six, at least one parent is expected to stay while the party is going on. After that, most will just take off their children's boots and jacket, oversee the giving of presents, and disappear.
It is still ok to stay, however, and as a foreigner newly arrived in Sweden, it's probably best to do so, as it's one of the best opportunities you will find to get to know other parents.
If you do, you should probably help out the hosts with clearing the table, stacking the dishwasher, and calming crying children.
Presents should be lagom. It's probably best not to spend much more than 100 kronor. And toy guns, swords, knives and nunchucks are generally frowned upon.
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